I love my Momma no matter what. She talks to the angels sometimes, but I can't see them no matter how hard I look. She loves me. My Momma calls me her middle girl. Her middle little girl. Momma scares me only sometimes. Daddy's the one that made her scream. It's all my fault. I cried my eyes out just like the biggest baby in the world even though I'm a big girl now -- eight and a half going on nine. We never did eat our lunch. I bet it's still in the hamper.
I heard them talking about it the night before. All three of us heard but we were so dumb we didn't know a single thing. We didn't know how it would turn out with Momma staying at the place with the ducks for the seeable future and maybe even longer. We hid at the top of the stairs once we saw Momma was sleeping. She always sleeps hard as a rock anymore and her kisses taste like when you accidentally bite down on a popsicle stick and it gives you the creepie-crawlies but sometimes her kisses still taste like they did back when she went to bed at the regular grown-up time. Now she goes to bed even if it's still light outside. Lots of times we don't even get tucked in. We tried that night but we couldn't wake her up, she just said too tired too too tired.
So there was nothing left to do but go out to the hall and listen to Daddy and Betty talk. Daddy told us to call her Aunt Betty but Sally says she's not our real aunt and besides how come Daddy said don't tell about Aunt Betty to grandma or I'll give you a whomping you won't forget? When Momma was sleeping hard sometimes Daddy and Betty would drink whiskey and if they got snockered they might even sing and Betty would do her hootchie-kootchie dance until she just had on her bazoom holder and her pink slip. But if they heard us giggling Daddy would get that look that means better get out of the way if you know what's good for you and go to sleep right this goddamn minute. So we just stayed up top of the stairs and listened.
Daddy said we've got to do something I can't take this anymore she won't do a goddamn bit of housework and half the time my lunch is raw eggs and coffee grounds. Don't I work goddamn hard and for what? If it weren't for you Betty I don't know how I'd stand it with her zonked out of her brain half the time still I'd rather have her sleeping all goddamn day. God knows it's better than when she starts in, I swear to god someday I'll bash her damn brains in so help me god, that would shut her up talking to that goddamn angel right quick. Oh well at least we finally figured out how to do it right it won't be much longer and get me another drink why don't you?
Betty said can't you see we need another bottle, this one's almost gone and don't worry Harry it's all set, we've got the car ready and they're expecting her so there won't be any trouble and don't go getting all down in the dumps on me now didn't I always tell you that you deserved better? What you need is a real woman who knows what it takes to please a man and she can't even cook except for that damn Polack food and are you going to get another bottle or do I have to get it myself?
We wanted to listen some more but of course big baby Mary started kicking her feet just like titty-babies do and before we could grab her they heard us and Daddy came up and made us go to bed but he didn't even give us a whomping for once. Instead he came up to tuck us in even though he never tucked us in since that was Momma's job. He smelled all over like ashtrays and his kisses tasted like spoiled milk or worse still we didn't care once he told us about the picnic we were going on the very next day and how we would go to the lake and feed the ducks. We never got to go on a picnic before so we couldn't help but stay up and whisper because maybe there'd be a duckling we could catch and bring home for a pet but then Daddy yelled up that he was going to get the belt with the nails in it if we didn't go to sleep right that minute so you better believe we didn't let out another peep.
We figured we'd definitely have fried chicken because that was about the only kind of meat we ever had anymore and do chickens really ran around with no heads once you'd whacked them off? We couldn't decide because Momma never let us watch when Daddy would kill us a bird but then we heard Momma coming downstairs so we sent Sally in to see if it was one of her good days because the whole picnic could fall apart in nothing flat if Momma was talking to the angels or saying the lady next door was trying to kill us, even though everybody knew that Missus Boroshevsky wouldn't kill anybody especially Momma since they were both Polacks. As soon as we heard Sally talking normal to Momma we knew it was all right since Sally's voice changed when Momma was having a bad day like Sally was the Momma and Momma was the little girl but today she sounded happy and that was good enough for us. So me and Mary went in and gave her our good morning kisses and she said yes we'd make fried chicken as soon as Daddy got up to kill us a bird.
After we washed up all the whiskey bottles were gone and the ashtrays were back under the sink and Momma was even singing about Michael Row The Boat Ashore Alleluelah and she hasn't done that since forever. So we were good as gold and helped do the dishes just like a happy family just like everybody else and for just a little while it was like Ozzie and Harriet or Father Knows Best with us getting the hamper ready while the Man of the House slept in.
