Eclectic Views

    
Feed the tiger *before* climbing into the cage with it.
  

    
Wear sunscreen.
  

    
Never pass up a chance to eat, sleep, piss, or fuck.
  

    
Don't run with scissors.

Run with wolves.
  

    
Someday a man will show you a sealed deck of cards, and bet you that
he can make the ace of spades jump out of the deck and squirt cider in
your ear. Don't take that bet, because as sure as you do, you will wind
up with an earful of cider.
  

    
Is that Mark Twain?
  

    
No concept. I definitely stole it from someone, but can't remember
who.
  

    
It's from "Guys and Dolls".
  

    
<2>: Or fill your vehicle's gas tank.  TMOT.
  

    
Hold your umbrella away from you as you open it;
you never know what might be hiding inside.
  

    

Don't fergit to breathe!
  

    
Do as I say, not as I do.
  

    
Don't get fired.
  

    
It was like that when I got here.
Good idea, boss!
Cover for me. 
  

    
Always wear your best underwear when traveling.  
  

    
Fart into the wind.
  

    
Never fart in the kitchen.  
  

    
...nor anywhere in close proximity to an open flame.
  

    
Wait thirty minutes after lunch before taking a swim at the beach.
  

    

Don't expect much from a menu that offers half a dozen ethnic cuisines;
they're likely to all be mediocre.
  

    
Never eat anything bigger than your head.  
  

    
...in one sitting  ;-)