Eclectic Views

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #160
                       New Moon of January 8, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

This issue is coming out just a few days after my birthday.  Had I had a
cake, there would have been 68 candles on it. 

I'm reminded that when I was little birthday candles came three dozen to
a box.  I recall thinking that one would have to be really old to use a
whole box of 36 birthday candles all at once.  Now I'm only a few years
away from using up two such boxes and starting on a third. 
Statistically I'm not likely to live long enough to use up three boxes
and start on a fourth, and I don't think anyone has ever managed to use
up four boxes.  Of course it's faintly possible that someone has lived
that long, but if so it wasn't documented in any credible manner. 

But what with the way medical science has been progressing in recent
years, such long life spans can't be ruled out for the future.  Will the
makers of birthday candles be able to keep up with demand?  Even if the
population stabilizes, if the average age of the population increases,
the demand for birthday candles will increase along with it. 

Of course there's the option of doing virtual birthday cakes on
computers.  We pretty much have the technology for it now.  All we need
is some kind of low-cost air-movement detector so real-world people will
be able to blow their virtual candles out.  The rest is software.

This is Silicon Valley.  Is this worth starting a startup for?  I kind
of doubt it, but you never know what people will pay money for. 


                          *********************

More birthday memories: My sister's birthday is a week before mine, at
least if you think in terms of seasons rather than calendar years.  Had
I been born a week earlier, or she a week later, we would have been
exactly five years apart. 

As a result of that timing, our birthdays tended to get lost in the
general holiday mania.  Hers came between Christmas and New Year's,
while mine was soon enough after New Year's that many people were in
post-holiday recuperation mode and not really in the mood to celebrate
anything.  Often as not our parents would just take us out to dinner or
something sometime between our birthdays, and that would be It for both
of us birthday-wise.  They would also give us a few presents, but not
many, especially when viewed in comparison to what we had just gotten
for Christmas. 

They did do birthday parties for us now and then, but all in all we
didn't get nearly as many parties as the people whose birthdays came at
other times of year seemed to get. 


                          *********************

As long as we're reminiscing about childhood memories, something
reminded me of a kitchen ritual we referred to as "coloring the butter",
although the substance in question was actually margarine. 

This was right after the end of World War II.  Apparently butter was in
short supply during the war, so people used margarine instead.  But then
after the war ended the dairy companies wanted to get people out of the
margarine-buying habit.  So they passed laws restricting the sale of
artificially colored margarine. 

So what you got when you bought margarine was a block of white stuff
with a little packet of dye.  Consumers were expected to mix the yellow
dye into the white margarine themselves.  We would let the package warm
up enough to get soft, then unwrap the white margarine and put it in a
mixing bowl.  Then we would add the dye and knead the mixture until the
whole mess was an even yellow color.  It was about as close as we kids
ever came to having permission to in effect play with food. 

Later on, margarine came in a transparent plastic bag you could knead
without actually getting your hands all slick and buttery.  I didn't
find that to be as much fun, even if the adults preferred it over the
older method. 

Then after Dad changed jobs and we moved to another state we could buy
margarine already colored.  So that was the end of the family ritual of
"coloring the butter". 


                          *********************

Then there was the Christmas Santa brought a small bag of fireworks.  A
few nights later we went to visit a relative who had a larger yard than
we did, and set them off there.  In contrast to the situation today,
everyone just sort of accepted the idea that people would set off
fireworks in their yards. 

Nowadays the authorities are trying to put a stop to the practice. 
Around the year-end holidays and also around the Fourth of July you'll
see announcements about how there's no need for people to do their own
fireworks because they can go to professionally-run fireworks displays
instead.  But people still do their own, even when there are laws
against it. 

To me it feels analogous to a bunch of people sitting around in their
living room singing instead of going to professionally-run operas and
concerts and such.  In an apartment building the landlord may try to
persuade people to go to concerts instead of having singalong parties in
their apartments, but the parties continue.  Telling people there's no
need for them to do their own singing because the professional singers
at the concerts are better won't persuade them. 

The problem is that, official statements to the contrary, the singalong
parties in people's homes do fill a need.  It's not just the music
itself.  It's social bonding and a chance to participate in some group
activity rather than being just passive spectators.  And it's also about 
having some control over what gets presented when.  You get to enjoy 
personal favorites that may not be popular enough or well enough known 
to be included in large public performancez.  

That's what the people who pass anti-fireworks laws seem not to be aware
of.  Or maybe they are aware of it, but believe they can sweep it under
the rug.  Have they noticed how lumpy that part of the rug feels? 


                          *********************

Speaking of winter, they say that no two snowflakes are alike. 

Does that mean that once Jack Frost (or whoever is in charge of such 
things) has assigned a particular pattern to a snowflake, that pattern 
can never be used again?  Or does the "no two alike" rule mean only 
that there will be no two identical snowflakes in existence at any
one time?  In other words, can a given pattern be reused once whatever
snowflake it had been assigned to has melted? 

If patterns do get reused, does photographing a snowflake under a
microscope mean that that snowflake's pattern will need to be
permanently retired lest someone find a snowflake just like the one in
the photograph? 

There's also the problem of drawings of snowflakes.  Does that count
toward using up a pattern?  It can be argued either way.  Has there ever
been any official ruling on the matter? 

Another thought on how the weather gods might get lazy and fudge things:
If they can see the future, and if the vast majority of snowflakes never
really get looked at on an individual basis, perhaps the "no two alike"
rule applies only to snowflakes that are destined to get looked at.  The
ones destined to melt away sight unseen could all be based on somevsmall 
number of generic no-frills patterns and no one would be the wiser. 

So it's possible that the "no two alike" thing is bogus, but that nobody
will ever be able to prove it. 


                          *********************

A little more seriously, why are snowflakes symmetrical?  In other
words, how does a water molecule that's about to stick to a snowflake
"know" what's happening to the other 5/6 of the flake so it can find a
spot where it won't mess up the overall symmetry? 


                          *********************

This is the season to be thankful for a nice warm bed on cold nights. 

That brings to mind the fashion designer or columnist or some such who
wanted to do an article on sleeping garments, with pictures of various
celebrities wearing whatever nightgowns or pajamas or the like they
slept in. 

Problem: Many of the subjects slept nude.  And the magazine he was
writing the article for wasn't the type of zine that would want to print
photos of naked people, even if they were celebrities. 

So he changed the question to what would they sleep in if they didn't
sleep nude.  With that info he was able to create their hypothetical
night-wear and photograph them wearing it. 

Thus he was able to write the article, even if it wasn't what he
expected when he first started work on it. 


                          *********************

The phrase "antimatter Cthulhu" sort of popped into my head, leading me
to look up the spelling of "Cthulhu" on the Internet.  I found it the
first place I looked, the Wikipedia article on Lovecraft. 

According to the article, Lovecraft died in 1937, which meant he never
saw the rise of computers, or even television, as part of everyday life. 
How might his stories have been different had he lived into the 1980's
and 1990's (he was born in 1890) and continued writing until the end? 

Anyway, back to "antimatter Cthulhu".  Do the concepts of "matter" and
"antimatter" even apply?  Do our physical laws apply in whatever realms
the Old Ones inhabit when they're not wreaking havoc here?  And when the
Old Ones do manifest here, do the forms they take interact with our
physical world, or are they more like dreams and hallucinations? 

Assuming they do interact with our physical world, which would be worse:
A matter-antimatter explosion when Antimatter Cthulhu tries to manifest,
or the havoc he would wreak should he succeed in existing here? 

I suspect this is one of those things it's hard to make valid
predictions about. 

Another thought: Antimatter Cthulhu might be the opposite of regular
Cthulhu in other ways besides being antimatter. 

For example, what if he's all sweetness and light, but not all that
smart?  He comes to try to undo the damage done by his evil twin, but
keeps touching matter and blowing up, thus doing more damage than had he
not gotten involved in the first place.  That's why the evil regular
Cthulhu doesn't try to interfere with non-evil Antimatter Cthulhu's
plans. 

I don't think this is covered very well in the original canon.  Why
isn't it?  Physicists were starting to work on the concept of antimatter
before Lovecraft's death.  Did he just happen not to read the relevant
journals and news articles, or did he deliberately decide not to get
into these questions, or what? 

Inquiring minds want to know. 


                          *********************

Question: Is psychic (or magical) energy (as distinct from physical
energy) conserved?  Or does it matter, since people don't seem to be
into measuring it and putting numbers on it? 

If it is conserved, does that mean it can be used up?  If it isn't, does
that mean we need never worry about supplies running low? 


                          *********************

All the reminiscing about birthdays and childhood memories and such
right around the start of a new year reminds me of this:


                               The Almanac


The almanac for the coming year is here.  

I thumb through the astronomical section: 
It's stuff I'll want to look up later about
Solstices and equinoxes, maybe an eclipse or two, 
But not really reading material. 
Other articles and even some of the ads are more interesting.  

But then I come to the calendar pages, 
One for each month of the new year.  

January looms as a long block of back-to-work post-Christmas gray.  
The groundhogs and valentines and long-dead presidents of February 
 offer scant consolation.  

But then we come to March and April, 
 with their bright promises of springtime.  

May brings childhood memories of counting the days 
 until school lets out for the summer.  
Even now, with my school days long past, 
May always seems a time of transition, 
 a reminder of the passage of the years. 

As winter howls outside my window June and July seem unreal, 
Just as winter will seem unreal when June and July are here. 

The sight of August brings a hint of melancholy, 
A reminder that the days of summer are numbered
And the sun must once again journey southward.  

Then comes September, with falling leaves 
Swirling down into October and November.  

