The Ultimate Law:
All general statements are false.

The Whispered Rule:
People will believe anything if you whisper it.

The First Law of Wing Walking:
Never let hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.

Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.

Grossman's Misquote:
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.

Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.

First Postulate of Isomurphism:
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.

Witten's Law:
Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an
hour later.

Perkin's postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

Harrison's Postulate:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Amdahl's First Law of Analogies:
Although the universe may be like a watermelon, and the stars like its
seeds, never mistake your watermelon for the universe.

MacDonald's Second Law:
Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and
give it back to them.

Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1.  If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
2.  If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3.  If it doesn't work, it's physics.

The Sausage Principle:
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either
one being made.

Horngren's Observation: (generalized)
The real world is a special case.

Merkin's Maxim:
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.

Lewis' Law:
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Law of Reruns:
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it
will be a rerun of the same episode.

Shirley's Law:
Most people deserve each other.

Woltman's Law:
Never program and drink beer at the same time.

Allen's Law:
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.

Allen's Distinction:
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get
much sleep.

Avery's Observation:
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something
from the floor while you get up

Berra's Law:
You can observe a lot just by watching.

Comin's Law:
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them
Benjamin Franklin said it first.

Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1.  An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2.  An object at rest will be in the wrong place.

Paulg's law:
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.

Lyall's Conjecture:
If a computer cable has one end, then it has another.

Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules:
Everything costs more and takes longer.

Klipstein's Observation:
Any product cut to length will be too short.

Sueker's Note:
If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.

Rosenfield's Regret:
The most delicate component will be dropped.

Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a
sure sign he expects to be paid for it. --H. L. Mencken

Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and
deserve to get it good and hard. --H.L. Mencken

A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
    --H. L. Mencken

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.
    --Herbert Hoover

H.A. Garret's winning hand:
A Smith&Wesson beats Four Aces
-- 
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat, 'we're all mad here I'm mad. You're
mad.' 
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
    --Lewis Carroll