But Daddy slept so late there was no time to kill us a bird after all and then he was cussing a blue streak since nobody had bothered to wake him up at a decent hour. Were you going to let me sleep all damn day long we've got to get on the road if we want to get there before the goddamn sun sets well goddamn it don't just stand there start loading up the car. So we made up some sandwiches right quick and none of us cared about the fried chicken anyway because there was enough food to feed an army in that hamper. In nothing flat we were ready to go what with Daddy telling us to hurry up let's get this show on the road I haven't got all day get a move on. We were so excited we couldn't stay still because it was time to see the ducks.
We were already in the car waiting for Momma and we should have known it was too good to be true because out of nowhere Momma started saying maybe she'd just better stay home where she belongs and her head went all wobbly like it does and we knew that was a bad sign and sure enough she said you go on I'll just stay here and keep watch someone better make sure that the neighbors don't come around and try to slip some poison in our faucets. Then Daddy's face started getting real red and he yelled get in this car right this goddamn minute I didn't go to all this trouble to have you screw it up and if you don't get in this car and shut the door and shut your mouth I'll shut it for you so fast your head will spin.
Then Momma started backing away with her eyes gone rolling around so she didn't even see the burberry bushes she walked into but she didn't notice a thing except Daddy going all purple and she kept backing up right up against the side of the house saying no ohno nono ohno nononono until she couldn't talk at all no more and just stood there with her hair come all undone.
Daddy was breathing so hard I thought his head might just explode this time but then he pulled the bottle out from under the seat and took a big drink and then another and said come on girls, she's calmed down now just get your mother in the car or we won't ever be able to eat our Sunday picnic just sit her down and close the door or we won't get to see the ducks at all so you goddamned better get her in this car before I count to ten.
So Sally walked up to Momma real soft and touched her on the arm but Momma shook her hand away but Sally won't ever give up trying and she gave her a big hug and kept hugging until Momma stopped shaking her head and then Sally said please Momma we want the picnic we never do like real families do and it'll be fun you'll see, and before you knew it Momma stepped in the front seat as pretty as you please and was even trying to pin her hair back up. Then Daddy said just close her door nice and tight Sally now get in the goddamn car let's get this show on the goddamned road so we piled in the back seat and sat there like good little girls even though Daddy took off so fast Mary fell right off the seat and started crying. But I held my hand over her mouth so Daddy wouldn't know because he'd pull over and give us something to cry about so fast it would make your head spin don't think he wouldn't.
I even thought I heard a quack but who cared because just then Momma started shaking all over like she does when it's gonna be bad and she screamed ohnonononononoooo I'm not going back there again you can't do this to me you promised you bastard you promised oh Gabriel I need you now come to me now in the hour of my need now now now oh Gabriel in the name of the father son holy ghost come to me now now right NOW. But I guess Gabriel wasn't listening because he didn't come now right now in fact he never came at all.
So then Momma tried to climb right out her window but it was rolled up tight and that's when her hands went just like birds claws when she saw that the handles were all gone from all the doors but Daddy's. She started yelling how long have you been planning this you drunken lying bastard you've been waiting for a chance to lock me up and move your whore in haven't you answer me and she walloped Daddy on the side of the head but he just drove faster.
We none of us knew how bad it could get but we sure found out quick. Daddy pulled up to the place with the trees and the lake and sure enough there were ducks all over the place but all we knew was Momma who was yelling even louder with her eyes gone all rolling again. She was calling out to Gabriel who was the angel that only Momma could see even though we always looked as hard as we could. I still don't see why she called him all the time since as far as we could tell he never seemed to be much help in fact no help at all.
Then she let out a wail that was the loudest yet and me and Mary and Sally all grabbed each other tight and Daddy jumped out the front car door and slammed it hard and locked it from the outside before he went running off toward this building. So there we were with no handles and Momma trying to crawl her way right through the upholstery into the back where we were and before you knew it she came over the top of the seat right smack at us.
That's when Momma tried to smash out the window with her hand and it wouldn't break but she hit it harder so of course Sally went to stop her because her hand was all bleeding everywhere but just like that Momma went away far far away like she does sometimes, then she can look right at you but not see a single thing. Sally patted her on the back and said there there it's all right there there don't worry Momma everything will be okay it will all be just fine there there you'll see but any old fool could tell it wouldn't be okay and Daddy sure didn't raise any fools.