Halloween and Thanksgiving lead my thoughts to festive December, 
When winter once again howls outside my window 
As I leaf through yet another new almanac
 for yet another new year.  



                                    -- Tom Digby
                                    Original 15:29 12/20/2002
                                    Edited   21:05 12/27/2002
                                    Edited   19:05 01/02/2003


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #161
                       New Moon of February 6, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

In years gone by I tended to associate February with groundhogs and
valentines and holidays honoring long-dead Presidents.  But this year is
different: We also have elections to deal with.  Major elections. 

There have been elections in February in past years, but they were mainly
in other parts of the country and thus didn't involve me directly.  There
have been a few February elections in California, but I don't recall any
that have generated the hoopla that this election has. 

I'm reminded of the 1952 Presidential elections, which were the first
major elections after our family acquired a TV. 

In those days the rules for nominating Presidential candidates were
different.  Many delegates went into the convention more or less
uncommitted.  Thus even during the convention there was real suspense as
to who the nominee would be.  We sat practically glued to the TV during
the conventions' climactic Roll Call of the States, and then again a few
months later on election night itself. 

With all that suspense it was inevitable that there would be lots of
speculation. 

And where there was speculation about the future there was also mention
of Nostradamus.  That too may have been inevitable. 

My first experience with Nostradamus was rather inauspicious. 

Again, television was involved.  A few weeks before the political
conventions someone on some TV show was talking about Nostradamus and all
the stuff he had predicted.  Then the interviewer asked "Who will be our
next President?"  "Senator Estes Kefauver" was the confident-sounding
reply. 

This sounded credible, since Kefauver's name had been prominent in the
news.  He had been chair of a Senate committee investigating organized
crime, and more recently he was campaigning for President.  In addition,
I was just a child, with a big interest in science fiction and fantasy. 
So I believed the "prophecy", hook, line, and sinker.  You can imagine my
disappointment when Kefauver lost the Democratic nomination to Adlai
Stevenson, and again when the party whose candidate Kefauver should have
been lost the election to General Eisenhower. 

I felt more disappointment when I looked up Nostradamus in the library
and saw how vague and ambiguous the supposed "prophecies" really were. 
But that's for another time. 

Suffice it to say that I have little or no faith in Nostradamus nowadays. 


                          *********************

Speaking of speculation, it used to be that when someone considered an
outcome virtually certain, they might say it's "dollars to donuts".  When
I first heard the expression fifty or sixty years ago, donuts were
selling for a nickel or so apiece, possibly even less.  At the time that
felt like a suitably lopsided ratio. 

Then as the years went by inflation began to take its toll.  Now one
mom-and-pop donut place near here sells "regular" glazed donuts for
seventy cents each, while at a convenience store a mile or so away
they're eighty-nine cents, with a discount if you buy two or more. 
Prices at other places may be a few cents higher or lower, but be that as
it may, "dollars to donuts" is no longer a lopsided ratio.  In keeping
with that, I don't recall hearing the expression recently. 

So now what of the future?  In another fifty or sixty years, when donuts
are selling for twenty or fifty or a hundred dollars each, will the
expression "dollars to donuts" come back into use to describe lopsided
odds? 


                          *********************

A month or two ago this apartment had plumbing problems, including leaks
dripping into the apartment below.  Finding and fixing the problem took
several tries, but it all seems to be OK now. 

But it had me worried for a while.  What if all attempts had failed until
they finally gave up? 

The thought occurred to me that they might ask us to move out, then brick
up the doors and windows on both of the units at this end of the building
and forget about them.  Just treat it like a four-unit building instead
of a six-unit building. 

If that reduced the assessed value of the property it could mean reduced
tax liability.  That probably wouldn't make up for the rent they wouldn't
be collecting on the bricked-up units, and may not even pay the cost of
bricking them up, but it might be worth it in terms of reduced worry and
hassle. 

Of course if inspectors were to ever come around checking for fire
hazards and such, they might wonder about areas of brickwork in what was
otherwise a wood-frame building.  There might also be structural concerns
having to do with the weight of all those bricks.  It might be possible
to bribe the inspectors to ignore all that, but would it be wise to do
so? 

Even if there was no fire hazard because the leaky plumbing would
eventually fill the bricked-up apartments with water, what if there's an
earthquake?  Would they need extra bracing or something to prevent damage
to the rest of the building? 

All is all, it's probably good that they were able to fix the problem
without having to abandon or brick up anything. 


                          *********************

Something got me to thinking of computer-based virtual worlds, mainly the
kind we might have in the future where all your senses are wired in so
the virtual world seems real.  I was reminded of an old thought I'd had
to the effect that in such a world, different people's views of the same
scene need not be totally consistent. 

For example, suppose I'm in a meeting in a room with a number of other
people.  And suppose our tastes in wallpaper and furniture and such don't
agree.  One person might want flower-pattern wallpaper while another
wants plain white plaster with a few pictures here and there, and a third
person wants a large window showing some kind of scenic view.  Likewise,
one person may want our conference table to be traditional polished
mahogany while another prefers Formica and yet another wants some kind of
plate-glass table top.  I see no good reason why we couldn't set up the
system so that each of us sees our preferred decoration scheme. 

Of course there would be limits.  I personally would prefer that solid
surfaces and other obstacles be consistent for everybody, so we don't see
people walking through walls and furniture, or setting things down on
invisible tables.  But even with that restriction, there are still
myriads of possibilities for personalization of one's environment, even
when that environment is shared.  Just because everybody sees the
conference table as being the same size and shape doesn't mean they have
to all see it as being the same color. 

One exception to this might be where a shared environment is part of what
we might think of as a work of art.  In that case the artist might well
want all members of the audience to have the same experience.  But that's
a special case, and need not be mandatory for all shared spaces. 

Note that I'm not talking about what in our current "real" world would be
called "delusions" or "hallucinations".  I'm assuming that the
inhabitants of the kind of virtual world I'm talking about would be aware
of its nature, including the fact that things appear different to
different people. 

I can see others disagreeing with me on this matter.  Some may insist
that all aspects of a shared virtual world should always be consistent
for everybody "there".  If they're sitting at a mahogany table, they
would want everybody else around that table to see it as mahogany, not
glass or Formica or whatever.  That would be more in keeping with life in
the "real" world.  I don't agree with that view, but I can see others
feeling that way.  Let them have such spaces if they so desire.  I might
even be willing to visit them now and then, as long as they don't try to
force me to live there. 

That leads to thoughts of there eventually being a number of different
worlds, each with its own set of what we would think of as physical laws. 
Some would be more or less like the world we live in now, while others
would differ in various ways but would still be recognizable as being
derived from the "real" world, and still others would be beyond anything
we can presently imagine. 


                          *********************

Valentine's Day is coming, and I'm reminded of this:


                             Do I Love You?


Do I love you? 
Do I love you? 
Do I love you? 
I can't really say. 
Part of the problem is in the meaning,
Or multitude of meanings,
And therefore lack of meaning,
Of that word "Love"
As well as the difficulty of objectively viewing my feelings.  

For one thing, "love" is said to involve
A concern for the other's welfare and happiness
Above one's own.  
But when I saw you with another 
Part of me was selfish enough
To hope it wouldn't work out
Even though the rest of me
Did all it could
Toward what you seemed to want.  

On a less lofty level I find
That my emotional outlook improves
Whenever we meet
And that any place with you
Is usually better
Than the same place without you
And the things I could find fault with
Seem less significant in you
Than they would in another.  

The lowest level of so-called "love"
Is desire for physical interaction:
That I feel strongly. 
But there should be more than that
And I think there is.  
How much more I can't say
Except that I hope it can grow with time
Into someting we can be reasonably right 
In calling "love".  


                          -- Tom Digby
                          Original 15:40 07/12/1970
                          Revised  19:30 07/12/1970
                          Entered  16:41 11/13/2002


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    

                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #162
                        New Moon of March 7, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

As I write the first draft of this section, we in California are having a
spell of sunny spring-like weather.  The actual official start of spring
is a couple of weeks away, 10:48 pm on March 19 to be exact.  And then I
wouldn't be surprised if we had a couple of relapses into more
winter-like weather during Spring. 

For most Christians, Easter is also just a couple of weeks away, on March
23.  This is not the earliest possible date, but is unusually early. 
According to Wikipedia it won't be this early again until the year 2160,
assuming they don't change the formula.  Apparently there has been talk
of simplifying it, but so far nothing much has come of it. 

You can find lots more interesting stuff about Easter on Wikipedia.  Or
is that starting to just sort of go without saying?  Nowadays you can
find out lots of interesting stuff about almost anything on Wikipedia. 

One thing you won't find on Wikipedia, at least not yet, is my personal
thoughts and feelings.  Maybe there will come a time when every one of
the more than six billion people on the planet will be the subject of
their own Wikipedia article, but we're still a long way from that. 

But that's enough on Wikipedia for the moment.  Let's get back to Easter. 

For me Easter wasn't that big a deal.  I do have some childhood memories
of Easter egg hunts, and of dyeing eggs, and I also seem to recall
getting an Easter basket once, but that's pretty much It.  Easter just
wasn't the same kind of big deal that Christmas, or even Thanksgiving,
was.  Yes, we went to church on Easter, but we went to church almost
every Sunday anyway so it wasn't all that different.  We may also have
gotten that Friday and/or Monday off from school, but if we did it didn't
make that much of an impression on me.  It certainly wasn't the kind of
Spring Break that college students have since made infamous. 

This may have been for any of a number of reasons.  No one specific thing
stands out.  It just wasn't that big a deal, and I never really thought
much about why. 

