#!/usr/local/bin/perl5 -w

# siggie inserts for email or postings

sub none
{
}

sub formal
{
print q{
                      Cheers!

                     xanthian.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan
  MT1(SS), US Navy and LCDR, USNOAA Corps, Retired
                <xanthian@well.com>
              <xanthian_kpd@yahoo.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/

}
}

sub simple
{
print q{
                      Cheers!

                     xanthian.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/

}
}

sub shopping
{
print q{
                      Cheers!

                     xanthian.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan
  MT1(SS), US Navy and LCDR, USNOAA Corps, Retired

  [overlong URL links are shown below on multiple
  lines, marked by terminating hyphens; join them
  together by hand in the obvious way to use them]

                 my email addresses
                <xanthian@well.com>
              <xanthian_kpd@yahoo.com>

                    my web sites
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
      http://www.stormpages.com/user/xanthian/

    If you're shopping for software talent, see:
                 my current resume
 http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/SkinnyResume.txt
       supplemental materials to that resume
        http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/ -
              resume_supplements.html

     I most enjoy programming, today, in Java,
             a very well designed tool.
  My two year "teach myself Java" obsession in an
 early, one sixth current size public version, is:
     http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/java/ -
                 TravellerDoc.html

   See also MovieScheduler, my much more modest,
     latest released genetic algorithm project
   [offline until I find a new host site for it]

    Other Java code toys are also visible here:
      http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/java/

    Other, older code in several other languages
                     sits here:
   http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/public/code/

    Seeking low-glitz web design help? I've made
    hundreds of very plain web pages for my own
    use, and a few dozen for the use of others,
   for example, this site for my hiking partner:
        http://www.geocities.com/mjwillert2

     A recent modest web site I've designed and
      implemented for myself can be seen here:
  http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/link_pages/ -
            GimpStuff/GimpResources.html

}
}
sub ascii_virus
{
print q{
/"\ Kent Paul Dolan - homeless constant programmer.
\ / ASCII ribbon campaign against HTML mail and
 X  postings. I'm a siggie virus! Copy me into
/ \ your siggie mechanism and see me spread!

}
}


sub writing_style
{
print q{
    [If my writing style proves indigestible, I
  plead acute hereditary brain damage.  A copout,
    but one I am prepared to defend with endless
    reams of supporting data until the recipient
   falls insensitate to the floor in submission.
   No one would _believe_ my family background.]
    Or more simply, as my friend Ken Johnson in
     Scotland puts it, if these opinions cause
            irritation, discontinue use.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub work_at_whistle
{
print q{
                  Kent Paul Dolan
       Whistle Communications, an IBM Company
             110 Marsh Drive, Suite 100
               Foster City, CA 94404
1 650 577 7025 -- work phone number for voice or voice mail
1 650 577 7005 -- work phone number for inbound facsimiles
<xanthian@whistle.com> -- work computer account email; defunct
 <xanthian@well.com> -- permanent ISP account email
http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/ -- permanent web site
}
}

sub star_wars
{
print q{
                               True Names
                                   --
             in the desmene of mundania -- Kent Paul Dolan.
                in the desmene of Internet -- xanthian.
      in the desmene of siggie hooks -- Kent, the man from xanth.
  in the desmene of Star Wars -- KenDo HaOak, nalFarmallCub of BUSPAR.
        in the spellcheck desmene of M$-Word -- Cent Paul Dolman.
             in the desmene of email -- <xanthian@well.com>
   in the desmene of web vanity -- http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
            in the desmene of faux art -- [offline for now]
}
}

sub work_at_motorola
{
print q{
                               Xanthian.
                                   --
Kent Paul Dolan, (Indotronix), OSC-R 5254, +1 602 732 6251 (work: desk).
Kent, the man from xanth.   Badge# SC1554, +1 602 732 3617 (work: lab).
<xanthian@well.com> <xanthian@sat.mot.com> (currently usually at desk).
                   http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
     Alpha paging  :  send brief, ascii email to 1300727@skytel.com
   Numeric paging:  call +1 800 759 8888, enter pin 1300727 at prompt
}
}

