SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com http://www.well.com/~bubbles/ Issue #106 New Moon of August 27,2003 Contents copyright 2003 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits. Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end. ********************* The way gasoline prices have been going lately, I wonder if people will start wearing little vials or ampules of it as jewelry. After all, it feels like it's getting up there with semi-precious stones, even if actual math calculations show otherwise. ********************* A dream a few nights back got me to thinking. In the dream, one of the neighborhood "regulars" was not very smart, but people loved him anyway. His needs were somehow taken care of, perhaps with money from odd jobs and such, supplemented by occasional gifts. People were very kind to him, and he was always very happy. I don't think he knew about his condition. Sometimes he would attempt something complex with computers or the like, and the people around him would arrange things so he didn't know the attempt had failed. That kept him from being unhappy. He never knew what he was missing. As I awoke from that I got to wondering to what degree, if any, intellect is required for a being to have emotions. If "I think, therefore I am" has any truth to it, how much thought does a being have to be capable of thinking in order to be? A related question that drifted past with no real answer was whether there can be such a thing as pure happiness without awareness of what one is happy about. That in turn reminded me of a dream I had a long time ago about something called a "Concerner". It was a plain gray box about the size of a small pizza box, maybe thicker. It used some of the same technology as artificial intelligence, except that instead of artificial intelligence it was artificial emotion. If you owned one, it cared about you. It wished for you to be happy. That's all it did. It just sort of sat there being concerned. In the dream they were being mass-produced commercially. I don't recall anything about how well they were or weren't selling. Once we develop the necessary Artificial Emotion technology might this become a computer-age equivalent of the Pet Rock? ********************* Thoughts of the Concerner also lead me to wonder about the ethics of it all. For example, would it be unethical for a sadist to build an Artificial Emotion thing that did nothing but sit around feeling sad? ********************* At the Plergbistani Ministry of Information Jr. Tech: Ever since this router broke down and started losing data packets, traffic through this node has actually increased, despite the reduced capacity. Any idea why? Sr. Tech: You must be new to the Plergbistani way of doing things. We believe in cooperating with those in authority. Thus our version of the Internet sees damage as censorship and funnels traffic through it. ********************* Here's another recent dream: I think it started with me working on my car in the middle of a busy street. There was some construction or something blocking traffic in that lane, so nobody really seemed to mind my working on my car there. But then I walked home to get some parts, and while I was gone the construction crew finished up and now my car was sitting there blocking a lane of an otherwise clear street. So they towed it. So I walked down to the tow yard to get the car back. Somewhere along the way I met a former co-worker. I explained to him that I was converting my car (a 1993 Geo Metro in waking life) so that I could drive it on Mars as well as on Earth (the question of how I was going to get my car to Mars never came up). The co-worker said that the DMV had lots of rules for me to follow, including a speed limit of 24 mph on hills. When I asked about major roads where traffic was moving a lot faster than that, he said that maybe I would be allowed to go 38 mph there. I think this applied on Earth as well as Mars, although he thought the reason for the lower limit was the danger of losing tire traction in the lower gravity of Mars. Apparently he was my go-between to the DMV for such things. Anyway, he said that the DMV had compiled a report on the subject. I asked if he had a copy he could give me and he ran over the hill to his house and brought one back. It was 8 1/2 by 11, spiral bound with light gray cardboard covers, and about an inch thick. I started looking through it. I don't recall any details, but it was clear that somebody who liked science fiction had quite a bit of fun putting it together. Somehow some of the problems with Spring Break in Florida were relevant, and there was a section by the authorities there on things like handling crowds of onlookers. And there was something about driving on Mars being similar to driving underwater on Earth, and that section had a map of the undersea terrain around the southeastern US. I think it also got into sharks being an endangered species and mapped some of their habitat areas that Martian drivers shouldn't disturb. Or something like that. There was a certain amount of dream logic in some of this. I looked at northern Florida on the map to see if they included my old home town of Fernandina, but that area was a jumble of symbols for all sorts of things, with no room for city names. And along about there is when I woke up. ********************* In mundane news, part of Microsoft's response to the latest email virus has been to say that future versions of Windows may come with automatic downloading of updates turned on by default. That way most people's machines will get all the latest security fixes without the user having to do anything. But I'm wondering how secure that arrangement is. What if an attacker somehow manages to infiltrate Microsoft or otherwise get control of the Microsoft update site? Or what if they subvert the part of the Internet that's sort of equivalent to the phone system's 411 and send users to the attacker's machines instead of Microsoft's? Might there be a science fiction story or two there? ********************* A couple of weeks ago I went to a big engineering trade show called "Wescon" at the convention center in SF. The show itself was somewhat disappointing, perhaps because of the economy or perhaps because the Web may be taking over some of the function of that type of trade show or perhaps because my interests have changed, but the trip was good nonetheless. On the way there and back I got to do some exploring around downtown SF and I got to blow soap bubbles in a park with lots of people around. And while I was at the show I got to try out one of those Segway scooter things. The Segway wasn't quite what I expected, but wasn't all that big a surprise either once I thought about it a bit. You control your forward or backward motion by leaning, and it felt like I couldn't quite trust myself to lean backward to back up, or maybe couldn't quite trust the Segway not to let me fall backward. Forward was less of a problem, but I could still feel myself not trusting myself or the machine. Turns (controlled by a twist thingie on the left handlebar) were easier to get used to. Not being fully trusting while moving backward may be just as well because of the difficulty of seeing where I'm going. As far as moving forward is concerned, the person running the demo says it typically takes a day or