The WELL: pre.vue.71: Silicon Soapware and other Digby thoughts, plus comments

#137: Tom Digby (bubbles) Fri 31 Oct 08 01:57

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 01:57:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #170 New Moon of October 28, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

As I write this two special days are coming up: Halloween and Election Day. Both are sort of scary, in different ways.

Halloween is full of images of things our ancestors were frightened of, but which many of us today dismiss as "not real": Ghosts, vampires, walking dead, and the like. One potentially scary thing is the reminder that all of us will eventually die sooner or later, but then again there's so much death in the news that we've gotten accustomed to pushing that thought aside.

Elections may not seem as scary on the surface, but they can affect our daily lives all through the year, even after the Halloween stuff has been put back in the attic.

Quite often there's no real way to tell in advance of an election what, if any, real difference the outcome of a given contest will make. But still the choice must be made. You can leave the choice to others by not voting, but that is itself a choice you'll need to decide whether or not to make.

Other times it looks like there is a clear choice, but then the scary part is that other seemingly rational people can disagree as to which choice is the right one. It's not like Halloween costumes where it's usually obvious at a glance which ones are what.

I suppose you could try to pass a law requiring political candidates to dress as angels or devils or whatever, in accordance with their inner natures, but there would be no real way to enforce it.

*********************

In other scary news, I'm reminded of a line I once came up with about reporting stock market performance on the Richter Scale.

*********************

Recent gossip among the gods:

"What's this I hear about Pan getting into computer programming?"

"He and the Mother are writing an internet pornography filter, and they want to install it world-wide."

"Why would they want to do that?"

"They say that people are filling up the Internet with politics and treachery and wars and plagues and disasters and such, and it's making everybody unhappy. So they're trying to do something about it."

"But a pornography filter? How would blocking porn help anything? And why would Pan and the Mother be the ones wanting to do it? Isn't she the one who says all acts of love and pleasure are her rituals?"

"Who said anything about BLOCKING porn? I think you have it backwards."

"Oh."

*********************

Someone in another forum said something to the effect that all humor is based on pain. I'm not sure I agree with that. While much humor does seem to boil down to umpleasant things happening to others, especially others you don't feel close to, there do appear to be exceptions.

One major exception I've noticed is humor based on cognitive dissonance, perhaps overlapping with overthrow of the established order.

The most obvious examples of cognitive dissonance humor come from cartoon physics. Some character does something that we know wouldn't be possible in our world, and we find it funny regardless of whether or not anybody gets hurt.

Say a character is trapped in a room with no obvious way out. But he does have paint or chalk or some such available. So he draws a door on one of the walls, opens the door he just drew, and escapes through it. That's often seen as funny.

Or he's walking across a bridge that has a section missing. He walks out onto the missing section and doesn't fall until he looks down and notices that there's nothing holding him up. Many of us would find that funny even if someting broke the character's fall so he didn't really get hurt.

And don't forget the case of some nominally inanimate object taking an active part in the action, such as when the ball in a ball game decides to favor one of the teams.

As for something closer to real-world overthrow of the established order, look at food fights, or other situations where they get laughs by making messes. You might say that such antics do hurt whoever has to eventually clean up the mess, but that's usually a minor part of the overall appeal.

Another not-inherently-painful form of humor involves the juxtaposition of unrelated concepts. Puns are prime examples of this.

Yes, these forms of humor may have evolved from situations involving pain, but nowadays the connection can be rather tenuous. So I would hesitate to say that all humor is based on pain, even if that's what it originally evolved from.

*********************

Two movies I recently saw had rather rough boat rides as part of the action. One took some of the main characters down a river, through rapids, and even over a waterfall or two. The other was mostly underground, through tunnels and caves and sluices and such. Both times it occurred to me that the producers were hoping that someone would want to build a theme-park ride based on what they saw in the movie. Is this kind of thinking common among movie producers nowadays?

*********************

Lately I've been thinking about technology and copyrights as they affect tails of distributions.

Currently the distribution of fame and fortune in the music scene has a "head" consisting of a few big-name zillionaire artists whose names are household words over much of the world. The distribution leads down through others whose fame is more modest but who still are making a pretty good living, and then trails off into a "tail" of people who are known only to a few dozen or maybe a few hundred friends and friends of friends, and who won't be quitting their day jobs any time soon.

Different eras in history have emphasized different parts of this distribution.

For instance, back in pre-technological times the distribution consisted mainly of a long tail of bards literally singing for their supper in taverns and inns. There were some wealthy artists performing before the crowned heads in royal courts, but most of the populace seldom if ever saw or heard them.

In contrast, the Twentieth Century brought us technologies with relatively large startup costs and economies of scale that more or less by their nature favored the head of the distribution. It was easy to go to a neighborhood store and buy recordings of Frank Sinatra or the Beatles or whoever happened to be at the top of the charts that week, but difficult or impossible to obtain similar recordings of some song the neighbors' teenager wrote and would now and then sing at parties.

Now the technological pendulum is swinging back, what with the Internet and the Web and YouTube and various and sundry portable players with download capability. That may be leading us into a battle between the different parts of the distribution.

The big media conglomerates have been pushing for laws that favor their end of things, such as restrictive copyright rules that limit the ability of ordinary people to make recordings widely available to others. Want music? Go to their store (either a physical place or some kind of online site) and buy whatever they're offering for sale. Pay no attention to the musicians next door, however talented they may be.

On the other side we have those who make up the long tail. Some of them aspire to eventually join the lucky few who make it into the head of the distribution, but many do not. Perhaps their music appeals only to members of this or that specialized subculture or interest group, or maybe they prefer the intimacy of a small concert venue where members of the audience can get up close and personal with them. Whatever their motivation, they want to be able to make themselves heard by those who would want to hear them if they knew they existed. Money may be a concern, but for many it's secondary. And there are many who believe that in the long run letting their fans share their work freely leads to more sales. They don't want to have to play by big-corporation rules.

Although I once had dreams of being among that select few in the head of the distribution, nowadays I favor the long tail. But however this scenario plays out, we are living in interesting times.

*********************

As I was reading something in Wikipedia about mythological beings, I came across a reference to the story of the Billy Goats Gruff and the troll under the bridge.

That reminded me that years ago I'd wondered if the kinds of trolls that lurk under bridges could hide under a dental bridge in someone's mouth. And if they could, what would they live on? Would they just grab a portion of whatever food the host happened to eat, or what?

And could such a troll live under other kinds of bridges, such as the bridge of a song?

I'd never done much with either idea before, but this time something sort of clicked.

I don't really have a tune for it yet, but people I've shown it to have said it sort of fits various other existing tunes, so that may not be all that much of a problem.

Someone suggested that I change the word "Army" to "Dorsai". Feel free to do that when most of the people in your audience would get the reference. But it may be better to leave it as-is for audiences that aren't familiar with the Dorsai.

And feel free to add your own verses. Just try to keep the logical progression of first describing the problem, then solving it, and finally announcing success.

The Troll at the Bridge

I don't dare sing the bridge Of this song. I don't dare sing the bridge Of this song. [line's worth of silence] [line's worth of silence] I don't dare sing the bridge Of this song.

There's a troll at the bridge Of this song. There's a troll at the bridge Of this song. [line's worth of silence] [line's worth of silence] There's a troll at the bridge Of this song.

When Spinal Tap played This song When Spinal Tap played This song The troll got their drummer [line's worth of screams and such] When Spinal Tap played This song.

So let's teach the Army This song. So let's teach the Army This song. They'll slaughter that troll [battlefield sound effects] So let's teach the Army This song.

Oh now we can all sing This song. Oh now we can all sing This song. The troll has been vanquished And conquered and slain So now we can all sing This song.

-- Tom Digby First draft 18:44 Sat October 18 2008 Revised 01:26 Wed October 29 2008 Revised 02:00 Wed October 30 2008

*********************

HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that does not. Both are linked from

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#136: Tom Digby (bubbles) Thu 2 Oct 08 00:21

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 00:21:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #169 New Moon of September 29, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

Back in Silicon Soapware #167 I noted a feeling of melancholy associated with late summer. The days were starting to get shorter, and the stores were starting their "Back to School" promotions. Even though summer was still pretty much in full swing, its days were numbered.

Now, with the passage of the Equinox, I don't feel that end-of-summer melancholy any more. I'm past the time of mourning for summer, and I'm ready to get on with the rest of the year. There's a science fiction convention coming up in early October, followed a few weeks later by Halloween. Yuletide festivities will follow in due course, after which the cycle will begin again.

And so the Wheel turns.

*********************

Speaking of the Wheel of the Year, California is on a fiscal year system wherein the Legislature is supposed to pass a new budget every year. The fiscal year starts with July, which means that in an ideal world the budget would have been passed by June.

But California, alas, is not in an ideal world. The Legislature seldom gets the budget done on time. It's almost always anywhere from a few days to a month or so late. This year it was finally approved just a few days ago, almost three months late.

