Copyright 1991 Aya Katz
FROM VACUUM COUNTY FILES
PROGRESS REPORT(br>
VACUUM COUNTY ADULT PROBATION
SUBJECT: TANDER, RANDY OFFENSE: POSS'N, CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE
INTEROFFICE REPORT --- progress report
[2Transcribed from a taperecording made with the subject's consent.0]
SUBJECT VOICES CONCERNS OVER ATTORNEY/CLIENT RELATIONSHIP
"Um, like, uh, I've got something I kind of felt like sharing, you know."
---"Go ahead Randy."
"Like, I don't want to, like, seem, like I'm telling tales, or nothing, but, like, I'm thinking, maybe I ought to switch, lawyers or something."
---"Why, do you think that, Randy?"
"Well, um, like, you know, I'm thinking, like maybe I've got enough going against me without ... like the judge trying to kill my lawyer, you know what I mean?"
---"The judge trying to what?"
"Like I told you before, man, okay, about the time I had this hearing when they had to cancel it and all ... because the judge thought David, that's my lawyer, see, that he was real contemptible and all ... so he sent him to jail.
"Well, my lawyer's been out of town for a spell, like he was drummed out of town, or something, but last week, you know, he phones and says meet me in Hillsboro. So I go, 'fine, man. No sweat.'
---"Why did he want you?"
"Search me. I just figured, what with me losing my last job and all, I had some time to spare. So I go: Sure thing. Why not."
I asked the subject where it was that he met with Mr. Smith.
He replied: "Well, he'd got this temporary job there, as a public defender. Only he was sitting in the investigator's office and he had a bunch of people there that I knew. Like, they were all from Vacuum County, see. He said he could get me part-time work doing leg work, see. Okay. So I go: fine. Sure thing."
"And that evening, we were having this barbeque at the park. Real nice, with hamburgers and hot dogs and beer and stuff. And it was all for free. David was paying. So, I go, like he's a real nice guy, you know. And David like, he starts to play the guitar and we all come round to hear. And he does Red River Valley and we like sing along and stuff. And after he gets through we ask him for more. He couldn't right away, cause he was having a hot dog, see. But then we kept at him, so then he does his Nabal song.
---"His what?"
"You know. Like the title, man, I think is like, "A Fool Says" or something, but nobody remembers that. You know, the one that goes like this:
Old man Nabal
When he's able
Takes account that there's no God.
Spurns the people,
Says they're evil,
Man, he's gripin' all day long.
They're all rotten,
I'm forgotten,
They're all out there doin' wrong;
They're all smitten,
Cheatin', shittin',
All they want is extra bread.
But they're frightened
And they're right cause
Soon enough they'll all be dead.
Bones will strew then,
Death and ruin,
'Cause they screwed me something good.
There is no one
Who is doin'
Anything he ought or should.
'Cause I hate them
I'll forsake them,
Never more they'll see my face.
They'll come beggin',
I won't let them
Set one foot on my own place.
Vacuum County
Won't amount to
Much, because I've spared the rod.
Vaca City,
Not too pretty,
Cow dung serves as Earth and sod,
I despise them,
And that's why that
Since I left them there's no god!
"So when he got to that last line, why everybody was howling with laughter, you know, like they always do. But then somebody came up and said: "The Judge is in town!"
"And David goes: "Say what?" And they go: "The judge, man, the judge. He's holed up at the Best Western."
And David goes "Oh, shit."
So David calls Joe up and Joe, he tells him there's a warrant out for David's arrest, see, 'cause like the Judge said he'd stolen some County papers or something.
So David goes back to the guys and he says: "Okay, I need to find out what he's doing here."
So me and Jed Lomis, we get in Jed's truck, which was pretty risky, see, 'cause it didn't pass the State inspection and all, but we figured, what the heck. That number's so faded at the front of the sticker, nobody can read it anyway, right.
So Jed sidles up to the girl at the desk, real suave-like, and he goes: "Hey, chicky, 'sthere someone by the name of Jones staying here? Saul Jones?"
