Creative Side

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Boneyarders aren't simply rabid fans of UConn basketball. They have other skills as well. What these skills are, I haven't yet determined, but this page contains some of their attempts at song, poetry and image creation.

How the Grinchy Pat Stole Diana T. by Abel Bachelor
Please Come to UConn for the Huskies by Phil
Nicole Nicole by Biff
T'was brillig and our streaker drove by NYWheels
The absolutely final word on loose and lose, by the Poet Lariat
The Streak, by Poet Lariat
STRAW-ther by Poecile and Biff
Battlebot by Poecile
Play Like a Taurasian by Biff
Fun Fun Fun by Biff
Kait's sign
Stand by Your Coach by Biff (with help from Billy Sherrill and Tammy Wynette)
Diana Taurasi: Nightmare in Knoxville by Larry (aka "Southwick Mutt")
New! Boneyard Magazine Apr 2003 by Biff
New! Boneyard Magazine Apr 2003 Wallpaper version by Biff
New! Boneyard Magazine Special Edition by Biff
Boneyard Magazine Mar 2003 by Biff
Boneyard Magazine Feb 2003 by Biff
Boneyard Magazine Jan 2003 by Biff
Boneyard Magazine Dec 2002 by Biff
Sherwood Sherwood by Biff
At Seventeen by Biff
Mr. Ann Man, by JS
St. Patrick's Day Toasts by "Father O'Malley"
The Legend of the Ballhog Chick by JS
The Return of the Ballhog Chick by JS
Roundball Wizard by Biff
Jingle Dogs by UCONN Larry with an assist by Biff

T'was brillig and our streaker drove by NYWheels

T'was brillig and our streaker drove
All gyre and nimble in the lane
All mimsy was the Miami groves
and the BBallxxxxx's wrath outgrabe

Beware the Mariawock, my son
The arms that toss, the hands that snatch
Beware the Conlon girl, and shun
The ruinous Badmouth-natch

The absolutely final word on loose and lose, by the Poet Lariat

Too loose a plan can trip you up, and, likewise, two loose shoes.
To loose his wrath upon his friends a gentleman eschews.
A bigamist might marry with two Nancys or two Lous
If you had two loos in England, you might not know which to use.
Tool use is for mechanics and brush use for Toulouse
In the tourney semifinals, we always see two lose.
Too, lose your concentration and you may find that you get
Reductio ad absurdum, by the Poet Lariat!

The Streak, by Poet Lariat

Hello, everyone, this is your action reporter coming to you live from the University of Tennessee campus in Knoxville, Tennessee. There seems to have been some kind of tragedy here. Lots of people running around with tears in their eyes, bitin their lips. Lets see if this bystander in the orange Nehru Jacket can shed any light on the situation. Pardon me sir, can you tell us what has happened here?

Yes, sir,I seen it all. Here's the way it was. I was sittin right there in the cheap seats, eatin a moonpie and drinkin me a orange Nehi, and I seen it a-comin. I tried to warn em. "Pat, look out for that number 3!", I yells. But it was too late! That dang Ballhog Chick went out and scored 32 points on us and punched our dang stantion with her big ol' fist!! It was alll over!

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat,looka dat!)
It just goes on from week to week
(looka dat, looka dat!)
The LadyVols were real tough
But just not quite tough enough
They ended up up the creek!

Hello again. This is your action reporter on the Riverwalk in San Antonio, Texas. It seems that something exciting has just happened here. Perhaps this gentleman with the red Stetson can tell us what happened. Pardon me, sir, can you enlighten us?

Well, sir, I'll tell you how it was. I was sittin right there in row ZZ-99 and I seen it a-comin. I seen that durn Geno talking to that durn number 3, and I tried to warn 'em. "Sherri!", I hollers, "we still got a chance. They're up to sumthin. Do sumthin quick!" But it was too late. That durn Ballhog Chick come a-backin that dang ball in and jumped up and made a dad-burn bucket and fouled ol Stacey out! It was allll over.

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat, looka dat!)
The OU D was just too weak.
(looka dat, looka dat)
We gave the ball to DT
And she wrapped up the NC
That chick is really unique!