I do recall that in later years one employer gave us the three hours from
noon to three on Good Friday off as holiday time.  But again, that didn't
count as that big a deal, especially since we had to come back in at
three and work that last hour or two until regular quitting time.  It
hardly seemed worth going home for, although some years I managed to go
watch a movie or something during that time. 

So what Easter memories do you have? 


                          *********************

We're also just a few weeks away from April Fool's Day.  I'm reminded of
a thought I had when someone mentioned a Loch Ness Monster report at
about the same time someone else was saying something about DNA
technology. 

What if someone were to use modified DNA to engineer a creature that
would grow up to fit the descriptions of the Loch Ness Monster?  Set it
loose in Loch Ness, then sit back and wait for the fun to start. 

Notice that the hoaxers themselves need not make any reports of
sightings, and thus can't be held up to public ridicule by unbelievers. 
Random other people will be taking that heat for them. 

Are there laws against setting genetically engineered monsters loose in
Loch Ness?  Even if the "monster" is caught and analyzed, they'll still
have a hard time blaming it on anyone in particular.  "We didn't do it. 
It must have been somebody at some other genetic engineering lab." 

The technology isn't there yet, but give it a few more years.  Eventually
there will be monsters in Loch Ness even if there aren't any there now. 


                          *********************

Have you ever had times when you just couldn't think of anything to write
about?  What do you do when that happens?  Sometimes I just sit here and
let my thoughts sort of drift. 

You never know what may happen when you let your thoughts drift.  Perhaps
they could wash up on some distant shore, along with sea shells and
driftwood and flotsam and jetsam.  Then what?  It probably depends on who
(or what) finds them. 

Perhaps there is a fantasy realm somewhere where drifting thoughts that
wash ashore are gathered up by beachcombers (not all of whom are human)
and made into jewelry and sculptures and such, much as is sometimes done
with sea shells and driftwood along the shores of our world. 

Would the fruits of such craftsmanship eventually make it back to our
world?  It seems kind of doubtful, because such things would not be mere
physical objects.  Even if some traveler were to bring some back, the
magical qualities that made them special would likely vanish at the
threshold of the worlds.  Some physical remains might make it through,
but they would seem unremarkable and hardly worth the trouble of carrying
along on such a journey. 

The wizards and wanderers of such realms know the futility of trying to
bring such wonders into this world, although every now and then someone,
usually a new student of wizardry and wandering, tries and is almost
always bitterly disappointed. 


                          *********************

When I went to see a movie a couple of weeks ago I got to thinking of the
ads they play between showings. 

Those ads used to be slides, with unrelated music in the background. 
Each slide was a separate ad, often for local restaurants and retailers
and such.  The slides probably weren't much more expensive or technically
difficult to make than a newspaper ad, so almost any neighborhood
business could afford one. 

And they weren't intrusive.  I would arrive a few minutes early, find a
seat, and start eating the hot dog or whatever I'd bought at the
concession stand, with some small part of my attention on the ads.  That
was my way of relaxing and letting the cares of the world drain away
before the movie started. 

Then they switched to video ads.  Not only are they more intrusive and
harder to ignore, but I would guess they take a lot more time and money
to make than the old slides.  The result?  No more ads for local
businesses.  Now they're all for nationally advertised brands, big
fast-food chains, TV series, and the like.  The old neighborhood feel is
gone.  Yes, some of the video ads are interesting to watch, but I still
think I prefer the slides. 


                          *********************

Something got me thinking of stereotypes that have changed over time. 

One that comes to mind is of women as incompetent drivers. 

Back around 1950 or so (possibly earlier) "woman drivers" was a fairly
common category of joke.  And if you saw a car make a bonehead move on
the road but didn't get a good look at the driver, a common assumption
was that it was a woman. 

Now that stereotype seems to have faded.  I don't think I've heard the
phrase "woman driver" used in that way for years.  Nor have I heard any
woman driver jokes.  You still hear jokes about incompetent drivers, but
they don't relay on the gender stereotype.  Now they're more likely to be
blonde jokes, although that category of humor has also faded in recent
years. 

Many of the jokes about bad driving include a police officer talking to
the driver.  That reminds me of another stereotype you don't see much
nowadays: The Irish cop.  It used to be that when you saw a policeman in
any sort of humorous context, the officer's name would start with an O
followed by an apostrophe. 

Now the Irish cop stereotype has faded, along with the Chinese laundry. 
Yes, there are still lots of laundry and dry-cleaning places operated by
Asians, but it doesn't seem to be as strong a default assumption as it
once was. 

Speaking of relationships between the police and small neighborhood
businesses, the cartoon cliche of cops helping themselves to apples from
a street vendor's cart without paying for them has given way to a cliche
of cops getting fat on donuts.  Or maybe they don't necessarily get fat,
but they spend inordinate amounts of time hanging out in donut shops. 

What other stereotypes have you noticed changing? 


                          *********************

If this issue seems rushed it is because I'm about to head off somewhere
for the weekend.  If I don't get the issue done within the next twelve or
so hours it'll have to wait until Monday. 

The event I'm going to can be described as a science fiction and fantasy
music festival. 

No, it isn't about big-name celebrities or fancy TV or movie themes. 
It's more like a folk-based community. 

For details, see  

 http://www.consonance.org/


                          *********************

Speaking of time ....


            Under Arrest


When I asked the Fairies 
Fluttering outside my window
About something precious I couldn't find
Their reply was swift:  
Father Time had stolen it, 
Just as he had been stealing
Similar things from others
Down through the ages.

So are they going to arrest him for theft? 

Someone did seem to recall 
That they had a police uniform kicking around somewhere, 
Complete with badge and gun and billy club
And everything. 

But the last time anyone tried wearing it
They had trouble getting the shirt on over their wings.
Besides, those Fairy-sized handcuffs
Would never fit Father Time's wrists.  

Couldn't they outsource the task? 
Maybe, but are you really really sure
You really want to arrest Father Time? 

Yes, the thought of waking up to your clock radio
Telling you that Father Time had been arrested
So you can roll over and go back to sleep
Without worrying about being late
To work or school or whatever
Does sound rather appealing.  

But what if it had happened a bit later,
With the news coming through your car radio
As you crept through the thick of morning traffic: 
"Abandon all hope of rush hour ever ending"?

Or maybe it would have come in the evening
As you lingered over dessert in a fine restaurant
With a loved one,
Savoring the mix of physical and emotional sweetness
But beginning to be impatient 
For the kind of love that would come later
In more private intimate surroundings.

True, you wouldn't have to worry about 
Tomorrow's dental appointment 
But be thankful it didn't catch you
Already in the chair.  

And don't expect a speedy trial: 
With Father Time under arrest, 
No cases would ever come to court. 

So we should be glad the Fairies 
Have no plans to arrest Father Time
Even if they do find that police uniform.  


                                -- Tom Digby
                                First Draft 12:32 Mon February 25 2008
                                Revised     00:50 Tue March 4 2008
                                Revised     00:35 Thu March 6 2008


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #163
                        New Moon of April 5, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

As I sit here pondering what to write about I feel a distinct lack of
inspiration.  Is that because as I'm first-drafting this paragraph today
is April 4, "Not Found" Day? 

As many of you know, the error code for when a Web page can't be found
is 404.  So it seems appropriate to April 4, which is "4/04" in both
month-first and day-first formats. 

Of course that date will have passed by the time you read this, but that
just means you'll have all year to think of something appropriate to not
find next April 4. 

I'm also reminded of this:

 Clock glows 4:04
 As I wake in the darkness
 Thinking "Dream Not Found"

So what have you not found lately?


                          *********************

Speaking of finding things, I was browsing Wikipedia and came upon an
article about a Secret Court they had at Harvard back in the 1920's:

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Court_of_1920

It dealt mainly with homosexuality, which was a big no-no back then.  At
least one person was expelled from the university because he associated
with known homosexuals, even if he wasn't one himself.  Apparently the
standard for conviction was not "beyond a reasonable doubt" or even
"preponderance of evidence", but something closer to "probable cause" or
"failure to prove innocence". 

We went through a similar thing about Communists back in the 1950's:

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McCarthyism

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Led_Three_Lives

And don't forget the various witch hunts down through history:

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch_hunt

Now we may be doing it again, this time with "terrorists". 

Is there something in the human psyche that predisposes people to this
kind of thinking?  Perhaps in evolutionary terms wrongly punishing a few
innocent people is not as bad for the tribe as failing to catch those
whose actions are really endangering the group.  Since evolution is
based on the probability of passing on genes, any specific individual is
expendable if sacrificing them helps others with that same gene pass
theirs on.  So in the context of evolution that kind of witch hunt makes
sense. 


                          *********************

On a lighter note, I also found this.  I was going to include it in the
section about the secret court, but as I started polishing that text
this no longer seemed to fit the mood. 

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lather%2C_rinse%2C_repeat


                          *********************

Speaking of conventions, which I wasn't, the last couple of hotels I've
stayed at had those little signs to the effect that if you were staying
more than one night and wanted to reuse a towel rather than have the
hotel waste water and soap and energy washing it every day, you should
put it on the rack.  If you were done with it, drop it on the floor. 

Problem: There were no such racks in evidence.  There was one rack full
of clean towels, but that was it.  Do they want people to put their used
towels there?  That leads to the possibility of the next guest getting
your dirty towel by mistake.  Also, if there are several people in the
room, each person should have a separate place to store their towels so
they can keep track of whose is which.

I've noticed this lack of towel racks in other hotels as well. 

After staying at one such place I sent them a comment about it.  I got a
canned reply that would have been appropriate had I been reporting a
maintenance problem rather than a design issue. 

