Creative Side

Boneyarders aren't simply rabid fans of UConn basketball. They have other skills as well. What these skills are, I haven't yet determined, but this page contains some of their attempts at song, poetry and image creation.

T'was brillig and our streaker drove
All gyre and nimble in the lane
All mimsy was the Miami groves
and the BBallxxxxx's wrath outgrabe

Beware the Mariawock, my son
The arms that toss, the hands that snatch
Beware the Conlon girl, and shun
The ruinous Badmouth-natch

Too loose a plan can trip you up, and, likewise, two loose shoes.
To loose his wrath upon his friends a gentleman eschews.
A bigamist might marry with two Nancys or two Lous
If you had two loos in England, you might not know which to use.
Tool use is for mechanics and brush use for Toulouse
In the tourney semifinals, we always see two lose.
Too, lose your concentration and you may find that you get
Reductio ad absurdum, by the Poet Lariat!

Hello, everyone, this is your action reporter coming to you live from the University of Tennessee campus in Knoxville, Tennessee. There seems to have been some kind of tragedy here. Lots of people running around with tears in their eyes, bitin their lips. Lets see if this bystander in the orange Nehru Jacket can shed any light on the situation. Pardon me sir, can you tell us what has happened here?

Yes, sir,I seen it all. Here's the way it was. I was sittin right there in the cheap seats, eatin a moonpie and drinkin me a orange Nehi, and I seen it a-comin. I tried to warn em. "Pat, look out for that number 3!", I yells. But it was too late! That dang Ballhog Chick went out and scored 32 points on us and punched our dang stantion with her big ol' fist!! It was alll over!

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat,looka dat!)
It just goes on from week to week
(looka dat, looka dat!)
The LadyVols were real tough
But just not quite tough enough
They ended up up the creek!

Hello again. This is your action reporter on the Riverwalk in San Antonio, Texas. It seems that something exciting has just happened here. Perhaps this gentleman with the red Stetson can tell us what happened. Pardon me, sir, can you enlighten us?

Well, sir, I'll tell you how it was. I was sittin right there in row ZZ-99 and I seen it a-comin. I seen that durn Geno talking to that durn number 3, and I tried to warn 'em. "Sherri!", I hollers, "we still got a chance. They're up to sumthin. Do sumthin quick!" But it was too late. That durn Ballhog Chick come a-backin that dang ball in and jumped up and made a dad-burn bucket and fouled ol Stacey out! It was allll over.

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat, looka dat!)
The OU D was just too weak.
(looka dat, looka dat)
We gave the ball to DT
And she wrapped up the NC
That chick is really unique!

Hello there, out there in radioland. This is your action reporter outside the Hartford Civic Center. Everyone here seems to be more or less hysterical. Something really big must have just happened. Let's ask this man with the orange sweater with the big T on it and the orange propeller beanie if he knows anything about it. Pardon me sir, did you see what happened here?

Well yessir, here's the way it happened. I was sittin right there in the nosebleed section, and I seen it a-comin! We was three dang points ahead and only about ten seconds left to play. There was this time out, see, and I seen this Ballhog Chick git this mean look onto her face. "Pat", I yells, "Pat! Don't let that dang Ballhog Chick even SEE the dang ball!" But it was too late. That ol' #3 jumps up and lets her fly and the dad-burn ball goes swish! It was alllll over!

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat, looka dat!)
That game left all us fans weak
(looka dat, looka dat!)
DT was just havin fun
The streak had hit fifty one
Pat must be starting to freak!

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat, looka dat)
They just get tougher week by week!
(looka dat, looka dat!)
They look like maybe they'll go
About two hundred and 0
They'll be real baaad when they peak!