Hello there, out there in radioland. This is your action reporter outside the Hartford Civic Center. Everyone here seems to be more or less hysterical. Something really big must have just happened. Let's ask this man with the orange sweater with the big T on it and the orange propeller beanie if he knows anything about it. Pardon me sir, did you see what happened here?

Well yessir, here's the way it happened. I was sittin right there in the nosebleed section, and I seen it a-comin! We was three dang points ahead and only about ten seconds left to play. There was this time out, see, and I seen this Ballhog Chick git this mean look onto her face. "Pat", I yells, "Pat! Don't let that dang Ballhog Chick even SEE the dang ball!" But it was too late. That ol' #3 jumps up and lets her fly and the dad-burn ball goes swish! It was alllll over!

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat, looka dat!)
That game left all us fans weak
(looka dat, looka dat!)
DT was just havin fun
The streak had hit fifty one
Pat must be starting to freak!

Well they call it the streak
(looka dat, looka dat)
They just get tougher week by week!
(looka dat, looka dat!)
They look like maybe they'll go
About two hundred and 0
They'll be real baaad when they peak!

Battlebot

Fun Fun Fun

The Biff Boys (Brian Wilson/Mike Love/Biff)

Well she hasn't got the size but she's grabbin' all the boards for the team now
Seems she gettin' back in shape and her bill of health has been stamped "all clean" now
And now she's back to "Express" so all the Husky fans wanna just scream now

And we'll have fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away
(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)

Our opponents can't stand her 'cause she's playin' basketball like an ace now
(A basketball ace now a basketball ace)

She makes the Indy 500 look like a Roman chariot race now
(A chariot race ace now a chariot race)

A lotta guards try to catch her but she leads them on a wild goose chase now
(Lead a wild goose chase now lead a wild goose chase)

And we'll have fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away
(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)

(Interlude)

Well we knew all along who the coaches would be lovin' - that's you now
(the coaches love you now the coaches love you)

And when you've entered the game you've been playing like it's fun through and through now
(fun through and through now, fun through and through)

So Barbara take us on a ride we're so happy your in Husky blue now
(you're in Husky blue now, you're in Husky blue)

And we'll have fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away
(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)
And we'll have fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away

(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)
(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)
(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)
(Fun fun fun 'til the pro draft takes our BT away)

Kait's sign

It's a little hard to read, but that's Boneyard's very own Kait with a sign reading:

Somebody's got to lose
Any Volunteers?

Seen on national TV, shortly after DT's incredible 65 foot shot.

Stand by Your Coach

(Billy Sherrill and Tammy Wynette and Biff)

Sometimes it's hard to be a Husky,
giving it your all for your new coach.
You'll have good times, you'll have bad times,
doin' things that, to you, bring reproach.
But when you know him, you'll forgive him,
even though he's hard to approach.
And while you curse him, just play hard for him,
'cause after all he's a great coach.

Stand by your coach,
give him some play to cling to,
and more hustle today too,
when Storrs is cold and lonely.

Stand by your coach,
and show the world you hear him
Keep your effort above reproach.
Stand by your coach.

Diana Taurasi: Nightmare in Knoxville

Click to play (This should open a dialog box with options to OPEN or SAVE. Select "OPEN")

Who's that girl at the arc knocking down threes
Driving the lane with the greatest of ease
They say it's a man's game but she'll rock their world
'Cause the best of the ballers is that dark-eyed girl

She puts on her game face hair in a bun
The Fab Four are gone but the fun's just begun
So Little Miss Muffett you best run away
'Cause Diana Taurasi has come out to play

(CHORUS)
Some call her Diana some just call her D
They call her Ballhog Chick down in Tennessee
She gives the other coaches a case of the DTs

She's got the name of a goddess and the game of one too
Huntress of the night in Husky white and blue
She must be that goddess 'cause I've seen her face
Carved on the side of an ancient Roman vase
She rose like a phoenix from the courts of Chino
Lit a fire in the mind of Geno
Now her fame like wildfire spreads from coast to coast
With her secret recipe for making Tennessee toast

(CHORUS)