sub dads_books_at_motorola
{
print q{
                    Dad's Books:
           go to http://www.amazon.com/,
       do an author search for Chester Dolan.
                     Xanthian.
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
     <xanthian@well.com> <xanthian@sat.mot.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub normal_at_motorola
{
print q{
                     Xanthian.
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
     <xanthian@well.com> <xanthian@sat.mot.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub dads_books
{
print q{
                    Dad's Books:
           go to http://www.amazon.com/,
       do an author search for Chester Dolan.
                     Xanthian.
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub graverobbing
{
print q{
                     Xanthian.
 [Proud contract technician to X Industries Protein
   Recycling Division: Graverobbing done cheap!]
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub insult_netscum
{
print q{
                               Xanthian.
                                   --
  Kent, the man from xanth. | Can we hurry this up? | Reputed net.scum
  Kent Paul Dolan.          | I have places to go,  | Latter Day Saint
  <xanthian@well.com>       | and people to insult. | propagandist and
  http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/                | known rabid atheist.
}
}

sub insult_seer
{
print q{
                               Xanthian.
                                   --
 Kent, the man from xanth. | Can we hurry this up? | Atheist raising a
 Kent Paul Dolan.          | I have places to go,  | future LDS seer
 <xanthian@well.com>       | and people to insult. | and revelator for
 http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/                | fun and prophet.
}
}

sub whistle_jobad
{
print q{
                            Kent Paul Dolan.
                          <xanthian@well.com>
                   http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
                                   --
Whistle/IBM is paying mongo referral bonuses!  If you see a job match at
      http://www.whistle.com/company/employment/employ-index.html
mention my name as referrer with your resume cover letter, make me rich,
                           make you employed!
}
}

sub as_johnny
{
print q{
                                   --
                             Xanthian, Jr.
  Johnny, the toddler from xanth (posting from his father's account).
              John Grayson Dolan, c/o <xanthian@well.com>
}
}

sub job_ads_mentor
{
print q{
       Xanthian, mentoring misc.jobs.misc and
   ba.jobs.misc from March 1996 to February 1997
   to try to reduce the level of misposted ads in
         those discussion-only newsgroups.
   Somewhat better than 80% nuisance ad abatement
     accomplished during that time (most weeks,
                      anyway).
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub y2000_contributor
{
print q{
     Proud contributor to the year 2000 problem
                    since 1961.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub faster_errors
{
print q{
      Using modern technology to commit errors
         at previously unachievable rates.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub upchuck
{
print q{
                     Xanthian.
   [Proud founder of X Industries Keyboard Stress
      Test Division:  making unsuspecting news
   article readers projectile vomit right between
  the G and H keys for a highly classified amount
                     of time!]
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}

sub xeriscape
{
print q{
                     Xanthian.
               [Proud staff member of
          X Industries Xeriscape Division;
        making the planet a desert for YOU!]
                         --
             Kent, the man from xanth.
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
}
}


# other inserts, not used as siggies

sub federal_spam_to_cash
{
print q{
   SPAM WARNING: Anyone who sends me unsolicited
    commercial e-mail will be charged a $500 fee
                    per message.
  Pursuant to US Code Title 47, Sec.227(a)(2)(B),
   a computer/ modem/printer meets the definition
            of a telephone fax machine.
     Sec.227(b)(1)(C) prohibits the delivery of
      unsolicited commercial messages to such
                     apparatus.
  Sec.227(b)(3)(C) states that a violation of the
   aforementioned Section is punishable by action
     to recover actual monetary loss, or $500,
     whichever is greater, for each violation.
}
}