Then they get to do it all over again next year. Will it take as long? Will it take longer? What if some year's budget NEVER gets done? The state treasurer will be able to muddle through for a while, just like they did this time. But that can only go so far. Eventually the entire state government will grind to a halt.

Then what? In our "real" world the state judiciary or the Feds or somebody would find some excuse to step in. But what if they didn't?

The Bay Area (San Francisco, Silicon Valley, etc.) might try to carry on as a bunch of more or less independent city-states. I'm not expert enough to judge how successful they would be. Things could get really interesting when various foreign powers start messing around in the region.

What of Southern California? They would have a major problem: Water. The aqueducts that area depends on would be at the mercy of rural warlords. Parts of the Bay Area might also have that problem, but not to as great a degree because they're closer to the sources of the water.

So what if the cities can't solve the water problem? Would we see a massive migration to other areas, sort of the reverse of the migrations from the Dust Bowl back in the 1930's?

And what of the longer term? Would some great ruler eventually arise to reunite the warring tribes and city-states into one mighty kingdom?

I could see this as an epic novel or a series of shorter stories that could be made into a series of movies, and/or some kind of game. Think it would sell? Or has it already been done?

*********************

There are lots of questions we don't know the answers to. I suspect there are at least as many answers we don't know the questions to.

*********************

Something reminded me of that bit about an infinite number of monkeys typing out Shakespeare's plays on an infinite set of typewriters. If instead of traditional typewriters you gave them computer keyboards, would they then write all the documentation for all the software ever written? And once they've done the documentation, would they also write the code itself, thus eliminating the need to hire programmers?

Some might object that the effort of finding anything useful in the monkeys' output files would cost more than creating the same software the conventional way. But on the other hand, the result may contain more innovative stuff that most human programmers are too mired in old habits to think of.

Also, it may be possible to get around the cost problem by automating the process.

First, run the files through some kind of analyzer that figures out what language a given file is in: Modern English, Elizabethan English, C++, some shell scripting language, hex files of machine code, or something else. Put the computer-language source code through the relevant compilers or assemblers or whatever and save the resulting output files.

It might or might not be worthwhile at this point to also look for the documentation. It should be there, although it may take a bit of hunting to find it. This could probably also be automated.

One possibility might be to try to correlate such things as menu item names in the documentation with the corresponding items in the source code files.

Once you think you know which instructions go with which programs you're you're ready for human review. Try running the software and see if it does anything useful. Verify that the instructions are clear, correct, and complete. And don't forget to have a lawyer take a look at the User Agreement and advertising copy and such.

Or maybe you can save money by skipping the human review. The cost savings would let you price everything much lower, and the marketing could play on the customers' sense of adventure: "Nobody knows what this software does, so we're selling it cheap."

Another point: The monkeys will have also typed every possible email address, so your marketing people won't have to buy lists of addresses from spammers. That's an additional cost savings.

So is this going to be the next big thing that will lift Silicon Valley out of its most recent slump? Stay tuned.

*********************

Who does Nostradamus say will win the upcoming elections?

Yes, as I mentioned in a previous issue, his prediction that Kefauver would be elected President in 1952 was wrong. But I'm still kind of curious as to who he favors for 2008.

*********************

A few nights back I noticed a moth outside my window, repeatedly bumping up against the glass, apparently in a futile attempt to get to the lamp inside. It occurred to me that were I to open the window and let it in I would be doing it a disservice.

Yes, the moth appeared to want to go to the light, but once it got there it would have nothing to do but circle aimlessly until it collapsed from fatigue or starvation or heat from the lamp. It would find neither food nor drink nor a potential mate. It could potentially lay eggs on the light globe, but the hatchlings would find no sustenance. All in all, it would be a futile endeavor, doomed to failure.

So the kinder course was to deny it entry and douse the light. Let it seek its destiny elsewhere.

I was reminded of things I have now and then wanted but which the gods did not see fit to give me. Would they have turned out as badly for me as access to the lamp would have turned out for that moth?

*********************

A thought occurred to me while I was picking up a friend on the way to lunch:

Assume you have a device with cell-phone and GPS navigation capabilities. I think it would be good to be able to give it a command like "Direct me to [Location X]. When we get [close to Location X], send [Message Y] to [Person Z]."

The definition of "close" could be specified by the user in terms of distance or travel time, with the messages ranging from pre-defined things like "I'm five minutes away" to whatever text or audio the user wanted to type in or record.

Has this been done yet?

*********************

All the tumult and shouting about the economy and the stock market and such leads to thoughts of how a sustainable economic system might work in something closer to an ideal world.

For one thing, it should not be to anyone's advantage to encourage others to consume more.

If you invent a new and better way to do something it's OK for you to let people know your new invention is available. And to the extent that it's better (or at least not as bad) for humanity and the environment in general than whatever had existed before, it's OK to encourage people to use it. But beyond that, we should not be encouraging people to blindly use up more stuff just for the sake of boosting sales.

It should not encourage the production of goods with built-in self-destructs. Likewise, it should not encourage wanton waste.

If designing something to last longer would make it cost more to manufacture, then it's OK to design it for a limited life. But it should not be OK to spend more to add "features" whose main purpose is to shorten the life of the product or otherwise make it less useful.

The poster child for this is a non-returnable "rental" DVD somebody has been promoting. Once you take it out of its sealed package, chemical reactions with oxygen in the air cause it to become unreadable after a few days. Then you "return" it by throwing it away. Yes, this may create jobs at the DVD factory, and at the store, and at the landfill, but at what cost to the planet? And at what cost to people's attitudes about conserving resources?

It may not encourage people to think in terms of "looking for work" or "creating jobs".

Back in days of old, when the combined efforts of all the members of the tribe were needed in the struggle for survival, it made sense to think in terms of "earning a living". It encouraged people to look for things that needed doing and then do them.

But we seem to not be in that situation now. There may be large numbers of people whose efforts are, strictly speaking, not needed. So what do we do? Force others to work less efficiently so as to need all available workers? Make up "busy work" for them to do? Those have been the traditional answers to this problem.

Now it may be time for something else. But what?

Questions abound, but the people in power don't seem to be answering them. They're still assuming the old models. And maybe they're stuck with that, at least for now, because that's what most of the voters are expecting to hear from them.

So it may be up to us to seek out new kinds of answers and bring them to the attention of enough of the public that the people in power will be free to consider them.

*********************

Hidden Wings

On a bright morning in the Season of New Beginnings, As the sun warms the earth, Fairies are trying their wings.

Some take a running start and leap into the air, While others climb onto a rock or tree or something To ease the effort of the initial takeoff.

Results vary. Those whose wings are strongest, Or who chance upon a fortunate gust of wind, Or are otherwise blessed by Fate, Soar high into the sky, While those less fortunate Only skim the treetops for a precious moment Before tumbling to earth, perhaps to try again.

They say that all who persevere eventually succeed, Although how true that is I cannot say.

The only real doom is on a nearby mountain.

The mountain offers many good jumping-off places From which many a Fairy has soared high into the blue. But it also has hidden peril.

It is home to wingless creatures, Some good, some evil, and some who are neither good nor evil But simply Other.

Fairies climbing the mountain often hide their wings Lest the more jealous of the wingless ones take offense.

Therein lies the peril:

From any jumping-off point one can always see Another place, higher up the hill, and seemingly better. So the temptation is to keep climbing, wings still hidden, Until the next launching platform is reached.

And as one goes higher and higher up the mountain, One also starts to see the gold and jewels glittering in the ground, And is surrounded by wingless ones whose only goal Is to live as high up the mountain as possible, Surrounded by sparkling treasure.

The treasure-seekers are fascinating indeed, As long as you keep your wings hidden.

That is the real doom: Not the unlucky wind that brings a flyer crashing to the earth, Nor the wrath of the wingless ones when a wing slips into view. It is forgetting one's reason for the climb And forgetting that one indeed has wings.

--- Tom Digby Written 14:47 10/06/2003 Edited 09:13 10/07/2003 Typo Fixed 23:41 08/22/2004 Edited 15:16 01/22/2006

*********************

HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that does not. Both are linked from

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If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change your settings.

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#135: Tom Digby (bubbles) Wed 3 Sep 08 00:12

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:12:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #168 New Moon of August 30, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

As I'm starting this (a bit late, for various reasons) the Democrats have finished their convention and the Republicans are about to begin theirs. I could reminisce about the first conventions I watched on TV back in 1952, but I did that already.

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/SS0161.txt

Then something else came to my attention. Some people I know in the Minneapolis area started posting reports of cops arresting or otherwise harassing people on various flimsy pretexts. It appears that someone in the hierarchy of power is trying to curtail protest demonstrations.

This is something that, while it may have been happening back in 1952, wasn't on my radar. The first convention that I recall having major instances of it was Chicago in 1968.

Of course I don't have the complete story, so I can only conjecture. And that thought in turn leads to another difference between now and 1968: The Internet, cell phones, and related technologies.