So not only was the room not set up for what the hotel management said
they would like guests to do, but they weren't really paying close
attention to comments either. 


                          *********************

Do dyslexic football players ever get incarcerated because they mix up
the words "goal" and "gaol"?


                          *********************

I've been seeing newspaper ads for some movie about football back in the
1920's or thereabouts.  The tag line says something about there being no
rules. 

That got me to wondering if they really had literally no rules.  If that
was the case, how did they know that what they were doing was really
football and not harness racing or skeet shooting or square dancing or
sudoku or whatever? 

If one team's players were to stay home and later claim to have won by
astral projection, what basis would the other team have for claiming
otherwise? 

It seems fairly clear to me that in order to play in any meaningful way
they would need at least some basic definitions of what the game is. 
And to me that set of definitions counts as "rules of the game". 

But then I'm not a sports expert, so I could be wrong. 


                          *********************

The thought of a game with no rules reminds me of Calvinball, even if
Calvinball does have at least one rule. 

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvin_and_Hobbes#Calvinball

And it also reminds me that "Calvin and Hobbes" is another thing that
has long been on my "Not Found" list.

  
                          *********************

Suppose someone finds two people who not only don't know one another
directly, but are seven links apart in terms of mutual acquaintances. 
Since that violates the legendary "six apart" thing, some TV producer
decides to make a show of introducing them to each other on live TV. 

Of course they don't really need to introduce them to each other
directly.  Introducing any two non-adjacent members of that chain of
seven would reduce its length to six or fewer.  But that wouldn't be as
dramatic, unless there was something special about those particular
members of the chain.  Using intermediaries might be a good workaround
if the people at the ends of the chain don't speak the same language. 

Also, what if, in the process of preparing for the show, some members of
the TV show crew get to know one member of the supposedly seven-apart
pair, while other crew members get to know the other member?  If those
crew members know each other then wouldn't that blow the whole concept? 

Back to the drawing board. 


                          *********************

Something reminded me that when I was a child I thought vacant lots
didn't belong to anybody the way lots with buildings on them did.  Since
kids were pretty much free to play on any vacant lot in the
neighborhood, I thought someone who wanted to build a house was
similarly free to just find a vacant lot and start building on it. 

Of course this may not be as silly as it sounds.  I recall some events
involving camping where the group would reserve a campground and then
individual members would choose specific spots on a
first-come-first-served basis. 

And didn't some frontier settlements work that way, sort of? 


                          *********************

I was reading about how sharks are constantly shedding teeth as they
grow new ones.  That led me to wonder if the Tooth Fairy visits sharks. 
Probably not, since sharks don't sleep on pillows and thus have nothing
to put lost teeth under.  They also don't, as far as I know, use money. 

That may be a good thing, because otherwise the Tooth Fairy would go
bankrupt.  That could lead to a three-way class-action lawsuit between
sharks, dentists, and children.  It could be quite messy, taking years
to wend its way through the various courts, until the Supreme Court
finally settles the matter. 

And think how terrible it would be if a shark were to eat the Tooth
Fairy.  Who would take over the job?  Santa Claus?  The Easter Bunny? 
The Great Pumpkin?  Or maybe some small-town dental assistant who
doesn't even know that he's in line for the position until the media
people start showing up at his door? 

If you or any of your relatives have ever worked in any field connected
with dentistry, how do you know you're not next in line to be the Tooth
Fairy? 


                          *********************

I recently found myself at the halfway point on some small project.  So
I got to thinking about halftime.  Should I take a break with marching
bands and such, like they do for halftime at football games?  Or would
the music and the tromp, tromp, tromp of marching feet disturb the
people in the neighboring apartments, especially the one right below
mine? 

Or would the problem be self-limiting because this apartment is too
small for more than a handful of marching-band members to march around
in? 

The more band members you try to stuff in, the less room there is for
them to march around.  You could possibly just have them mark time by
marching in place, but there's still the matter of room to maneuver
their instruments, at least if you want them to play anything.  This is
especially true for bass drums and sousaphones and slide trombones,
although it sort of applies to all instruments except possibly cell
phone ring tones. 

Making more room for the band might be an incentive to get rid of some
of my clutter.  Then I could consider taking out some of the interior
walls, although the landlord might not like that, and besides the walls
may be load-bearing. 

On the other hand, that may be one of the advantages to living in a
building full of small apartments.  None of the neighbors will be able
to have marching bands marching around in their apartments to annoy me. 
It's a double-edged sword, or sauce for the goose and the gander, or
whatever other cliche saying seems appropriate. 

And I almost forgot.  Wasn't this whole thing originally to celebrate
the halfway point in some project I was supposed to be working on? 
Whatever happened to that, whatever it was? 


                          *********************

X: "That's a cursed word."

Y: "Really?  My parents used to use it, and they weren't much for
cursing."

X: "I didn't say it was a curse word.  I said it was cursed." 

Y: "Huh?"

X: "Someone put a curse on that word.  Something to the effect that it
will always get spelled wrong, or dictionaries will always get its
definition wrong, or something like that." 

Y: "Why would someone want to curse a word?" 

X: "I have no idea."


                          *********************


                           The Village Dragon


If the dragon has a name, it's not one that fits human ears
Or human tongues.  

The people of the nearby village know him as 
"Our Dragon"
And they will gladly tell you 
How most of the tales told about him are wrong. 

Yes, he can breathe out fire,
And he used to ravage the countryside for miles around. 
But that was centuries ago, 
Before he and the people of the village made peace.  

Now he helps light the village's holiday bonfires.

And yes, he does keep a pile of gold and jewels in his cave.
But he isn't obsessive about it 
And he is generous to any villagers in need of aid.  

Those maidens he supposedly devours?  
He finds them more useful as servants and messengers and companions,
And pays them decent wages.  

Now and then a knight in shining armor will appear, 
Asking villagers for directions to the dragon's cave.  
Most depart in peace 
Once people assure them
That this dragon does not need to be slain.  

Only the occasional hothead with more bravery than brains
Ends up on the dinner menu.  

Knights are not his favorite food.  
He prefers the animals of the forest, 
Especially the wolves that now and then make their way to the meadow 
Where the shepherds keep their sheep.  

He also finds bandits and highwaymen to be rather tasty, 
Especially when weighted down with ill-gotten gold.  

But the adventurers he most enjoys 
Are the wandering bards and troubadours.  

No, he doesn't eat them.  

He listens to their songs and stories 
And gives them shelter in his cave, 
Safe from the elements and the perils of the night.  

He often sends his maidens 
To invite the people of the village 
To join the merriment.  
The cave rings with song and laughter, sometimes until dawn. 
Then all go their separate ways, bearing fond memories.  

Those memories are the dragon's real treasure, 
Far more precious than silver or gold.   


                                -- Tom Digby
                                First Draft 18:21 Fri April 4 2008
                                Edited      22:11 Sun April 6 2008


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #164
                         New Moon of May 5, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

As I write this it's Cinco de Mayo, Spanish for "Fifth of May".  There's
a Wikipedia article on it, as there seems to be on almost everything:

 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinco_de_Mayo

Unlike May Day and Mother's Day and many other such special days of the
year, Cinco de Mayo reminds me of no childhood memories.  As far as I can
recall it wasn't celebrated by the people around me when I was growing
up.  I started hearing about it (or maybe just started noticing it) only
after moving from Florida to California. 

This seems reasonable in that Cinco do Mayo commemorates an event in
Mexico's history, while most of the Hispanic people in Florida came from
places other than Mexico. 


                          *********************

In other current headlines there's the matter of gasoline prices.  One
article had an analysis in terms of supply and demand.  That reminded me
of something from years ago. 

Back during the oil crisis of the 1970's, when prices were rising to what
were then considered outrageous levels and many gas stations didn't have
any to sell at any price, there were rumors that it was all just a big
conspiracy by the oil companies.  More than one talk-radio caller told of
seeing tanker trucks from Southern California refineries dumping gasoline
in the Mojave Desert.  This was supposedly the oil companies' way of
creating a "shortage" so they could manipulate the market. 

I think this appealed to people because it promised a quick fix.  Once it
became known that the oil companies were dumping truckload after
truckload of gasoline out in the desert the authorities would make them
stop doing it.  That would put an end to the "shortage", gas prices would
drop back down to reasonable levels, and all would be right with the
world. 

I suspect those who believed this theory didn't think through such
questions as how many truckloads would have to be dumped to make a
significant difference, and whether there might be cheaper ways of doing
it than paying truck drivers to drive a hundred miles or so out into the
desert, dump their loads, and then drive back. 

Be that logic (or lack thereof) as it may, I haven't heard any such
rumors this time around.  While I no longer listen to talk radio the way
I used to, I'm pretty sure that if such tales were circulating I would
have seen them mentioned on the Internet. 


                          *********************

Speaking of rumors of shortages, don't forget the great toilet paper
shortage of 1973.  According to the Internet, TV host Johnny Carson made
a joke about an impending toilet paper shortage.  This led millions of
viewers to stock up, leaving store shelves bare for weeks. 

And now I'm reminded of that famous FDR line: "the only thing we have to
fear is fear itself".  That seems to apply here, in that fear on the part
of the public brought into being that which they feared. 


                          *********************

"No, it's not really windy at all.  Those trees were just waving their
branches around to fool people.  They like making people in that hotel
over there, the one with windows that don't open because they have air
conditioning, put on more cold-weather clothing than they'll actually
need."


                          *********************

Speaking of anniversaries and such, Wikipedia says that Napoleon
Bonaparte died around this date in 1821.  That, along with other stuff
I'd been reading, reminded me of the old comic-book cliche of crazy
people believing themselves to be Napoleon.  Insane asylums were
supposedly full of people wearing Napoleon hats and standing around with
their hand stuck inside their shirt. 

