Trenchant commentary, that's another matter. Simpson trial jury members have voted on the TV shows that the want to be allowed to watch while sequestered, and they went with "Roseanne" and "Home Shopping Network." Their families will tape "Beavis and Butthead" for post-trial viewing.
Judge Ito also asked the jurists to select two favorite recreational activities and they voted for playing paper- scissors-rock and dropping water balloons out of their hotel- room windows.
***
The nouveau Cowboys: Erik Williams crashes his car while talking on his cellular phone as he drives home from a Dallas dance club. Rookie Shante Carver crashes his car while "messing around with my CD player."
Remember when cowboys led cattle drives across the vast prairies? Today's Cowboys cant handle the drive home from the local disco.
"Fortunately," said a Cowboys official, "Erik's car had an airbag."
What the hell was Jerry Jones doing in Erik Williams' car at 2 a.m.?
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One word of advice to Jason Kidd: Renegotiate.
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Dana Stubblefield gets his two front teeth knocked out during pregame head-bashing warmups with teammate Ken Norton (coincidentally, O.J. Simpson jury members warm up the same way), and describes the scene: ``Your front teeth go rolling right out of your mouth. I started slobbering and slurring all over the place.
Amazing: He loses two teeth and turns into Buddy Ryan.
***
What is it with the Dallas athletes and cars? Williams, Carver, Jose Canseco, Roy Tarpley? Tarpley, just off a two-year drug suspension, gets busted for speeding (over 90 mph), the allegedly loans his car over to a pal, who wrecks the car and abandons it. If good judgment was dynamite, Tarpley couldnt pop corn.
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Rony Seikaly. Fabulous trade for the Warriors. And a great chance for Rony to live down his Miami rep for not going full- throttle al the time, a charge no one would ever hang on Canseco or Tarpley, except when theyre in uniforms.
Heat teammate Glen Rice heard of the trade and said wistfully, ``I was thinking Rony was going to have an explosive year. I just felt Rony had a whole different attitude.''
Seven years into his pro career and he needs a whole different attitude?
Seikaly's agent says the rap is overstated.
``It's not like he's not coming to play every game. He's not Benoit Benjamin.''
Who is? ***
Did you see the photo of the unveiling of the Michael Jordan statue in Chicago? Then surely you agree with me that nobody -- nbody -- looks sharper in a multi-colored silk sweat suit than Larry King.
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Baseball needs the ink. and the players need to cash in on their incentive bonuses. Therefore, a reminder to voting baseball writers: Today is the deadline to mail your ballots for MVP, Cy Young and other awards for the '95 season.
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I'm not saying I don't enjoy watching Manute Bol play the game, because I really do. I'm just not sure what game it is he's playing
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Urgent memoir to George Foreman: Please retire now. We worry about you. You're too old to fight and you could hurt yourself, scramble your brains. Please, please hang' em up (you gloves, not your brains) and join the rest of us guys who are trying to die before age 50 by socially acceptable methods such as heart attack, cirrhosis of the liver, lung cancer and boredom.
***
Absolutely, I am still optimistic that Chris Webber will return to the Warriors and I still think he's a great guy.
However. If he decides not to play for the Warriors, easily the second-best scenario for Warriors fans is that Webber sign with the clippers. Going to the Clippers is like taking that Disneyland jungle-cruise ride, where the guide tells you to turn around and wave good-bye to civilization.
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When the new team owners held a press conference to announce the formation of the new United Baseball League, it because obvious that the league has one major flaw: owners.
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For that lull in the cocktail party conversation: Colts rookie defensive end Barnard Whittington has two brothers named Kevin.
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I have to admit, I do miss the advertisements for the penile-- enhancement clinics, especially the ad that promises ``No fat injections,` which, if I were in the market for that kind of home improvement, would be a major selling point. That and `While U wait.''