Jon Lebkowsky (jonl) Sat 10 Jul 04 05:24
<scribbled by jonl Sat 10 Jul 04 05:25>
Thom Fowler (jonl) Sat 10 Jul 04 05:25
Thom Fowler writes via email: Pink is the new black. It's the new "Fuck You" color without being aggressive or saturnine. Pink says, "I am not going to be crushed under the weight of militarism and patriarchy." I am going to be spirited and creative in spite of your efforts to undermine me, take away my personal power or to instill in myself your criticism of me while providing me the means of self-destrcution. Hence, "Fuck You." Queers, of course, absconded with this color years ago. Even the Nazis understood the power of pink as a source of fear and a threat to militaristic and patriarchal power structures. Pink says it's okay to not be on edge, to not project fear and isolation. Pink is a warm, inviting color that encourages spontaneous conviviality and an open, unconditional joy - qualities that are the exact opposite of the values and control strategies of a homophobic, misogynistic, patriarchal war culture. I see MODERN GODDESS as a "fuck you", I'm going to take my power back and use it for what's it's supposed to be used for, to create a good life for myself without having to fuck anyone over in the process. And it's all just so FUN! It's like you don't even feel like you are telling the nasty demon of patriarchal oppression to fuck off and die while you are wearing your tiara and eating pink food. Whether that was Ms. De Grandis' intention or not, it's how I'M using the book.
the Conoisseurship of Stonation (bratwood) Sat 10 Jul 04 09:48
Francesca, you didn't leave tea parties out of the book. The Mad Hatter's Tea Party was listed in the Trickster Goddess quiz. And yes, it does seem perfectly sensible to me, one of the reasons I feel at home with the title. As for pink as it relates specifically to this book, I see it as completely appropriate. While I have a personal aversion to the color, I know its contemporary connotations are on target for many of the reasons listed above. The designer obviously knew what they were doing.
(rosebud) Sat 10 Jul 04 10:24
More men should wear pink. It is a very flattering color on most and it can make quite a statement. I have bought pink shirts for some men who have been in my life. With a lot of trust and assurance from me, they have worn the pink shirts and felt really good in that color.
Francesca De Grandis (zthirdrd) Sat 10 Jul 04 12:11
Ah, of course, I DID mention tea parties in the book. The Mad Hatters. I find it interesting that some of us make up various types of mad tea parties, and Daves definition of a tea party is to happily make up our own madness. Singing Train Wreck Boogie a few weeks ago at a promotional party had me delirious with laughter. We sang it to the tune of Mary had a little lamb. Here are two lines of the lyrics: Im bad and thats good. Im the worst bitch in the neighborhood. It was INSANE! Try it to that tune. (The point is to get in touch with the inner Bitch Goddess.) Anyway, since that party, thats my present favorite game. Kate! Hi, hiya, hi! So glad the signing helped!! Not sure I am so much touched by the Goddess as just touched. I make rose tea too. Its like drinking faerie dust. Hey, Thom! Thoms one of my favorite entertainment journalists and book reviewers. He is also, watch for him, an important emerging voice. Be aware. (I cant wait for his first book.) Thanks for the kind words, Thom. Re your analysis of The Book: I tried to apply it to my process in writing the book and it rang so true for me that it gave me a revelation. The past few years have been hard for me personally. (I think this has been true of many Americans. A governments insanity deteriorates everyone, both economically and spiritually.) In my particular case, my health has been catastrophically bad, friends have deserted me as if illness made me a sinking ship, there has been some slander that I didnt mind per se--its the price of media exposure--but friends took part in it, and, well, I could go on and on, but thats enough of a list of recent problems. Anyway, I realized reading your post that nowadays I am sobbing one minute then declaring Onward in the next, and moving on to my work or play. Years ago, when someone threatened my life in order to stop my work, I finally decided that theyre going to have to kill me to stop me. This includes stopping me from play!
