Eclectic Views

    

do you live in a krakhaus with a porkhole?
  

    
Folks in the audience: what do we-in-the-krakpot-bizz call people like this?
 I'm talking about people who exhibit special knowledge of a celebrity's
dissertation topic AND aren't afraid to use it as blackmail?

Megalomaniacal, perhaps; definitely some kind of personality disorder.

Me?  I call it: efficient.

This also brings up the issue of: TRANSFERENCE.  That's the $100/hr. word we
use for feelings people have about their therapists.  We're supposed to be
fairly non-self-disclosing about ourselves and our personal lives so that
clients can sit there and cook up all kinds of feelings based on anything or
nothing.  If clients can do that, then we can call it transference and then
VOILA!  you owe me $100 and I'll see you next week!

Negative transference is when something happens that causes a client to feel
badly toward the therapist.  And OF COURSE that is ALWAYS pathological
because what's not to like about a therapist???

Now that laura-mac has opened her big mouth, you all know I have some sort
of connection to some dead French philosopher named Foucault.  If you are
all truly bonding with the Krakpot Experience, you ought to be experiencing
all sorts of FEELINGS about that.

Now, in order for you to get your money's worth, you need to sit there and
tell me how you imagine I might be involved with Foucault.  Then cry because
it's him, not you.

But take heart:  he's dead and you're not.
And the next time someone tries to talk to you about your "transference",
say "oh, you mean my FEELINGS????"  -- and demand a fee reduction.
  

    
Slipped by vivvie -- of posie fame earlier in our discussion.

What is a "krakhaus", you might ask?  And what is a "porkhole"?

These are highly specialized terms for which I might need to bring in
ancillary consultation.
  

    

what's the rate on the ancillary?

I have transference experience but my therapist only charged $35.00 an hour
but it was worth 100.
  

    
JAYZUS!  If I didn't know better, I'd think the therapist maybe had a
problem with self-esteem.  That or a not-so-great business manager.

The expert on krakhauses and porkholes is, in fact, a clown.  A forensic
clown.  I'm sure her consultation rates are somewhat less than what she'd
charge us if we needed her to testify in court.

Let us try this first:  what is krakhaus and porkhole mean to YOU?

A little projective testing taking place here....
  

    

miles of perverted fantasies.
  

    
ohhhhhhh keeeeeee......

And your question was: do I live in a krakhaus with a porkhole.....

Folks, they call this an EROTIC TRANSFERENCE.  Happens all the time.  Her
job is to cook up all these erotic fantasies about me.  My job is to support
her without sleeping with her.  Up, up, up go my fees for that!
  

    

I so ddidn't want that word to be 'fees.'
  

    
Luckily for you I am a SOCIAL CONSTRUCTIONIST KRAKPOT ONLINE SHRINK!

Don't like reality?  Make up a new one!
Fine by me.

A better word (we call this a "positive reframe") might be______________.
  

    

posie.
  

    
And we come full circle!

It's a wonderful world, ain't it, folks?

Next call!
  

    
O Great Oracle, I have a question.

My grandson was recently born in Paris.  One parent is American
and one parent is Russian.  They plan to continue to live in
Paris.  The Russian grandparents have decided on names that they
want to be called, and I must decide on a name that I want my
grandson to call me.  Which should I use?

        1. Grandpere
        2. Pop
        3. The Big Grandpa
  

    

Three choices.  Here's how they hit me:

Grandpere:      Eleanor Roosevelt in drag
Pop:            ....Goes The Weasel
The Big Grandpa:        Mafioso type

Here's what you have to do:  spend however much time you feel like trying on
these and maybe some other names and see which feels most consonant with who
you are.  What would you answer to instinctively if you heard it shouted out
in a crowd?  Visualize yourself signing the name on birthday cards.  Let
yourself see what name you instinctively gravitate to.

Then be prepared to have the little rugger call you something completely
else.  I've never known of anyone who was able to successfully socially
engineer their children into calling the grandparents by a pre-chosen name.
You'll wind up getting called by whatever mangled mispronunciation of your
chosen name comes out of his little mouth.

In the case of my neice's children, for example, "grandpa" somehow turned
out to be "grump" and now my poor schmoe of a brother-in-law turns around
whenever someone yells "GRUMP!" out into the crowd.