sub die_email_spammer_insert
{
print q{
  ********************************************************************
  ********************************************************************
  **                                                                **
  **                      Die, email spammer!                       **
  **                                                                **
  **  What moron methodology makes you think that everyone who      **
  **  posts on any topic to any part of Usenet would welcome your   **
  **  worthless trash landing in their private email boxes,         **
  **  causing annoyance, inconvenience, wasted time, and added      **
  **  expense for the recipients?                                   **
  **                                                                **
  **  The air you are wasting by existing when you could be         **
  **  feeding some needy and deserving worms could be being         **
  **  breathed by a real, functional, thinking human being          **
  **  instead of by a bandwidth wasting, money-grubbing,            **
  **  self-centered, social-parasite, brain-dead net vandal.        **
  **                                                                **
  **  Please treat yourself to an early and much needed suicide.    **
  **  Messy, lingering, and intensely painful methods should be     **
  **  at the top of your list of choices of ways to accomplish      **
  **  this too long delayed chore.                                  **
  **                                                                **
  ********************************************************************
  ********************************************************************
}
}

sub die_newsgroup_spammer_insert
{
print q{

  ********************************************************************
  ********************************************************************
  **                                                                **
  **                    Die, newsgroup spammer!                     **
  **                                                                **
  **  What moron methodology makes you think that everyone who      **
  **  reads any part of Usenet would welcome your worthless trash   **
  **  landing in their dedicated newsgroups, causing annoyance,     **
  **  inconvenience, wasted time, and added connect time expense    **
  **  for the recipients?                                           **
  **                                                                **
  **  The air you are wasting by existing when you could be         **
  **  feeding some needy and deserving worms could be being         **
  **  breathed by a real, functional, thinking human being          **
  **  instead of by a bandwidth wasting, money-grubbing,            **
  **  self-centered, social-parasite, brain-dead net vandal.        **
  **                                                                **
  **  Please treat yourself to an early and much needed suicide.    **
  **  Messy, lingering, and intensely painful methods should be     **
  **  at the top of your list of choices of ways to accomplish      **
  **  this too long delayed chore.                                  **
  **                                                                **
  ********************************************************************
  ********************************************************************
}
}

sub netfraud_cc_line_insert
{

# The format is a bit different here to avoid inserting a blank line into
# a mail or news header.

print q{Cc: newyork@fbi.gov
Cc: bbroder@ftc.gov
Cc: jccheezum@uspis.gov
Cc: nfic@internetmci.com
Cc: net-abuse@nocs.insp.irs.gov
}
}

sub abusemeister_email_insert
{
print q{
Subject: email abuse using your facilities

                  Abuse handlers:

   The appended quoted unsolicited bulk email was
  sent, or perhaps merely claims to be sent, from
     an account using your facilities.  Please
  remove the offending account, if that is within
                    your power.

                     Thank you.


                      Cheers!

                     xanthian.
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/

}
}


sub netfraud_warning_insert
{
print q{
   Copies of your missive helpfully forwarded to:

              the US Postal Inspector,
the US Federal Trade Commission's Internet Fraud office,
       the National Fraud Information Center,
the Fraud Department at the US Internal Revenue Service,
                        and
      the US Federal Bureau of Investigation.

      Don't bother to thank me, I do this for
      everyone who sends me email proposing or
   constituting illegal or suspicious activities.

}
}

sub accrue_spam {

my @spam_siggies = ();


# Template:

# push @spam_siggies,
# q{
#    put siggie text part found in spam here
# };

push @spam_siggies,
q{
              The world is my lobster.
             -- filler from spam email
};

push @spam_siggies,
q{
       Man is more ape than many of the apes.
             -- filler from spam email
};

push @spam_siggies,
q{
             Do not fear death so much,
          but rather the inadequate life.
             -- filler from spam email
};

push @spam_siggies,
q{
        REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities
              in the scales of desire.
             -- filler from spam email
};

push @spam_siggies,
q{
           Everyone believes very easily
           whatever they fear or desire.
             -- filler from spam email
};

push @spam_siggies,
q{
         To save time is to lengthen life.
             -- filler from spam email
};

  return @spam_siggies;
}

sub random_spam {

my @spam_siggies = ( accrue_spam );

  print "\n            ===== random spam quote =====\n";
  print @spam_siggies[ int ( rand ($#spam_siggies + 1) ) ];
  print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
};

