Meter Madness

One morning recently on the way to work
I encountered a crew
cutting little holes in the sidewalk
and planting
parking meters.  

That brought back memories from high school days 
of a summer job on the parking meter farm
tending cuttings while they took root
and grew to the proper size
for the streets.

Cuttings?
Yes, you could grow them from seed
but they might not breed true.
They pick up pollen from wild strains
or even now and then mutate
to offer sixty-two thousand years for a quarter
or else maybe fourteen point three nanoseconds
for some coin not yet invented.
With cuttings you know what you're getting
and besides, most varieties are seedless
to allow no chance for a half-forgotten meter
on some deserted side street
to go to seed,
scattering to the wind
to sprout in the most awkward places.

Few things can match the fury
of some quiet suburban homeowner
finding his lawn infested
with parking meters,
not to mention the possibilities of interbreeding
with fire hydrants,
street lights,
and newspaper vending machines.  

So now they use the seedless types
and give them anti-growth hormones 
so they won't get too tall
and the roots won't invade the sewers.
Like, how would you like
to get up in the night for a call of nature
only to find, emerging straight and proud 
from the toilet bowl:
"TIME EXPIRED"?  
I hear it used to happen
and that's how they got the idea
for the pay toilet.

But that's another story,
along with the rumors that they're working on new breeds
for the indoor potted-plant market 
to replace African violets 
and cacti
and catnip
and even hanging plants
(by crossing them with Salvador Dali's watches).  
That sounds kind of interesting,
as long as no one comes around
to give out tickets. 


                                        Thomas G. Digby
                                        written 0440 hr  1/29/79
                                        typed   0345 hr  3/25/79
                                        entered 2325 hr  3/16/92
                                        format  13:19 12/22/2001