Francesca De Grandis (zthirdrd) Sun 11 Jul 04 10:15
Hiya, its my daily visit and no one else has been here yet today. So lets make it role reversal time. Ill ask the questions. Anyone who so desires to respond, what God or Goddess are you who is not listed from the book? (Keta listed the books at the beginning of the interview.) How so are you that deity? See you tomorrow at which time Ill address anything posted since this post.
the Conoisseurship of Stonation (bratwood) Mon 12 Jul 04 05:14
Hi Francesca. Sundays often seem like low traffic days around the Well. I think it's the time most of us are likely to be away from the computer, off on other adventures, spending family time, and handling domestic undertakings. As for goddesses not in your book: The goddess image I have embraced lately came from the Aztec Great Coyolxauhqui stone found in the Templo Mayor under Mexico City. When I saw this defeated goddess, hacked to pieces, fallen from the sacred mountain, I thought, "Hey, I can relate to that." So I produced a personalized version of her, removed the skulls, and added some cats. I completed a two-color woodcut. Here's the preliminary line art on my Well site: http://www.well.com/user/bratwood Now that I can embrace the Trickster Goddess, I think it's time to create a new image. The Fallen Goddess was useful for a time. But now I must get up, put myself back together, and get on with the show.
Rip Van Winkle (keta) Mon 12 Jul 04 06:25
Wow, <bratwood>, what a wonderful woodcut and story! Have you ever read Martin Prechtel's The Toe Bone And The Tooth? He's a part Native American, part white guy, who finds himself in Guatemala, and they're STILL smashing goddesses. (The subtitle of the book is "An ancient Mayan story relived in modern times: leaving home to come home.") Playing Francesca's Cosmic Coincidence game, I open the book and my eyes fall randomly upon: "Crooked Bow Boy didn't bring in any more meat with his supposed weapons than I did money in those days with my art, but both of us would fall in love with what we hunted when it found us, for the beautiful sounds we made when our failures had us sincerely singing instead of chasing or seducing, calling out instead of shooting, had us finding love only when the road back to the familiar was completely lost. "Sometimes it doesn't help to know what it is you're really hunting, or what love is supposed to look like, because the beauty that the hunter becomes and creates trhough his willingness to fail in pursuit of what he or she deeply longs for, but doesn't yet understand, can cause that uncomprehended thing we hunt th show it's Divine face, instead of missing that opportunity by chasing the string of lesser forms our insatiable and impatient greed insists must each be the very one." (Potential Internet Misunderstanding Alert: that is a quote from Martin PRechtel, NOT Francesca De Grandis)
Sir Who Sits On His Stump (keta) Mon 12 Jul 04 07:07
What deity am I? Crooked Bow Boy fits pretty well. Or, I've been thinking about Cincinnatus recently. Cincinnatus is a figure from Roman history who retired to the farm, only to be called back by the people to help save the republic. My work life has alternated between periods of high responsibility and backwater retreat. (And, I just came home from a vacation to discover my department has been reorganized.) What deity was he? How am I continuing that thread? Mary. There's a line in the bible something like, "And Mary saw all these things, and held them in her heart." I know EXACTLY what that's all about. And then there was the time I asked a question at a Bioneer's Conference. The panel was Native American, and I'd just had to have a large dead tree cut down in my back yard. I wanted to know what they thought about how I should work with the place next. One of the panelests addressed me in the Native American way, with a name that described and honored how I presented myself: Sir Who Sits On His Stump, she called me. That's the deity I am.
Francesca De Grandis (zthirdrd) Mon 12 Jul 04 09:18
It is crucial to recognizeand develop--Fallen Goddess as an archetype. Thank you, Bratwood. I have written several stories in which there is a Fallen Goddess, by that name if memory serves me correctly. In "The Modern Goddess' Guide to Life" (TMGGTL) there is a section on being disabled, angry, crazy, whatever--all states people think of as not divine--and how to find your divine power in them. Soooo important for bratwood, me, all of us to find, name, claim that power. Sigh, cant go see woodcut. It is all I can manage to do the interview with my diabilities. Keta, can you print it and bring it over next time you come? Its great minds think alike day. Keta, you always amaze me. Yeh, that quote is not from me, but it is like a piece I wrote about a hunter eating EVERYTHING he see, even the wind. B/c that is what the ultimate hunter does. For those without a copy of TMGGT, Cosmic Coincidence Game is about find divine guidance by randomly opening any book. (Keta, be nice. Explain things you mention to visitors.) What great posts today. Heck, this demands more role reversal. So: interviewers always ask me Francesca, what do you hope readers bring away from this book? Okay, anyone who has read it, if you wrote TMGGT, what would you like readers to gain from reading it?