It's a little hard to read, but that's Boneyard's very own Kait with a sign reading:

Click to play (This should open a dialog box with options to OPEN or SAVE. Select "OPEN")

Who's that girl at the arc knocking down threes
Driving the lane with the greatest of ease
They say it's a man's game but she'll rock their world
'Cause the best of the ballers is that dark-eyed girl

She puts on her game face hair in a bun
The Fab Four are gone but the fun's just begun
So Little Miss Muffett you best run away
'Cause Diana Taurasi has come out to play

(CHORUS)
Some call her Diana some just call her D
They call her Ballhog Chick down in Tennessee
She gives the other coaches a case of the DTs

She's got the name of a goddess and the game of one too
Huntress of the night in Husky white and blue
She must be that goddess 'cause I've seen her face
Carved on the side of an ancient Roman vase
She rose like a phoenix from the courts of Chino
Lit a fire in the mind of Geno
Now her fame like wildfire spreads from coast to coast
With her secret recipe for making Tennessee toast

(CHORUS)

She's a prankster a jokester but she's in it to win
Soul of a warrior with a devilish grin
Does the kind of things no one else would ever dare
Slaps refs on the butt and musses Geno's hair
But with the game on the line you know she'll deliver
The ball in her hand like an arrow from the quiver
She breaks defenders down then she breaks their will too
She melts the snows of Rocky Top down to Mountain Dew

(CHORUS 2X)

FWIW: I recall early last year a game at home against Pepperdine. BTW...I just checked their site and they wound up with a 22-8 record and an NCAA tourney berth. We wound up beating them by 109-48! We had some raggedy offensive games early on but that sure wasn't one of 'em.

Anyway...Diana came out en fuego. Deep treys...old-fashioned 3 point plays...drives...you name it. I distinctly recall she had 19 in the first 8 minutes...maybe a few seconds less than that. I have very little doubt that if Geno had permitted it...and D had wanted it, she could have scored 50...by the half! I have virtually NO doubt that she could have broken the game scoring record at UConn [46 by Nykesha against Stanford].

But Geno didn't permit it...and Diana didn't want it. She shut down her own shooting game...passed, passed and passed some more. Geno limited her minutes. She wound up with about 25 Blakeon18

To Maryalyce Jeremiah of the NCAA Seeding Committee:

A little Irish laughter
Would grace you like a rose
But you're the biggest shafter
A master with the hose!

To the pizza vendors at Gampel:

Yer Scottish blood is showin'
With those tiny bits o' dough
But the green is surely flowin'
Straight to UConn's CFO

To Husky O'Nan, who got us into the body parts business:

Bless your little Irish heart --
and every other body part

To Muffett McGraw, whose name reminds me of sweet Molly Malone, it does:

May the Irish hills caress you
May her lakes and rivers bless you
May the luck of the Irish enfold you
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you
But all of that won't get you past the second round, my child.

To Tara, and it's a fine old Irish given name ye have:

May the saints protect you,
And sorrow neglect you,
And here's to the fan
That doesn't respect you

To St. Patty Summitt:

May your heart be warm and happy
With the lilt of Irish laughter
Every day in every way
But no banner on the rafter

To Geno O'Riemma:

Now sweetly lies old Eire,
Emerald green beyond the foam,
Awakening sweet memories,
And two wins at the Alamodome

To Geno's friends Sherri Coale and Jim Foster:

Here's to me, and here's to you,
And here's to love and laughter -
I'll be true as long as you,
And not one moment after

© 2002 JS / Wonkster Productions

[Author's note: There is one Ballhog
Chick poem for each of Diana Taurasi's
four years at UConn. This, from her
freshman year, was extracted from the
catacombs in the fall of 2004 through
the diligent efforts of j66kicker, restored
in black and white, and sized to fit your
screen.

UConn's got a young guard
And they call that girl DT.
And you never find it hard
To see she's friendly as can be.

She pats the ref right on the butt
And tousles coach's hair.
She always makes you bust a gut
And never shows a care.

But opponents better watch out
Cause this gal's got mucho game.
She's gonna make your coach pout,
Make you sorry that you came.

You can try your X's and your O's
She's gonna make you pay.
Give you headaches, give you woes,
Make you wish that it were May.

No matter what you've learned,
And no matter what your schtick
You'll still get good and burned
By that grinning Ballhog Chick.

If your manning gives you trouble
Then try your box and one.
If your zoning lies in rubble
And your double teams are done

Then it hasn't been your day
Be you Muffet, be you Pat.
Just shake ol' Geno's hand and say
"Nice game, you little brat."