Inmates who weren't busy being Napoleon would likely as not be cutting
out paper dolls. 

At least that was a common cliche forty or fifty or sixty years ago.  I
haven't noticed it much lately.  Has it faded, or am I just not reading
the right comics nowadays? 

Also, in years past there were a number of colorful slang terms for
mental hospitals: Funny farm, booby hatch, nut house, and so on.  I hear
them less frequently nowadays.  Have they fallen out of style?  Are they
now considered politically incorrect? 

I'm also reminded that I first heard the word "asylum" in the context of
insane asylums.  So when I started seeing news stories about refugees
from this or that war-torn country asking for "asylum", I was confused at
first.  Why would refugees be asking for mental hospitals?  It didn't
take me long to figure out the more general meaning of the word "asylum",
but it was confusing for a while. 


                          *********************

Does the Stork bring anything other than babies? 

What may be a more pertinent question is whether Cupid and the Stork
coordinate their efforts.  You don't seem to hear that question raised
very often, but it's sort of important, at least to those who believe in
Cupid and the Stork.  Whatever Cupid does now will affect the Stork's
future workload.  So each should have at least a general idea of what the
other is doing or planning to do. 


                          *********************

Someone in another forum was asking why computers and software still make
it so easy to lose your work to a power glitch or a wrong keystroke. 

Maybe the software industry has been overrun by psychic vampire telepaths
who live on users' anger and frustration? 

Now there's a new plot twist: The open-source movement is threatening the
vampires' survival by forcing them out into the open.  So now what? 


                          *********************

Do you ever wander the silent trails and byways in the quiet hours of the
night, when you are allowed to imagine spiders playing strange music on
the strings of their webs to serenade the fairies fluttering just behind
your ears where you can hear them but can never look directly at them? 

And do the fairies tell you that that other sound you hear is the
machinery of the starry celestial spheres creaking ever so softly because
no one believes in that kind of thing enough nowadays to climb the
rainbow bridge to the heavens to oil the cogs and bearings upon which the
universe turns? 

And does that news cause you to just sort of begin to weep, giving the
fairies one salt tear they can take to the sea like some sort of precious
jewel to offer to the mermaids in exchange for the magical elixir that
will smooth the motions of the ever-turning spheres, bringing their music
back into proper tune so that, at least for now, the skies will not fall? 


                          *********************

There are times when I can't seem to think of anything to write about. 
Sometimes it feels like I'm just going round and round, like whatever a
merry-go-round would be called if it wasn't merry.  You don't see
somber-go-rounds or angry-go-rounds or even apathetic-go-rounds very much
nowadays.  But then again, you don't see all that many merry-go-rounds
either.  Is there a reason? 

Should we ask Congress to set up a committee to investigate why the
various kinds of [emotion]-go-rounds are so seldom seen nowadays?  Also,
ask the various Presidential candidates about their positions on the
matter?  Since it's an election year, they should have something to say
about it, even if it's only s generic statement to the effect that there
are more pressing matters that require their attention. 

As for their position on merry-go-rounds, do they prefer to ride the
horses up and down, up and down, up and down, or would they gravitate
more toward the bench seats that let you just sort of sit there and watch
the world go by?  Would a preference for the latter be considered too
stodgy for a President today, what with all the world political stuff in
constant upheaval? 

Should somebody try to invent something that instead of doing the old
boring up and down thing, has more of a random chaotic feel to it?  I
don't think it's on any politicians priority list, but perhaps it would
be possible to drum up private funding for it?  This is, after all,
Silicon Valley.  And according to some of the legends, sillier things
than this have gotten funded. 


                          *********************

It's May, and roses are in bloom all over Silicon Valley.  That leads 
to this: 


                              Roses Are ...


My Fairy friends need roses 
Of all kinds and colors 
For some spell or enchantment or something,
But they don't want to waste their treasure
Buying flowers from earthly florists.  

So what might I suggest instead?  

How about the roses only Fairies can pick? 

There's one that grows in the sky 
On the pink clouds of sunset.  

Somewhere around the world 
It's sunset right now, 
So if they hurry 
They can pick all they want 
Until the sunset fades 
To twilight 
And the twilight fades
To darkest night 
And the black night roses bloom,
Unseen by mortal eyes.  

Then come the sunrise roses
That look just like their sunset brethren, 
But whose perfume 
Hints of bright new beginnings 
While the sunset scent
Lulls you toward sweet slumber. 

Speaking of the Sun,
The blinding white roses that grow there
Must be approached with caution  
Since they can melt any vase you put them in.  
Leave that one to the salamanders.

Perhaps the rarest rose of all 
Is the icy flower 
That blooms only in Antarctica 
In the month of May.  
No mortal who has seen it 
Has lived to tell the tale.  

This roster of roses is far from complete, 
But the Fairies can fill in the blanks 
And take it from here.  


                        -- Tom Digby
                        First Draft 03:53 Thu February 28 2008
                        Revised     01:01 Tue March 4 2008


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #165
                        New Moon of June 3, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

Given how June has traditionally been associated with weddings, it seems
appropriate that a court ruling legalizing same-sex marriage in
California is currently scheduled to take effect around the middle of
June. 

Of course things may end up not following the current schedule.  The
court could decide to postpone the ruling until after the November
elections, or the Feds could intervene, or any of a number of other more
or less unlikely things could happen, but for now it looks like this will
be a rather special June for weddings. 


                          *********************

This reminds me of another question about weddings: Is it OK for someone
with multiple personalities to marry several wives (or husbands or
whatever) as long as each is married to a different personality? 


                          *********************

I saw that new Indiana Jones movie a few days ago. 

This one was (according to Wikipedia) set in 1957.  What would it be like
set in the present day? 

One big problem would be the main character's age.  His "official" birth
date (again according to Wikipedia) is July 1, 1899.  That would make him
well over a hundred years old today.  People have lived that long or
longer, but it's quite rare.  And even if he was still alive, he probably
wouldn't be in any shape to go romping around through jungles and deserts
and up and down mountains and over waterfalls and such.  He probably
wouldn't be all that good in a fight either. 

Still, there might be a work-around.  Perhaps friendly space aliens can
give him some sort of rejuvenation treatment or something.  Or maybe he
spends twenty or thirty or forty years in suspended animation in some
top-secret government facility or beneath the ruins of some ancient
temple or the like.  There are many ways it could be done, at least in
the context of that series. 

And they might have some fun with people having trouble believing that
he's the same person who mysteriously disappeared so many years ago. 
Likewise, he could play up the Rip Van Winkle angle of reacting to how
the world has changed.  So again, the character's age may not be all that
much of an obstacle. 

What may be a bigger problem is that the world has indeed changed. 
Swashbuckling loners have less of a place now than they did half a
century ago. 

If some stealth mission were to require one person out there on his own,
the decision-makers would tend to think in terms of James Bond, not
Indiana Jones. 

And even if there was something for Indiana Jones to do in some land that
time forgot, he wouldn't be venturing out alone.  He would be accompanied
by a crew in constant communication with people back home who would be
tracking his every move via satellite links or the like. 

I suppose the technology could somehow fail, leaving our heroes to fend
for themselves at the moment of peak peril, but how many times can that
kind of thing happen before it becomes a cliche? 

One way out would be to have key parts of the action take place in some
alternate dimension or some such, but now we're getting away from Indiana
Jones toward something more like Stargate. 

So again, the world of today may not be big enough for the likes of
Indiana Jones. 


                          *********************

Someone I know recently said something about his cat having several
names.  That led to thoughts of giving a cat nine names, one for each of
its nine lives. 

But how would one know what name was which?  I don't recall ever hearing
anything about a cat's lives being distinct in any particular way.  You
usually can't tell which is what by just looking.  I'm not sure even the
cat knows. 

But then maybe there need not be any particular linkage between lives and
names.  The nine lives may collectively have nine names with no attempt
to define which is which.  It might be analogous to what in the context
of property ownership is called an "undivided common interest". 

But whatever the relationship of names to lives is, would the cat really
care? 


                          *********************

"The deity you have attempted to invoke is busy with other worshippers. 
Your call is very important to us, so please stay in circle and your call
will be answered in the order received." 


                          *********************

I do a fair amount of walking, and often notice pennies lying on the
ground.  I generally pick them up.  Others say it isn't worth the
trouble. 

So is it worth it?  If it takes you five seconds to pick up a penny,
you're making $7.20 an hour.  Although that doesn't seem like much
nowadays, especially since it doesn't come with health insurance or other
benefits, it is effectively tax-free.  And if the act of picking up a
penny doesn't take time away from other work you're getting paid for,
then even $7.20 an hour may be better than nothing. 

So for now I'll probably keep picking up pennies. 


                          *********************

More thoughts on picking up pennies:

Even if pennies you find are technically taxable, as a practical matter
it's seldom if ever enforced.  I suppose they'll eventually have video
cameras and GPS systems and such built into coins to keep track of such
things, but it'll be quite a while before the cost of the technology gets
that low. 

And if they do develop ways to keep track of lost pennies, what if the
powers that be decide that any lost penny you notice is taxable income
even if you decide not to take it?  I recall something vaguely analogous
involving stock options at the end of the dot-com boom, possibly having
to do with Alternative Minimum Tax.  Some people had to pay taxes on
money they could have made but didn't, or something like that.  I don't
know the details, but I do recall that there was lots of fuss about it at
the time. 

