Eclectic Views

    <scribbled by clmyers Fri 24 Jan 03 09:47>
  

    
Greetings, my friends.

They say that people who spend a lot of time online are isolated, lonely
misfits -- and if indeed that's true: there needs to be a resident shrink
who can dole out cheap shots, trite advice and an occasional handy household
tip.

They say Dr. Laura is cold-blooded.
They say Dr. Phil is practical, but a little over-the-top

clmyers, the Krakpot Online Shink is cold-blooded AND practical AND warm-
hearted AND occasionally wise.  Take your chances on 15 minutes of fame and
bring your deepest worries to the Krakpot Online Shrink.

Taking your questions now:
  

    

When we met, Cindy, the most important thing I remember about you is how you
were able to stroke three different sized egos without dismissing one while
petting the other.  I wish I could do that with the ease with which you did
it, and I trust, still do.  How did you attain your posie?
  

    
If I were allowing myself to use pseuds in this conf, I would
have a very nice one right now:

        How did you attain your posie?

indeed!
  

    
My posie?  Madame, I thought we agreed we weren't going to talk about that
in front of the others!  I now blush.

Here's the thing you'll notice about most egos: they tend to expand and
contract in relation to the other egos that surround them.  All you gotta do
is convince the Big Ego people that it makes them bigger to pay attention to
the Little Ego People.  And convince the Little Ego People that it makes
people happy when they allow themselves to be paid attention to.  After
that, everybody pretty much takes care themselves and I can just sit back,
sip my martini and play with my posie.
  

    

I think there's a cat would like to play with the posie, too.
  

    

(raising hand)
Uh, Miss Krakpot?  May I ask a question?

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
  

    
That'll be FRAULEIN DOKTOR KRAKPOT to you, pal.

What, indeed, if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about.....

Then I reckon we all better start paying a lot more attention to the hokey
pokey and stop just glossing over it like we do, day in and day out.

The thing is -- and I've been thinking about this for quite some time now --
how would we KNOW?  As far as I'm aware, there's no known test and no
heuristic for looking into the ultimate nature of life OR the hokey pokey.
However, I think we can comfort ourselves with some simple diagramming of
sentences and that's what I always say: when in fear, diagram your
sentences.  Amazing how soothing it can be.

Anyhow, the song goes:

Put your left foot in,
Your left foot out,
Your left foot in,
And shake it all about.
You do the hokey pokey
And turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

...and so on and so forth....


OK.  What is "That's what it's all about" referring to here?  Anyone?
By my estimation it's referring to turning oneself around.  And think about
it: it's TRUE!  The ability to go through life turning oneself around IS
what it's all about and if that's the hokey pokey, then I say: BRING IT ON!
  

    
Drift alert (you were expecting something else of me?):  when my
nephew was first walking (what, a year?  15 months, who can remember?),
we spent a fun afternoon together during which I taught him the hokey
pokey.  With allowances for lack of clarity on which foot was right and
which was left, he was playing along, doing just fine, UNTIL the
'shake it all about' part.

Each time, he'd stop right there and give me this look.  Silently, but
very clearly, he'd say:  what the fuck is wrong with you, Yaya?  I
just learned to stay upright on this thing and now you want me to wave
it around in the air?????  Whattayou Crazy????

And then we'd proceed......

back to you, Fraulein Doktor Krakpot, your majesty, m'am......
  

    
Ahhhhh yes.

In fact you remind me of something which lends itself further to drift.

That, of course, would be the Hokey Pokey for Cats.  I sing this to Eddie
the Cat and it goes:

You take your cat butt out
you bring your cat butt in
you get your cat butt home
and you shake it all about.
Cat feet,
cat food,
cat furr,
cat butts,
That's what it's all about!

Ahhhhhh yes.

That IS what it's all about.....
  

    <scribbled by kyee Fri 30 Dec 05 10:37>
  

    
Yes sir it would.
  

    
<PUNCH!>
  

    

This topic is making me laugh out loud.  Coworkers are giving me looks of
concern and fear.
  

    
>What is "That's what it's all about" referring to here?

I recall a billboard years ago advertising some macho cigarette brand. It
showed a model in car-racing togs sitting against the restraining wall of an
auto track smoking the brand, and the caption read, "Get a taste of what
it's all about." I used to wonder: Do they mean if you smoke this ciggie you
can get a taste of what auto racing is all about? What life is all about?
What lung cancer is all about? They never made it clear.
  

    
kitty hokey pokey and lung cancer hokey pokey.  Y'all are scaring me.
  

    
I suspect we could use the Hokey Pokey as a kind of oracle.  Wonder what
it's all about?  Consult the Hokey Pokey.  If you can make the Hokey Pokey
fit the circumstance you're struggling with -- be it cat butts or lung
cancer -- then you're probably on the right track.

Meanwhile, is it my imagination? or did su just haul off and slug the
Krakpot Online Shrink right in the stomach??  OOF!!!

In my line of work, these kind of people are often referred to as a Really
Hostile Client.  The behavior is often called "acting out".

The appropriate therapeutic response is....well, it's to call the police,
actually.  Beyond that, though, it is NOT therapeutic to stagger back up off
the floor and slug her right back.

Would you like to tell me what you're feeling right now?
  

    

Fight!!  Fight!!!
  

    
Sounds Shady to me.
  

    
Dear Krakpot Therapist:

I am built like a pear.

I would like to harness the force of gravity and stand on my head
until my buttfat migrates to my, er, chest.

I understand that there's a physiological element to mental health.  
Am I risking my sanity with all the blood rushing to my head as I work
on my perfect body?

Thanks,
Pear
  

    
Hello Pear.

It is difficult to tell, from what you write, whether your concern is the
presense of buttfat or the absense of bazooms.  Either way, your biggest
problem is the notion you've taken on that "pretty" needs to look a certain
way.  As long as you hang on to that idea, your money is going to keep being
siphoned off into the pockets of beauty and diet product peddlers, and self-
help gurus like yours truly here and all the while you'll just feel like
nothing but crap.

I say leave yourself well enough alone.

However inversions are great for so many reasons.  My yoga freak friends do
them all the time.  Sending the blood to your brain can stimulate creativity
and leave you awash in a feeling of calm serenity.  Do your headstands for
these reasons and come down out of them when you start to feel weird.
Otherwise your buttfat will migrate -- not to your, er, chest, but rather to
your chin.  And if you don't like it on your butt, wait til you see it
wrapped around your cheeks.
  

    
I believe Dr. Lucy had a good explanation of the hanging-upside-down
phenomenon, when Charlie Brown asked her.  He wondered why the blood rushed
to his head when it didn't rush to his feet if he stood up.  She explained
that his feet weren't empty.
  

    

Thank you, Ron.  I needed that.
  

    
Oh yes.
  

    
True.  But what is the take-away for our Pear Shaped Client?

My concern is that the implication is that she has an empty butt.  Or even
worse, a not-empty butt.  Which brings up another point of concern:  how's
the circulation in your feet, Pear?
  

    
you'd best slap a <tm> on that Hokey Pokey Oracle idea, this minute,
Fraulein Doktor Krakpot, or I will steal steal steal it AND send a copy
of this entire topic to your dissertation committee.  And Monsieur
Foucault, if he's still on this plane......ooooooooohhhh, Hokey Pokey
Foucault <tm> -  MINE MINE MINE!!!