Well, she's real polite, see, she says: "Excuse me just one moment, sir."
And the next thing you know the manager was there, asking us to leave and all. Well, we wouldn't have found out anything at all, like that, except that just then the Sheriff showed up."
---"The Hill County Sheriff?"
"No. Abner Brown. Our Sheriff. So I go: "Hey there, Sheriff." And he kinda tips his hat. "Hi there, Randy." And I go: "What's up, man?" And he goes: "We're here to arrest David Smith." And I go: "Ain't this outside your bailiwick, man?" And he says something about cooperating with the locals.
Then he says "You ain't been driving drunk again, have you, Randy?" And I go: "No, sir."
And he goes: "I could escort you to your vehicle, if you like."
And we go: "No thanks, man, we think we can find it okay."
So we're starting to leave and he calls out behind us: "Boys, you tell David he might as well turn himself in. We've got a whole posse here. And if he tries to resist arrest," he kind of smiled for a second, "there's no telling what might happen."
So we went back and told David. "You better get outa town," Jed goes. "I think they're out to kill you, man."
And David looks real thoughtful, see.
By this time, Joe had made it out there. So he and David hold a pow wow. And they send this girl to find out Saul's room number, see. 'Cause like, she could do that better than Jed and me."
---"What girl?"
"David's girl in Hillsboro. Blond. Real cute. I forget her name.
Anyway, she found us the room number and all. Seemed like that the Judge had this one room and Abner and the posse got the two adjoining rooms and the one across the hall, see. So then David goes: "Who wants to help me pay a visit on the Judge?"
So, Joe's brother, O'Shea, goes: "I'll come." And they took me for a look-out, see.
Well, O'Shea, he's a PI, except he went and got his license yanked, a couple of months back. So, anyway, they get in the Judge's room real easy, seeing as how he's got this set of skeleton keys, real neat ones. And I'm standing in the hall, see, but I hear everything they say.
Well, it was about one a.m. and the Judge, imagine that, he's actually in bed, asleep and all. Pretty square, huh. You could hear him snoring clear into the hall, once we got the door open.
So O'Shea goes: "Now's your chance, David. I don't reckon if anything happened to him, anybody'd be any the wiser."
But David goes: "I'm not going to lay a hand on him, and don't you, either. He's the Judge. Anybody who touches a hair on his head answers to me. Now if he should die of old age or get killed in a car accident, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But I swear, nobody is going to lay a hand on the Judge of Vacuum County. He was elected. The people chose him."
So O'Shea goes: "Then what the hell are we doing here?"
And David, he just goes over to the nightstand. And there are two things there, the Judge's Colt 45, and a glass of water with his teeth in it. So David takes the gun and the glass, and we get out of there. And we go over to the nearest Denney's. So then David gets on the phone and calls over there and finally someone picks it up and it's the Sheriff. So David goes: "You've been sleeping on the job, Abner. This is not good. Not good at all... You were supposed be guarding the Judge. Real slack, you and your posse. Why, somebody broke into the Judge's room tonight, and you didn't even notice... That's right, go and check the nightstand."
Then, I guess the Judge comes on the line and he goes: "Is that you, David? That you, son?"
'Cause David goes: "Yes, sir. It's me." Then he said: "Come meet me at Denny's. I'm not going over there. And just you come in. Leave Abner out of it."
So we wait over at the Denney's, and soon enough a Vaccum County Sheriff's car pulls up. And Abner's driving it, but only the Judge gets out. So the Judge goes over to the breakfast bar and orders a cup of coffee. And David hands him back the water glass. So the Judge puts his teeth in, which makes him a whole lot easier to understand.
And David goes: "Why've you been chasing after me, Judge? First you make me leave Vacuum, then you come after me with a posse, just like hunting after a flea with a shotgun."
And the Judge, he's got tears in his eyes and he says: "I did you wrong, son. I can see that, now. My life means more to you than it does to me. I'm real sorry."