"Cause no matter what we boasted
We just couldn't make it click.
We were lit up, we were toasted
By that awesome Ballhog Chick."

THE LEGEND OF THE BALLHOG CHICK

by JS

"I can't ask advice from Geno,"
Sherri Coale was heard to say,
"how to stop that kid from Chino
in the title game today.

"I've been trying to remember
how she looked from where I sat.
Haven't played them since December
so I thought I'd go ask Pat."

And Miss Pat was fine and cheerful
'til the dreaded name arose.
Then she looked a little fearful,
and she stared down at her toes.

Soon her mouth began to quiver
and her eye displayed a tic,
as she whispered with a shiver,
"It's that friggin' Ballhog Chick!"

"When we played in Thompson-Boling
she just shot our lights right out.
Punched our stanchion, no controlling
how it turned into a rout.

"Then with Sue she fairly killed us
in a semifinal stomp
when her threes and passes drilled us,
and it turned into a romp.

"So no matter how you swagger,
and no matter what your schtick,
it can't save you from the dagger
of that awful Ballhog Chick"

Sherri said "She can't defeat us!
We can stifle her, just wait.
We won't ever let her beat us,
even though they say she's great.

"If we lose I'll have to blame it
on that dear old RobertN
who in trying hard to flame it
coined her name away back when."

Then Miss Pat said "Best of luck when
Oklahoma takes the floor.
Just remember it'll suck when
you must tell the media corps:

"Oh no matter what we boasted,
we just couldn't make it click.
We got lit up, we got toasted
by that doggoned Ballhog Chick."

Every Fan Down in Huskyville Liked March Madness a lot
But the Grinchy Pat, Who lived just South of Huskyville, Did NOT!
Grinchy Pat hated March Madness! The whole Madness season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be her team wasn't in the game just right.
It could be, perhaps, that her game plan was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her recruiting class was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, Her team or her plans,
She stood there on March Madness Eve, hating the Husky Fans,
Staring down from her cave, with a sour, Grinchy frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For she knew every Fan down in Huskyville beneath was busy now, picking a spot for a Championship wreath.
"And they're hanging their banners!" she snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is March Madness! It's practically here!"
Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop UConn from winning!"
For she knew that all the Huskyville girls and boys
Will wake bright and early and rush to their seats!
And then! Oh the noise! Oh the Noise! Noise! Noise!
Then all the Husky Fans, young and old, would sit down to watch the game
And they'd Cheer! And they'd Cheer!
And they'd Cheer
Cheer!
Cheer!
Cheer!
And they'd cheer for Geno and CD and the Beast of the East
Which was something Grinchy Pat couldn't stand in the least!

The more the Grinchy Pat thought, "I must stop this whole thing! Why since 1995 I've had to put with now! I MUST stop UConn from winning...But HOW?

Then the Grinchy Pat got an idea. She got an awful idea. The Grinchy Pat got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinchy Pat laughed in her throat. And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and coat. And she chuckled and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick! With hat and this coat I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

All their windows were dark. No one knew she was there. All the Huskies were dreaming Final Four dreams without care.

"This is stop number one!" the old Grinchy Pat hissed as climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist.
Then she slid down the chimney a rather tight fit, but Santa could do it, then so could the Grinchy Pat.
She stuck her head out of the fireplace and saw all the Big East Championship banners hung all in a row.
"These banners" she said "Are the FIRST things to go!"
Then she slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room she took every Banner! Trophies! T-Shirts! Jerseys!
Then she stuffed all the banners up the chimney with glee. "NOW" grinned the Grinchy Pat "I will stuff up Diana T."
And the Grinchy Pat grabbed Diana T, and started to shove, when she heard the small sound like the coo of a dove. She turned around fast, and she saw a small Huskie! Little Geno Husky who won championships of only three!

He stared at the Grinchy Pat and said "Santy Claus, why, why are you taking our Diana T., why?"