(rosebud) Mon 12 Jul 04 09:20
Donna - your woodcut Goddess is pretty terrific. I really like how you incorporated the cats.
Rip Van Winkle (keta) Mon 12 Jul 04 17:06
>Okay, anyone who has read it, if you wrote TMGGT, >what would you like readers to gain from reading it? As I was reading the book, I kept being reminded of one of the first books I ever bought for myself (outside of Scholastic Book Club!). I was in high school, and I remember getting to go to some sort of a conference at the local community college. There was a book table, and on it I found John Powells Why Am I Afraid To Tell You Who I Am? It had a contemporary cover, modern illustrations, and made sometimes-hokey, sometimes-accurate efforts to be hip as it popularized pretty sound psychology. I remember a lot more the experience of buying the book than I do the details of what was in it. But what it did for me was introduce me to the concept of the interior life. Maybe not introduce, but make accessable. And make a different kind of bridge between inner and outer. What I would hope readers get out of TMGGT is something similar for the spiritual life. Back to the 12-year-old stealing the book. It's a book that tells you things that you already know, but lets you in on the secret that other people know them too! Or tells you things you already know and (finally) validates the way you know them.
Rip Van Winkle (keta) Tue 13 Jul 04 06:54
Here's Cosmic Coincidence Used For Fortune Telling: "This activity provides not only a bit of laughter, but perhaps some guidance. Like the book's other briefer games, it is a perfect respite during a coffee break when your work day has been frazzling. At the end of the day, when you're also at the end of your wits, exhausted, this game can also be a quick, easy, pick-me up. "Sometimes when someone is puzzled and needs guidance, I suggest she open up a book to a random page - any book, even a cookbook - and let her eyes fall on whatever sentence they happen to fall on. I ask her to read the sentence to see if those words have any meaning for her. The exercvhise might make more sense to some folks if they are using the Bible, or another spiritual text, but the point is that the universe provides us guidance in the strangest ways and we need to be open to it. A bit of foolishness opens us up to that guidance. "Do this alone or get together with frinends and let everyone take a turn, first asking a question of the cosmos, then opening the book and seeing what the answer is. You may not learn anything, but you will at least laugh - after all this is a game. And you may be amazed to find some real insights. "By the way, I find it interesting that I am not the only person who thought of this game. I've met other people who use this technique for guidance. There are universal experiences, and among them is a trickster element, influencing how divine guidance comes to us." The next game in the book, Cosmic Coincidental Fortune Telling Stories, encourages players to get together, each with a book, and weave a nonsense story with randomly chosen excerpts from the books, a "story that not only evokes grand silliness but might also reveal the future." After explaining a few how-to steps, Francesca says: "Step 5. Repeatedly go around the circle, everyone taking turns adding new randomly chosen lines. A sense of story may bit by bit emerge that might strike a chord for you regarding the question you brought to this game. However, in the same way that the story is likely to amount to nonsense, so the guidance that accompanies the tale might at times be unclear. "Don't expect a message to be spelled out for you. While it may happen, the story might instead hold the *sense* of an idea you need or the hint of a direction your life needs to go or another non-linear and not so clear bit of help. Play around with whatever you get in order to derive advice from it. "This is actually the point of the game: instead of receiving guidance through a logical process, you play by creating a story, then interpret the guidance from the story in the same manner. Thus, you might arrive at valuable insights that you could not achieve through brow-furrowing, overly serious logic and brain-tiring work. "Ancient Taoists taught us that a relaxed smile, coupled with an acceptance of randomness - and here I am not referring to the randomness of the story, but to the way people participate in the game - open us up to all the powers of the universe, which are then at our disposal. If you instead set about this, or any of the games, grimly, frantic about whether or not you perform each detail absolutely correctly, you close down the cosmos's wonders. Thus, in this particular game, by relaxing and enjoying yourself, you're likely to receive some real guidance from the cosmically coincidental story. "A last note: if no insight comes during the course of the game, it may arrive later. As I said earlier, when we open up to the trickster element, we open up to guidance. I also said, just above here, that relaxed fun embodies the Taoist approach to life. Once you've played this game, you've opened up for a bit. Insights can come to you, even if they don't arrive immediately. Look for them in yet more random places. A thought that pops into your head, words on the back of a cereal box, a picture on the side of a bus! Never let it be said that God(dess) does not have a sense of humor when it comes to offering us advice."
