Linda Castellani (castle) Mon 27 Apr 09 19:55
Such an untraditional out-of-the-box response might get the rest of Lily's appearances cancelled! I'm interested in the dance a wife has to do when married to a military man. I wasn't married long enough to really see a lot of it, or even master the lingo, and I was married to an NCO (gasp! I know; I was the one with the education and the degree, and yet I was looked down upon by the spouses of the enlisted men who had been married since they were 14 and totally accustomed to having the Army provide EVERYTHING for them, all because I didn't know the ropes, or even what LES stood for). On one occasion, we went to a Hail and Farewell for someone at which I met my SFC husband's First Sargeant, the rank directly above his. We didn't live on base because my husband was a recruiter, so I really had a hard time learning about the do's and don'ts. At this event, the First Sargeant got completely bombed and kept saying to me, "I've got a really big cock. Want to see it?" How I would have responded as a civilian is one thing; I had no idea how to respond as a military wife. Is this kind of outrageous behavior totally outside your experience of the officers in their cups? What's the most outrageous thing you've experienced? How did you respond, and how would you have responded to the First Sargeant had you been in my shoes?
Paula Span (pspan) Tue 28 Apr 09 17:44
jesus. Lily, I was interested to read that the Army's gotten more supportive of military wives having their own careers, but it sounded like many of the women you encountered didn't. And I could see why, with the moving and all. What's your sense as to how many do have jobs outside the home? Is there any data on that?
Lily Burana (burana) Wed 29 Apr 09 10:35
Linda, the kind of behavior you've descrbed is definitely outside my experience, however, I don't doubt at all that is happens sometimes. It's not an Army thing, it's a guy-who-has-no-idea-how-to-act thing. But you know that! It must have been very upsetting. I know in my mind, I hold Army personnel o to a higher behavioral standard, and that includes behavior around women (an Army spouse, no less!). My first impulse would have been to find that man's commanding officer/direct report and gone to him with the problem. Not that I'd be seeking any kind of official redress, just to have The Boss warn the guy that he's been observed behaving in a way that is "unbecoming" and to shape up because the next step would be getting busted down in rank. Let the boss deliver the consequences if the guy doesn't straighten up. If someone already has such a dismissive attitude towards women that he'll say something like that, then he's not likely to take you seriously when you try to tell him you'll be speaking with his boss shortly. That's just me, though. I tend to let the punisher deliver the news of any potential punishment, rather than try to settle the person's account myself. A worthy, ethical leader would know better than to laugh it off with "Oh, that Charlie! He's a character when he's drinkin'!"
Lily Burana (burana) Wed 29 Apr 09 10:43
I believe, Paula, that the statistic of working spouses (that are not themselves military) is 58% percent. Given how young the military is (average age of a wife is under 25, and the percentages drop off dramatically after 35), this is not surprising. It is hard to work with small children, and when your husband moves around all the time, thus hampering a woman's trajectory in a profession. The impact upon one's professional potential is a real sore spot for working wives. If you prefer to stay home, either with or without children, that frustration is one that will drop off the list. There are fewer military spouses working outside the home than non-military, that's for sure. It wasn't that difficult for me to keep working, since freelancing is a highly portable career. I do have friends who have a couple degrees and find themselves working retail, though that's not their preference, simply because they can't keep up their professional chops in the careeer for which they are educated, because they don't stay in place long enough to advance up the ladder.
Amy Keyishian (superamyk) Wed 29 Apr 09 11:03
Have you heard from army husbands? Are they a relatively new phenomenon? do they have any kind of interesting history, like army wives -- are there groups of army husbands?
(dana) Thu 30 Apr 09 16:21
Lily, thank you for spending some time here with us. We've begun a new author conversation, but of course this one will continue here as long as you like.
Lily Burana (burana) Fri 1 May 09 13:21
>>> Have you heard from army husbands? Are they a relatively new phenomenon? do they have any kind of interesting history, like army wives -- are there groups of army husbands? Amy, Army husbands *are* relatively new! And most of them are half of a dual-military couples where both are serving. In these "modern times," the old Wives Clubs, Wives Groups, and Wives Coffee Groups/Teas have morphed into Spouse Clubs, Spouse Groups, etc, to accommodate this shift. That said, active-duty men married to military women do not generally participate in the spouse groups--they have their own support network in their work environment.
Lily Burana (burana) Fri 1 May 09 13:23
To continue...and the men who are the "trailing spouse," that is, not themselves military but married to female soldiers, are not so much inclined to join spouse groups. It's really pretty rare. I do not predict a huge increase in male trailing spouses in the near future--it's simply not a role that many men will be willing to take. I myself am very inspired by the decades-long relationship between General Ann Dunwoody, the Army's first four-star general, and her husband, who was active-duty Air Force for a long, long time! Now *that* must've take some patient adjustment!
life hurts. science is fun! (carolen) Sat 2 May 09 15:24
In case you haven't already seen this on Facebook: http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=%2F20090502%2FNEWS%2F905 020316
tub of homogenous filth (tpy) Sun 3 May 09 00:48
i cant be lieve the vitriol spewed in the comments after that article. Whoever that mean lady is, she gets a big fat FAIL for her petty and hostile sniping at you lily.
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 3 May 09 06:57
I don't read comments sections on pieces, so I'm not even aware of this particular fly against the windscreen.
Linda Castellani (castle) Sun 3 May 09 13:47
How did you even find the comments, tpy? The writer of that article seems to have found some answers about why the bookstore appearance was canceled. How are book sales, Lily? Has your controversial book stirred things up enough for people to rush out and buy the book to see what everybody is talking about? Any way to track how many books are being purchased by people in or associated with the military?