At lunch a few days back we got onto the subject of scattering pennies on
the sidewalks in less affluent parts of town as a sort of charity.  Those
who really need the money will pick them up, while those who are better
off financially will be more likely to ignore them.  So we won't need
bureaucrats investigating everybody to determine who should be given
welfare benefits and who shouldn't. 


                          *********************

On the other extreme from picking up pennies, there was a little item in
the news where someone was arrested after trying to cash a check for
$360,000,000,000 (three hundred and sixty billion dollars) at a bank. 

Even if the teller had not had any reason to question the legitimacy of
the check, they probably would not have had that much cash in the drawer
right then.  So it would have come to the attention of the teller's
supervisor, and possibly others in the bank's chain of command.  In
addition, there may not have been enough money in the owner's account to
cover the check.  That would have been another sign that something was
amiss. 

Be the details as they may, someone in the approval chain contacted the
owner of the account the check was written on.  The owner said the check
had been stolen, so people at the bank called the cops, who arrested the
guy trying to cash it. 


                          *********************

Someone on LiveJournal was complaining about a parking ticket he got.  It
was one of those streets where they do street sweeping a couple of days
per month, and he got confused about the dates. 

That led to thoughts of some kind of wireless computer network thingie in
those parking-restriction signs that would tell your car's computer
whether or not it is currently OK to park there.  It should also be smart
enough to figure out situations like when it's OK to park there now but
you'll need to move by tomorrow morning. 

Besides giving a readout of the details, it could also blink at some
varying rate or show colors or something to give a rough non-verbal
indication of how soon you'll need to move.  That should reduce the
chances of the information not registering because you have your mind on
something else. 

Also, I expect cars of the future to have their own cell phones.  So the
car could call its owner with some sort of "Come and move me before I get
a parking ticket" message. 

Yes, it may cut the revenue cities get from parking tickets.  But where
the goal really is to keep streets clear and traffic moving safely
(rather than just a sneaky way of raising revenue) it would be a good
thing to have. 

And it may not be that much of a money-loser if it's also smart enough to
notify the cops when there's a vehicle parked there illegally.  That
would improve the ratio of tickets written to man-hours spent patrolling,
so it could be a winner even if fewer tickets are written. 


                          *********************

In other news, the airlines are starting to charge extra for services
that used to be included in the basic fare, such as checked baggage.  So
how long will it be before passengers hear something like this:

"In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from
the ceiling.  Simply put the mask on over your nose and mouth, then slide
your credit card through the slot to start the flow of oxygen."


                          *********************

Back on marriage, there's the Selkie legend:

  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selkie

The Selkie comes out of the water as a seal, then takes off the seal skin
to become human.  He or she must put it back on to return to the sea in
their seal form. 

In a common form of the legend a man finds a female Selkie's skin and
holds her captive by denying her access to it.  He marries her and they
start a family. 

Is that really the kind of thing you'd want to base a loving marriage on? 
It makes sense in the old context of women as property, but it doesn't
fit well with the currently popular concept of both parties to the
marriage being equal partners who expect married life to be mostly happy. 

I think I've heard songs and/or stories of Selkies remaining human
voluntarily, or going back and forth on some sort of monthly or annual
cycle, but I don't know how common that version of the story is. 


                          *********************

Speaking of magic and the sea: 


                            Shores of Wonder


I keep getting on mailing lists for ocean cruises:
A week or two of tropical islands 
Or icy fjords 
Or ancient ruins along desolate shores.

I find the brochures to be interesting reading
Even if I never really plan to go.  

One that came today was Different.  

At first glance it seemed like more of the same, 
With a page showing Terms and Conditions
And lists of prices 
And diagrams of which room is where on the ship.  

But then came the good part:
The description of the cruise itself.  

We set sail from Florida 
Toward the infamous Bermuda Triangle,
To that secret point along the hypotenuse
That marks the gateway
To the kingdom of the Fairies.  

We follow the shores of that magical land, 
Stopping here and there to spend a day 
Exploring its cities and castles 
And even the market places,
Although we are warned not to buy anything.

Much of what looks like treasure there
Will turn to dust and ashes
When we bring it home.  

In the evening we retire to the safety of our ship.  
To watch and listen from afar 
As the fairies frolic in the moonlight. 
Were we to go and join them 
Our loved ones at home 
Might never see us again.  

On another day we drop anchor
Out in the middle 
Of what looks like no place special.  
Then underwater cameras bring us 
Mermaid's-eye views 
Of what remains of Atlantis.  

The more adventurous may don scuba gear 
For a closer first-hand look.  

One corner of the map is marked "Here be Dragons".  

That does not deter us, 
For the tour company has made a treaty with them.  

In exchange for bits of treasure 
(included in the price of the tour) 
We are given safe conduct 
Through those otherwise perilous seas and islands 
As giant winged forms pass to and fro overhead.  

A few of the dragons let us tour their caves, 
Where we marvel at the treasures 
They have amassed over centuries, 
Along with half-melted armor that is all that remains 
Of many a brave but foolish knight.  

There is one area we dare not enter:  
The Sargasso Sea, graveyard of lost ships.  
We detour around it at a safe distance
Lest we too come to grief there. 

Finally, our ship returns 
Through the secret gateway
Along the hypotenuse of the Bermuda Triangle,
Back to our "normal" world.  

I set the brochure down
Next to the rest of the day's mail.
While I don't think I will go,
I do find the thought quite tempting.   



                                -- Tom Digby
                                First Draft 11:03 Sun April 6 2008
                                Revised     02:26 Wed June 4 2008


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #166
                        New Moon of July 2, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

As I write this the Fourth of July holiday is fast approaching. 

One of the traditions for this holiday is fireworks.  I have childhood
memories of playing with sparklers, waving them around to make glowing
patterns in the air.  I also recall the time Santa brought us a small
assortment of fireworks for Christmas.  We (probably mostly Dad) set
them off a few nights later, possibly around New Year's.  I was rather
disappointed when the rocket didn't go way up in the air but instead
followed a much lower trajectory into the garage.  As far as I recall
nothing got damaged and nobody got hurt, but the bit with the rocket was
still rather disappointing. 

I don't recall the exact dates, but this must have been sometime in the
late 1940's.  Attitudes about fireworks have changed a bit since then. 
Or have they?  Despite all the laws against ordinary people setting off
their own fireworks, the practice persists. 

I think some of this can be explained by an analogy. 

Imagine a bunch of people sitting around a campfire, or in someone's
living room, singing songs they know and love.  They may not be the best
singers in the world, but they're good enough for the occasion. 

Now imagine that the authorities find some reason to try to ban the
practice.  They say that people shouldn't mind not being allowed to sing
because there are a number of professionally run concerts they can
attend instead.  

But it just wouldn't be the same. 

Or imagine a ban on playing ball games.  No touch football in the park,
and no playing around with a basketball in your driveway under the hoop
over your garage door.  Again, those in charge say people can go to the
stadium and see big-league games played by highly trained professionals,
so there's no reason to want to play your own games.  But again, it just
wouldn't be the same. 

It's like that with fireworks:  As spectacular as the big professionally
run displays may be, they just aren't the same as a bunch of friends
with sparklers and firecrackers and Roman candles. 


                          *********************

The annual speechifying about fireworks, along with some stuff in the
news about gun control laws, reminds me of a thought I've had off and on
over the years.

Thomas Jefferson is quoted as having said, "The tree of liberty must be
refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants.  It
is its natural manure." 

It appears to me that the Tree also now and then demands the blood of
random innocent men, women, and children. 

This includes many gunshot victims, accidental and otherwise.  At least 
some of the people injured setting off backyard fireworks also count. 

It's a general tradeoff between freedom and security.  You can try to
remove the risks from life by passing restrictive laws, but are the
lives saved worth the loss of liberty? 


                          *********************

Another thought on phoning while driving:

Imagine you're taking the test for a driver's license, and you have the
option of taking the written part about traffic laws and such two ways. 
You can take it the traditional way on paper, or you can take it orally,
over a cell phone, at the same time you're taking the behind-the-wheel
part of the test.  Which one would you choose?

What if people who passed the cell-phone version of the tests got a
special mark on their license allowing them to talk on the phone while
driving, with it being illegal for anyone else to do so?  Would you take
the test that way then?

I don't really expect this to become law, but it's an interesting way to
think about how difficult a task it can be to drive safely while talking
on the phone.


                          *********************

I recently saw a friend's child in a stage production of "Peter Pan". 
The ending reminded me of some thoughts I'd had earlier. 

When the children return from Never-Never Land, they bring a bunch of
other children with them.  Mom and Dad agree to adopt them.  Happy
Ending. 

But how well would that work in the real world today? 

Mom and Dad, with kids in tow, troop down to the office of the
bureaucrat in charge of adoptions.  "Hi.  These kids showed up at our
place last night, and we'd like to adopt them."

Do the kids have any sort of identification or documentation?  Nope.  No
birth certificate, no school records, no nothing.  Where did they come
from?  They claim to have flown in from some place called "Never-Never
Land", which is not on any maps.  It seems from the kids' descriptions 
to be some sort of Fairyland or something. 

So where do they go from here?  Is there an official procedure for this
sort of thing, or does everybody have to wing it? 

The novel and stage play came out roughly a hundred years ago.  Perhaps
it was easy to adopt stray children back then, but in today's
computerized cross-indexed DNA-tested world I suspect it would be quite
a hassle, if it could be done at all. 

On further thought, I think the situation would have made a good
"X-Files" episode.  Do it from the viewpoint of the adults involved. 
They try to figure it out, and when they fail, they call in Scully and
Mulder.  Scully and Mulder can't figure it out either, or maybe they can
but know that no one will believe them.  But they do manage to cook up a
plausible cover story that enables then to work out a more or less happy
ending. 