But you know that old Grinchy Pat was so smart and so quick, she thought up a lie and she thought it up quick! "Why my sweet little tot" the fake Santa Claus lied "That Ballhog Chick, she's on the wrong side. So I'm taking her back to Knoxville my dear. I'll dress her in orange and bring her back here."
Her fib fooled the little coach. Then she PATted his HEAD and she got him a drink and sent him to bed. And when little Geno Huskie was in bed with his cup, SHE went to the chimney and stuffed Diana T up!

And the last thing she took was the log for their Pep Rally Fire! The she went up the chimney, herself, the old liar, on the walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.

When she packed up her sled, packed it up with Their banners! Their trophies! Their T-Shirts! Their Jerseys!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Summit, she rode with her load to dump it!
"Pooh-Pooh to the Huskies!" she was happily humming "Their just finding out that no March Madness is coming! Their just waking up and I know just what they will do, their mouths will hang open for a minute or two, and every Huskie down in Huskyville will all cry boo-hoo!"
"That's the sound," grinned the Grinchy Pat "That I simply MUST hear!" So she paused. And the Grinchy Pat put a hand to her ear. And she DID hear sound rising over the snow. It started out low, then it started to grow...

U-Conn Huskies....

Every Huskie in Huskyville, the young and the old, were singing! Without Diana T at all! She hadn't stopped March Madness from coming! IT CAME! It came just the same!

And the Grinchy Pat, with feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came without trophies! It came without Diana T! It came without jerseys, banners, or flying T's" She puzzled and puzzed 'til her puzzler was sore, then she thought of something she hadn't before. Maybe Championships aren't just for Knoxville anymore, maybe, perhaps, they can belong in Storrs...

scavenge, survive, the tests
which we are challenged
upon everday
like climbing,
moving
mountains
pitiness is not lost
nor is it perfect

Everyone's a winner
forget those unclear
points which
life gave us
no one is perfect
so be gentle,
heal the soul

Misquote a quote, make a bad link,
the torpedoes that fly, will make your boat sink.

Post how the Huskies, don't like to loose,
and you know damn well, your neck's in a noose.

Your possesives and plurals, a little confused?
Soon you'll be paying, those boneyarder dues.

Go mix up your Phelps and toss in an O'Dell,
post around here, and you're in for some hell.

One thing you'll note, the bar is set high,
make one little slip, and you know you will fry.

So post all your best, whether tame or outlandish,
heck you'll likely be dissed, by your daughter Cheesedanish.

'Twas a minute before noon, and all through the 'yard,
Not a lurker was stirring, not even Uconn Card;
The regulars were nestled all snug in their threads,
While visions of Crystal, Gillian, Erlana, Laura, Wanisha, Candice, Charde and Mel danced in their heads,

Nan in her t-shirt and new UConn cap, had been to the mall,
to the limited, Filene's and the Gap,
And then leaving the kids in a room down the hall'
had just settled down for a much needed midday nap;

When then on the site there arose such a clatter,
she jumped on the keyboard to see what was the matter,
Away to the net she flew like a flash,
expecting to see Beanster again being trashed.

But the glare on the screen was of the lurkers' new posts,
just like mid-season, of new topics this was surely the most;
But what to her bleary eyes then should appear,
just what that day Lurkers most had to fear;

More rapid than cable this message it came,
the Lurkers, they wondered who was to blame:
"Now Wonkster and South Branch, JS, Blake and Doggydaddy,
Biff, Olde Coach, Saki, Zorro, Kait and Vandy,

To the top of the board, get on the site,
'cause the posts of the lurkers, with boredom they bite."
The Lurkers they clicked and cut their connections,
they feared being flamed, without Nan's protection,

But then as they furiously clicked to offline,
what should appear, but someone Di-vine.
Her eyes how they twinkled, her hair in a bun,
dressed in road blue, she was looking for fun;

She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work,
and filled up the bandwidth,not bothering to lurk;
Then laying her hands alongside her board,
she left one last message, struck just the right chord:

"Always remember, those who post here,
without lurkers listening, there would be no one to hear."
Then with a spin and a crossover dribble, she shot up her ball,
hitting a three, while shouting: "Happy Lurkers Day to all."

