The WELL: inkwell.vue.339: Sara Laschever, Ask For It

#37: Jennifer Simon (fingers) Wed 12 Nov 08 12:55

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:55:00 PST

I know the power of a sick child! Wishing you and your son well. Thanks for taking such time as you were able. [Read entire topic]

#36: (dana) Wed 12 Nov 08 12:13

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:13:00 PST

Thank you for joining us, Sara. It's time to turn our attention to another subject, but you are welcome to continue the conversation as long as you like. [Read entire topic]

#35: Sara Laschever (saralasch) Wed 12 Nov 08 12:06

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:06:00 PST

Of course, nature (a kid's personality) will often push against society's expectations. Unfortunately, though, a lot of little girls like your Emma get squelched, or at least strongly discouraged--in both overt and subtle ways--from being so forthright.

My 7-year-old is marginally improved (thanks for asking) but I'm taking him back to the doc for the third time this afternoon. It's been a perfect storm of illness for him--sinus infection, sore throat, fever, body aches, and now head cold. And, as you said, he's especially needy even when he's only a little sick; absolutely consuming when he's THIS sick. [Read entire topic]

#34: Lisa Harris (lrph) Sun 9 Nov 08 14:19

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 14:19:00 PST

It's very funny the way you say how boys and girls are socialized, because it is the exact opposite in my home. Emma will go up to anyone and ask for what she wants or needs, no problem. Graham on the other hand has to be pushed to ask for what he wants. I'm pretty sure they were born that way, but maybe not. It's possible that I let Emma do Graham's bidding for him a little too long.

I hope your 7 year old is feeeling better. Alas, life does get in the way, sometimess. And 7 year old boys who are sick are especially needy (i have one, too). [Read entire topic]

#33: Sara Laschever (saralasch) Sun 9 Nov 08 13:49

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 13:49:00 PST

Okay, quickly, a little more. Men learn because they're socialized from the time they're very young to "go for it," to be a little man, to be a tough guy, and to pursue their goals in direct and forceful ways. Women are taught to be nice and not too pushy, not greedy, self-promoting, or "conceited." Men also learn because when they try out asking for what they want, they get a much more positive response than women receive, so they try it more--hence, they get more practice, they're able to observe what works well for them and hone their skills.

As for whether the framework in Ask For It is useful for anyone, male or female--absolutely. We include some advice that women can especially benefit from (such as asking in a way that ensures they still seem likeable and friendly rather than intimidating), but all the guidance about how to prepare for a negotiation can be used by men as well as women. [Read entire topic]

#32: Sara Laschever (saralasch) Sun 9 Nov 08 13:45

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 13:45:00 PST

Sorry to have been slow responding. I have a VERY sick 7-year-old (women aren't supposed to use family demands as an excuse, but sometimes they really do interfere). Let me see how much I can get through before he calls to me. Alas, he never naps and his sleep is very disrupted.

So, yes, interest-based bargaining has been shown by scholars to be the most effective approach, and one that benefits both sides. To know what approach to take, or whether the other negotiator(s) can be moved to using interest-based methods, you need to do as much research as you can. Talk to the executive assistants who've been around for a while, other people who've been at the firm, longing than you have, even vendors or subcontractors who may have observed this person in action*anyone who has some inside scoop on how particular people behave when negotiating. Then, research your market value (use the web)--what other people doing your work are getting paid, whether there's a scarcity of people with your skill in your region, how much of a hit in terms of productivity or continuity the company would take if you left. Lastly, research the context in which you'll be asking: Is the company doing well, expanding your division, or cutting back? What are their strategic goals for the near future, and how do you fit in. Also, what's the economic climate in your region? Use the local business press, talk to your professional and social networks. The more research you do in advance, the better equipped you'll be to aim for a high target but not TOO high, and to ask at a time and place, and in a style, that will bring the best results.

Kid calls, more soon. [Read entire topic]

#31: Anna Cox (anna) Fri 7 Nov 08 17:20

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 17:20:00 PST

i'm only part-way through the book, but i think anyone could use the framework discussed in the book - it's a guide to gathering information and then how to put that information to work for you. [Read entire topic]

#30: (dana) Fri 7 Nov 08 16:29

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:29:00 PST

I'm male and have usually been lousy at negotiating. I'm curious - is the system outlined in Ask For It gender-specific, or is it a framework that anyone who needs to improve their negotiating can use? [Read entire topic]

#29: Lisa Harris (lrph) Fri 7 Nov 08 13:24

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:24:00 PST

Is it learn by example, Sara? DO men know how because men have seen men use these skills? [Read entire topic]

#28: Linda Castellani (castle) Fri 7 Nov 08 11:44

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 11:44:00 PST

Who teaches the men, I wonder. [Read entire topic]