allegedly from the L.A. Times, but not really
>"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only >trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in >the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski, and his >homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency >treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. "I pushed a >cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he >explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my cue that he'd >had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out again, >so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might >attract him." > >At a hushed press conference, a hospital pokesman described what >happened next. "The match ignited a pocket of intestinal >gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and >severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and >whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the >intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball." > >Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the >impact >of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree >burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.