Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That
will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
  --Ernest Hemmingway
 
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.
  --Winston Churchill

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
  --Catherine Zandonella
 
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
  --W.C. Fields
 
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
  --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
  --His reply

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
  --David Daye
 
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
  --Oscar Wilde
 
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
  --Henny Youngman
 
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
  --Benjamin Franklin
 
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking
beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.
  --Deep Thought, Jack Handy
  
Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza.
  --Dave Barry
  
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
  --Humphrey Bogart
  
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
  --David Moulton
   
People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of
beer; they just like to pee a lot.
  --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
   
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
  --Kaiser Wilhelm
   
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
  --Homer Simpson
   
I gave up drinking once -- it was the worst afternoon of my entire life.
  --Bogart

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as
hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way
to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
  --Dave Barry
   
I drink to make other people interesting.
  --George Jean Nathan
   
They who drink beer will think beer.
  --Washington Irving
 
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to
spend time with his fools.
  --For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
   
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
  --Dean Martin
   
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like
me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
  --Homer Simpson

He was a wise man who invented beer.
  --Plato