L U R I D D E T A I L S
WHY I DIDN’T RELEASE THE CD
January 6, 1998
We worked so hard on it. We had been together nearly two years when it all fell apart. Everything was leading up to the cd, but when Duke said he was keeping his job, I was filled with the uncomfortable feeling that once again I was going to attempt to tour a record without the same people who played on it. That makes it really hard to put across a specific musical ideal. No wonder the industry has such a hard time pinpointing what I do. It’s different everytime and I feel sometimes like I can’t make up my mind. JGW did way too much of that. It’s funny I guess to say that 35 people had been in and out of the band, but really it sucks. Anyhow, that was a contributing factor in my decision.
The other thing was going over old Jr. albums looking for material one day, it occurred to me that the imminent cd wasn’t even half as well done as the Jr. records. It just didn’t sound as good. That scared me. The quickest way to be accused of losing your edge is to suddenly put out an inferior product. Have no problems at all with the material, it just didn’t have the je ne sais quoi that is essential for a great album. A very good friend of mine finally divulged their opinion of it all to me, and it matched mine. That totally tipped the scales. I couldn’t, in good conscience, say that this was the best I could do. According to my own rules, I couldn’t put it out.
My mother has practically bankrolled my career (although some of that slack has been amply taken up by my indispensable wife Juliette the last few years), and this album was no exception. It wasn’t easy to tell her I just needlessly spent $1500 of her dollars. Well, in all fairness it was not needless to me, I mean I have an excellent demo, and I learned a ton in the studio as well. But for my mother there is nothing but an economic gap and for that I apologize.
There comes a time in every young man’s life when you must make a stand for what you believe in rather than insisting you’re the guy you say you are without being tested. It was kind of thrilling to assume the power and wield it. Despite the fact that it was a defeat of sorts, it was also a great victory, because for the first time I didn't base my decision on any outside pressure, but rather on how I actually felt, and it’s refreshing to know I can still count on my instincts. Fuck it was hairy!!!
Like Sisyphus I just when to the bottom of the hill and started again. I may not ever make it, but I sure am getting good at traveling the path.