David Gans (tnf) Sun 3 May 09 16:21
I can't find the damn comments!
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 3 May 09 16:29
Sometimes on Web sites they come and go. And some sites, darn them, only keep columns up for 24 hours or so. They may be back!
lmc (lmc) Sun 3 May 09 16:37
the article is there, but the comments are gone. if you log in, comments on other articles are there, but not yours.
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 3 May 09 16:56
That is *totally* weird! Conspiracy? Future Dan Brown plotline?
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 3 May 09 20:55
It's too early to know about book sales beyond what they publisher is telling me, which is that they are very happy. So that's nice. I'm going to sign off here for now becuase I have to do a bunch of interviews and get ready for the book tour which starts May 9th in Clinton, New Jersey at the Clinton Book Shop. Here's my list of events. The SF night promises to be special--with a great performance by Sugar Shack Burlesque at the Hypnodrome Theater. Friday May 15th is the Operation Bombshell Benefit at the NEW Trader Vic's Downtown in Los Angeles. Diablo Cody is hosting, and there will be special performances by Masiumi Max, Ms. Redd, and La Cholita. Advance tix are required, all proceeds going to Operation Bombshell, my burlesque school for military wives. ***ATTENTION LOS ANGELES! ONE NIGHT ONLY!*** BENEFIT FOR OPERATION BOMBSHELL!! - May 15th at Trader Vic's in Downtown Los Angeles - Hosted by Diablo Cody!! The hottest burlesque event of the season - featuring performances by Masuimi Max, La Cholita, and Ms. Redd! Celebrating the release of Lily Burana's memoir, "I Love A Man In Uniform", all proceeds from ticket sales will benefit Operation Bombshell, Lily's non- profit for military wives. To purchase tickets: <="http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/burlesque- events-los-angeles-clubs.html"</> NOTE - to purchase more than one ticket, press "Add To Cart", then you can modify your ticket quantity on the shopping cart page. Please repost and invite your friends! Other events: AY 9th. CLINTON, NJ READING/SIGNING 6:30 pm Clinton Book Shop 33 Main Street, Clinton, NJ. MAY 14th SAN FRANCISCO, CA GREEN APPLE READING/SIGNING/BURLESQUE HOTNESS 7-9 pm Hypnodrome Theater, 575 10th Street, SF. Special performance by Sugar Shack burlesque troupe. MAY 18th FORT LEWIS, WA BOOK SIGNING 4-5:30 pm PX Building 5280 Fort Lewis, WA MAY 18th SEATTLE, WA READING/SIGNING 7 pm Third Place Books 17171 Bothelle Way NE Lake Forest Park, WA MAY 19th DENVER, CO READING/SIGNING 7:30 pm Tattered Cover Bookstore LoDo, 1628 16th Street, Denver, CO Working on Fort Carson, Colorado for May 20th and Washington, DC. More soon!
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 3 May 09 21:03
Thanks for participating, everyone! If you want to reach me, firstname.lastname@example.org will do the job. I hope to see/meet some of you on the upcoming tour. Thanks to Carole for being a great host for the discussion, and thanks to everyone who pitched in with questions and comments!.
Gail Williams (gail) Mon 4 May 09 14:36
Thanks for all that attention during the crazy book time!
Lily Burana (burana) Mon 4 May 09 15:00
It was fun! The WELL roolz.
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 10 May 09 08:20
Quick spammage of updated tour schedule, including the FABULOUS Los Angeles Operation Bombshell benefit with Diablo Cody at Trader Vics Friday 5/15. MAY 14th SAN FRANCISCO, CA GREEN APPLE BOOKS PRESENTS BURLESQUE HOTNESS & BOOK SIGNING! 7-9 pm Hypnodrome Theater, 575 10th Street, SF. Special performance by Sugar Shack! burlesque troupe. 415-248-1900 MAY 15th LOS ANGELES, CA PIN UP GIRL CLOTHING.COM PRESENTS: OPERATION BOMBSHELL BENEFIT! With host Diablo Cody & burlesque by Masuimi Max, La Cholita, and Ms. Redd. 9 pm Trader Vicâs Downtown, 800 W Olympic Blvd LA, CA Advance tickets required. $25 Available at www.tinyurl.com/operationbombshell MAY 18th FORT LEWIS, WA BOOK SIGNING 4-5:30 pm PX Building 5280 Fort Lewis, WA 253-651-2718 MAY 18th SEATTLE, WA READING & SIGNING 7 pm Third Place Books 17171 Bothelle Way NE Lake Forest Park, WA 203-366-3333 MAY 19th DENVER, CO READING/SIGNING/C-SPAN âBOOK TVâ TAPING 7:30 pm Tattered Cover Bookstore LoDo, 1628-16th Street, Denver, CO 303-436-1070 MAY 20th FORT CARSON, CO BOOK SIGNING 4-5:30 pm PX Building 6110, Fort Carson, CO
Stuart (sjs) Sun 10 May 09 16:09
oooh ... do you know when you'll be on C-Span?
Lily Burana (burana) Sun 10 May 09 17:26
Nope! But I'll def share when I find out! I am watching tons of Book TV on YouTube to prepare myself. Shocking number of authors willing to mumble into their lapels, their hair covering half their face.
Travis Bickle has left the building. (divinea) Tue 12 May 09 11:15
Gee, think we should be talking more, out in the open, about combat stress and PTSD? HMMM? <http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/13/world/middleeast/13iraq.html?_r=1&hp>
Lily Burana (burana) Tue 12 May 09 11:40
Shocking, isn't it? So very sad, and unfortunately, only more likely to deter soldiers from getting help lest they be assumed 'psychotic murderers waiting to happen.'
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