The Horrifying Repercussions of Steamybutt

On Wed, 16 Dec 1998, Gary Heayes wrote:

> Dear Cynsa,
> I feel for your butt.  Sorry, let me rephrase that. I feel sympathy for
> your butt problems. You suggest moving to the equator, but I should warn
> you that while moving near the equator might cure mistybutt,  it is
> likely to cause a related problem - steamybutt.
> Let me explain.
> While I don't actually live anywhere near the equator, I do live in a
> country with a semi-tropical summer and a warm rainy season. This has
> meant that on many days my bicycle saddle (sadly not motorbike, only a
> weedy pedal bike), like I said, my bicycle saddle is often very damp or
> even drenched with tropical moisture in the morning. This means a whole
> tropical summer day with a damp behind - steamybutt. And this in turn
> leads to an embarasing medical condition that you may not have
> experienced (since you didn't mention it in your chronicles), which can
> only be described as ... and this is quite embarrassing .... ATHLETES
> Which is rather difficult to explain at the chemist's (or drug store).
> "Err, do you have athletes foot cream?"
> "Yes, what kind of athletes foot is it?"
> "What do you mean?"
> "Well, where exactly on the foot is it? Between the toes? Along the side
> of the foot?"
> "Actually it's not on my feet."
> "Not on your feet? Well, where HAVE you got athletes foot?"
> (at this point, all the other shoppers in the store have gone very
> quiet)
> "Errm, well, it's ... on my bu... err... my posterior."
> So you see, it's not a pleasant thing to have, and I suspect you could
> even get it as a complication of prolonged mistybutt. So be careful.
> Wipe that seat.
> from Gary (in Japan)

Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1998 10:14:06 -0800 (PST)
From: Trunky Paffo 
To: Gary Heayes 
Subject: Re: Equatorial mistybutt - or "steamybutt"

Dear Gary:

I was so sorry to hear the tragic news of your steamybutt, a
condition with which I am admittedly unfamiliar.  yet you have
my sympathies.  

it seems there is no escape in this world from the perils of a misty butt; 
indeed, in some cases the repercussions are even more dire. 

as yet no alarm has been raised in the medical community;  we can
only hope that greed will serve to arouse the pharmaceudical companies
to develop a new topical cream so that you may someday, with pride,
walk into your nearest chemist's and ask for preparation M.  

it is a dream I have.

yours most sincerely,

cynsa beans

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