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THE INDUSTRY STANDARD'S
B E A T S H E E T
A Weekly Report on the Convergence of Music and the Net
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| http://www.thestandard.com |
Tuesday, August 15, 2000
TOP STORY:
* Return to Digital Music Island
NET NOISE:
* Rockhall.com
BEATS:
* Suits Get Hit with Suits
28 states, five labels, big numbers
* Vanity Fair Weighs In
September "It" issue features "enfantrepreneurs"
* Dot Dot Dot
Clues for the clueless ... Presidents online ... Alanis does good ...
SOUND OFF:
* Who will be the last survivor? Defend your position.
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TOP STORY
~~~~~~~~~
Return to Digital Music Island
Seven stranded castaways fight for supremacy
By Julene Snyder
(Cue legally obtained, pseudo-tribal music.)
The sun rises over a sandy beach. A sailing ship looms over the
horizon. A raft is tossed overboard, followed by seven bodies leaping
into the water, then clambering onto the raft. The ship sails away. A
rat scurries up the beach. A monitor lizard basks in the sun. An
unearthly screech rends the air.
We see flattering still-shots of each of the castaways: Napster's
Shawn Fanning. The Recording Industry Association of America's Hilary
Rosen. Metallica's Lars Ulrich. MP3.com's Michael Robertson. Big-label
foe Courtney Love. Freenet's Ian Clarke. Universal head honcho Edgar
Bronfman Jr.
A rich, deep voice - could it be James Earl Jones? - intones, "On an
island in the North China Sea, seven castaways must work together for
the good of the group while vying to become the last ... Survivor
of Digital Music Island."
Enter Judge Marilyn Patel. She looks sweaty and uncomfortable in khaki
judicial robes. She sits gingerly on a frayed hammock and addresses
the camera.
"Every week another lawsuit is filed. Metallica sues Napster. The Big
Five sue MP3.com. The RIAA sues everybody. Frankly, our system wasn't
set up for this blizzard of endless litigation. So we decided it would
be easier to let them fight it out amongst themselves. Each week, they
vote one of their own off the island. The stakes are high: Once you
leave Digital Music Island, you must sign a contract guaranteeing that
you won't talk to the media or file a lawsuit for one full year."
(Commercial break)
It's morning. The castaways are sprawled around the still-smoldering
embers of last night's campfire. Lars snatches off Shawn's baseball
hat and throws it to Hilary. "Hey! Give me back my hat!" Shawn yells
angrily.
"No way, man," sneers Lars. "Don't you know that baseball caps should
be free?"
Hilary laughs and tosses the hat to Michael, who's not sure whether he
should catch it or not. That moment of indecision costs him dearly:
The hat falls into the fire and promptly bursts into flame. Courtney
cackles and slams Shawn on the back with enough force to send him
staggering back a step.
"Hey, at least HE didn't get it," she says sotto voce, gesturing
toward the irascible Edgar, who's sitting on the edge of the clearing,
muttering something about "damn kids today" to himself. Shawn's lower
lip is quivering. "All I wanted was to help my roommate find music
online," he says plaintively. "Is that any reason to set my hat on
fire?"
Meanwhile, Hilary, Lars and Edgar have walked away from the group,
attempting nonchalance. They're huddled a few hundred yards away,
listening to Edgar, who's gesticulating wildly.
"Oh please!" snorts Courtney. "As if we don't know about THAT
alliance."
Michael looks longingly after the others. "Think I'll go for a walk,"
he says brightly. He trots down the beach toward the trio, who
immediately pretend that they were throwing stones at a nearby monitor
lizard basking in the sun.
Courtney rolls her eyes. "Guess it's just you and me," she says,
holding out a knife as she turns toward the jungle. Shawn looks
nervous. Ian runs up, out of breath. "I've done it! It took me all
night, but I created a coconut phone that's virtually untraceable!" He
laughs maniacally.
(Commercial break)
Night has fallen. Edgar speaks directly to the camera: "Just as the
Internet itself will not be able to survive if it becomes a haven for
illegal activity, neither will that damn Shawn if he doesn't shape up
and fly right. When I was a boy, copyrights were protected. Why, we'd
walk 10 miles in the snow to protect our copyrights."