She's a prankster a jokester but she's in it to win
Soul of a warrior with a devilish grin
Does the kind of things no one else would ever dare
Slaps refs on the butt and musses Geno's hair
But with the game on the line you know she'll deliver
The ball in her hand like an arrow from the quiver
She breaks defenders down then she breaks their will too
She melts the snows of Rocky Top down to Mountain Dew

(CHORUS 2X)

Boneyard Magazine Apr 2003

(Click on image to see full-size)

Boneyard Magazine Apr 2003 Wallpaper version

Boneyard Magazine Special Edition

Boneyard Magazine Mar 2003

(Click on image to see full-size)

Boneyard Magazine Feb 03

(Click on image to see full-size)

Boneyard Magazine Jan 03

(Click on image to see full-size)

Boneyard Magazine Dec 02

(Click on image to see full-size)

Sherwood Sherwood
by Biff

(To the tune of Sugar Sugar by the Archies) Click to play

Sherwood, ah, Lizzy, Lizzy,
You are my post-up girl
and you've got me wanting you
Lizzy, ah, Sherwood Sherwood,
You are my post-up girl
And you've got me wanting you

I just cannot believe the smoothness of what you do
(I just can't believe it's true)
I just cannot believe the how easy it is to pass to you
(I just can't believe it's true)

Ah, Sherwood, Ah, Lizzy Lizzy.
You are my post-up girl
and you've got me wanting you.
Lizzy, ah, Sherwood Sherwood,
You are my post-up girl
And you've got me wanting you

When you block a shot, I know how sweet a block can be
(I know how sweet a block can be)
Just like Kara Wolters, make your moves in front of me
(make you moves in front of me)

Ah, Sherwood, Ah, Lizzy Lizzy.
You are my post-up girl
and you've got me wanting you
Lizzy, ah, Sherwood Sherwood,
You are my post-up girl
And you've got me wanting you

Ah, Sherwood, Ah, Lizzy Lizzy.
You are my post-up girl
and you've got me wanting you
Lizzy, ah, Sherwood Sherwood,
You are my post-up girl
And you've got me wanting you

At Seventeen
by Biff

Click to play

At Seventeen
(To the tune by Janis Ian of the same name)

You don't know the truth at seventeen.
You think the game is to be seen,
by college coaches with compliments,
on teams that are so prominent.

The parties that you never knew,
the summer days and nights of youth,
were spent on courts of tar or wood.
At seventeen, you don't know the truth.

And there you sit, ACL just torn,
you cannot play and now you're scorned.
You desperately remain at home,
hoping recruiters use the phone,
to call and say "come play for me",
and murmur some vague pleasantries.
It isn't all it seems, at seventeen.

In Nikes given as hand me downs,
you played to spread your name around.
You believed if you played with vim and verve,
that you would get what you deserved.

But the prep school star with C's and D's
Seems to always get just what she needs.
A full scholarship she's guaranteed,
while you ice away your swollen knee.

Remember, those who win this game,
may not deserve what they have gained,
living a life of less quality,
and dubious integrity.
You fear big time coaches who gaped at you,
may turn their back now that payments due.
It's just a blurry dream, at seventeen.

For those of you who've felt the pain,
of scholarships that never came,
and for those who's names were never called,
when choosing sides for basketball.

It seems long ago and far away,
the world was younger than today.
Now dreams are all they give for free,
and a player is all you want to be.

You played the game and now you dare,
to try to find one coach who'll care,
and call you up on the phone,
to join her school, some name unknown.
They'll call and say "come play for me",
and murmur some vague pleasantries.
How trying it can be, at seventeen.

St. Patrick's Day Toasts
By
"Father O'Malley"

To Maryalyce Jeremiah of the NCAA Seeding Committee:

A little Irish laughter
Would grace you like a rose
But you're the biggest shafter
A master with the hose!

To the pizza vendors at Gampel:

Yer Scottish blood is showin'
With those tiny bits o' dough
But the green is surely flowin'
Straight to UConn's CFO

To Husky O'Nan, who got us into the body parts business:

Bless your little Irish heart --
and every other body part

To Muffett McGraw, whose name reminds me of sweet Molly Malone, it does:

May the Irish hills caress you
May her lakes and rivers bless you
May the luck of the Irish enfold you
May the blessings of Saint Patrick behold you
But all of that won't get you past the second round, my child.