two to get used to it. I don't plan to buy one, although the thought did cross my mind as I was playing around on it. Their Web site quotes a price around $5000, although I sort of expect that to come down with increased sales and production volume if it catches on. Now I'm wondering how useful this thing really is. I could see riding it to some of the places I go to regularly that are up to a few miles away, but not much farther than that unless I can take it on the bus or something. I suspect it's like a bicycle in that respect, with the main difference being that riding a bicycle takes different skills and involves more exercise. So it may be possible for some people who can't ride a bike to use a Segway instead, but the Segway wouldn't give the health benefits of the exercise you get on a bicycle. I don't know about the environmental aspects. I suspect that the impact of manufacturing one may not be all that different from that of manufacturing a bicycle, although it's probably more rather than less because of the electronics and the batteries. And since it does run on batteries, there's a slight increase in the electric utility load from recharging them. Figure maybe a bicycle plus a boom box for the environmental impact? So would large-scale use of the Segway be good for society? To the extent it gets people out of cars, I would guess Yes. But to the extent it gets people off of bicycles or out of walking shoes I would guess No. I suspect it will do some of both, although I have no idea which will predominate. ********************* They're putting up a fence around that new private school that's taking over the former Senior Center a couple of blocks from here. That's not really surprising, although it didn't occur to me to think about it before they started setting the posts. The schools I went to as a child didn't have any fences around them. But then that was a different place and time, a small town half a century ago. Are small-town schools still unfenced, or have the fears and evils of the world caught up with them as with the big-city schools? Is this another reason to mourn lost childhood innocence? ********************* This next item is a bit out of season, but I thought I should include it anyway because a scientific study of this magnitude will need several months of lead time. In fact it may already be too late for Christmas of 2003 and we should probably be making plans for 2004. What is this project I'm proposing? Collecting and analyzing DNA from no less a personage than Santa Claus. First some background: At a party last night (August 27, 2003) the conversation somehow got onto people leaving food and drink out for elves and such, whereupon somebody mentioned the custom of leaving treats out for Santa on Christmas Eve. That reminded me that when I was little we would set out an apple and a glass of milk for Santa. On Christmas morning we would find the empty glass along with the apple core and a thank-you note, along with whatever toys and other gifts Santa would have left for us. It didn't occur to me back then because the relevant technology didn't exist, but last night I realized that the apple core and the glass might well contain some of Santa's DNA in cast-off cells in his saliva. My proposal is that children all over the world who normally set out treats for Santa be asked to turn the leftovers in for analysis, along with reference samples from their parents and other household members who might have acted as Santa's Helpers. I expect that many of the samples from the food and drink will match someone in the household. These "Santa's Helper" samples would be excluded from further study. Then the samples that didn't match a "Helper" would all be checked against each other. If all goes well, many, if not all, should match each other. This would be a fairly firm indication that we do indeed have Santa's DNA. There are rumors that Santa helps the Easter Bunny deliver baskets of eggs and such on Easter, in exchange for the Easter Bunny helping Santa deliver Christmas goodies. If that's the case, the non-Helper DNA should match up into two groups, with one being consistent with rabbit DNA. Likewise, if Father Frost or other legendary gift-distributors are distinct from St. Nicholas, we should see it in our DNA samples. It's possible that the project won't find anything. Since Santa is reputed to be a fairly powerful magic user, he may be able to make his DNA vanish or rearrange itself to match one of a child's parents. But that would only prove that Santa is too smart for us. In any case this may be the first step toward answering many age-old questions about Santa Claus and Christmas. As I said earlier, I know it's a bit early to be talking about Christmas, but a project of this magnitude needs several months' lead time. In fact, it may already be too late to do much for Christmas of 2003, although a small pilot project might still be possible. But if we work at it, we might be able to have the required network of DNA collection and analysis sites in place for Christmas of 2004. And by then the technology will have advanced another year's worth, so we'll be able to do even more next year than we could have done this year. ********************* Will You Write Me? I can't see them or hear them or smell them, But I know they're there: Unwritten poems, waiting for some poet to come and write them. There's one at the end of that row of trees, Leading my gaze off into vague infinities Of memories and daydreams. And there's another lying in the gutter with that old tennis ball, Perhaps reminiscing about better days and laughing children While mourning the glory that was not to be At Wimbledon. And there are always several up in the sky, Floating around with the birds Or the clouds Or the stars. They wait, unseen, unheard, Until the right poet approaches. Then one will leap into the writer's brain, Or maybe sneak in on foggy cat feet And slowly make its presence known over time. I'm usually not the poet they want. But now and then I am honored When one does choose me. -- Tom Digby First draft 22:11 08/07/2003 Revised 14:30 08/09/2003 Revised 17:52 08/14/2003 ********************* HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU If you're getting it via email and the Reply-to in the headers is ss_talk@bubbles.best.vwh.net you're getting the list version, and anything you send to that address will be posted. That's the one you want if you like conversation. There's usually a burst of activity after each issue, often dying down to almost nothing in between. Any post can spark a new flurry at any time. If there's no mention of "bubbles.best.vwh.net" in the headers, you're getting the BCC version. That's the one for those who want just Silicon Soapware with no banter. The zine content is the same for both. To get on the conversation-list version point your browser to http://bubbles.best.vwh.net/cgi-bin/mojo/mojo.cgi and select the ss_talk list. Enter your email address in the space provided and hit Signup. When you receive an email confirmation request go to the URL it will give you. (If you're already on the list and want to get off there will be an Unsubscribe URL at the bottom of each list posting you receive.) To get on or off the BCC list email me (bubbles@well.sf.ca.us or bubbles@well.com). I currently do that one manually. -- END --