THE SEED OF WISDOM
40 years ago, I started on a journey. It was a spiritual journey, one that I neither expected nor wanted at the time.
My early childhood was filled with visions, voices in my head, premonitions of coming events; (mostly bad), misunderstandings by those I love, and fear of being thought of as crazy or evil.
As I grew into a young adult (mid teens to late twenties), I began to hide from myself and everyone around me through the use of drugs and alcohol. I didn't want to see what the spirits were showing me. I didn't want to hear what people were thinking anymore. I especially didn't want to feel the pain or impending death of the people around me. So I isolated myself and my emotions with drugs and alcohol.
I ran away both physically and spiritually, although I just wanted one person who would accept me, someone to tell me what it was all about, someone who could tell me how to shut it off or how to control it -- but there was no one. ESP or whatever you want to call it ran in my family but we weren't allowed to talk about it outside of our home. I never could understand why I was born with this curse.
I knew that I was different from others, and there were very few people, if any, that would understand what I was going through. So I ran and hid. I moved from one town to another, never staying more than a couple of months in one place, all the while staying as "high" as possible. I lived my life on the edge, challenging death at every opportunity. Fearing nothing, except, the visions, voices and feelings that never left me in peace for very long.
Over the years, I went from trouble to tragedy as I tried to outrun the visions, voices and premonitions. In the long run and at 28 years old, I had been around the world twice, married a man that used me as a punching bag, had a beautiful son. Then, just as fast, I divorced my husband who, in turn, kidnaped my son. I spent the next three years chasing him from one side of the country to the other until finally, I collapsed from a stroke and sheer exhaustion.
My whole family disowned me for all the trouble I had caused them. I spent time in jail and lost my job, as well as my car, my house and my health. I spent years running. I everything, except the visions, voices and premonitions.
Then on the night of January 2, 1987, I went to bed as usual at about 2 AM. I fell into a deep sleep. Soon I found myself standing in a field of beautiful fragrant flowers. The sun was shining and the birds were singing. I was dressed in along white gown, that flowed out around me in the breeze. I stood there breathing in the fresh air and feeling the sun on my skin. I wondered where I was and why I was there. As I stood there, a man approached.
He was absolutely glorious. He was neither young nor old, He was ageless.
I had seen him before many times when I was a child, I felt as if I had known him all of my life. He was weaning a long white robe with a gold sash and simple sandals. He smiled at me and filled me with the most incredible feeling of pure unconditional LOVE, yet there was no mistaking the sternness. It was as if he was letting me know that, "I must pay attention"! I was out of time and out of choices! There was no place left for me to run and I no longer even wanted to!
He reached out and took me by the hand and said "Walk with me awhile my child." So we walked in silence.
We walked through the field of flowers, breathing in the view. We kept walking until we came to a beautiful river. We walked along the river until we came to a mountain, then we started up the mountain through the trees. I could feel the dirt and pebbles and pine needles beneath my bare feet. I could hear the birds sing and the other forest creatures scurrying about their business. Every once in a while, one would pop out and greet us as we passed by. It seemed as if we had walked for hours, although I never got tired. The feeling of pure LOVE and acceptance never wavered, even for a second.
Not one word was spoken but I felt as if he were showing me a prized possession, like he were telling me that all of this was ours to keep and treasure and protect. That it was like a child to him and he loved it all, as he loved me and himself.
Soon we came to the top of the mountain. As we stood at the crest I could see everything. I mean the whole world! I could see the oceans, and the snow capped mountains, the deserts and the cities. I could see the rivers, lakes and streams. I could feel the animals and the people. It was as if we were standing at the top of the world.
We just stood there awhile and breathed it all in, with every breath it felt as if it were becoming a part of my very being. I could feel its joys and its sorrows, its failures and its triumphs. I felt like I knew every tree, rock, flower, and blade of grass on a personal level. I knew what they thought and how they felt at that very moment. It came rushing in on me so fast that my knees began to give out on me.
My companion led me to a large rock so that I could sit down. This is when we began to talk, although no words were ever spoken, they were more "felt". I had so many questions to ask but I didn't know where to begin, so I just kept quiet at first.
He said "The time of great change is drawing near" and "We are running out of time" He also said "We must humble ourselves and walk naked before GOD!"
Then he showed me scenes of great tragedies, of earthquakes, volcanoes, horrible winds and fires, floods and tidal waves. He showed me the sun being blocked by huge black clouds. Then later, the sun coming out and scorching the earth with its heat and fire.
He showed me death and destruction all around the earth. No one was safe, no one was immune. He showed me wars, horrible battles where brothers were fighting brothers, friends were betraying friends. He showed me millions dying of disease and starvation in the streets.
As I watched all that was happening in horror, I began to weep for the loss. I didn't know why I was being shown all this, and who'd believe me? I wanted to run away from there but I couldn't move. All I could do is cry. Remembering those scenes I cry even now.
As he continued to show me the scenes I began to ask him,"Why, why are you showing me all this? What am I supposed to do? How can I make a difference?"
He looked at me with love, wiped away my tears and said,"You can make a difference! You are just one of many who has been chosen, long before you were born to this life on earth. You must go forth into the fires and find the lost ones and help them find their way home!"
Then he showed me the earth crack open, fire and lava spewing out of the hole. Down the center of the hole grew a spiral staircase. He made me look down inside the crevice. What I saw, I will never forget. I saw thousands of people (men, women and children), trapped inside screaming and crying. They couldn't find their way out through the smoke and flames.
"You MUST go and help them," he said.
I began to cry again and asked how could I possibly find them all? "TRUST IN GOD AND ALL WILL BE REVEALED". he said. "ALL IS NOT LOST!" Then he said that I must go back for now but that he would always be close by. He said that if I needed him all I had to do is pray in the name of the CREATOR OF ALL THAT WAS, IS, AND ALL THAT EVER WILL BE, and he would answer.
He reached out and lifted my face to his and kissed me gently on the forehead and said "Remember, I Love You, Always."
Then I was awake, kneeling, as if in prayer, in the middle of the livingroom. I was crying like I've never cried before. But it was not from sadness or despair.
For the first time in my life I had a purpose, a reason for being here on earth. For the first time in my life, I felt completely, unconditionally LOVED and ACCEPTED. For the first time in my life I had HOPE!
To this very day, I can still feel his kiss on my forehead and his touch on my chin. I feel his presence with me every day, and I know his Love is True.
He has come to me many times in my visions and dreams over the past nine years, to guide me and to heal me and to teach me. He leads me when I'm confused as to where I need to go. And he has brought many people to me to bless my life.
I finally found my son after searching for him for 6 years, Spirit had promised that he would return to me, and he did, when he was 14 years old. He is now 20 years old and a wonderfully gifted young man. I am so proud of him. I am also now remarried to a terrific man who loves me more than, I'm sure, I deserve. We've returned to my place of birth, and we live a quiet life. My family no longer disowns me and we get along very well. I have been blessed so many times over.
Much Love and Blessings,
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