Because once the little varmit leaves the womb, everything is all but
completely out of control, from now until forever.  Hang on to your skate
key and enjoy the ride!
  

    
my new pseud says it all re:  my FEELINGS on dead French philosophers.
 Now that I ponder it, it may be pertinent to French philosophers who
are alive as well.  

For the record, I imagine that you might be involved with a dead
French philosopher.......IN YOUR DREAMS DARLIN'!  Where's that guy with
the collection of annoying archetypes????  He's dead too;  BRING HIM
ON!
  

    
laura-mac has one of those disorders that compels her to froth at the mouth
and yank down my shorts in public.  And she doesn't settle for mere
transference, she goes straight to META-TRANSFERENCE (my own term, trademark
pending) by imagining my projections.

The mind reels from all this psychodynamism.

Let's focus for a moment on the annoying archetypes.  How, exactly, are they
annoying you?
  

    
<<Now, in order for you to get your money's worth, you need to sit
there and tell me how you imagine I might be involved with Foucault.>>

<<she goes straight to META-TRANSFERENCE (my own term, trademark
pending) by imagining my projections.>>

Silly me, thought I was just following instructions from the Kranky
Fraulein Doktor.  Is the good Doktor tired and confused after a
difficult day and a Foucault-filled dreamtime?  

As for annoying archetypes - can't get past the annoying word to the 
substance thereof.  Ark-i-tie-ps.  Pisses me all the way off. 
Interpret THAT!
  

    
Hostile Client.

Not a REALLY Hostile Client, like su, because she hasn't slugged me in the
stomach.  Yet.

You're following directions perfectly.  Please go on.
  

    
my hour is up - we'll have to continue this at our next session.

Sweet dreams!
  

    

and as that great sage and prophet Annie Lennox once said:

Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I've traveled the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something....

See you next week Sweet Hostile Dreamer.

Next question!
  

    
I believe there was slippage involved before that <punch!>. So sorry,
Herren Doktur, was not directed at you.
  

    
Apology gratefully accepted.  Also good because now I won't need to refer
you out.

And don't you just hate it when this happens?  When you take your best
swing at the cat ass trophy guy and miss and wind up decking a krakpot
online shrink instead?
  

    

<<laura-mac has one of those disorders that compels her to froth at the
mouth
 and yank down my shorts in public.>>

I'm fascinated that half a dozen posts went by and nobody noticed or
commented on this little snippet from Fraulein Doktor Krakpot.  I'm less
interested in Laura's compulsion as I myself make sure I'm wearing a belt so
nobody can just yank down my shorts in public willy-nilly, as it were.  I'm
a great deal more interested in Fraulein Doktor Krakpot's appearing in
public sans shorts, as it were.

Is this a condition that makes you happy, anxious, angry, delighted, or
what?
  

    
And folks, you see, this is completely normal and in fact GOOD when a
Krakpot Client starts in with trying to get me to talk about myself and my
own feelings.  On HIS dime!

Some would say it's all an avoidance of dealing with his OWN feelings by
focusing, instead, on mine.  Others would say it's part of an erotic
transference, probably Oedipal in nature since Therapist represents Mother.
Still others would say it's related to Borderline Personality Disorder and
its trademark disregard for boundaries.  Yet others would say <snap!> HELLO,
IT'S HUMAN NATURE!

Everybody wonders about the Krakpot Online Shrink and how she feels to be
standing around with shorts yanked down.

And I say most of the trouble in this world, and dare I say in your own
life, is owed to the isolated, atomized way we live our lives.  And the way
we rely on experts over our own instincts or our family's folk wisdom or our
best friend's stupid advice.  We find ourselves in the 21st Century, just
like our Krakpot Client here wondering how he can connect himself somehow to
the short-less online shrink and whether she's human like he is -- or
whether he's AS HUMAN as she is.

Let me say this, my friend.  The yanking down of shorts is a human, and
ultimately good, attempt to take the expert down a peg.  It leaves me
standing in the street in shirttails and ugly underwear with cellulite on
parade.  Everyone in this situation would feel the flush of embarrassment,
then humiliation, then fear....and THEN.....if you don't shrink back from
your feelings, pretty soon you start to feel:   AHHHHHHHH  nice breeze!
And your patoot starts to sing out "WE FREE, HONEY!  WE FREE!"

Today let's all stand in the street with our shorts yanked down and take
back our inherent human natre!
  

    
You go first.
  

    
Is standing in the street with our shorts yanked down something for
which we could get in trouble with the authorities? I want to know in
advance because I'm kinda risk averse.