Testosterpalooza

By Julene Snyder

March 15, 1996


Once upon a time, a very long time ago indeed, Lollapalooza was truly groundbreaking. The opening year found Ice-T and Perry Farrell sharing a stage, trading verses of "don't call me nigger, whitey," and "don't call me whitey, nigger." It was an actual chill-inducing moment, giving the audience a snapshot of something bigger than themselves, making them feel special for just being there.

In the past, eclectic lineups brought disparate fans together, mixing up the attendess to share a day where they coalesced into a real "alternative nation." In 1994, players included the Breeders, Shonen Knife, L7 and George Clinton; the next year brought Cypress Hill, Hole and Sonic Youth to stages across the country.

So what the hell happened? This year, we find that the line-up includes the Ramones (on yet another of their endless farewell tours), Rancid, Metallica and Soundgarden. Man, oh man, better not forget the earplugs for this one, kids. It's clearly a festival planned by boys to put boys on stage for the enjoyment of boys.What's up with that? When we're finally getting to a point in music where women on stage are so common as to scarcely be worth commenting on, apparently the organizers have gone to great lengths to exclude the gals almost entirely from the main stage.

Lolla's much hyped Web site was launched on April Fools Day, allowing browsers to buy tickets and merchandise online. Well, excuse me for not getting excited over another cyber-mall, and excuse me for not getting all breathless over the opportunity to throw more money at Ticketmaster, who are hyping their online ticket sales program in conjunction with Testosterpalooza.

A breathless article from the "PR Newswire" quotes "Internet evangelist and Lollapalooza organizer" Marc Geiger tooting the cyber horn thusly: "The fans will be able to get everything we offer before anybody else, and it's just the beginning." Whoa, nellie -- stop the presses. The fawning piece goes on to gush that "the redesigned Lollapalooza '96 Internet Site will feature new tools and technologies just now being introduced, such as JAVA and Shockwave, two very innovative and cool animation and movement applications."

Of course, browsers can't get into the site at all unless they download a variety of applications, which they may or may not want. Hmmph. Color me unimpressed.

A misguided New York-based 'zine called "POPsmear" is finding itself in legal hot water, according to a plea for help posted in AOL's private music industry conference. It seems the current issue contains a questionable column dubbed "Celebrity Home Phone Numbers." Apparently Barbara Walters and Walter Cronkite were not pleased to receive phone calls on their unlisted home numbers from POPsmear readers. And now Sarah Jessica Parker has issued a cease and desist order against the 'zine.

Who can blame her? Stalkers are increasingly common nowadays, and the mag's plea for "pro bono representation of a high profile case that is critical to YOUR first amendment rights" is laughable. Since when is it a God-given right to harass celebrities at home? Unhinged people do get carried away all the time. John Lennon was only stopping to sign an autograph outside of his house when he was murdered.

As respondent Kevin Doran replied to the POPsmear folks, "Could you live with someone's death or injury being the direct result of your little PR stunt? Obviously you can tolerate causing a little fear and mental anguish among 50 folks you don't know. Hey, they're "famous" -- they can afford bodyguards and security systems. THEY owe YOU, don't they? Sure."

Well said Kevin. And in the interest of full disclosure, the phone number for the POPsmear office is (212) 477-4502. Just in case anyone wants to give them a call or something.


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© 1996 Julene Snyder
All related marks, logos and characters (excepting the "nose.for.noise" logo) are trademarks of Julene Snyder and "You Talkin' to Me?" ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. You got a problem with that? Bite me.