To Tara, and it's a fine old Irish given name ye have:

May the saints protect you,
And sorrow neglect you,
And here's to the fan
That doesn't respect you

To St. Patty Summitt:

May your heart be warm and happy
With the lilt of Irish laughter
Every day in every way
But no banner on the rafter

To Geno O'Riemma:

Now sweetly lies old Eire,
Emerald green beyond the foam,
Awakening sweet memories,
And two wins at the Alamodome

To Geno's friends Sherri Coale and Jim Foster:

Here's to me, and here's to you,
And here's to love and laughter -
I'll be true as long as you,
And not one moment after

© 2002 JS / Wonkster Productions

THE LEGEND OF THE BALLHOG CHICK

by JS

"I can't ask advice from Geno,"
Sherri Coale was heard to say,
"how to stop that kid from Chino
in the title game today.

"I've been trying to remember
how she looked from where I sat.
Haven't played them since December
so I thought I'd go ask Pat."

And Miss Pat was fine and cheerful
'til the dreaded name arose.
Then she looked a little fearful,
and she stared down at her toes.

Soon her mouth began to quiver
and her eye displayed a tic,
as she whispered with a shiver,
"It's that friggin' Ballhog Chick!"

"When we played in Thompson-Boling
she just shot our lights right out.
Punched our stanchion, no controlling
how it turned into a rout.

"Then with Sue she fairly killed us
in a semifinal stomp
when her threes and passes drilled us,
and it turned into a romp.

"So no matter how you swagger,
and no matter what your schtick,
it can't save you from the dagger
of that awful Ballhog Chick"

Sherri said "She can't defeat us!
We can stifle her, just wait.
We won't ever let her beat us,
even though they say she's great.

"If we lose I'll have to blame it
on that dear old RobertN
who in trying hard to flame it
coined her name away back when."

Then Miss Pat said "Best of luck when
Oklahoma takes the floor.
Just remember it'll suck when
you must tell the media corps:

"Oh no matter what we boasted,
we just couldn't make it click.
We got lit up, we got toasted
by that doggoned Ballhog Chick."

THE RETURN OF THE BALLHOG CHICK

by JS

On the grounds of Shady Acres
where a coach can take the cure
when her nerves have turned to shakers
and can no more strain endure

our Miss Pat strolled in the garden,
for it was her discharge day.
A reporter begged her pardon -
Would some questions be okay?

"But of course" Miss Pat said sweetly.
"I'm all well now, you can see,
and recovered most completely
as my doctors all agree."

"Will you now return to coaching?"
asked the scribe in high suspense.
"With the playoffs now approaching
things might get a little tense."

And she answered back serenely
"Games won't phase me in the least.
I can handle stress routinely
which is why I'm now released."

Next he paused, a little wary,
for he knew this next was key.
"So I guess it won't be scary
when you face Diana T?"

Then her eyes began to glitter,
and she smiled a frozen smile,
while she watched a furry critter
gather acorns in a pile.

As it scurried up a hick'ry
our Miss Pat said "Pardon me."
And as dock went after dick'ry
then she promptly climbed the tree.

And she sat there feet a-swinging
while she looked him in the eye
and with hands all clenched and wringing
then she gave him her reply.

"Son, no matter how you swagger,
and no matter what your schtick,
it can't save you from the dagger
of that awful Ballhog Chick

"At the Civic Center showdown
she just blew my team away.
Made a 60 footer go down
for a halftime lead of trey.

"Tied it up in regulation.
Nailed us good in overtime.
And to add to our frustration
sparked another Boneyard rhyme.

"So just how will you all play it
in the histories to come?
I'm afraid that you'll portray it
so I'm left the smallest crumb.

"Oh yes, I'll be remembered
and they'll carve it on my plaque
that 'She saw her teams dismembered
by the leader of the pack.'

"And despite my many titles
then the only thing I'll get
is a chance to give recitals
on how cold she made me sweat

"and a bit part in the story
when they finally make the flick
of the legend and the glory
of the famous Ballhog Chick."