And David goes: "Here's your gun, Judge." And the Judge takes it.
And David says: "God give you back your senses. I would never lay a hand on the Judge of Vacuum County."
And the Judge is like: "Bless you, son. You'll do big things yet." And he just ambles out over to the Sheriff's car. And after they left, we drove over to David's place. And after a while David goes: "It's not safe here. He's going to come after me again." So the next day, he resigns his Hill County job and moves on to Austin. Some of the guys went with him. But I just thought I'd come home.
CONCLUSION
The subject appears to be progressing in peer group situation, but chronic disorientation persists.
Respectfully submitted,
Seth Cain,
Probation Officer
FROM THE DIARY OF VERITY LACKLAND
I wander around, aimless, thinking. Go for walks, long walks, and look up things in the library. Like which is the first commandment. I found them in Deuteronomy, but wouldn't you know it, they're not numbered! So I know where the first commandment starts. But where does it end?
There's a portrait in the library of a man in a confederate uniform. He has Nabal's eyes. And a terrible angry scowl. I asked Nabal about him. He was condescending when he said it, as if afraid that if he spoke it straight out, I would make fun of him. "That is my great grandfather Jafnez. A war hero. And a martyr. He fell in the War between the States."
He was going to make another of his abrupt exits, but I stopped him.
But my curiosity was piqued. Of all people, somehow I never expected Nabal to call it that. When I first heard someone refer to it that way -- Muriel Croston at U.T. - I thought it was because she didn't know the term "civil war."
"Grammatically speaking, wouldn't that be `War among the States'?"
He turned and gave me a strange look. "What was your major in college?"
He had me there. I stared at my toes. "Undecided."
He smiled, he was still smiling when I looked up from my toes, but didn't rub it in. All he said was a rather subdued "Aha."
"But I did very well in the English portion of the SAT," I added. "And one of the rules they insisted on was that if there were more than two of something, you had to use "among" instead of 'between.' I even figured why, though it didn't say in Barron's. 'Tween' is sort of like 'twain' which is sort of like 'two.'"
"Well, you have me at a disadvantage there," he said. "You see, I've never taken the SAT."
He was looking at me as though I were the silliest person imaginable. But somehow I couldn't let it go. "Are you in favor of slavery?"
His tone was bland. "I was never given the choice," he said.
I kind of crinkled my brow. "About what?"
He narrowed his eyes. "About slavery. Among other things."
"Do you think people should have a choice about slavery?"
"Would you impose freedom by force?" He flashed me his teeth. "How unAmerican."
I was getting a little dizzy trying to follow his logic. He came up closer and gave me one of his dirty looks. "The War Between the States wasn't about slavery. It was about self-government."
"But slavery is a terrible thing!"
He nodded. "Yes. It is." His lashes came down to shade his eyes, as he lowered his gaze, still aimed roughly at me. I blushed under his scrutiny. His voice was velvet. "What do you think you are, Miss Lackland?"
"But ... I had a choice. You asked first ..." I stammered.
He cupped my chin in his hand. "A good master always asks." I held my breath. But he just let it go and walked out.
I suppose it's the "War between the States" because they weren't all fighting each other. There were just two sides. I suppose that's the reason.
............
FROM THE DIARY OF VERITY LACKLAND
I have only three pairs of underwear, the one I came in and two that I bought since then from my Brown 'N Serve wages. So far, Nabal hasn't given me a clothing allowance, and since he never promised me any, I don't expect he ever will. He's a man of his word. And only of his word. Nothing extra.
I've been doing my laundry in the bathroom sink and that has worked remarkably well, when you consider that before this year I'd never washed any of my own clothes at all (or anyone else's). But yesterday Pilar remarked on it and this started a whole series of unpleasant events that I wish I could just forget about.
"Miss Verity," she said, as she was going through the supplies in my bathroom, "it is not necessary that you do this. You just throw it in this hamper, and I take it and bring back."