At the Tribal Council, it's time to vote. One by one, they write down
their pick for expulsion and troop back to their seats. Judge Patel
begins to read the votes. "Lars." "Lars." The Metallica drummer looks
shocked. He tries to catch someone's - anyone's eye, but no one will
look at him.
"Shawn," continues Judge Patel.
"Sorry Shawn," whispers Michael.
"Courtney," intones Judge Patel.
"OK! Who had the balls to vote for me?" Courtney demands. She grabs a
smirking Lars by the scruff of the neck but is restrained by Edgar,
who gets her in a headlock and whispers into her ear, "Let him go.
He's out of here anyway."
The vote tallying continues: "Lars. Lars. Lars." The smirk has
disappeared from the rocker's face. Judge Patel extinguishes his flame
and reminds him that he's now restrained from talking to journalists
or filing lawsuits for one year. He trudges off into the darkness,
alone.
"But what about the alliance?" asks Courtney. "I thought you guys were
in it together?"
"He was never really one of us," says Edgar, as the group makes its
way back to camp. "What kind of Commie-pinko holds onto their own
masters? It's against everything we stand for."
Fade to black.
Next week: Can Shawn survive without his hat? Is Edgar in it for the
money? Tune in to see who's the next sacrificial lamb on Digital Music
Island ...
For the complete list of characters please visit:
http://www.thestandard.com/article/display/0,1151,17302,00.html?nl=bts
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NET NOISE
~~~~~~~~~
Rockhall.com
The gales of laughter when Cleveland was chosen as the home of the
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame have faded to the occasional snigger, and
even though no one I know has actually ventured there, rumor has it
that the place is pretty cool. The online home of the institution
gives details about current exhibits to those intrepid sorts planning
a visit. Other tidbits include "Today in Rock History" (Elvis signs
with Colonel Tom Parker! Buddy Holly marries! It's Drifter Bill
Pinkney's birthday!), a guide to upcoming concerts and a glimpse of
the permanent collection. The latter is perhaps the most entertaining,
with images of items like Alice in Chains claymation dolls, the
smashed bass guitar of The Clash's Paul Simonon and a coy reference to
John Lennon's report card. It's enough to cause even the most
reluctant site visitor to consider dropping by the museum for an
up-close-and-personal look at the artifacts. Also find an alphabetical
list of the "500 Songs That Shaped Rock and Roll" ranging from AC/DC
to ZZ Top. (We find the absence of Hole, Tori Amos and Frank Zappa
troubling, but what are ya gonna do?) By and large, poking around here
is a worthy way to squander your precious time. Rock on.
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BEATS
~~~~~
Suits Get Hit with Suits
28 states, five labels, big numbers
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Forget startups and stock
options; entertainment law is where the really big bucks are nowadays.
Last week, yet another music-industry lawsuit made headlines: This
time out, the Big Five are being sued by 28 U.S. states (not to
mention two territories) for artificially keeping CD prices high for
years due to long-standing "minimum advertised pricing" policies. Even
without the latest suit, the year 2000 could already be characterized
as the year that the cartel's PR machine crumbled. The prickly and
litigious stance of the Recording Industry Association of America's
head honchos has managed to make the Big Five look even more greedy
and out-of-touch than usual. It's easy to imagine that file-sharing
advocates will use this latest lawsuit as ammunition for the argument
that lifting songs for free is justified given the high prices of
actually purchasing the darn things. While the majors have already
settled with the Federal Trade Commission, Sony's most recent annual
report discloses that it has been hit with about 80 class actions,
some of which seek damages in excess of $1 billion. According to Hits
Daily Double, the majors are eager to combine all of the actions into
a manageable bundle and start working toward a settlement.
Vanity Fair Weighs In
September "It" issue features "enfantrepreneurs"
There are cities with phone books smaller than the latest issue of
Vanity Fair, which clocks in at just under 400 pages. Tucked within
the ads for perfume and sullen-faced models hawking designer duds, a
piece on teens cutely dubbed "enfantrepreneurs" might be of interest
to our readers due to the inclusion of Shawn Fanning, poster boy for
the millennium. While the photos of the young wunderkinder range from
sultry (U.S. Music Vault Online's Chris Kelley) to pensive
(NetGarage.net's Christopher Pollak), smug (Tom Hadfield of ESPN's
Soccernet) to ebullient (Goosehead's Ashley Power) to even downright
giddy (Buyroad.com's Doug Imbruce), Fanning looks utterly miserable.