Time was when pretty much all most of the public heard was the official side of things. Yes, some protesters would be quoted on the eleven o'clock news along with the police chief and mayor and such, but their words would have been filtered through the media's editors. If you wanted to hear their side of the matter, uncensored, you had to seek out the so-called "underground" newspapers and magazines.

Now the shoe is on the other foot. If you're in any kind of Internet- based community, chances are you're only a few links away from those directly involved in any major incident. They or their friends will post about it, and some of your friends will see the postings and forward them (or links thereto) on to you.

And the pendulum may have swung even farther: Many who see themselves as victims of harassment and police brutality and other misconduct on the part of those in power will feel free to tell the world about their experiences. Government officials, on the other hand, will often be much less free to tell their side of the story. They may have potential lawsuits to defend, anonymous informants to protect, and perhaps even classified information to keep under wraps. Or they may just be in the habit of being cautious about commenting on such things in public.

So does anyone ever really get the whole story?

*********************

If hurricane Gustav had hit New Orleans a few days earlier (during the Democratic shindig), it would have been reasonable for those who believe in such things to see it as God grumping about same-sex marriage and other departures from the old ways.

But now it looks like God grumping at the Bush Administration for not doing more about global warming.

*********************

Something got me thinking about whether various magical beings and undead creatures and such care about ordinary mortal politics. Are we likely to see, for example, a parade of zombies shuffling along, carrying signs endorsing this or that candidate or issue?

It occurs to me that zombies might make ideal protest demonstrators. They may not be able to chant slogans very well, but they could make up for that by being less vulnerable than the living to tear gas and being beaten up and shot full of bullets if things turn violent.

There might, however, be legal questions. For example, if zombies are technically legally dead, do they still have constitutional rights?

That might make for some interesting court cases.

*********************

Speaking of dissent and disagreement, a common way to belittle others who seem more concerned about some issue (such as global warming) than you are is to compare them to Chicken Little, who ran around shouting that the sky was falling.

But what if one was making a movie or something and wanted to show the sky actually falling? What would it look like?

I may be biased because of the culture I grew up in, but I have always tended to imagine the sky falling the way a plaster ceiling might fall, only on a larger scale. It would break into pieces and fall piece by piece, to the sound of prolonged crashing and rumbling.

But I haven't really thought through what the pieces would look like. If the sky fell during the day, would the pieces be mostly blue with some bits of gray or white clouds on them? If it fell at night, would the pieces be covered with stars? Maybe. Like I said, I haven't figured that out.

Nor have I figured out what we might see were we to look up at where the sky had fallen from. Would it be machinery? Blank space? Angels flying around? What if you don't want to have to work out that much detail about how that world works? There may be no good way to deal with this other than just never having the camera "look" up.

Then I got to thinking that the sky may be more like a tent or awning. You might be able to show a blanket of sky falling and ending up draped over trees and such, with the various characters in the drama being forced to crawl around under it. With modern image manipulation technology you might even be able to show the fallen sky as still being the sky, with clouds and stars and such going through more or less their normal motions. And since it would still be in one piece, you need not show what's beyond.

So that could be a good way to do it.

But you still need to be careful. If the sun still tries to follow its normal daytime track along the now-fallen sky, and that brings it into contact with trees and houses and such, it could start fires. It could also be very bad for anyone the sun gets too close to.

Are your emergency responders ready for this?

*********************

In other worrisome news about the sky, a regional airline in Canada is removing life vests from its planes to save weight. They say they don't need flotation devices other than the seat cushions because they don't fly more than fifty miles from shore over water.

And I just had a thought of how they could save even more weight: Encourage passengers to carry helium-filled balloons. Each balloon would replace its volume of air with helium. Helium weighs less than air, so replacing some of the air in the passenger cabin with helium would give a net weight saving.

Another thought: Replace the air in the cabin with a helium-oxygen mixture. That would save even more weight. It would have the side effect of making people's voices sound funny, but that's a marketing problem, not a technical one, and is thus outside my field of expertise. I might, however, suggest that perhaps this could be marketed to children as a "feature", especially if the airline can create some sort of cartoon character tie-in.

*********************

Speaking of the environment, I saw a news item to the effect that balance weights falling off of car tires are a major source of lead pollution. I'd seen an occasional tire balance weight lying in the street here or there, but I was mildly surprised to hear that they were one of the major contributors.

One possible solution might be to make tire-balance weights out of gold. Even though some gold compounds may be toxic, metallic gold is not very chemically active. Any you ingest is likely to pass through your system without being absorbed. Thus I would expect it to be less of a dangerous pollutant than lead.

And less of it would get into the environment. The price of gold is high enough that any gold weights that do fall off will be collected and recycled as soon as they are found. Since gold is shiny and of a color that contrasts with most pavement materials, any gold weights lying in the road will be noticed.

One possible problem: There are those who steal metals for recycling. They've been known to steal electrical wiring for the copper. They would probably be tempted to steal gold tire-balance weights. Security in parking lots and the like might need to be beefed up. This could lead to increased fees for parking.

But there may be a silver lining. The costs and security hassles stemming from the use of gold tire-balance weights might encourage more people to leave their cars locked up in their garages at home and take public transit. So that's another way this could help the environment.

*********************

For something completely different, consider the word "ucalegon". The word comes from the name of a character in Greek literature and has come to mean "neighbor whose house is on fire."

Here's how it might be used in a sentence (actually more like a paragraph):

"I was awakened in the night by a loud pounding at my door. It was my ucalegon, wishing to use my phone. Apparently he didn't want to be my ucalegon any more and was seeking aid from others who might help him end the relationship. So his phone call summoned up a bunch of people in a big red truck with flashing lights and noise-makers and water hoses ..."

I think one reason this word isn't heard more often is that ucalegonic relationships are relatively uncommon, and by the nature of things tend to be short-term affairs. So it's seldom that one has the opportunity to introduce one's ucalegon to one's other friends and acquaintances.

And so a perfectly good word languishes in obscurity.

*********************

Another question: Many words for various kinds of relationships come in complementary pairs: Student/teacher, creditor/debtor, doctor/patient, and so on. So what's the complement of "ucalegon"?

If two people are living close together and neither's house is on fire, they're just "neighbors". If both their houses are on fire the relationship is presumably mutually ucalegonic.

But what if A's house is on fire but B's is not? A is B's "ucalegon". B is A's "________". What's the missing word for "neighbor whose house is not on fire when yours is"?

*********************

This seems appropriate in light of all the political goings-on:

Incident Along Fantasy Way The Recycler of Dreams

I had often seen him, In expected places and in unlikely ones -- A kindly old man Who by his looks ought to be running the toy shop in some quaint European village, Always with a large sack Filled with things picked up from the ground And an ornate German pipe Whose smoke he would now and then Blow into someone's face, Always without being noticed.

Driven by curiosity, I made inquiries And we were eventually introduced. He is the one known, In those mythologies in which he is known at all, As the Recycler of Dreams.

Through the ages he has wandered Through the halls of kings' palaces, Along the quiet lanes where lovers linger, Into bars and taverns and the "In Places", Or like a phantom through the walls of prisons Or corporate boardrooms Or research laboratories, And even along glittering Broadway -- All the places where dreams Have been dreamed And broken.

There he wanders, Not always in the form I saw, Collecting pieces of broken dreams To make into new dreams To distribute around the world.

Humanity needs its dreams, And cannot grow or prosper without them. But reality is hard on dreams And on dreamers.

"Take 'Flight'," he says for an example, "I must have picked that one up a thousand times From the bottom of this or that windswept hill And blown it, like smoke, Into the head of another dreamer Until it finally bore fruit. And others, like 'Perpetual Motion' Or 'World Peace' Or 'Immortality' I may be recycling forever, Along with 'True Love' And 'Winning the Sweepstakes' And 'Being a Movie Star'. That one has gotten many of you Through some dark and stormy nights."

"Yes, I see the need for the grand dreams And the smaller dreams And even the silly dreams. But what of the darker dreams? The visions of world conquest, The elusive Perfect Crime, The glory of the Master Race? Do you handle these also?"

"I'm afraid I must," he sighed, "Regardless of how horrible the possibilities I cannot label a dream as 'evil' And put it away on a shelf. The gods by whose authority I operate Say that that judgment may only be made, Not by themselves, as you might expect, But by you mortals."

Thomas G. Digby written 0140 hr 9/29/74 revised 0245 hr 3/17/83 entered 1230 hr 4/09/92 format 13:52 12/22/2001

*********************

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#134: Tom Digby (bubbles) Mon 4 Aug 08 21:23

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:23:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #167 New Moon of August 1, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

Here we are at the start of a new month. To me August is sort of a melancholy month because when I was young it meant that summer vacation would soon end and I would be going back to school.

I didn't really dislike school. In fact, I enjoyed many of the classes, especially science and math. What I really disliked was having to get up at a set time in the morning.

As I recall, I also felt similarly about Sunday School, although that started about an hour later than regular school so I didn't have to get up quite as early on Sundays.