}

sub ordered_spam {

my @spam_siggies = ( accrue_spam );

while ( $spam_siggie = pop @spam_siggies )
{
  print qq($spam_siggie), "\n";
}

}

sub selected_spam {

my @spam_siggies = ( accrue_spam );

print "\n";
print "           ===== selected spam quote =====\n";

if
(
  defined( $siggieArrayIndex )
  &&
  (
    $siggieArrayIndex >= 0
    and
    $siggieArrayIndex <= $#spam_siggies
  )
)
{
  print qq($spam_siggies[$siggieArrayIndex]), "\n";
}
else
{
  print qq($spam_siggies[0]), "\n";
}
print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
};

}


sub promote_atheism {

my @atheism_siggies = ();

# Template:

# push @atheism_siggies,
# q{
#    put atheism siggie text part here
# };

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "Religion is the last refuge of the scoundrel".
                   Thomas Paine.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     I have lived with the prospect of an early
   death for the last 49 years. I'm not afraid of
    death, but I'm in no hurry to die. I have so
   much I want to do first. I regard the brain as
    a computer which will stop working when its
       components fail. There is no heaven or
   afterlife for broken down computers; that is a
     fairy story for people afraid of the dark.
                  Stephen Hawking
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have
      the conceit that the laws of nature are
         constantly broken for their sakes.
                Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Those rare people who practice in their lives
    the underlying principles of their religions
   are most often good for themselves and others.

      Those who use religion as a means toward
      thought control and rigid conformity are
               twisted and deranged.

   Anyone who would use religion as their reason
   to cause unhappiness to another is guilty of a
                     great sin.

    These sins are committed first against their
                     children.

    They have learned nothing from their faiths.

   The extremists of both Christianity and Islam,
        for example, follow lives of violent
      repudiation of the beliefs of their own
                     religions.

                    Roger Ebert
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
               It is the creationists
           who blasphemously are claiming
      that God is cheating us in a stupid way.
                   J. W. Nienhuys
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    In her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said
        that, to an observant Orthodox Jew,
    homosexuality is an abomination according to
   Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under
   any circumstance. The following response is an
      open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a US
  resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's
           funny, as well as informative:

                  Dear Dr. Laura:

   Thank you for doing so much to educate people
  regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal
  from your show, and try to share that knowledge
  with as many people as I can. When someone tries
  to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example,
     I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22
   clearly states it to be an abomination ... End
     of debate. I do need some advice from you,
  however, regarding some other elements of God's
            Laws and how to follow them:

    1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess
  slaves, both male and female, provided they are
  purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of
   mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but
  not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own
                     Canadians?

      2. I would like to sell my daughter into
   slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this
   day and age, what do you think would be a fair
                   price for her?

   3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a
   woman while she is in her period of Menstrual
   uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is
    how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most
                women take offense.

      4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a
  sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for
  the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.
    They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
                Should I smite them?

   5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on
     the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he
   should be put to death. Am I morally obligated
   to kill him myself, or should I ask the police
                     to do it?

     6. A friend of mine feels that even though
  eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10,
  it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I
    don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there
             'degrees' of abomination?

  7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the
   altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I
  have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does
    my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
                 wiggle-room here?

     8. Most of my male friends get their hair
      trimmed, including the hair around their
  temples, even though this is expressly forbidden
        by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

    9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the
   skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I
       still play football if I wear gloves?

   10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19
    by planting two different crops in the same
  field, as does his wife by wearing garments made
          of two different kinds of thread
  (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
  and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that
   we go to all the trouble of getting the whole
     town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
  Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
  family affair, like we do with people who sleep
          with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

  I know you have studied these things extensively
   and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such
   matters, so I'm confident you can help. Thank
   you again for reminding us that God's word is
              eternal and unchanging.