Rip Van Winkle (keta) Tue 13 Jul 04 07:18
The other thing that I hope people get from the book is more fun ways to be together with each other. The games. Also the tips on compatibility. And what's your answer, Francesca? What do YOU hope people get from the book? (channelling Francesca...(actually turning to page 3)...) "I believe we are put on this planet for two reasons: to have great sex and to help other people. (A friend of mine says we can do both at once, but that is not what I mean. Though she does have a point.) "What I do mean is that the Great Mother of Us All is, well, a mom, The Great Mom! And like all great moms she wants her kids to be happy. In fact, like all good mothers, she really really wants this for us. "She also wants us all to get along, and help each other, as brothers and sisters... "...Fun is a remarkable healer and a profound gateway into our ability to create ourselves anew. Laughter helps us forget our fears long enough to stretch past our limits just a little bit more. Fun inspires us, uplifts us, and reminds us that life is worth living, risks are worth taking, and little pleasures can help us through our daily ups and downs as well as through our major challenges. Mind you, I'm talking simple, unadorned, unpretentious, straight-ahead entertainment. Just enjoying a few laughs. "Let the games begin."
Francesca De Grandis (zthirdrd) Tue 13 Jul 04 09:37
Jumpin Jehozafat, Keta. You typed all those pages up from TMGGTL? Oh. Lawdie, thou art one devoted interviewer. I bow low in awe. As to what I hope folks get from TMGGTL, I think the material you quote from it sums up some of those hopes: The book starts "I believe we are put on this planet for two reasons: to have great sex and to help other people b/c that truly representss my vision of life, albeit a tongue in cheek protrayal of it. The paragraph you quoted that starts Fun is a remarkable healer and a profound gateway into our ability to create ourselves anew was my attempt to encourage readers to play, guilt free, and realize that play is important. I also wanted readers to have more confidence, more trust in themselves, and more trust in other people. I wanted a lot of others things which I mentioned earlier in this interview. Oh, and I wanted, this is not a sale pitch, folks to be able to buy a really cute, pink, book, with a glittery cover, that made an inexpensive but meaningful gift. To be more effective, self-help tools for empowerment need to fit better into folks actual, real lives. Games you can play on your own, quizzes to share with girlfriends, party themes all do that.
Uncle Jax (jax) Tue 13 Jul 04 12:00
Bibliomancy can be a dangerous game.
Gail Williams (gail) Tue 13 Jul 04 12:11
Gotta take any kind of divination lightly enough so that it is a nudge to interpret, not an inflexible order, seems to me.
Cynthia Dyer-Bennet (cdb) Tue 13 Jul 04 13:07
(NOTE: Offsite readers can email <firstname.lastname@example.org> with your comments or questions)
Rip Van Winkle (keta) Tue 13 Jul 04 14:13
Actually, that was pretty easy to type. No bows needed. I'm a bureaucrat. <jax>, one part I skipped over in the Fotune Telling Stories was, "Remember, this is a game. Whatever it is you want guidance about should be something light. There are other times you can be, and need to be, more serious about your healing work. This book is about learning to heal through fun." For an excellent site to discuss divination, see the I Ching site, Clarity: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk Discussion forum there is: http://www.onlineclarity.co.uk/cgi-bin/discus/board-newmessages.cgi But also, yes, >Bibliomancy can be a dangerous game. Any sort of dialogue with the divine, the cosmic, or the plain ol random can be dangerous. I like what you say, <gail> about a nudge to interpret, not an inflexible order. But a question for you, Francesca: here we are both *being* divine and *communicating* with the divine. How does that work? How does a pagan (or anyone) both worship a divinity and be a divinity?