Ann and Barb and the Chick from Chino
Whipped and flogged and cursed by Geno
And the other tough and mean ol'
Huskies did it once again

And the Orange-clad troops of Summitt
Saw their lofty ranking plummet
As a sign of things to come, it
Caused the Rocky Toppers pain.

Thousands in the crowd were booing
Like a herd of Shorthorns mooing
Thinking that what they were doing
Might make the Huskies lose their poise.

Furiously they tried to rattle
Conlon, Crocket, Moore and Battle.
Like a herd of maddened cattle
Filled the gym with stockyard noise.

But the planned intimidation
Caused the mooers more frustration
For the bovine emulation
Only led to Husky scores.

What they had no way of knowing
Was that sounds of cattle lowing
Far from seeds of panic sowing
Were sounds of home to the kids from Storrs!

Here's the moral; if you plan a
Strategy to thwart Diana
You'll need other than a
Moo cow noise to do her in

The truth is, though you'll find it grating
Probably you're best off waiting.
"THE BALLHOG CHICK IS GRADUATING!"
Then LV fans can breathe again.

The outlook wasn't brilliant for the UConn five that day
They were three big points behind with but six seconds left to play.
And the players on the LV bench could scarce contain their glee,
'Cause the Husky streak was over unless someone hit a three.

A straggling few got up to go, leaving there the rest
With that hope that springs eternal within the human breast.
For they thought; "If our Diana could happen to break free,
She might take this thing to overtime by knocking in a three."

But Diana was surrounded, by Lawson, Butts and all
And we figured she'd get pounded if her fingers touched the ball.
So the gloom sat like a blanket on each Husky devotee
For there seemed but little prospect of Diana's getting free.

As they huddled round their coaches to set up the last-ditch play
The Ball-hog Chick from Chino looked as grim as judgement day.
Her customary smile was gone and everyone could see
She'd set her mind to find some way of knocking down a three.

But Geno knew the orange hordes would cover her like glue
With every LV player and perhaps Coach Summitt too!
So he told the Huskies; "OK, look, we'll fake it to DT
And pass it to Maria so that SHE can take the three".

But the Poet Burns has told us that good plans "gang aft agley"
And so it was with Geno's plan to tie the game that day.
For Maria got all tangled with a Lady Vol and so
Diana had no option but to pass it to JMo.

The Husky fans sat horror-struck, we thought it was the end
But JMo took the pass from D and flipped it back again.
And we hardly could believe our eyes, but glorious to see
Diana had the basketball and was jacking up a three!

She was moving to her left and had to twist back to her right
And the clock was striking zero, but it hadn't struck it quite.
If it hadn't been Diana, we'd have thought it couldn't be.
But we'd seen some other miracles performed by our DT.

And now the leather-covered sphere went arcing through the air
And Husky fans sat watching it it breathless silence there.
There was no sound in the Center as it reached its apogee
But the harsh sound of the buzzer as we watched Diana's three

....................................................................................

There must be fans of basketball in the region up above
Who sometimes stir themselves to help the players that they love.
And maybe one decided it was time to oversee
And do a little steering of that desperation three.

We saw the ball arc through the air and then we saw it drop
Then there echoed through the silent air that lovely "nylon plop"
There was not a smile remaining on the bench of Tennessee,
As the points went on the scoreboard for the game-extending three.

From the bleachers blue with Husky fans went up a joyous roar
The roof went up eight inches, then went up a little more
The entire place went quite insane, except Diana T;
Who hadn't had the slightest doubt that she'd knock down the three.

There still remained the overtime, but everybody knew
That the kids from Storrs would pull it out as they almost always do).
The LV kids tried hard to win but it wasn't meant to be
You can't beat a team that has a kid that hits that kind of three!

The outcome had seemed hopeless, or at least almost, and then
The non-pareil Diana, smoked the LadyVols again!
And around the Husky nation, from sea to shining sea
Rose the sound of celebration and delirium and glee!

....................................................................................

