I was in a crisis at work. I was on a new assignment where I felt like a failure. (Hard to relearn at an age near 50?) After a long talk with my boss I realized that much of my feelings were due to my own attitudes. There was often an other angle to look from. I started to change moods.
On the following weekend away on winter sports I realized that there were so many things that made me grateful for my life. Also for the difficult parts.
Back to work on Monday. That afternoon I had a look in the NDE newsgroup that I had been reading for about a month. A person in Denmark asked if those that had returned to life had ever found out of their yet undone purpose in life and if we all have a purpose in life. I felt compelled to answer. That yes, we all have a pupose. Which more or less is just to do good to each other.
I made a rather long discussion on my views that we can do without church. That we will find God in everyday life and that church throughout the centuries has done more harm than good to mankind. That church is mainly a power structure.
On Tuesday when I went out for the morning paper the moon was mighty. I have never before seen it so big. It had a semi-circular form and stood very low on the sky. Now I would estimate that it was on a 20 degrees elevation with a height of around 10 degrees! It was huge! Going off for work an hour later it was gone completely. Strange indeed. Tuesday was just a normal day.
In the night to Wednesday I woke up in the middle of the night. For some strange reason that unsolved head of state murder came to my mind. Why did I get those thoughts? I had not touched the subject in any way. There at night I got all sort of odd theories.
On Wednesday morning that huge moon was there again. At the same time. I took a closer look. No, that was not the moon. It was all blank. There were no shadows of craters. Just the same moon-like grey-blue color. And the strangest of it was that although there were no clouds in that area and the sky was rather bright, the outline of the 'moon' was unsharp. An hour later it was gone.
That day I felt that I had to write about my nightly thoughts. So I wrote an entry in a newsgroup with these far fetched ideas. Now when I read it, it is totally absurd. Then nothing held me back. I took the opportunity to critisize socialism to be much of a cause for all the hardships we see today, where envy and greed play major roles.
I pushed the idea that we must act as individuals and help others by personal sacrifices. We cannot hide behind the state and its taxes. We have a personal responsibility for 'the world'.
In the night on Thursday I woke up again. Then from nowhere came that song into my head "This is the dawning of the time of Aquarius". Why did it enter my mind? I hadn't heard it for over half a year. The song explained the moon to me.
There was no moon out on Thursday morning. At work all my restraints were gone and I beamed out that we were entering the time of Aquarius. That was not smart. I was looked upon as being crazy. And I definitely was not normal.
On Friday morning the sky was dark but for one area. There was an opening. Sligthly north of zenith there was a hole in the otherwise totally clouded and dark sky. In that hole was bright sunny blue sky. It was much bluer than the sky had been on those earlier mornings. It looked strange to me. I just bowed to it.
Some days later, when I had seen a psychiastrist who had declared me healthy, I got an intuition about a certain chapter in the new testament of the Bible. I wrote it down. It took me some weeks before I could locate my Bible that was stored away in the attic.
Yes in that chapter there is also a tale about the sky opening. The implications were too much for me to handle. I forgot about that Friday morning sky for a long time.
When all this happened to me I wrote about it in the NDE newsgroup. Later in April I found the group 'talk.religion.newage' and retold my story there. In my first article, about our purpose in life, I had mentioned the prophesies of Nostradamus. Therefore I felt that my story belonged to the so called newage field.
That crazy week in February was full of coincidences. I had mentioned Nostradamus in my purpose in life entry. Then in the evening my wife told me that that weekend a Nostradamus movie had just been released in the city. Several similar matters occurred. Much more than normally. That also made that week special.
In September I started to follow a Christian Bible discussion group. I gave my views on different topics. I felt that I should speak up due to the confirmation of my views that I had seen that week in February to be. I then read the whole New Testament and I could not see then and I cannot see now why so many people can find the NT to be worth so much discussion.
We should to do good in the world. Period.
I don't have to be a Christian to understand that.
To me church is irrelevant. I find God in my heart.
The Bible doesn't say anything that I haven't found elsewhere. What faith we have is not important. All religions are of man.
In October I got a bit crazy again. I got afraid for what I had written on the network. I had no reason to, but I got into a paranoid state for maybe a week. I made a fool of myself to a handful of people.
Then I knew that I cannot involve myself in these matters anymore. I will go on with my life regardless of what ever happened in February. I can't sort out the meaning of it. I'll just let it be.
Maybe the only meaning was that I should tell my story.
And I have done my telling.
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