Rip Van Winkle, Dark Star Bibliomancer (keta) Tue 13 Jul 04 14:35
At the risk of provoking more awe, I just have to type in something else long... So I asked, "So what's so dangerous about bibliomancy?" and got: Random Book: Wendell Berry Collected Poems Random Line: 'heard McKinley coming down' The whole poem: Creation Myth This is a story handed down. It is about the old days when Bill and Florence and a lot of their kin lived in the little tin-roofed house beside the woods, below the hill. Mornings, they went up the hill to work, Florence to the house, the men and boys to the field. Evenings, they all came home again. there would be talk then and laughter and taking of ease around the porch while the summer night closed. But one night, McKinley, Bills young brother, stayed away late, and it was dark when he started down the hill. Not a star shone, not a window. What he was going down into was the dark, only his footsteps sounding to prove he trod the ground. And Bill who had got up to cool himself, thinking and smoking, leaning on the jamb of the open front door, heard McKinley coming down, and heard his steps beat faster as he came, for McKinley felt the pastures darkness joined to all the rest of darkness everywhere. It touched the depths of woods and sky and grave. In that huge dark, things that usually stayed put might get around, as fish in pond or slue get loose in flood. Oh, things could be coming close that never had come close before. He missed the house and went on down and crossed the draw and pounded on where the pasture widened on the other side, lost then for sure. Propped in the door, Bill heard him circling, a dark star in the dark, breathing hard, his feet blind on the little reality that was left. Amused, Bill smoked his smoke, and listened. He knew where McKinley was, though McKinley didnt. Bill smiled in the darkness to himself, and let McKinley run until his steps approached something really to fear: the quarry pool. Bill quit his pipe then, opened the screen, and stepped out, barefoot, on the warm boards. McKinley! he said, and laid the field out clear under McKinleys feet, and placed the map of it in his head.
Kerridwen (jonl) Tue 13 Jul 04 21:03
Email from Kerridwen: Hello FDG! I bought your book when I first saw it based upon my working through the other books some time ago. I contacted you via email maybe a year ago, thanking you and I?ll say ?thanks again.? Your book had me thinking last Friday; it was more than insane at my job (I?m a graphic artist but I work with our customer service dept more than doing ?art? anymore). I said, ?I?m the Goddess She Who Finds and Fixes? today! I believe so because I was called upon by All to do my miracles and magick. For the most part, I did *and* felt good about it. Oh sure, one could say that was my Mother Goddess but really ?She Who Finds and Fixes? is a very specific part of Big Mama, no? Regarding pink: I hated pink my whole life. I look like death in it anyway. I?m the odd girl who looks good in kelly green and lemon yellow. Slap me in pink and I it brings out the violet under my eyes. I?m not talking about painted flowers on my cheeks, either. To further my hatred of pink, my mother (and yes, I have mummy difficulties) wears it a lot. Hmm, looks like hell and simply by ?not wearing? it I can differentiate myself from the Evil One? Yaaesss. So what did I do when faced with picking out from so many colors which ?Wax Bush: Vote 2004? tshirt? Pink with hot pink silkscreen. To me, pink is the most obnoxious color I could wear. People notice it too! (No judgments on you pink-lovers, more power to you!) If I wrote ?TMGGT,? I would want women to walk away recognizing all that they do. I would want them to see and feel in their bones how important they are to the Universe. It wouldn?t be the same without them! They are an active part of others? lives and at any moment their immense powers can make great changes. Most of all, I would hope they learn from this acknowledged power, they can make positive change in their own lives on all levels. No need to wait, y?all already got it (If you still need an ?it,? you?ve already got the first step just waiting for you, pick up your foot and lean forward. Even if you fall flat on your face, you?re further ahead than when you started.) Blessings and continue your great work-it *helps* people, babe! LR
Nurp Nizzum (jonl) Tue 13 Jul 04 21:05
Email from Nurp Nizzum: Thank God, I don't have to live (or work or associate, for that matter) with American women. I will go and smile lovingly, even gratefully at my wife for not needing to imagine herself a goddess in order to hen-peck me. So if chicks are now goddesses, what does that make us/me? Flabby fart kings I suppose! I think that's the general idea. Unfortunately, with women's indeed rightful ascension to full politico-economic participation in the shaping of American life, they were not required to renounce simultaneously the many nefarious ego-cushioning vanities of their once upon a time patriarchal servitude. The result, today, is a noxious market-driven, psycho-ideological brew of arrogant, irrational petty self-flatteries of endlessly inventive and proliferating forms, fit consumption for no mortal being and, as it happens, a potent moral corrosive, which has been discovered and is being rapidly adopted as a weapon of imperial subjection to sap the resistance of indigenous cultures and peoples everywhere. Denatured white people trying to scare up a folk culture. The act has all the plausibility of raising the dead. Far from harmless, it leaves the culture as a whole poorly positioned to resist the more dangerous irrationalisms of increasing fundamentalism in the three great monotheisms. Lest you think my words too harsh and exaggerated, consider the following [boldface mine] blurb, which is quite frank about what's going on: Luisah Teish Yoruba priestess and author "Once I did an opera for the rain forest, and a little girl points at me and asks her mother, 'Is that Mother Earth?' For her I was the planet. I get chills when I think of it!" Luisa Teish is a voodoo priestess and author of Jambalaya: The Natural Woman's Book of Personal Charms and Practical Rituals (Harper Collins). She teaches traditional shamanic and voodoo rituals to largely Anglo students at the University of Creation and Spirituality with the intention of teaching the white world about Africa and to offer traditional wisdom to people detached from their bodies and spirit.