I tried to smile. "Thanks, that's very nice of you." It was a tempting offer, but I was scared my stuff might get lost and then I'd have only one pair. And besides, they have strange customs in this household. I could just imagine Anadora performing Voodoo on my panties. I still haven't gotten over how Nabal gave her that sheet. It's enough to make anyone a little paranoid.
So I was trying to figure out a diplomatic way to get around her offer. After all, she can't enjoy doing laundry, can she? So it would be rude of me to treat this lightly. "I really appreciate it," I started to say, "but I would feel more comfortable doing my own."
She looked at me as though I were a little eccentric, but she didn't seem offended. "Yes, Miss Verity. If you like, I will show you the laundry room, you can do it yourself there."
I suppose I should have realized that she doesn't do the wash on a rock by a stream. But it stunned me that there was a laundry room. So I followed her. She made a stop at Nabal's room for his stuff, and we went on down the hall.
It's a nice big room, with three washers and three dryers. She showed me where the detergent was and the softener. "Okay?" she said.
"Sure," I said. "It's very nice." My mother always said that it was a good thing a class in small talk wasn't required at college, because I'd be sure to fail it.
She started to load her laundry, and I didn't know whether I should just disappear, when she dropped a pair of socks and they rolled over to me. I picked them up and handed them to her. And because it sounded like the "nice" thing to say, even though I had no real desire to do so, I said: "Here let me help you ..." Major faux pas.
There was a fury in her eyes, but she conquered and spoke in measured tones. "No, thank you, Miss Verity. That is my job." Then she turned her back on me, very deliberately, and set to work. And finding nothing better to do, I walked back to my room.
I saw Nabal at breakfast. He had just finished his egg and Anadora was trying to read his future in the leftovers. I had just sat down, and he was leaving. He looked at me, which is rare. "Pilar informs me that you are becoming ambitious." His big dark eyes fixed on me, to see how I bore the accusation.
"Ambitious?"
"I didn't hire you as a laundress," he said. "You're here as unskilled labor ... Very unskilled."
Then he walked out. Anadora seemed very amused. I tried to ignore her.
******
This afternoon, I was taking a walk, when I spotted the Sheriff's car parked by Nabal's office. As I was straining trying to see something to give me a clue as to why he was there; when they both walked out. Nabal stood in the doorway, dismissingly. Abner was apparently being escorted out. I stood in the shade of the sidewall, trying to remain inconspicuous. Abner was stalling at the door. Rather loudly.
"Boy, I don't know where you got that idea about the Judge. He's always gone out of his way to be fair to you folks. But, one way or the other, there's no question David is out to get you. He's stated that in public. So if the Judge goes down, you're dead meat."
I had to strain to make out Nabal's words. "Last time I had to depend on Saul's justice, I fared no better. It's all the same to me." He walked in slowly and shut the door.
Abner made his way to his car, using that swinging gait of his. I pressed against the wall, but he must have caught me form the corner of his eye. He seemed pleased, and approached me smiling. "Why Miss Verity, come up in the world, I hear."
I didn't say anything. I was sure he was being sarcastic, considering I had only that day been accused of aspiring to the post of laundress. He came a little closer. "Don't touch me!" I said.
He laughed. "Why, I wouldn't think of it. Wouldn't lay a hand on another man's property. Not like some people in this County."
I just stared at him. He continued. "Don't you be fightened of me, girl. If I'd known you were holding out for a Cabeza de Vaca ... well, I might not have ridden you so hard. See, but you didn't let on. Acted so meek-like, had no idea you were aiming so high."
"What do you mean?" I asked, edging away from him.
"Look, girl, you didn't do me so nice ..."
He seemed to be levelling with me, although I wasn't sure I understood the jargon. But I was curious, so I asked: "It's obvious you can get away with anything. Why didn't you just rape me that day?"