Adding to my dislike of Sunday School and church was the fact that I had to wear a suit and tie. That could get quite uncomfortable in the warmer months, especially when Mom and my sister insisted on keeping the car windows closed so the breeze wouldn't mess up their hair. This was around the early 1950's, before air conditioning in cars was the norm.

In later years the church building had air conditioning, but during the first few years we went there it didn't.

To make up for the lack of air conditioning the church had fans. Think of a piece of cardboard a little smaller than a piece of 8 1/2 x 11 letter-size paper with one of those wooden tongue depressor sticks stapled to it for a handle. The cardboard would usually have some sort of scene from the Bible printed on one side, with an ad, usually for a local mortuary, on the other.

There was much rejoicing when the church put in air conditioning. That brings back more childhood memories of watching Dad work on the technical side of the system, but that's for another time.

*********************

Another thing I recall about going to Sunday School was being told that our local church had a missionary in the Belgian Congo. This was back when most of Africa was governed by European rulers and Americans generally didn't ask picky questions about how those rulers governed the lands under their care.

Little did we imagine that a decade or two later Americans would be taking up exotic religions from places like India and Asia.

*********************

One of the things various exotic religions may have given us is the cartoon cliche of a guru (more or less a generic mystical wise man or hermit or the like) sitting high up on a mountain, with someone climbing up the mountain to ask a question.

There are two main versions of the scene.

In one, the guru is sitting on a ledge partway up the mountain, with a cave entrance right behind him. Presumably he lives in the cave when he isn't sitting out front meditating and answering questions. We seldom if ever see what's in the cave or how big it is or whether it might have other entrances and exits elsewhere on the mountain. But we can assume that the setup is sufficient to satisfy the guru's needs.

The other version the guru sitting on the very peak, often on a blanket or cushion or some such, but with no hint of any kind of support system.

So does he have a house or hut or cave or something partway down the mountain? Or does he just sit out in the open all day every day, rain or shine? Does he sleep sitting up, or does he have a bed hidden away somewhere? And what, if anything, does he eat? Do assistants or acolytes or some such bring stuff up the mountain to him, or does someone in a helicopter handle deliveries to all the gurus in that general area, or what?

I could see him keeping a cell phone and calling for pizza when he gets hungry, but do the pizza places deliver to the tops of mountains? Or is pizza one of the things people give up when they become gurus?

Do would-be gurus also have to give up cell phones? Or can they keep the ringer set on Silent and just use it for outgoing calls? It might be handy in case of emergencies.

No, I don't really know what kinds of emergencies gurus have on the tops of mountains. Do they have the medical stuff men their age who spend most of their days sitting in one spot have to worry about, or is that not a problem because they don't eat as much junk food? Not being able to get pizza delivered may have its good side.

Are mountaintop gurus in any danger from wild animals?

And don't forget, sitting on the very top of any hill or mountain can increase your chances of being struck by lightning.

Or do gurus not have to worry about any of that stuff? Maybe part of becoming a guru is learning how to shield your aura or whatever so you don't have to worry about worldly dangers like lightning or starvation or not having the money to pay your cell phone bill. Not having been to Guru School, I can't say.

*********************

You may notice that I've been using male pronouns when talking about cartoon gurus atop mountains. I did consider the matter of female gurus once:

http://www.well.com/user/bubbles/SS0152.txt

My conclusion at the time was that they may be harder to draw in a way that makes it clear you're looking at a female guru. The common symbols of cartoon guru-hood (robe, long hair, beard) don't work the same way for women as for men. So until some Female Cartoon Guru Association starts protesting (and in the process gives us some new icons), the path of least resistance is to draw male gurus.

*********************

The whole question of gurus having cell phones may be moot if there's no service in the area. How good is cell phone coverage of mountain peaks in general? And what if the cell phone company wanted to put a tower on the mountain to cover the surrounding area? Would that force the guru to go sit somewhere else? Even if there was room atop the mountain for the guru to sit next to the tower, would the electromagnetic radiation bother him? Or do gurus learn to not be bothered by that kind of thing? Traditionally they're supposed to be able to transcend the cares of the mundane world, so cell phone radiation could be just another item on the list. Do they teach about cell phones in Guru School nowadays?

*********************

Also, do they teach gurus to use computers? A computer could be useful for such things as a Web-based FAQ where the seekers can look up their questions and possibly save themselves the long climb up the mountain.

A computer database could also help keep track of which mountain peaks have gurus on them and which don't. That would save some hapless seeker the disappointment of climbing all the way up some mountain, only to find nothing there but rocks and dirt and maybe some snow or whatever else is normally found atop mountains that don't have gurus sitting on them.

*********************

More questions about gurus on mountains:

When you graduate from Guru School and are ready to go sit on a mountain answering questions asked by all and sundry, what determines which mountain you get to sit on? Do you just sort of wander around until you find a good one that appears to be vacant, or is there some central clearing house that assigns gurus to mountains, or what?

I've noticed that some gurus sit atop the very peak of their mountain, while others sit on ledges partway up. Does how high up the mountain you get to sit depend on some sort of ranking or seniority or something? And if so, which locations are considered "best"? The very peak might seem to symbolize the pinnacle of achievement, but then the ledges partway up usually include a cave, while the peaks don't.

So are the ledge sites better because you can store stuff in your cave and take shelter there during inclement weather, or are the peaks better because sitting on the very peak means you've progressed beyond the need for a cave?

Or do different traditions have different views on this?

*********************

Gurus are supposedly able to resist worldly temptations. But suppose one succumbs.

He breaks away from his teachers and starts his own sect. His followers eventually number in the millions. And over the years those faithful give him huge piles of money.

He has a TV show that's seen world-wide, and has published a number of best-selling books and CD's and DVD's of his teachings.

There's even an escalator up the side of his mountain now, so those seekers who are lucky enough to get an appointment to see him don't have to exert themselves. And there's an ATM there for donations.

It goes beyond that. He never did like sitting out there on top of an uncomfortable mountain in all kinds of weather, so he's installed a dummy with a built-in intercom system, like the fake clown that takes drive-thru orders at some fast-food places. So now he answers questions from the comfort of a mansion in some tropical paradise.

There are rumors that he's bankrolling speech-recognition research. Once it's perfected he won't have to be bothered with answering questions at all. He's supposedly making plans to expand into some kind of corporate chain operation, with question-and-answer sites all over the world, many of them on fake mountains built for the purpose.

The Guru Association isn't happy with all this, but there isn't much they can do about it. They could in theory vote him off his mountain, but that would take a majority vote, and most of the other gurus are more inclined to just let things be and go with the flow, at least for now.

So life goes on, even if most of his pontifications about the meaning of it are bogus.

*********************

Tired of writing about gurus on mountain tops, I decided to write something about Mars instead. But alas, this spelling checker wants to change "Barsoom" to "Barroom".

What if Edgar Rice Burroughs had had this spelling checker? It could have persuaded Burroughs to change "Barsoom" to "Barroom", whereupon John Carter would have not have had all those adventures on Mars. Instead, he would have just drunk himself into a stupor. The resulting stories wouldn't have been as interesting, and might not have gotten published at all. And even if they had gotten published, would anybody have bothered to read them? Maybe a few, but not many. So they would have sunk into a sea of obscurity, a sort of Davy Jones's Locker of the mind.

So we should probably be thankful that Edgar Rice Burroughs did not have this spelling checker.

*********************

Speaking of gurus, whether or not they're on mountains:

Problems

My friend had been sort of wilting lately, Turning pale and faded and a little blurry around the edges. Regular doctors saw nothing in particular wrong, So I took him to the local guru.

"Needs problems," said the guru with only a quick glance.

"Of course he has problems," I replied, "That's why I brought him to you."

"I didn't say he HAS problems. I said he NEEDS problems. His problem is that he doesn't have problems, And not having problems can be a very serious problem."

"Huh?" say I, and he explains again.

After a few more rounds it sinks in: Man is a problem-solving creature, Evolved, or created, or whatever, to solve problems, And a problem-solver without problems is nothing. Some instinctively know this, As sales of puzzles show. But others need to have problems thrust upon them.

"You mean I should let the air out of his tires, Hide his morning paper in the bushes, Or invent foolish errands for him to run? Or should I get more serious, Hinting of rumors of downsizing at work, And asking his landlord to make noises about eviction?"

"Professional opinions among gurus differ, But even if threatening problems are better than none at all, I'd try happy problems first."

Happy problems? Those are the ones we face gladly, Like a painter needing to choose colors for a sunset Because she chose to try to capture it on canvas. Or being out on the lake in a boat with your fishing pole, Wondering exactly where they'll be biting And how to sneak up on them without scaring them off.

Some, like scientists, get paid to solve happy problems. Others must seek problems elsewhere. But they're easy to find.

Was there something my friend could do to help his other friends? Some way he could contribute to making a better world? Or even something as trivial As suggesting a closing line for this poem?

The prognosis looks quite good.