Francesca De Grandis (zthirdrd) Wed 14 Jul 04 08:56
Thanks, Jax, Gail. I always tell people that divination is meant to help you find your opinion and inner voice, not stifle them. How to both be divine and worship divinity? The Gods in ancient myths did it all the time--they fell in love with each other. And I worship all my friends. Worship is not necessarily part of a hierarchal situation. And Dave, I love the poem. Kerridwen, re your working through my two previous books. (Let me give some background so that what I am about to say to you makes sense to anyone else who is just dropping by.) TMMGTL was meant to be fun and easy. By contrast, my two earlier books are challenging programs to work through. I know the fruits of that labor make the work worth it, but I wrote TMGGTL as a balancesome fun for both myself and the readers who had done the programs in the previous books. With that: Kerridwen, I really admire anyone who worked through those two books. It is hard work to explore shamanism so vigorously without a teacher right by you. Kudos. As to what you hope folks would get from TMGGTL, yes! That was my hope. Some self-help authors condescend to readers: You poor pitiful, ignorant, damaged thing you. To heck with that. We are all God(desse)s and just need help from each other to honor and use such power. Kerridwen, thanks for you kind words. Moving on: It is a premise of popular culture that if you are in the public eye you are fair game for cruel attacks. The general populace somehow doesnt understand how much it hurts when someone attacks you, you who are just a normal person with normal feelings and reactions. So you keep your mouth shut. But today Ive had it. I couldnt decide which response to give Nurp so am posting all of them. Response #1: Thank you, Nurp. I love the story from LT whom I admire tremendously. I think her story however more supports my approach than disproves it. I have met her and think she would enjoy the books games. She has a sense of humor. Response #2: HI, Nurp. I do love a good debate. Come back when you can actually give one. Response #3: MY, arent you important. Response #4: I am so sorry, Nurp, to have presumed to be a mere woman with an opinion and trying to help people live happier lives. I now realize I should be more like your wife and wait for you to shine your sunny smile on me. Please smile on me, please? I never should have helped people use humor to find the divine in themselves. Now that you have shed your wisdom on me I understand that God hates humor and would never have wanted to make poeple laff. I also understand now that humor and spiritually have no relationship, especially in folk culture. Was that enough sarcasm? Puh-leeze. I wrote that book in such poor health that the doctor wanted me to forgo the book contract. I kept writing in part to keep up my spirit so that I didnt lie down and literally die. My hope was that the book might do some little bit of the same for others. But obviously Nurp thinks it more important to beat people down so they DO die, at least in spirit. Dont you dare tell me about folk culture. I come from a blue color neighborhood, my mother was a talented psychic, and I have fought my whole life against upper class, media driven suppression of the true culture in the blue collar community, which I believe is the life that we live on the streets, in our bedrooms, in our hearts. And the whole time Ive done it, Ive had to deal with people like you trying to shut me up. Blue collar women arent supposed to speak? Go away. Go do something with your life instead of attacking those of us who are fighting the good fight. Okay, I will now regret for the rest of my life this outburst in a public interview.
resluts (bbraasch) Wed 14 Jul 04 10:05
no regrets. great rant. I read what Nurp wrote and I was trying to envision a henpecked flabby fart king reading a pink book. It wasn't working so well until I read your reply. I think you have the context right. I think your book is easier to read if you don't clench it. Old roles don't die, they just anger the spirit and lead to projectile vomiting. Maybe there should be a blue book.
Rip Van Winkle (keta) Wed 14 Jul 04 10:20
Spluttering coffee all over my keyboard! Choking in my cubicle! Yes, a blue book! I have to go take a break now, or they're going to call the paramedics!
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