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July 8, 2008

BETSEY CULP

Wall-E's Song

(Warning: Contains a spoiler.)

Once upon a time, in the not-too-distant future, the material world overwhelmed the physical world. In other words, there was so much garbage on earth that it crowded out the people.

Human beings, being human and therefore somewhat intelligent, realized the spot they were in and took off for outer space, leaving a corps of robots to clean up the mess they had made. For several centuries, the bots labored, gathering up debris, compacting it into cubes, and piling them neatly. Over time, the mechanical workers began to fall apart, until only one remained.

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July 1, 2008

BETSEY CULP

The Gold Standard

Friday is the Fourth of July. The day, in 1776, when thirteen little American colonies in completed a document announcing that they,

are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved.

The Declaration of Independence set off a series of events that changed the world.

But so did another document, proclaimed on another Fourth of July.

On July 4, 1848 the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo officially ended the Mexican-American War and attached “Upper California” to the United States.

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June 22, 2008

JOHN HUTCHISON

Long Ball Delivered

On the occasion of the first rebranding of naming-rights for our ballpark, from Pac Bell to SBC in early 2004, I published the following letter in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Editor — The Jake, the Bob, the Pink, the Maid. Delete from those examples the Bell, the beloved shorthand Giants’ fans use to humanize corporatized ballpark signage.

3Com imploded here, as will SBC Park, despite our new phone company’s belief. But because the name change won’t finalize until March, why not give SBC one last chance to get to know us?

It’s simple: They add an “e” to “Bell,” and the stadium becomes SBC’s Pacific Belle Park. The obvious association of the modified word with the uniqueness of ballpark and city alike should spur even the dullest corporate cognition.

Regardless, fans will keep the faith. We should insist news outlets use the Belle in their reportage. We can produce our own signage, with T-shirts and other products: “It’s the Belle for our ball!” (But you get the idea.) Proceeds could go to charity.

It’s consummate good neighbor policy for SBC. Their apology alone proffers unheralded P.R. value. Or will we instead look back and regret that there hadn’t been a comparable cinch since Bill Buckner stooped to conquer?

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June 13, 2008

BETSEY CULP

Summer in the City: Beginnings

Sumer is icumen in, the old song says. And quite a summer it promises to be.

In addition to the usual games at City Hall, there will be June weddings, lots of them, led off by the remarriage of Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, this time in a court-sanctioned ceremony.

In the beginning, there were two women. They founded a social club called the Daughters of Bilitis because they wanted a place to hang out with their friends and dance… with each other.

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June 6, 2008

BETSEY CULP

Block That Metaphor!

As the dust begins to settle from Tuesday’s elections, here and in Montana and South Dakota, a few blurry shapes are becoming visible through the murk of campaign ads and media hype.

The Chronicle’s Bill Whalen seems to have been the only person to notice that we — the State of California — shot ourselves in the foot when we changed the date of our presidential primary from June 3 to February 5.

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June 3, 2008

BETSEY CULP

It's a Cat's Life

Just across Cesar Chavez from the “gritty Mission,” Bernal Hill rises 433 feet into the sky. Perhaps because it has more than the city’s usual allotment of open space, it’s also home to more than the city’s usual assortment of four-legged critters. In addition to the famed coyote, there are raccoons and possums and skunks galore. Several shops on the hill place bowls of biscuits on their counters for the resident dogs. And there are cats, lots of them. 

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May 30, 2008

BETSEY CULP

Two Faces of SF

When I was growing up, my father had a career in mind for me.

Let me put this in context. My father was weird. He also traveled a lot. And he enjoyed the company of attractive women who tended to his creature comforts.

He wanted me to be a stewardess.

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May 27, 2008

BETSEY CULP

A Prayer for Saint Samuel

It’s hard for the City of San Francisco to get a fair shake these days, either in the media or among the general American public. Its image precedes its reality. And that image, as we who live here know all too well, is misleading.

You can blame it on the hippies. But I blame it on Saint Francis.

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May 23, 2008

BETSEY CULP

A Tale of Two Shipyards

Somebody — I think it was Jon Carroll — said once that a good column contained an idea and a half. Here’s the idea.

Sometime, just once, it would be nice if this city decided to do something because it was the right thing to do, and not because it was profitable.

Yesterday’s Chronicle carried a front-page story about Lennar’s proposed development of Candlestick Point and the Hunters Point Shipyard.

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May 19, 2008

BETSEY CULP

Death in the City — A Grave Talent

In case you were worried, it’s still a man’s world.

In spite of Hillary Clinton’s campaign for the presidency, sexism is still alive and well in the United States. If anything, Clinton’s visibility on the stump has opened doors for sexist remarks that would probably have remained private a few years ago.

And women have noticed.

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