He looked astonished. "I ain't no rapist, Miss Verity. I'm a decent man. Never took anything wasn't coming to me. Just won't abide no sass, that's all. Look, girl, the County's full of finer looking women 'n you, and many of 'em have gladly been with me. I didn't need you and sure as hell wasn't hankering after you. Considering your looks, you held yourself awful dear. Way above market. And Nabal's a queer fellow to have bought in. I didn't need you any. I just won't abide a tease. And I won't be messed with, see?"
The he tipped his hat, almost gallantly. "But I wish you well. Really I do."
And he walked back to his car.
When I chose to go with Nabal, I did it because I felt he would be fair. He was the only person whose speech was clear enough to understand. Whose judgments, however harsh, were comprehensible. But to the rest of Vacuum County, I've come up in the world, because I'm a slut to a better class of person than they felt I had the right to aspire to. This will take some time for me to digest.
I had no idea, until today, that my real sin was ambition.
..........
So then, this evening we had the AA meeting. I sat there, looking at everybody, trying to figure out where they each fit on their social ladder. Is Randy Tander higher than Lou Ann? How do they determine these things? And once they have, how is an outsider to tell?
After the meeting, I was trying to hurry out but Randy stopped me. "Hey, Verity, you want to hang out at the Brown 'N Serve, man? I've got some dough."
I stared at him, not sure what he had said.
Lou Ann had come up behind me and spared me the trouble of answering. "Are you crazy, Randy? Don't you know she's living with Cabeza de Vaca?"
Randy looked blank for a moment. "So?" Then he brightened, looking at me. "Oh, I get it. Like, he might shoot you or something. Sorry, 'bout that Verity, hadn't thought of it. Maybe some other time, man, okay?" He started to back away. Then he stopped. "You know, it's too bad about him. What I heard."
"What?" I asked.
"You know, like he's a terrible lay, right?" Randy smiled and gave a bogus salute. "Catch you later, Lou Ann."
I turned to her. "What did he say?"
"Don't pay him any mind, honey. It's the drugs."
"Oh." I started to make my wait out to the car. Lou Ann stopped me. "Let's go have a drink at the Brown 'N Serve," she said.
I stared at her. "I don't drink."
She laughed jovially. "Well, of course you don't, honey. Neither do I. We'll have some coffee, what say?"
"I have to get back..."
"You mean the old man can't spare you for a half hour. Pretty tight leash, he keeps you on."
I shook my head. "It's not like that at all. He doesn't care where I am. I just ... want to be there in case he needs me."
"Right, sugar. Like if he gets an emergency case of the hots, huh?" She took my arm and started walking me down the street. "Leave 'em guessing, that's what I say."
We had got up to the Brown 'N Serve. It was dusk, the sky was not quite grey, more like an off white. The Brown 'N Serve was lit up on the inside. It was inviting, but scary too.
I had a dog once who wouldn't agree to come out of the house unless he was on a leash. Then he was perfectly happy, and would drag me around for long walks. Lou Ann's remark about Nabal reminded me of that. Nabal didn't have me on any sort of leash. And that scared me.
Lou Ann sat me down at the bar and ordered two coffees. "Sure, thing Lou," Eb said and he winked.
Lou Ann started digging around in her purse. First she came out with a little mirror and some lipstick and got busy painting her mouth. When she was done, she offered it to me.
"No thanks," I said.
"You could use some make up, honey," she said. "You're so pale. Need some color. Now how do you expect a man to notice you, dressed like that and no make up?"
Eb came back with the coffee. Lou Ann took a tin flask from her purse and poured some into her coffee. "Don't look so worried," she said. "What would I have to confess at the meeting, if I always played by the rules?" She took a sip. "You know it's about time you opened up in there. Doesn't have to be about drinking. Just anything that's on your mind."
I took a sip of my coffee and watched her. "Do you think it helps, Lou Ann?"
She nodded vigorously. "Sure it helps, honey." And she drank some more of her spiked coffee. I must have been smiling because, she stopped and shook her head. "It helps. Not necessarily to stop drinking, mind you, but just to feel better. To feel that somebody's listening, you know."