Or something like that. 


                          *********************

Possible cartoon idea: An intersection with a traffic light and a sign:
OK TO GO ON RED IF NO COPS AROUND. 

Nowadays one might have to widen the definition of "cop" to include
automated cameras and such, but it still sort of applies. 


                          *********************

I was doing something that I was feeling kind of tired of doing, and got
to wondering what else I might be able to do instead. 

It seems there are lots of things it might or might not be possible to
do, depending on various variables that can vary from time to time, from
day to day, or from age to age.  For example, were this the Stone Age I
probably wouldn't be typing on a computer keyboard.  Even if I were to
put such a keyboard together out of pebbles or nuts or something, it
wouldn't do anything were I to try to type on it.  And if writing hadn't
been invented yet, there wouldn't be anything to type on the keyboard
even if I did have a computer to try to connect the keyboard to. 

So there I'd be, sitting at my nut-and-pebble keyboard, wondering how I
should label the keys when the alphabet hadn't been invented yet, while
the screen shows the message "KEYBOARD NOT CONNECTED" and I'm wondering
what that means because reading hadn't been invented yet either. 

And then maybe it will turn out that the whole thing is bogus.  Some
scammer had just stuck a bunch of sticks and stones and broken bones
together and claimed it was a computer.  They even put a fake error
message on the screen so I wouldn't get suspicious when I tried it and
it didn't work. 

But then I was probably rather foolish to buy such a thing, especially
when most of the uses I wanted to use it for hadn't been invented yet
either.  What use are text editors when text hasn't been invented yet? 
Likewise, what use is wireless Internet capability when there's no
Internet to connect to and no wires to not use to connect to it? 

I should have gotten suspicious and called the cops, but the cops
weren't callable because so much of the required infrastructure wasn't
there yet.  So I'm pretty much on my own.  Maybe I should just make a
club out of a tree branch or whatever and bonk those scammers on the
head as punishment for selling me a computer that didn't work because it
hadn't been invented yet?  That's about all the cops would have done,
unless they've finally invented jails.  I'll have to ask them next time
I see one. 

But there's some consolation: If I do make a club and bonk the scammers
on the head, they won't sue me for assault and battery because so much
of the infrastructure they'd need for suing people hasn't been invented
yet either. 


                          *********************

I really ought to say something about the last person or thing that
isn't the subject of a Wikipedia article after everything else has been 
written up.  But I'm afraid that if I give that item too much public 
attention someone will write a Wikipedia article about it.


                          *********************

Whether or not they have the Fourth of July on other planets, something
got me to thinking about whether fireworks made for use on Earth would
work elsewhere.  In general the chemicals in fireworks don't depend on
air for oxygen, so they'll at least burn even if the piece doesn't 
otherwise work properly. 

So let's see what would work where. 

First, how about the International Space Station?  I suspect the
occupants would be very hesitant to set off any fireworks "indoors", no
matter how "Safe and Sane" they're labeled as being.  There are too many
things that can go wrong, and help is too far away.  The same probably
applies to any indoor environment humans are likely to construct
anywhere other than Earth any time soon. 

But what if they decided to take the chance? 

First, matches won't work because flames as we know them on Earth
require gravity to keep the flow of air and combustion products moving. 
The same goes for most lighters.  But the type of cigarette lighter they
have in cars would work, since it's an electrical heating element.  And 
the fuses on most fireworks don't depend on flames and don't require 
oxygen, so they'll burn more or less normally once they're lit. 

So now that you have a way to light them, what kinds of fireworks would
you light?  Two types come to mind: Firecrackers and sparklers.  Those
should work with or without air and with or without gravity. 

If you're willing to go "outdoors" you have more options. 

Roman candles should work.  Just keep them pointed away from the 
station and anything else that might be damaged. 

Likewise, the type of aerial-burst fireworks they shoot from mortars at
professionally-run displays should also work.  Some of the patterns may
look different to the degree that they depend on air resistance and/or
gravity, but if you stick to the simple generic pieces you should be OK. 
You won't hear the usual bang, but the visual part will still be there. 

There might be a minor problem with some of the debris hitting the
station, but that should be minimal if you're careful.  

Also, if the mortars you shoot the pieces from are attached to the 
station the recoil might end up changing the station's orbit a bit if 
you don't spread things around so the effects cancel. 

Rockets wouldn't have the recoil problem, but may veer from the desired
trajectory if they aren't stabilized properly. 

You could build some sort of recoilless launcher, but it would have to
be a special design. 

What happens when we leave the Space Station behind and go to the Moon? 
Again, let's assume we do our fireworks outdoors. 

Again, sparklers and Roman candles would work in the sense that they
would burn.  Roman candles would shoot higher than normal because of 
the lower gravity, but that's not really a problem as long as there's 
no ceiling to worry about hitting. 

Firecrackers would also work, except that you wouldn't hear them. 

Likewise for the big aerial-burst pieces.  The simple generic ones
should be pretty much OK, although they may look a little different from
what we're used to because of the lack of air resistance.  The pattern
may spread wider than "normal", and may also start to move downward
immediately rather than hanging there in the air for a second or two
like they do on Earth. 

Conditions on Mars are sort of intermediate between those on the Moon
and on Earth.  So I don't think I need to go into detail there. 

So in summary, at least some fireworks would work in orbit, on the Moon,
and on Mars.  Not every type will work, and not all of those that do
work will work "normally", but I think you could put on a satisfying
display if you planned it carefully.


                          *********************

                             Bubbly Surprise


 Warm night breeze inspires
 Impromptu celebration:
 Bubbles by moonlight.

 Breezes turn playful,
 Popping bubbles on my skin:
 Kisses from the gods.


                        -- Tom Digby
                        Entered     09:12 Sat June 14 2008
                        Title Added 13:48 Sat July 5 2008


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
I love that last poem. Simple, but so well phrased that I too could
feel the bubbles on my skin.
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #167
                       New Moon of August 1, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

Here we are at the start of a new month.  To me August is sort of a
melancholy month because when I was young it meant that summer vacation
would soon end and I would be going back to school. 

I didn't really dislike school.  In fact, I enjoyed many of the classes,
especially science and math.  What I really disliked was having to get up
at a set time in the morning. 

As I recall, I also felt similarly about Sunday School, although that
started about an hour later than regular school so I didn't have to get
up quite as early on Sundays. 

Adding to my dislike of Sunday School and church was the fact that I had
to wear a suit and tie.  That could get quite uncomfortable in the warmer
months, especially when Mom and my sister insisted on keeping the car
windows closed so the breeze wouldn't mess up their hair.  This was
around the early 1950's, before air conditioning in cars was the norm. 

In later years the church building had air conditioning, but during the
first few years we went there it didn't. 

To make up for the lack of air conditioning the church had fans.  Think
of a piece of cardboard a little smaller than a piece of 8 1/2 x 11
letter-size paper with one of those wooden tongue depressor sticks
stapled to it for a handle.  The cardboard would usually have some sort
of scene from the Bible printed on one side, with an ad, usually for a
local mortuary, on the other. 

There was much rejoicing when the church put in air conditioning.  That
brings back more childhood memories of watching Dad work on the technical
side of the system, but that's for another time. 


                          *********************

Another thing I recall about going to Sunday School was being told that
our local church had a missionary in the Belgian Congo.  This was back
when most of Africa was governed by European rulers and Americans
generally didn't ask picky questions about how those rulers governed the
lands under their care. 

Little did we imagine that a decade or two later Americans would be
taking up exotic religions from places like India and Asia. 


                          *********************

One of the things various exotic religions may have given us is the
cartoon cliche of a guru (more or less a generic mystical wise man or
hermit or the like) sitting high up on a mountain, with someone climbing
up the mountain to ask a question. 

There are two main versions of the scene. 

In one, the guru is sitting on a ledge partway up the mountain, with a
cave entrance right behind him.  Presumably he lives in the cave when he
isn't sitting out front meditating and answering questions.  We seldom if
ever see what's in the cave or how big it is or whether it might have
other entrances and exits elsewhere on the mountain.  But we can assume
that the setup is sufficient to satisfy the guru's needs. 

The other version the guru sitting on the very peak, often on a blanket
or cushion or some such, but with no hint of any kind of support system. 

So does he have a house or hut or cave or something partway down the
mountain?  Or does he just sit out in the open all day every day, rain or
shine?  Does he sleep sitting up, or does he have a bed hidden away
somewhere?  And what, if anything, does he eat?  Do assistants or
acolytes or some such bring stuff up the mountain to him, or does someone
in a helicopter handle deliveries to all the gurus in that general area,
or what? 

I could see him keeping a cell phone and calling for pizza when he gets
hungry, but do the pizza places deliver to the tops of mountains?  Or is
pizza one of the things people give up when they become gurus? 

Do would-be gurus also have to give up cell phones?  Or can they keep the
ringer set on Silent and just use it for outgoing calls?  It might be
handy in case of emergencies. 

No, I don't really know what kinds of emergencies gurus have on the tops
of mountains.  Do they have the medical stuff men their age who spend
most of their days sitting in one spot have to worry about, or is that
not a problem because they don't eat as much junk food?  Not being able
to get pizza delivered may have its good side. 

Are mountaintop gurus in any danger from wild animals? 

And don't forget, sitting on the very top of any hill or mountain can
increase your chances of being struck by lightning. 

Or do gurus not have to worry about any of that stuff?  Maybe part of
becoming a guru is learning how to shield your aura or whatever so you
don't have to worry about worldly dangers like lightning or starvation or
not having the money to pay your cell phone bill.  Not having been to
Guru School, I can't say. 