-- Thomas G. Digby written 19:00 03/15/1995

*********************

HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that does not. Both are linked from

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-- END -- [Read entire topic]

#133: metric buttload of (cjp) Tue 8 Jul 08 12:09

Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:09:00 PDT

I love that last poem. Simple, but so well phrased that I too could feel the bubbles on my skin. [Read entire topic]

#132: Tom Digby (bubbles) Sat 5 Jul 08 15:27

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 15:27:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #166 New Moon of July 2, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

As I write this the Fourth of July holiday is fast approaching.

One of the traditions for this holiday is fireworks. I have childhood memories of playing with sparklers, waving them around to make glowing patterns in the air. I also recall the time Santa brought us a small assortment of fireworks for Christmas. We (probably mostly Dad) set them off a few nights later, possibly around New Year's. I was rather disappointed when the rocket didn't go way up in the air but instead followed a much lower trajectory into the garage. As far as I recall nothing got damaged and nobody got hurt, but the bit with the rocket was still rather disappointing.

I don't recall the exact dates, but this must have been sometime in the late 1940's. Attitudes about fireworks have changed a bit since then. Or have they? Despite all the laws against ordinary people setting off their own fireworks, the practice persists.

I think some of this can be explained by an analogy.

Imagine a bunch of people sitting around a campfire, or in someone's living room, singing songs they know and love. They may not be the best singers in the world, but they're good enough for the occasion.

Now imagine that the authorities find some reason to try to ban the practice. They say that people shouldn't mind not being allowed to sing because there are a number of professionally run concerts they can attend instead.

But it just wouldn't be the same.

Or imagine a ban on playing ball games. No touch football in the park, and no playing around with a basketball in your driveway under the hoop over your garage door. Again, those in charge say people can go to the stadium and see big-league games played by highly trained professionals, so there's no reason to want to play your own games. But again, it just wouldn't be the same.

It's like that with fireworks: As spectacular as the big professionally run displays may be, they just aren't the same as a bunch of friends with sparklers and firecrackers and Roman candles.

*********************

The annual speechifying about fireworks, along with some stuff in the news about gun control laws, reminds me of a thought I've had off and on over the years.

Thomas Jefferson is quoted as having said, "The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time, with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure."

It appears to me that the Tree also now and then demands the blood of random innocent men, women, and children.

This includes many gunshot victims, accidental and otherwise. At least some of the people injured setting off backyard fireworks also count.

It's a general tradeoff between freedom and security. You can try to remove the risks from life by passing restrictive laws, but are the lives saved worth the loss of liberty?

*********************

Another thought on phoning while driving:

Imagine you're taking the test for a driver's license, and you have the option of taking the written part about traffic laws and such two ways. You can take it the traditional way on paper, or you can take it orally, over a cell phone, at the same time you're taking the behind-the-wheel part of the test. Which one would you choose?

What if people who passed the cell-phone version of the tests got a special mark on their license allowing them to talk on the phone while driving, with it being illegal for anyone else to do so? Would you take the test that way then?

I don't really expect this to become law, but it's an interesting way to think about how difficult a task it can be to drive safely while talking on the phone.

*********************

I recently saw a friend's child in a stage production of "Peter Pan". The ending reminded me of some thoughts I'd had earlier.

When the children return from Never-Never Land, they bring a bunch of other children with them. Mom and Dad agree to adopt them. Happy Ending.

But how well would that work in the real world today?

Mom and Dad, with kids in tow, troop down to the office of the bureaucrat in charge of adoptions. "Hi. These kids showed up at our place last night, and we'd like to adopt them."

Do the kids have any sort of identification or documentation? Nope. No birth certificate, no school records, no nothing. Where did they come from? They claim to have flown in from some place called "Never-Never Land", which is not on any maps. It seems from the kids' descriptions to be some sort of Fairyland or something.

So where do they go from here? Is there an official procedure for this sort of thing, or does everybody have to wing it?

The novel and stage play came out roughly a hundred years ago. Perhaps it was easy to adopt stray children back then, but in today's computerized cross-indexed DNA-tested world I suspect it would be quite a hassle, if it could be done at all.

On further thought, I think the situation would have made a good "X-Files" episode. Do it from the viewpoint of the adults involved. They try to figure it out, and when they fail, they call in Scully and Mulder. Scully and Mulder can't figure it out either, or maybe they can but know that no one will believe them. But they do manage to cook up a plausible cover story that enables then to work out a more or less happy ending.

Or something like that.

*********************

Possible cartoon idea: An intersection with a traffic light and a sign: OK TO GO ON RED IF NO COPS AROUND.

Nowadays one might have to widen the definition of "cop" to include automated cameras and such, but it still sort of applies.

*********************

I was doing something that I was feeling kind of tired of doing, and got to wondering what else I might be able to do instead.

It seems there are lots of things it might or might not be possible to do, depending on various variables that can vary from time to time, from day to day, or from age to age. For example, were this the Stone Age I probably wouldn't be typing on a computer keyboard. Even if I were to put such a keyboard together out of pebbles or nuts or something, it wouldn't do anything were I to try to type on it. And if writing hadn't been invented yet, there wouldn't be anything to type on the keyboard even if I did have a computer to try to connect the keyboard to.

So there I'd be, sitting at my nut-and-pebble keyboard, wondering how I should label the keys when the alphabet hadn't been invented yet, while the screen shows the message "KEYBOARD NOT CONNECTED" and I'm wondering what that means because reading hadn't been invented yet either.

And then maybe it will turn out that the whole thing is bogus. Some scammer had just stuck a bunch of sticks and stones and broken bones together and claimed it was a computer. They even put a fake error message on the screen so I wouldn't get suspicious when I tried it and it didn't work.

But then I was probably rather foolish to buy such a thing, especially when most of the uses I wanted to use it for hadn't been invented yet either. What use are text editors when text hasn't been invented yet? Likewise, what use is wireless Internet capability when there's no Internet to connect to and no wires to not use to connect to it?

I should have gotten suspicious and called the cops, but the cops weren't callable because so much of the required infrastructure wasn't there yet. So I'm pretty much on my own. Maybe I should just make a club out of a tree branch or whatever and bonk those scammers on the head as punishment for selling me a computer that didn't work because it hadn't been invented yet? That's about all the cops would have done, unless they've finally invented jails. I'll have to ask them next time I see one.

But there's some consolation: If I do make a club and bonk the scammers on the head, they won't sue me for assault and battery because so much of the infrastructure they'd need for suing people hasn't been invented yet either.

*********************

I really ought to say something about the last person or thing that isn't the subject of a Wikipedia article after everything else has been written up. But I'm afraid that if I give that item too much public attention someone will write a Wikipedia article about it.

*********************

Whether or not they have the Fourth of July on other planets, something got me to thinking about whether fireworks made for use on Earth would work elsewhere. In general the chemicals in fireworks don't depend on air for oxygen, so they'll at least burn even if the piece doesn't otherwise work properly.

So let's see what would work where.

First, how about the International Space Station? I suspect the occupants would be very hesitant to set off any fireworks "indoors", no matter how "Safe and Sane" they're labeled as being. There are too many things that can go wrong, and help is too far away. The same probably applies to any indoor environment humans are likely to construct anywhere other than Earth any time soon.

But what if they decided to take the chance?

First, matches won't work because flames as we know them on Earth require gravity to keep the flow of air and combustion products moving. The same goes for most lighters. But the type of cigarette lighter they have in cars would work, since it's an electrical heating element. And the fuses on most fireworks don't depend on flames and don't require oxygen, so they'll burn more or less normally once they're lit.

So now that you have a way to light them, what kinds of fireworks would you light? Two types come to mind: Firecrackers and sparklers. Those should work with or without air and with or without gravity.

If you're willing to go "outdoors" you have more options.

Roman candles should work. Just keep them pointed away from the station and anything else that might be damaged.

Likewise, the type of aerial-burst fireworks they shoot from mortars at professionally-run displays should also work. Some of the patterns may look different to the degree that they depend on air resistance and/or gravity, but if you stick to the simple generic pieces you should be OK. You won't hear the usual bang, but the visual part will still be there.

There might be a minor problem with some of the debris hitting the station, but that should be minimal if you're careful.

Also, if the mortars you shoot the pieces from are attached to the station the recoil might end up changing the station's orbit a bit if you don't spread things around so the effects cancel.

Rockets wouldn't have the recoil problem, but may veer from the desired trajectory if they aren't stabilized properly.

You could build some sort of recoilless launcher, but it would have to be a special design.

What happens when we leave the Space Station behind and go to the Moon? Again, let's assume we do our fireworks outdoors.

Again, sparklers and Roman candles would work in the sense that they would burn. Roman candles would shoot higher than normal because of the lower gravity, but that's not really a problem as long as there's no ceiling to worry about hitting.

Firecrackers would also work, except that you wouldn't hear them.

Likewise for the big aerial-burst pieces. The simple generic ones should be pretty much OK, although they may look a little different from what we're used to because of the lack of air resistance. The pattern may spread wider than "normal", and may also start to move downward immediately rather than hanging there in the air for a second or two like they do on Earth.

