Response #89 (ckridge)

 Good job. Remember to let him know, at some appropriate point, how
 having sex drunk or stoned can make one neglect precautions one would
 otherwise take.
 
 Chris just finished a book, written by some well-intentioned 
 competent African American author, called "The Handbook for Boys." It
 is about a young thug who winds up in the care of an old guy who runs a
 barber shop. The old guy has been in the neighborhood a long time, and
 knows how things go, and, indirectly, by talking to and about the
 people who go in and out of his shop, teaches the kid how to live. 
 
 Chris swallowed the book in a sitting, so I picked it up and glanced
 through it. I read the part where the old guy gives the rap about not
 knocking girls up and not getting AIDS, thought for a while, and called
 Chris over.
 
 "Look," I told him "This writer is a hard-working good guy, but there
 are things he isn't allowed to say to you. The fact is, there is only a
 very small chance that you will make it to 18 without having sex. It
 is fine if you do, but it is likely to be difficult. You see, when it
 comes upon you, sexual desire does not look like anything new or
 strange. It looks like what follows naturally from what you have been
 doing all along. If you like someone, it is perfectly natural that you
 would touch her hand. After touching her hand, it will seem perfectly
 plausible to hold her hand; and then, after a few days to put an arm
 around her. And it proceeds from there, in small steps, each following
 naturally from the one before. The thing is, if this happens, and you
 see that you are falling toward having sex, there will be a point where
 you can't stop falling, but where you can arrange to go into the fall
 in control and while protecting yourself, and have safe sex, protected
 sex, and sex with contraception. But no one dares say this to you,
 because they are afraid that by doing so they will encourage you to
 have sex." 
 
 This was rather lengthy, but he took it well. He thought for a while
 and said "Not to argue, but just to make sure I understand. You mean
 that before I am old enough to drive, I am likely to be doing things
 that could mean that I could ruin a teenage girl's life or die?"
 
 "Well, yeah."
 
 "Shit."
 
 That was untoward language, but I let it pass.
 
 I think that the author's big accomplishment was to convey that it is
 not such a bad thing to get advice from old guys.

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