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composition portraiture
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...time enough

i remember days
days of innocence and of simply being
days rising to mother's closeness and father's smiles during his visits
reveling with my siblings and peers to the cheers of mentors celebrating our legacy, and our potentials therein

these were days when I could leave myself, at times
and feast on the banquet of my mind's eye
gaping at the wonder of dhobitata beams bathing colony ships bound for Ghatiena
observing cascades of raw solar protein from the Polaris conveyer
and dream of Gabriel's arm reinvigorating souls with vibrancy; direction; and purpose, where before there was only want; wandering; and despair
it was here that i was audience to the oracles of Aurelia; symphonies of tiern iata waves escaping the Pythian crystal barrier; marveled at mutating cast refugees creating womb shelters in the collapsing dimensional paradigms

and the child of Kohoutek

when back inside myself, i would be of service
generous and giving
delighting in the goodwill of this disposition
with no intention other than keeping myself of no burden on existence
and perhaps lending aid where invited to

this was home
in such pastures of dwelling, and portals of imagination and being
where there was peace and balance, it seemed, in comforting perspective and reasoning

i remember these days - with longing

days that seem…lost
days before waking, and beginning to see
before realizing the genius and villainies of my species, and of claiming responsibilities in life and society
days before questions of authenticity and of reaching for myself - and the resident answers of personal awareness; mission; and capacity

days that, of late, fade

giving way to other realities within this humanity
to different interests and order
to bleak surprises of heritage and propriety, and tragedies of separation worshiped within such gated constructs
to things i bemoan, but abide

for i am forlorn of passion in no way, mind you
these are retained - whether threnodied to; in the vaults of memory, or wantonly conspired to; in fending off the encroachments of this prurient time

i have known and given love
have come to prize what I know, and what i seek
maintain respect for others and empathy with our mutual vulnerabilities
hold prolific interest and value in the fortune of living
and obsess in prospecting alignments throughout the agencies of conscious things

clumsy exercises at times - worthy enterprises nonetheless
i celebrate them, and exalt in successes and failures mounted en route to the composures they portend
all despite great bastards of compromise sometimes sired in the crucible of experience,
or of criticizing acculturations often seeded within architectures of congregation

thus
i honor and pine for those adolescent days of purity and naiveté, as i endure these contemporary ones of pallid obligation and duty - acknowledging the resource of each - even while resenting burdens of the later

i ponder then -
to keep yearnful focus to those less deliberate times - now almost ruins of an unmatured expectancy?
to revisit them when desiring their caress, and able to linger in their company?
to reconsider them in the befalling designs and pathways of purposeful cognisance?
to reconstruct them upon satisfying prerequisite interests of common and personal amelioration?

perhaps
in good time - if at all

time enough then
for over-indulgent contemplations; though, fine comrades they were
for the cherished and consoling sanctuary of isolation that was my consort
for such unrestrained commune with Narcissus and Socrates, Namor and Caesonea, Shang Chi and T'Pau, Jesus, Malcolm, John, Rachel, Martin, Elaine, Souljah, Tori, and Master Lee, as i would devour with small regard for much else

to these again soon enough, i pray - though i resist even interim loss of these rewards, in challenge to the practicality and declared necessityof such compromise

for now, i shall entertain the advantages and opportunities remaining of
…compatible allies to explore with
…aligned temperaments to consort with
…noble callings to channel
…sufficient process to reflect in

and underlying all, a prize of growth and learning in answer to why

very well
engage then, if i must, these pressing entreats and demands of interdependence and coexistence

but with the recompense of reaching home
that of days fading, or of those to come
of determined expenditure, or of opportune reward
of tenacious desire, or of acceptance for what is
but to what is home again - to be sure

when more complete in my pieties of context, foundations of understanding, frameworks of intention, and security of relations
when lines of reason are better strung between those long ago days of blissful experience, and these current ones of vision
when resolved in present demands of struggle and endeavor
and have reconciled my discontent at deferring intimate solitude and rumination to prying immediacies of involvement and activity

home - oh yes

presently; i most desperately wish
when well recognized
or if clarified to be already had…

still - time enough

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Composition # / Recording #: ? / 341
Composition Dates/Times: 2009.03.12 [10:09:00], 2009.04.05 [14:51:03], 2009.06.04 [01:23:00]
Compilation Assignment: Valmont's Reflections - Volume I

all material © NINTH REASON PUBLISHING (NRP)
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most recent update: 2009jun04