                          *********************

You may notice that I've been using male pronouns when talking about
cartoon gurus atop mountains.  I did consider the matter of female gurus
once:

 http://www.well.com/user/bubbles/SS0152.txt

My conclusion at the time was that they may be harder to draw in a way
that makes it clear you're looking at a female guru.  The common symbols
of cartoon guru-hood (robe, long hair, beard) don't work the same way for
women as for men.  So until some Female Cartoon Guru Association starts
protesting (and in the process gives us some new icons), the path of
least resistance is to draw male gurus. 


                          *********************

The whole question of gurus having cell phones may be moot if there's no
service in the area.  How good is cell phone coverage of mountain peaks
in general?  And what if the cell phone company wanted to put a tower on
the mountain to cover the surrounding area?  Would that force the guru to
go sit somewhere else?  Even if there was room atop the mountain for the
guru to sit next to the tower, would the electromagnetic radiation bother
him?  Or do gurus learn to not be bothered by that kind of thing? 
Traditionally they're supposed to be able to transcend the cares of the
mundane world, so cell phone radiation could be just another item on the
list.  Do they teach about cell phones in Guru School nowadays? 


                          *********************

Also, do they teach gurus to use computers?  A computer could be useful
for such things as a Web-based FAQ where the seekers can look up their
questions and possibly save themselves the long climb up the mountain. 

A computer database could also help keep track of which mountain peaks
have gurus on them and which don't.  That would save some hapless seeker
the disappointment of climbing all the way up some mountain, only to find
nothing there but rocks and dirt and maybe some snow or whatever else is
normally found atop mountains that don't have gurus sitting on them. 


                          *********************

More questions about gurus on mountains:

When you graduate from Guru School and are ready to go sit on a mountain
answering questions asked by all and sundry, what determines which
mountain you get to sit on?  Do you just sort of wander around until you
find a good one that appears to be vacant, or is there some central
clearing house that assigns gurus to mountains, or what? 

I've noticed that some gurus sit atop the very peak of their mountain,
while others sit on ledges partway up.  Does how high up the mountain you
get to sit depend on some sort of ranking or seniority or something?  And
if so, which locations are considered "best"?  The very peak might seem
to symbolize the pinnacle of achievement, but then the ledges partway up
usually include a cave, while the peaks don't. 

So are the ledge sites better because you can store stuff in your cave
and take shelter there during inclement weather, or are the peaks better
because sitting on the very peak means you've progressed beyond the need
for a cave? 

Or do different traditions have different views on this? 


                          *********************

Gurus are supposedly able to resist worldly temptations.  But suppose one
succumbs. 

He breaks away from his teachers and starts his own sect.  His followers
eventually number in the millions.  And over the years those faithful
give him huge piles of money. 

He has a TV show that's seen world-wide, and has published a number of
best-selling books and CD's and DVD's of his teachings. 

There's even an escalator up the side of his mountain now, so those
seekers who are lucky enough to get an appointment to see him don't have
to exert themselves.  And there's an ATM there for donations. 

It goes beyond that.  He never did like sitting out there on top of an
uncomfortable mountain in all kinds of weather, so he's installed a dummy
with a built-in intercom system, like the fake clown that takes
drive-thru orders at some fast-food places.  So now he answers questions
from the comfort of a mansion in some tropical paradise. 

There are rumors that he's bankrolling speech-recognition research.  Once
it's perfected he won't have to be bothered with answering questions at
all.  He's supposedly making plans to expand into some kind of corporate
chain operation, with question-and-answer sites all over the world, many
of them on fake mountains built for the purpose. 

The Guru Association isn't happy with all this, but there isn't much they
can do about it.  They could in theory vote him off his mountain, but
that would take a majority vote, and most of the other gurus are more
inclined to just let things be and go with the flow, at least for now. 

So life goes on, even if most of his pontifications about the meaning of
it are bogus. 


                          *********************

Tired of writing about gurus on mountain tops, I decided to write
something about Mars instead.  But alas, this spelling checker wants to
change "Barsoom" to "Barroom". 

What if Edgar Rice Burroughs had had this spelling checker?  It could
have persuaded Burroughs to change "Barsoom" to "Barroom", whereupon John
Carter would have not have had all those adventures on Mars.  Instead, he
would have just drunk himself into a stupor.  The resulting stories
wouldn't have been as interesting, and might not have gotten published at
all.  And even if they had gotten published, would anybody have bothered
to read them?  Maybe a few, but not many.  So they would have sunk into a
sea of obscurity, a sort of Davy Jones's Locker of the mind. 

So we should probably be thankful that Edgar Rice Burroughs did not have
this spelling checker.


                          *********************

Speaking of gurus, whether or not they're on mountains:


                                Problems


My friend had been sort of wilting lately, 
Turning pale and faded and a little blurry around the edges. 
Regular doctors saw nothing in particular wrong,
So I took him to the local guru.  

"Needs problems," said the guru with only a quick glance. 

"Of course he has problems," I replied,
"That's why I brought him to you."  

"I didn't say he HAS problems.  I said he NEEDS problems. 
His problem is that he doesn't have problems, 
And not having problems can be a very serious problem." 

"Huh?" say I, and he explains again. 

After a few more rounds it sinks in:  
Man is a problem-solving creature,  
Evolved, or created, or whatever, to solve problems,
And a problem-solver without problems is nothing.  
Some instinctively know this, 
As sales of puzzles show.  
But others need to have problems thrust upon them.  

"You mean I should let the air out of his tires, 
Hide his morning paper in the bushes, 
Or invent foolish errands for him to run? 
Or should I get more serious, 
Hinting of rumors of downsizing at work, 
And asking his landlord to make noises about eviction?" 

"Professional opinions among gurus differ, 
But even if threatening problems are better than none at all,  
I'd try happy problems first."  

Happy problems? 
Those are the ones we face gladly,
Like a painter needing to choose colors for a sunset 
Because she chose to try to capture it on canvas.  
Or being out on the lake in a boat with your fishing pole, 
Wondering exactly where they'll be biting
And how to sneak up on them without scaring them off.  

Some, like scientists, get paid to solve happy problems. 
Others must seek problems elsewhere. 
But they're easy to find.  

Was there something my friend could do to help his other friends?
Some way he could contribute to making a better world? 
Or even something as trivial 
As suggesting a closing line for this poem? 

The prognosis looks quite good. 

                                   -- Thomas G. Digby
                                   written  19:00  03/15/1995


                          *********************

               HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that 
does not.  Both are linked from 

  http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe 
or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer 
appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.  

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription 
form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change 
your settings. 

                                -- END --
  

    
                            SILICON SOAPWARE 
       wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway
                        from Bubbles = Tom Digby
                           = bubbles@well.com 

                      http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

                               Issue #168
                       New Moon of August 30, 2008


Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of 
"fair use".  In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with 
proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this 
notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the 
zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a 
substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I 
get a cut of the profits.  

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback.  
Details of how to sign up are at the end.  


                          *********************

As I'm starting this (a bit late, for various reasons) the Democrats have
finished their convention and the Republicans are about to begin theirs. 
I could reminisce about the first conventions I watched on TV back in
1952, but I did that already. 

  http://www.well.com/~bubbles/SS0161.txt

Then something else came to my attention.  Some people I know in the
Minneapolis area started posting reports of cops arresting or otherwise
harassing people on various flimsy pretexts.  It appears that someone in
the hierarchy of power is trying to curtail protest demonstrations. 

This is something that, while it may have been happening back in 1952,
wasn't on my radar.  The first convention that I recall having major
instances of it was Chicago in 1968. 

Of course I don't have the complete story, so I can only conjecture.  And
that thought in turn leads to another difference between now and 1968:
The Internet, cell phones, and related technologies. 

Time was when pretty much all most of the public heard was the official
side of things.  Yes, some protesters would be quoted on the eleven
o'clock news along with the police chief and mayor and such, but their
words would have been filtered through the media's editors.  If you
wanted to hear their side of the matter, uncensored, you had to seek out
the so-called "underground" newspapers and magazines. 

Now the shoe is on the other foot.  If you're in any kind of Internet-
based community, chances are you're only a few links away from those
directly involved in any major incident.  They or their friends will post
about it, and some of your friends will see the postings and forward them
(or links thereto) on to you. 

And the pendulum may have swung even farther: Many who see themselves as
victims of harassment and police brutality and other misconduct on the
part of those in power will feel free to tell the world about their
experiences.  Government officials, on the other hand, will often be much
less free to tell their side of the story.  They may have potential
lawsuits to defend, anonymous informants to protect, and perhaps even
classified information to keep under wraps.  Or they may just be in the
habit of being cautious about commenting on such things in public. 

So does anyone ever really get the whole story? 


                          *********************

If hurricane Gustav had hit New Orleans a few days earlier (during the
Democratic shindig), it would have been reasonable for those who believe
in such things to see it as God grumping about same-sex marriage and
other departures from the old ways.

But now it looks like God grumping at the Bush Administration for not
doing more about global warming.


                          *********************

Something got me thinking about whether various magical beings and undead
creatures and such care about ordinary mortal politics.  Are we likely to
see, for example, a parade of zombies shuffling along, carrying signs
endorsing this or that candidate or issue? 

It occurs to me that zombies might make ideal protest demonstrators. 
They may not be able to chant slogans very well, but they could make up
for that by being less vulnerable than the living to tear gas and being
beaten up and shot full of bullets if things turn violent. 

There might, however, be legal questions.  For example, if zombies are
technically legally dead, do they still have constitutional rights? 

That might make for some interesting court cases.


                          ****