Conditions on Mars are sort of intermediate between those on the Moon and on Earth. So I don't think I need to go into detail there.

So in summary, at least some fireworks would work in orbit, on the Moon, and on Mars. Not every type will work, and not all of those that do work will work "normally", but I think you could put on a satisfying display if you planned it carefully.

*********************

Bubbly Surprise

Warm night breeze inspires Impromptu celebration: Bubbles by moonlight.

Breezes turn playful, Popping bubbles on my skin: Kisses from the gods.

-- Tom Digby Entered 09:12 Sat June 14 2008 Title Added 13:48 Sat July 5 2008

*********************

HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that does not. Both are linked from

http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change your settings.

-- END -- [Read entire topic]

#131: Tom Digby (bubbles) Wed 4 Jun 08 15:47

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:47:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #165 New Moon of June 3, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

Given how June has traditionally been associated with weddings, it seems appropriate that a court ruling legalizing same-sex marriage in California is currently scheduled to take effect around the middle of June.

Of course things may end up not following the current schedule. The court could decide to postpone the ruling until after the November elections, or the Feds could intervene, or any of a number of other more or less unlikely things could happen, but for now it looks like this will be a rather special June for weddings.

*********************

This reminds me of another question about weddings: Is it OK for someone with multiple personalities to marry several wives (or husbands or whatever) as long as each is married to a different personality?

*********************

I saw that new Indiana Jones movie a few days ago.

This one was (according to Wikipedia) set in 1957. What would it be like set in the present day?

One big problem would be the main character's age. His "official" birth date (again according to Wikipedia) is July 1, 1899. That would make him well over a hundred years old today. People have lived that long or longer, but it's quite rare. And even if he was still alive, he probably wouldn't be in any shape to go romping around through jungles and deserts and up and down mountains and over waterfalls and such. He probably wouldn't be all that good in a fight either.

Still, there might be a work-around. Perhaps friendly space aliens can give him some sort of rejuvenation treatment or something. Or maybe he spends twenty or thirty or forty years in suspended animation in some top-secret government facility or beneath the ruins of some ancient temple or the like. There are many ways it could be done, at least in the context of that series.

And they might have some fun with people having trouble believing that he's the same person who mysteriously disappeared so many years ago. Likewise, he could play up the Rip Van Winkle angle of reacting to how the world has changed. So again, the character's age may not be all that much of an obstacle.

What may be a bigger problem is that the world has indeed changed. Swashbuckling loners have less of a place now than they did half a century ago.

If some stealth mission were to require one person out there on his own, the decision-makers would tend to think in terms of James Bond, not Indiana Jones.

And even if there was something for Indiana Jones to do in some land that time forgot, he wouldn't be venturing out alone. He would be accompanied by a crew in constant communication with people back home who would be tracking his every move via satellite links or the like.

I suppose the technology could somehow fail, leaving our heroes to fend for themselves at the moment of peak peril, but how many times can that kind of thing happen before it becomes a cliche?

One way out would be to have key parts of the action take place in some alternate dimension or some such, but now we're getting away from Indiana Jones toward something more like Stargate.

So again, the world of today may not be big enough for the likes of Indiana Jones.

*********************

Someone I know recently said something about his cat having several names. That led to thoughts of giving a cat nine names, one for each of its nine lives.

But how would one know what name was which? I don't recall ever hearing anything about a cat's lives being distinct in any particular way. You usually can't tell which is what by just looking. I'm not sure even the cat knows.

But then maybe there need not be any particular linkage between lives and names. The nine lives may collectively have nine names with no attempt to define which is which. It might be analogous to what in the context of property ownership is called an "undivided common interest".

But whatever the relationship of names to lives is, would the cat really care?

*********************

"The deity you have attempted to invoke is busy with other worshippers. Your call is very important to us, so please stay in circle and your call will be answered in the order received."

*********************

I do a fair amount of walking, and often notice pennies lying on the ground. I generally pick them up. Others say it isn't worth the trouble.

So is it worth it? If it takes you five seconds to pick up a penny, you're making $7.20 an hour. Although that doesn't seem like much nowadays, especially since it doesn't come with health insurance or other benefits, it is effectively tax-free. And if the act of picking up a penny doesn't take time away from other work you're getting paid for, then even $7.20 an hour may be better than nothing.

So for now I'll probably keep picking up pennies.

*********************

More thoughts on picking up pennies:

Even if pennies you find are technically taxable, as a practical matter it's seldom if ever enforced. I suppose they'll eventually have video cameras and GPS systems and such built into coins to keep track of such things, but it'll be quite a while before the cost of the technology gets that low.

And if they do develop ways to keep track of lost pennies, what if the powers that be decide that any lost penny you notice is taxable income even if you decide not to take it? I recall something vaguely analogous involving stock options at the end of the dot-com boom, possibly having to do with Alternative Minimum Tax. Some people had to pay taxes on money they could have made but didn't, or something like that. I don't know the details, but I do recall that there was lots of fuss about it at the time.

At lunch a few days back we got onto the subject of scattering pennies on the sidewalks in less affluent parts of town as a sort of charity. Those who really need the money will pick them up, while those who are better off financially will be more likely to ignore them. So we won't need bureaucrats investigating everybody to determine who should be given welfare benefits and who shouldn't.

*********************

On the other extreme from picking up pennies, there was a little item in the news where someone was arrested after trying to cash a check for $360,000,000,000 (three hundred and sixty billion dollars) at a bank.

Even if the teller had not had any reason to question the legitimacy of the check, they probably would not have had that much cash in the drawer right then. So it would have come to the attention of the teller's supervisor, and possibly others in the bank's chain of command. In addition, there may not have been enough money in the owner's account to cover the check. That would have been another sign that something was amiss.

Be the details as they may, someone in the approval chain contacted the owner of the account the check was written on. The owner said the check had been stolen, so people at the bank called the cops, who arrested the guy trying to cash it.

*********************

Someone on LiveJournal was complaining about a parking ticket he got. It was one of those streets where they do street sweeping a couple of days per month, and he got confused about the dates.

That led to thoughts of some kind of wireless computer network thingie in those parking-restriction signs that would tell your car's computer whether or not it is currently OK to park there. It should also be smart enough to figure out situations like when it's OK to park there now but you'll need to move by tomorrow morning.

Besides giving a readout of the details, it could also blink at some varying rate or show colors or something to give a rough non-verbal indication of how soon you'll need to move. That should reduce the chances of the information not registering because you have your mind on something else.

Also, I expect cars of the future to have their own cell phones. So the car could call its owner with some sort of "Come and move me before I get a parking ticket" message.

Yes, it may cut the revenue cities get from parking tickets. But where the goal really is to keep streets clear and traffic moving safely (rather than just a sneaky way of raising revenue) it would be a good thing to have.

And it may not be that much of a money-loser if it's also smart enough to notify the cops when there's a vehicle parked there illegally. That would improve the ratio of tickets written to man-hours spent patrolling, so it could be a winner even if fewer tickets are written.

*********************

In other news, the airlines are starting to charge extra for services that used to be included in the basic fare, such as checked baggage. So how long will it be before passengers hear something like this:

"In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. Simply put the mask on over your nose and mouth, then slide your credit card through the slot to start the flow of oxygen."

*********************

Back on marriage, there's the Selkie legend:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selkie

The Selkie comes out of the water as a seal, then takes off the seal skin to become human. He or she must put it back on to return to the sea in their seal form.

In a common form of the legend a man finds a female Selkie's skin and holds her captive by denying her access to it. He marries her and they start a family.

Is that really the kind of thing you'd want to base a loving marriage on? It makes sense in the old context of women as property, but it doesn't fit well with the currently popular concept of both parties to the marriage being equal partners who expect married life to be mostly happy.

I think I've heard songs and/or stories of Selkies remaining human voluntarily, or going back and forth on some sort of monthly or annual cycle, but I don't know how common that version of the story is.

*********************

Speaking of magic and the sea:

Shores of Wonder

I keep getting on mailing lists for ocean cruises: A week or two of tropical islands Or icy fjords Or ancient ruins along desolate shores.

I find the brochures to be interesting reading Even if I never really plan to go.

One that came today was Different.

At first glance it seemed like more of the same, With a page showing Terms and Conditions And lists of prices And diagrams of which room is where on the ship.

But then came the good part: The description of the cruise itself.

We set sail from Florida Toward the infamous Bermuda Triangle, To that secret point along the hypotenuse That marks the gateway To the kingdom of the Fairies.

We follow the shores of that magical land, Stopping here and there to spend a day Exploring its cities and castles And even the market places, Although we are warned not to buy anything.

Much of what looks like treasure there Will turn to dust and ashes When we bring it home.

In the evening we retire to the safety of our ship. To watch and listen from afar As the fairies frolic in the moonlight. Were we to go and join them Our loved ones at home Might never see us again.