How the Grinchy Pat Stole Diana T.

by Abel Bachelor and Big Ed

Every Fan Down in Huskyville Liked March Madness a lot
But the Grinchy Pat, Who lived just South of Huskyville, Did NOT!
Grinchy Pat hated March Madness! The whole Madness season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be her team wasn't in the game just right.
It could be, perhaps, that her game plan was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her recruiting class was two sizes too small.

But, Whatever the reason, Her team or her plans,
She stood there on March Madness Eve, hating the Husky Fans,
Staring down from her cave, with a sour, Grinchy frown at the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For she knew every Fan down in Huskyville beneath was busy now, picking a spot for a Championship wreath.
"And they're hanging their banners!" she snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is March Madness! It's practically here!"
Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop UConn from winning!"
For she knew that all the Huskyville girls and boys
Will wake bright and early and rush to their seats!
And then! Oh the noise! Oh the Noise! Noise! Noise!
Then all the Husky Fans, young and old, would sit down to watch the game
And they'd Cheer! And they'd Cheer!
And they'd Cheer
Cheer!
Cheer!
Cheer!
And they'd cheer for Geno and CD and the Beast of the East
Which was something Grinchy Pat couldn't stand in the least!

The more the Grinchy Pat thought, "I must stop this whole thing! Why since 1995 I've had to put with now! I MUST stop UConn from winning…But HOW?

Then the Grinchy Pat got an idea. She got an awful idea. The Grinchy Pat got a wonderful, AWFUL idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinchy Pat laughed in her throat. And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and coat. And she chuckled and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick! With hat and this coat I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

All their windows were dark. No one knew she was there. All the Huskies were dreaming Final Four dreams without care.

"This is stop number one!" the old Grinchy Pat hissed as climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist.
Then she slid down the chimney a rather tight fit, but Santa could do it, then so could the Grinchy Pat.
She stuck her head out of the fireplace and saw all the Big East Championship banners hung all in a row.
"These banners" she said "Are the FIRST things to go!"
Then she slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant, around the whole room she took every Banner! Trophies! T-Shirts! Jerseys!
Then she stuffed all the banners up the chimney with glee. "NOW" grinned the Grinchy Pat "I will stuff up Diana T."
And the Grinchy Pat grabbed Diana T, and started to shove, when she heard the small sound like the coo of a dove. She turned around fast, and she saw a small Huskie! Little Geno Husky who won championships of only three!

He stared at the Grinchy Pat and said "Santy Claus, why, why are you taking our Diana T., why?"

But you know that old Grinchy Pat was so smart and so quick, she thought up a lie and she thought it up quick! "Why my sweet little tot" the fake Santa Claus lied "That Ballhog Chick, she's on the wrong side. So I'm taking her back to Knoxville my dear. I'll dress her in orange and bring her back here."
Her fib fooled the little coach. Then she PATted his HEAD and she got him a drink and sent him to bed. And when little Geno Huskie was in bed with his cup, SHE went to the chimney and stuffed Diana T up!

And the last thing she took was the log for their Pep Rally Fire! The she went up the chimney, herself, the old liar, on the walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.

When she packed up her sled, packed it up with Their banners! Their trophies! Their T-Shirts! Their Jerseys!

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mount Summit, she rode with her load to dump it!
"Pooh-Pooh to the Huskies!" she was happily humming "Their just finding out that no March Madness is coming! Their just waking up and I know just what they will do, their mouths will hang open for a minute or two, and every Huskie down in Huskyville will all cry boo-hoo!"
"That's the sound," grinned the Grinchy Pat "That I simply MUST hear!" So she paused. And the Grinchy Pat put a hand to her ear. And she DID hear sound rising over the snow. It started out low, then it started to grow….

U-Conn Huskies….

Every Huskie in Huskyville, the young and the old, were singing! Without Diana T at all! She hadn't stopped March Madness from coming! IT CAME! It came just the same!

And the Grinchy Pat, with feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?" "It came without trophies! It came without Diana T! It came without jerseys, banners, or flying T's" She puzzled and puzzed 'til her puzzler was sore, then she thought of something she hadn't before. Maybe Championships aren't just for Knoxville anymore, maybe, perhaps, they can belong in Storrs….

This page last updated on 21 Feb 03.