Described as a "shy, street-smart beefcake" by writer Evgenia Peretz,
Fanning is quoted as saying that San Mateo, Calif. - home of Napster
headquarters - "sucks." Although the other teens in the piece seem to
be riding their respective Internet waves with a combination of
guilelessness, fan boy zeal and sheer fun-loving devotion, Fanning
sounds as if he'd be having more fun having his wisdom teeth
extracted. "I really liked Lars, and I knew quite a bit about
(Metallica)," he told the VF writer, who describes him as "visibly
pained" when he admits "I couldn't believe they were suing us."
Whatever the ultimate fate of Napster, it's hard not to feel a bit
sorry for Fanning. As I dimly recall, 19 is typically the age reserved
for dancing all night long, having weekly crushes on sweet young
things and going to keggers. Lawsuits are strictly for elderly types.
Dot Dot Dot
Clues for the clueless ... Presidents online ... Alanis does good ...
If you're the type who wouldn't know a trip-hop song if you tripped
over it, Epitonic.com promises to provide a clue with its new audio
"genre walkthrough" feature, which launched this week. Good thing,
because the term "math rock" left me wondering if there's algebra
involved. Epitonic's explanation clears it up nicely: "Take the
intricacy and complexity of classic weirdo hard rock bands like Rush
and Voivod, then add some of punk's hyperspasmodic schizophrenia, and
you'll have a legitimate math rock contender."... Ever wonder what
happened to the group The Presidents of the United States of America?
Yeah, me neither. Anyway, it turns out that the band has a new album
coming out in September, and Musicblitz will be syndicating a
"five-part, reality-based series documenting the recording of the
band's first new album in four years." ... Time is running out to bid
on tickets to Alanis Morissette's benefit concert in L.A. this
Thursday at the Museum of Tolerance. At press time, a pair of tickets
was running about $250 at Amazon.com Auctions; proceeds will go to the
museum and to the Active Element Foundation.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
SOUND OFF
~~~~~~~~~
This week's question: Who will be the last survivor? Defend your
position.
E-mail your opinions to julene@well.com with "sound off" in the
subject line, and we'll print a selection of the responses in next
week's newsletter. Letters may be edited for clarity and length, so
keep them short and include your name and affiliation, if any.
FEEDBACK:
Last week's question: Who would you cast in "Napster: The Movie"?
Dennis Rodman as Judge Marilyn Hall Patel - he probably already has
the robes and sensible shoes.
- Robb Hittner
Notes from the "Napster" casting couch:
Shawn Fanning = Edward Norton (He'll have only three lines but will
lurk in every scene.)
David Boies = Jack Nicholson ("You want the truth? You can't handle
the truth!")
Metallica as themselves (They will, of course, provide the soundtrack,
but you'll have to pay $16 for the CD.)
Hilary Rosen = Meryl Streep (Requisite tears for the record biz.)
Judge Patel = Judge Judy (The only other jurist who can deliver such
scolding and quick decisions.)
- Jody Lentz
VP of buzz
EConception
Hilary Rosen = Kathy Bates
Shawn Fanning = Toby Maguire
Lars Ulrich = Mickey Rourke
Hank Barry = Alec Baldwin
- David Friedman
Senior account executive
Middleberg Euro rscg
Napster: The Phantom Menace
Starring:
Shawn Fanning as Luke Skywalker
Hank Barry as Han Solo
David Boies as Yoda
Russ Frackman as Boba Fett
.... and Hilary Rosen as Jabba the Hutt
- Alex Hillinger
Hilary Rosen = Ellen DeGeneres
Cary Sherman = Christopher Walken
Hank Barry = Michael Keaton
Shawn Fanning = Fred Durst
David Boies = Kevin Spacey
Lars Ulrich = Jack Black ("High Fidelity")
Chuck D = Laurence Fishburne
Fred Durst = Shawn Fanning
Michael Robertson = Macaulay Culkin
Judge Patel = Hilary Rosen
- H. David Starr
STAFF
~~~~~
Written by Julene Snyder. Send news tips and press releases to
julene@well.com.
Edited by Steven Zeitchik (szeitchik@thestandard.com).
Copyedited by Elese Veeh (eveeh@thestandard.com).
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