                 Your adoring fan,

    James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
   Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special
          Education University of Virginia

         (From a comment posted to a Yahoo
                   News article)
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
      Religion is something left over from the
            infancy of our intelligence,
      it will fade away as we adopt reason and
             science as our guidelines.
                  Bertrand Russell
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
Article I.
             Congress shall make no law
      respecting an establishment of religion,
     or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;
                    or abridging
       the freedom of speech or of the press;
        or the right of the people peaceably
                  to assemble and
             to petition the Government
            for a redress of grievances.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  If you can believe ten impossible things before
          breakfast, then you should join

        THE CHURCH OF COUNTERFACTUAL BELIEF

    The Church of Counterfactual Belief has been
      set up to cater to all who do not allow
   demonstrable truth to get in the way of their
   beliefs.  In addition to creation science and
      the flatness of the earth, the following
    beliefs have been certified by Pope Duane as
                   Church dogma:

    --  That there is a hole in the Earth at the
          North Pole from which UFOs come.
    --      That pi equals precisely 3.000.
    --   That sex can be enjoyed only by blacks
                  and homosexuals.
    --   That Billy Joe Wilson (Hoopla, Miss.)
        has successfully squared the circle.
    --   That Harry Truman is still president,
               and doing a fine job.
    --       That pi equals precisely 22/7.

   Several other important counterfactual beliefs
       are presently being studied, including
   Reaganomics, Artificial Intelligence, and that
     the moon landings were done in a Hollywood
     special effects studio.  These will be the
      subject of a forthcoming Papal Bull ...
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     If you have a gun, you can shoot one, two,
                three, five people;
            but if you have an ideology
       that you think is the absolute truth,
               you can kill millions.
                 --Thich Nhat Hanh 
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   With all your science can you tell how it is,
                 and whence it is,
          that light comes into the soul?
                Henry David Thoreau
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "We have just enough religion to make us hate,
    but not enough to make us love one another."
                   Jonathan Swift
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
        He cited the words of the pioneering
        13th-century physician Ibn al-Nafis:

      "When hearing something unusual, do not
     pre-emptively reject it, for that would be
    folly. Indeed, horrible things may be true,
  and familiar and praised things may prove to be
   lies. Truth is truth unto itself, not because
                 people say it is."
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
             Stupidity, woe's anodyne,
          Be kind and comfort me in mine;
         Smooth out the furrows of my brow,
           Make me as carefree as a cow,
         Content to sleep and eat and drink
                  And never think

             Stupidity, let me be blind
           To all the ills of humankind;
           Fill me with simple sentiment
          To walk the way my father went;
         School me to sweat with robot folk
                 Beneath the yoke.

           Stupidity, keep in their place
           The moiling masses of my race,
            And bid the lowly multitude
           Be humble as a people should;
       Learn us with patient hearts, I pray,
                   Lords to obey.

              Stupidity and Ignorance,
         Be you our buffers 'mid mischance;
           Endoctrine us to do your will,
           And other stupid people kill;
          Fool us with hope of Life to be,
         Great god to whom we bow the knee,
                    .STUPIDITY.

             Robert Service (1874.1958)
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
                   CHRISTIANITY:

            The belief that some cosmic
             Jewish Zombie can make you
          live forever if you symbolically
          eat his flesh and telepathically
            tell him that you accept him
             as your master, so he can
        remove an evil force from your soul
        that is present in humanity because
           a rib-woman was convinced by a
     talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

                Makes perfect sense.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Sixtus V, Pope from 1585 to 1590 authorized a
           printing of the Vulgate Bible.

  Taking no chances, the pope issued a papal bull
   automatically excommunicating any printer who
       might make an alteration in the text.

  This he ordered printed at the beginning of the
                       Bible.

   He personally examined every sheet as it came
                   off the press.

    Yet the published Vulgate Bible contained so
    many errors that corrected scraps had to be
    printed and pasted over them in every copy.

   The result provoked wry comments on the rather
  patchy papal infallibility, and Pope Sixtus had
      no recourse but to order the return and
             destruction of every copy.