On another day we drop anchor Out in the middle Of what looks like no place special. Then underwater cameras bring us Mermaid's-eye views Of what remains of Atlantis.

The more adventurous may don scuba gear For a closer first-hand look.

One corner of the map is marked "Here be Dragons".

That does not deter us, For the tour company has made a treaty with them.

In exchange for bits of treasure (included in the price of the tour) We are given safe conduct Through those otherwise perilous seas and islands As giant winged forms pass to and fro overhead.

A few of the dragons let us tour their caves, Where we marvel at the treasures They have amassed over centuries, Along with half-melted armor that is all that remains Of many a brave but foolish knight.

There is one area we dare not enter: The Sargasso Sea, graveyard of lost ships. We detour around it at a safe distance Lest we too come to grief there.

Finally, our ship returns Through the secret gateway Along the hypotenuse of the Bermuda Triangle, Back to our "normal" world.

I set the brochure down Next to the rest of the day's mail. While I don't think I will go, I do find the thought quite tempting.

-- Tom Digby First Draft 11:03 Sun April 6 2008 Revised 02:26 Wed June 4 2008

*********************

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#130: Tom Digby (bubbles) Wed 7 May 08 00:43

Wed, 07 May 2008 00:43:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #164 New Moon of May 5, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

As I write this it's Cinco de Mayo, Spanish for "Fifth of May". There's a Wikipedia article on it, as there seems to be on almost everything:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinco_de_Mayo

Unlike May Day and Mother's Day and many other such special days of the year, Cinco de Mayo reminds me of no childhood memories. As far as I can recall it wasn't celebrated by the people around me when I was growing up. I started hearing about it (or maybe just started noticing it) only after moving from Florida to California.

This seems reasonable in that Cinco do Mayo commemorates an event in Mexico's history, while most of the Hispanic people in Florida came from places other than Mexico.

*********************

In other current headlines there's the matter of gasoline prices. One article had an analysis in terms of supply and demand. That reminded me of something from years ago.

Back during the oil crisis of the 1970's, when prices were rising to what were then considered outrageous levels and many gas stations didn't have any to sell at any price, there were rumors that it was all just a big conspiracy by the oil companies. More than one talk-radio caller told of seeing tanker trucks from Southern California refineries dumping gasoline in the Mojave Desert. This was supposedly the oil companies' way of creating a "shortage" so they could manipulate the market.

I think this appealed to people because it promised a quick fix. Once it became known that the oil companies were dumping truckload after truckload of gasoline out in the desert the authorities would make them stop doing it. That would put an end to the "shortage", gas prices would drop back down to reasonable levels, and all would be right with the world.

I suspect those who believed this theory didn't think through such questions as how many truckloads would have to be dumped to make a significant difference, and whether there might be cheaper ways of doing it than paying truck drivers to drive a hundred miles or so out into the desert, dump their loads, and then drive back.

Be that logic (or lack thereof) as it may, I haven't heard any such rumors this time around. While I no longer listen to talk radio the way I used to, I'm pretty sure that if such tales were circulating I would have seen them mentioned on the Internet.

*********************

Speaking of rumors of shortages, don't forget the great toilet paper shortage of 1973. According to the Internet, TV host Johnny Carson made a joke about an impending toilet paper shortage. This led millions of viewers to stock up, leaving store shelves bare for weeks.

And now I'm reminded of that famous FDR line: "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". That seems to apply here, in that fear on the part of the public brought into being that which they feared.

*********************

"No, it's not really windy at all. Those trees were just waving their branches around to fool people. They like making people in that hotel over there, the one with windows that don't open because they have air conditioning, put on more cold-weather clothing than they'll actually need."

*********************

Speaking of anniversaries and such, Wikipedia says that Napoleon Bonaparte died around this date in 1821. That, along with other stuff I'd been reading, reminded me of the old comic-book cliche of crazy people believing themselves to be Napoleon. Insane asylums were supposedly full of people wearing Napoleon hats and standing around with their hand stuck inside their shirt.

Inmates who weren't busy being Napoleon would likely as not be cutting out paper dolls.

At least that was a common cliche forty or fifty or sixty years ago. I haven't noticed it much lately. Has it faded, or am I just not reading the right comics nowadays?

Also, in years past there were a number of colorful slang terms for mental hospitals: Funny farm, booby hatch, nut house, and so on. I hear them less frequently nowadays. Have they fallen out of style? Are they now considered politically incorrect?

I'm also reminded that I first heard the word "asylum" in the context of insane asylums. So when I started seeing news stories about refugees from this or that war-torn country asking for "asylum", I was confused at first. Why would refugees be asking for mental hospitals? It didn't take me long to figure out the more general meaning of the word "asylum", but it was confusing for a while.

*********************

Does the Stork bring anything other than babies?

What may be a more pertinent question is whether Cupid and the Stork coordinate their efforts. You don't seem to hear that question raised very often, but it's sort of important, at least to those who believe in Cupid and the Stork. Whatever Cupid does now will affect the Stork's future workload. So each should have at least a general idea of what the other is doing or planning to do.

*********************

Someone in another forum was asking why computers and software still make it so easy to lose your work to a power glitch or a wrong keystroke.

Maybe the software industry has been overrun by psychic vampire telepaths who live on users' anger and frustration?

Now there's a new plot twist: The open-source movement is threatening the vampires' survival by forcing them out into the open. So now what?

*********************

Do you ever wander the silent trails and byways in the quiet hours of the night, when you are allowed to imagine spiders playing strange music on the strings of their webs to serenade the fairies fluttering just behind your ears where you can hear them but can never look directly at them?

And do the fairies tell you that that other sound you hear is the machinery of the starry celestial spheres creaking ever so softly because no one believes in that kind of thing enough nowadays to climb the rainbow bridge to the heavens to oil the cogs and bearings upon which the universe turns?

And does that news cause you to just sort of begin to weep, giving the fairies one salt tear they can take to the sea like some sort of precious jewel to offer to the mermaids in exchange for the magical elixir that will smooth the motions of the ever-turning spheres, bringing their music back into proper tune so that, at least for now, the skies will not fall?

*********************

There are times when I can't seem to think of anything to write about. Sometimes it feels like I'm just going round and round, like whatever a merry-go-round would be called if it wasn't merry. You don't see somber-go-rounds or angry-go-rounds or even apathetic-go-rounds very much nowadays. But then again, you don't see all that many merry-go-rounds either. Is there a reason?

Should we ask Congress to set up a committee to investigate why the various kinds of [emotion]-go-rounds are so seldom seen nowadays? Also, ask the various Presidential candidates about their positions on the matter? Since it's an election year, they should have something to say about it, even if it's only s generic statement to the effect that there are more pressing matters that require their attention.

As for their position on merry-go-rounds, do they prefer to ride the horses up and down, up and down, up and down, or would they gravitate more toward the bench seats that let you just sort of sit there and watch the world go by? Would a preference for the latter be considered too stodgy for a President today, what with all the world political stuff in constant upheaval?

Should somebody try to invent something that instead of doing the old boring up and down thing, has more of a random chaotic feel to it? I don't think it's on any politicians priority list, but perhaps it would be possible to drum up private funding for it? This is, after all, Silicon Valley. And according to some of the legends, sillier things than this have gotten funded.

*********************

It's May, and roses are in bloom all over Silicon Valley. That leads to this:

Roses Are ...

My Fairy friends need roses Of all kinds and colors For some spell or enchantment or something, But they don't want to waste their treasure Buying flowers from earthly florists.

So what might I suggest instead?

How about the roses only Fairies can pick?

There's one that grows in the sky On the pink clouds of sunset.

Somewhere around the world It's sunset right now, So if they hurry They can pick all they want Until the sunset fades To twilight And the twilight fades To darkest night And the black night roses bloom, Unseen by mortal eyes.

Then come the sunrise roses That look just like their sunset brethren, But whose perfume Hints of bright new beginnings While the sunset scent Lulls you toward sweet slumber.

Speaking of the Sun, The blinding white roses that grow there Must be approached with caution Since they can melt any vase you put them in. Leave that one to the salamanders.

Perhaps the rarest rose of all Is the icy flower That blooms only in Antarctica In the month of May. No mortal who has seen it Has lived to tell the tale.

This roster of roses is far from complete, But the Fairies can fill in the blanks And take it from here.

-- Tom Digby First Draft 03:53 Thu February 28 2008 Revised 01:01 Tue March 4 2008

*********************

HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that does not. Both are linked from

http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change your settings.

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#129: Tom Digby (bubbles) Mon 7 Apr 08 20:13

Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:13:00 PDT

SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com

http://www.well.com/~bubbles/

Issue #163 New Moon of April 5, 2008

Contents copyright 2008 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits.

Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end.

*********************

As I sit here pondering what to write about I feel a distinct lack of inspiration. Is that because as I'm first-drafting this paragraph today is April 4, "Not Found" Day?

As many of you know, the error code for when a Web page can't be found is 404. So it seems appropriate to April 4, which is "4/04" in both month-first and day-first formats.