I shook my head. "Like half the County ..."
"So what's wrong with that? It's better than not having any one at all to listen. Nobody looking out for you."
She took out a cigarette and lit it. " 'll give me something to talk about at smokers anonymous," she said, by way of explanation. Only the words came out distorted by the cigarette, which she was in the process of lighting.
"Lou Ann," I said, very deliberately, because the thought had just occurred to me. "That's just it. Nobody is looking out for you. Or for anyone. And you know it. It's all a sham."
She nodded. "Yeah, ain't that the truth." And smoke came out of her mouth. "But it's just like when I was a kid. After my Dad had given my Mom a black eye, or after he had finished having num nums with me or my sister, why we'd get together, Sis and I, and we'd take turns playing Mommy and saying everything would be okay. That we'd protect each other. That ..." her voice cracked so she just busied herself with the cigarette.
"But you couldn't protect each other ..."
She laughed. "It's worse than that, honey. The point is, we were kids. We didn't want to be taking care of ourselves, even if we could."
"You didn't?"
"Nah. My dream was always to have the kind of Momma and Daddy like in the movies and on TV. Like the Cleavers. The kind that made it all better. Sposin' I could take care of myself, what would that prove? Just that nobody loved me. That I was all alone. That I wasn't worth anybody's time."
She was silent for a while, taking deep breaths. I didn't know whether to say anything.
"One time I took a shotgun, and I aimed it at my Daddy. He was falling down drunk, so I could have killed him, if'n I wanted to. But I didn't. I just said: 'Daddy, you're gonna be a good Daddy to me and Sissy, or I'm gonna kill you, got that? And if'n you do anything wrong, I'm coming for you. I'm gonna get you.'"
"Did that work?"
"Well, it did and it didn't. I kept him in line for a while, till I got tired of it. But you see, when that was going on, he wasn't being a good Daddy, he was more like a kid and I was his Momma. You can't force somebody to be your Daddy. The moment you do that, you're more a Daddy than he is."
I wasn't sure I understood.
"So then," Lou Ann said, "I just let him beat me up and ... the other, cause I finally realized there wasn't any point. No way was I going to get what I wanted. When what I wanted was for him to be nice to me of his own free will. Ain't no way you can force somebody to do that, not in a million years."
"By definition," I said, smiling.
Lou Ann was busy with her train of thought. "Don't know what you mean by that. Anyhow, after a while, Brooker, that's my ex, came and rescued me from my Daddy. And started his own version of the thing. So then they came and took away the kids, and they put him away. And I'm self sufficient now, see. I'm my own Momma and my own Daddy. And at night when I'm scared, I hug my self real tight and say, "Hush, baby, it'll be all right. Momma'll make it all better.' But that's just a crock. It's no fun. Never was. Which is why AA is such a hoot. We can all take turns being each other's Momma and Daddy. It ain't real, but it's better'n nothing."
"Have you told Melinda that?" I asked. "After all, she is responsible for the group ..."
Lou Ann laughed. "Now, don't be silly, honey. That ain't what she wants to hear. She wants to hear how we all want to stand on our own two feet. Glory, glory Hallelujah. Just another yankee pinko. Reminds me of that Union man, came and organized us that time I worked at that soda plant out of County. Kept telling us how the big shots were messing us around. Which they were. So we should take care of ourselves, organize, vote on stuff. Well, when your boss is giving you a hard time, you don't want the guys working next to you to take care of it. If they were fit to take care of it, they'd be the boss, see. You just want to get a better boss, that's all. Otherwise, what would be the point in being employed? I mean, if we all went around making the decisions, who'd be in charge, you know what I mean?"
Well, I wasn't sure I understood her reasoning. But somehow, I think she was really trying to tell me something. If I could only figure it out. And the oddest thing about it -- it reminded me of what Nabal had said earlier. About freedom and slavery and force.
I never imagined Lou Ann and Nabal had anything in common.
__________