There are thrills in every season for loyal Husky fans
As we watch them on the telly or from high up in the stands
But I think you missed the finest if you didn't get to see
Diana save the Huskies' streak by knocking down that three!

4/25 11:21 PM

"I won't go to Shady Acres,"
said Miss Pat to old R.B.
"cause last May those quacks and fakers
left me sitting in a tree.

"And besides I'm much more calm now
than I was a year ago.
Handle setbacks with aplomb now,
lose to Geno like a pro.

"All I need's some nice linguini
at our favorite hideaway.
And for you the fettucine
then a cup of orange sorbet.

" So at Casa Salvatore,
in their booth all settled in,
with signori and signore
and a strolling violin

came the owner with a bottle
that he set in front of Pat,
and he poured a little in her glass
saying "Try a taste of that."

As she stared upon the label
just one eye began to blink.
And it seemed she'd be unable
then to take the smallest drink.

But she raised her glass and sniffed it
like a gourmet without peer.
Next the cork she slowly lifted --
and then stuck it in her ear.

And she leapt atop the table
where she howled and waved a spoon
as she tottered, quite unstable,
and then called out like a loon.

And the owner dropped his platter
as he dived behind the bar.
All the mess would scarcely matter
when the door was much too far.

When the room fell fully silent,
then he met Pat's steely gaze,
just a red spot on each cheekbone
there to mark her lunar phase.

And she held a lock of hair so
she could comb it with a fork,
wondering why the people stared so,
could it be her one ear cork?

"Now ya'll can quit your starin.'
Rudeness is as rudeness does."
Then she turned back to the owner
as the room began to buzz.

"Sal, no matter how we swaggered,
and no matter what our schtick,
we still suffered from the dagger
of that awful Ballhog Chick

"She just beat the heck out of us
(see I wouldn't really swear)
then she took the darned old game ball
and she kicked it in the air.

"You can keep your doggoned vino,
and we'll skip the doggy bag.
I just bet you're friends with Geno,
'cause that wine would make me gag.

"And we'll just take home a six-pack.
That'll doubtless make me grin,
when R.B. sits down and kicks back
and he tells me how we'll win.

"But if I should wake all sweaty
crying out, 'That Ballhog Chick!'
please don't think I'm being petty
when those nightmares make me sick."

I'm so lucky to live just where I do;
Right beside Long Island Sound
But Connecticut's such a LITTLE state
There's not enough to go around

We could never compete with our neighbors;
MASSACHUSETTS is bigger than us!
And NEW YORK looms, the other way!
You couldn't escape it, on a bus

I came from a dinky state, invisible
Too small to share in massive dreams
But the last few years, that's all been changed
From the success of two great teams

We'd lost our favorite hockey team
And their mayor "trashed" them out
About Whalers, she didn't want to know
"Hoops" were all she cared about

Then the Patriots were shown to us
But they did a "double-cross"
It was no skin off their owner's back
But for us, a giant loss

Baseball? Gee, I don't know!
We might be just too small for that
Unless big companies bought up empty seats
And it wouldn't matter where we sat

So, all that's left is just one thing:
The greatest team of all!
You did it great! You did us proud!
My little state now stands tall

Over 300 teams are in the hunt;
In the fight for "number one"
But for three straight years, we've come up first
I hope we see how great you've done

And we've had Geno there, for every crown
We're so lucky to have this guy!
Plus, he's ITALIAN! What the heck!
I'm so proud, I start to cry!

Battle, Pennsylvania, Turner, from Ohio
Strother, Colorado, Moore, from far away
And now, forever, you're one of us
"Nutmeggers", every day

If you NEVER win another one
All these years, we've seen the best
I love you all, the whole state does
You're the "model" for all the rest

And when you leave, and "disconnect"
We'll have a place in our hearts for you
WNBA, and other teams
We'll still watch closely how you do

But let's win some more, against all odds;
Let's not lose for ninety years!
Let's blast out every opponent!
Let's not ever stop the cheers!

Epilogue: The greatest team, 40 miles away!
The Suns, on any night!
Could it ever end up better than this?
No, I think it worked out right