Of course that date will have passed by the time you read this, but that just means you'll have all year to think of something appropriate to not find next April 4.

I'm also reminded of this:

Clock glows 4:04 As I wake in the darkness Thinking "Dream Not Found"

So what have you not found lately?

*********************

Speaking of finding things, I was browsing Wikipedia and came upon an article about a Secret Court they had at Harvard back in the 1920's:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secret_Court_of_1920

It dealt mainly with homosexuality, which was a big no-no back then. At least one person was expelled from the university because he associated with known homosexuals, even if he wasn't one himself. Apparently the standard for conviction was not "beyond a reasonable doubt" or even "preponderance of evidence", but something closer to "probable cause" or "failure to prove innocence".

We went through a similar thing about Communists back in the 1950's:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McCarthyism

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Led_Three_Lives

And don't forget the various witch hunts down through history:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch_hunt

Now we may be doing it again, this time with "terrorists".

Is there something in the human psyche that predisposes people to this kind of thinking? Perhaps in evolutionary terms wrongly punishing a few innocent people is not as bad for the tribe as failing to catch those whose actions are really endangering the group. Since evolution is based on the probability of passing on genes, any specific individual is expendable if sacrificing them helps others with that same gene pass theirs on. So in the context of evolution that kind of witch hunt makes sense.

*********************

On a lighter note, I also found this. I was going to include it in the section about the secret court, but as I started polishing that text this no longer seemed to fit the mood.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lather%2C_rinse%2C_repeat

*********************

Speaking of conventions, which I wasn't, the last couple of hotels I've stayed at had those little signs to the effect that if you were staying more than one night and wanted to reuse a towel rather than have the hotel waste water and soap and energy washing it every day, you should put it on the rack. If you were done with it, drop it on the floor.

Problem: There were no such racks in evidence. There was one rack full of clean towels, but that was it. Do they want people to put their used towels there? That leads to the possibility of the next guest getting your dirty towel by mistake. Also, if there are several people in the room, each person should have a separate place to store their towels so they can keep track of whose is which.

I've noticed this lack of towel racks in other hotels as well.

After staying at one such place I sent them a comment about it. I got a canned reply that would have been appropriate had I been reporting a maintenance problem rather than a design issue.

So not only was the room not set up for what the hotel management said they would like guests to do, but they weren't really paying close attention to comments either.

*********************

Do dyslexic football players ever get incarcerated because they mix up the words "goal" and "gaol"?

*********************

I've been seeing newspaper ads for some movie about football back in the 1920's or thereabouts. The tag line says something about there being no rules.

That got me to wondering if they really had literally no rules. If that was the case, how did they know that what they were doing was really football and not harness racing or skeet shooting or square dancing or sudoku or whatever?

If one team's players were to stay home and later claim to have won by astral projection, what basis would the other team have for claiming otherwise?

It seems fairly clear to me that in order to play in any meaningful way they would need at least some basic definitions of what the game is. And to me that set of definitions counts as "rules of the game".

But then I'm not a sports expert, so I could be wrong.

*********************

The thought of a game with no rules reminds me of Calvinball, even if Calvinball does have at least one rule.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calvin_and_Hobbes#Calvinball

And it also reminds me that "Calvin and Hobbes" is another thing that has long been on my "Not Found" list.

*********************

Suppose someone finds two people who not only don't know one another directly, but are seven links apart in terms of mutual acquaintances. Since that violates the legendary "six apart" thing, some TV producer decides to make a show of introducing them to each other on live TV.

Of course they don't really need to introduce them to each other directly. Introducing any two non-adjacent members of that chain of seven would reduce its length to six or fewer. But that wouldn't be as dramatic, unless there was something special about those particular members of the chain. Using intermediaries might be a good workaround if the people at the ends of the chain don't speak the same language.

Also, what if, in the process of preparing for the show, some members of the TV show crew get to know one member of the supposedly seven-apart pair, while other crew members get to know the other member? If those crew members know each other then wouldn't that blow the whole concept?

Back to the drawing board.

*********************

Something reminded me that when I was a child I thought vacant lots didn't belong to anybody the way lots with buildings on them did. Since kids were pretty much free to play on any vacant lot in the neighborhood, I thought someone who wanted to build a house was similarly free to just find a vacant lot and start building on it.

Of course this may not be as silly as it sounds. I recall some events involving camping where the group would reserve a campground and then individual members would choose specific spots on a first-come-first-served basis.

And didn't some frontier settlements work that way, sort of?

*********************

I was reading about how sharks are constantly shedding teeth as they grow new ones. That led me to wonder if the Tooth Fairy visits sharks. Probably not, since sharks don't sleep on pillows and thus have nothing to put lost teeth under. They also don't, as far as I know, use money.

That may be a good thing, because otherwise the Tooth Fairy would go bankrupt. That could lead to a three-way class-action lawsuit between sharks, dentists, and children. It could be quite messy, taking years to wend its way through the various courts, until the Supreme Court finally settles the matter.

And think how terrible it would be if a shark were to eat the Tooth Fairy. Who would take over the job? Santa Claus? The Easter Bunny? The Great Pumpkin? Or maybe some small-town dental assistant who doesn't even know that he's in line for the position until the media people start showing up at his door?

If you or any of your relatives have ever worked in any field connected with dentistry, how do you know you're not next in line to be the Tooth Fairy?

*********************

I recently found myself at the halfway point on some small project. So I got to thinking about halftime. Should I take a break with marching bands and such, like they do for halftime at football games? Or would the music and the tromp, tromp, tromp of marching feet disturb the people in the neighboring apartments, especially the one right below mine?

Or would the problem be self-limiting because this apartment is too small for more than a handful of marching-band members to march around in?

The more band members you try to stuff in, the less room there is for them to march around. You could possibly just have them mark time by marching in place, but there's still the matter of room to maneuver their instruments, at least if you want them to play anything. This is especially true for bass drums and sousaphones and slide trombones, although it sort of applies to all instruments except possibly cell phone ring tones.

Making more room for the band might be an incentive to get rid of some of my clutter. Then I could consider taking out some of the interior walls, although the landlord might not like that, and besides the walls may be load-bearing.

On the other hand, that may be one of the advantages to living in a building full of small apartments. None of the neighbors will be able to have marching bands marching around in their apartments to annoy me. It's a double-edged sword, or sauce for the goose and the gander, or whatever other cliche saying seems appropriate.

And I almost forgot. Wasn't this whole thing originally to celebrate the halfway point in some project I was supposed to be working on? Whatever happened to that, whatever it was?

*********************

X: "That's a cursed word."

Y: "Really? My parents used to use it, and they weren't much for cursing."

X: "I didn't say it was a curse word. I said it was cursed."

Y: "Huh?"

X: "Someone put a curse on that word. Something to the effect that it will always get spelled wrong, or dictionaries will always get its definition wrong, or something like that."

Y: "Why would someone want to curse a word?"

X: "I have no idea."

*********************

The Village Dragon

If the dragon has a name, it's not one that fits human ears Or human tongues.

The people of the nearby village know him as "Our Dragon" And they will gladly tell you How most of the tales told about him are wrong.

Yes, he can breathe out fire, And he used to ravage the countryside for miles around. But that was centuries ago, Before he and the people of the village made peace.

Now he helps light the village's holiday bonfires.

And yes, he does keep a pile of gold and jewels in his cave. But he isn't obsessive about it And he is generous to any villagers in need of aid.

Those maidens he supposedly devours? He finds them more useful as servants and messengers and companions, And pays them decent wages.

Now and then a knight in shining armor will appear, Asking villagers for directions to the dragon's cave. Most depart in peace Once people assure them That this dragon does not need to be slain.

Only the occasional hothead with more bravery than brains Ends up on the dinner menu.

Knights are not his favorite food. He prefers the animals of the forest, Especially the wolves that now and then make their way to the meadow Where the shepherds keep their sheep.

He also finds bandits and highwaymen to be rather tasty, Especially when weighted down with ill-gotten gold.

But the adventurers he most enjoys Are the wandering bards and troubadours.

No, he doesn't eat them.

He listens to their songs and stories And gives them shelter in his cave, Safe from the elements and the perils of the night.

He often sends his maidens To invite the people of the village To join the merriment. The cave rings with song and laughter, sometimes until dawn. Then all go their separate ways, bearing fond memories.

Those memories are the dragon's real treasure, Far more precious than silver or gold.

-- Tom Digby First Draft 18:21 Fri April 4 2008 Edited 22:11 Sun April 6 2008

*********************

HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU

There are two email lists, one that allows reader comments and one that does not. Both are linked from

http://www.plergb.com/Mail_Lists/Silicon_Soapware_Zine-Pages.html

If you are already receiving Silicon Soapware and want to unsubscribe or otherwise change settings, the relevant URL should be in the footer appended to the end of this section in the copy you received.

Or you can use the above URL to navigate to the appropriate subscription form, which will also allow you to cancel your subscription or change your settings.

-- END -- [Read entire topic]