       -- unattributed Unix fortune() message
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
        "Oh, come ON!  A one-man religion?"
             "There is no other kind."
           -- The Question (a comic book)
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    Never forget that for many folk, it's always
          easier to believe than to think.
                 Allen Dean Foster
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
           Gimmie That Old Time Religion

                      CHORUS:

          Give me that old time religion,
          Give me that old time religion,
          Give me that old time religion,
          'Cause it's good enough for me!

            We will follow Zarathustra,
            Zarathustra like we use to,
             I'm a Zarathustra booster,
            And he's good enough for me!
                      (chorus)

          We will worship like the Druids,
            Dancing naked in the woods,
         Drinking strange fermented fluids,
            And it's good enough for me!
                      (chorus)

            In the church of Aphrodite,
     The priestess wears a see through nightie,
         She's a mighty righteous sightie,
           And she's good enough for me!
                      (chorus)
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
                   Sigmund Freud:
     "The greater the number of men to whom the
   treasures of knowledge become accessible, the
      more widespread is the falling-away from
     religious belief -- at first only from its
  obsolete and objectionable trappings, but later
     from its fundamental postulates as well."
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "A very strong case can be made that many of
     the steadfastly-religiously-convinced are
    actually mentally ill.  The pleasant escape
   from reality that they so often indulge in is
   no more than the escape psychotics experience
      when they seek refuge from reality in a
    delusional dreamworld of imaginary beliefs."

   -- from DSM III-R -- the official catalogue of
     mental illness by the American Psychiatric
   Association.  DSM-IV is now available and the
           DSM-V Prelude is described at
               http://www.dsm5.org/.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
         "When a man is freed of religion,
            he has a much better chance
       to live a normal and wholesome life."
            --Sigmund Freud (1856-1939)
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "Religion ... comprises a system of wishful
  illusions together with a disavowal of reality,
    such as we find in an isolated form nowhere
    else but in amentia, in a state of blissful
             hallucinatory confusion."

            --Sigmund Freud (1856-1939),
          The Future Of An Illusion, 1927
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    The most common of all follies is to believe
       passionately in the palpably not true.
       It is the chief occupation of mankind.
                   H. L. Mencken
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
                   Mythology, n.:
      The body of a primitive people's beliefs
   concerning its origin, early history, heroes,
  deities and so forth, as distinguished from the
       true accounts which it invents later.
    -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
        "It (the Bible) is full of interest.
             It has noble poetry in it;
              and some clever fables;
          and some blood-drenched history;
               and some good morals;
             and a wealth of obscenity;
          and upwards of a thousand lies."

             --Samuel Langhorne Clemens
             (1835 - 1910) "Mark Twain" 
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     Most people are bothered by those passages
        of Scripture they do not understand,
          but the passages that bother me
             are those I do understand.
                   -- Mark Twain
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever
        unless you realize it is your move.
                   -- Frank Crane
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       It is far better to grasp the Universe 
    as it really is than to persist in delusion, 
         however satisfying and reassuring.
                   -- Carl Sagan
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
             The Lord God made the lot.

             All things dull and ugly,
           All creatures short and squat,
             All things rude and nasty,
             The Lord God made the lot.

          Each little snake that poisons,
           Each little wasp that stings,
            He made their brutish venom.
            He made their horrid wings.

           All things sick and cancerous,
             All evil great and small,
           All things foul and dangerous,
            The Lord God made them all.

             Each nasty little hornet,
            Each beastly little squid--
            Who made the spikey urchin?
            Who made the sharks? He did!

          All things scabbed and ulcerous,
           All pox both great and small,
            Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
            The Lord God made them all.

                       Amen.

                  -- Monty Python
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "Any fully matured science of ecology will have
       to grapple with the fact that from the
   ecological point of view, man is one of those
      animals which is in danger from its too
    successful participation in the struggle for
                    existence."
               -- Joseph Wood Krutch
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     "Religion is something left over from the
            infancy of our intelligence,
      it will fade away as we adopt reason and
            science as our guidelines."
                -- Bertrand Russell
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       All superstition is much the same ...
               the deluded believers
        observe events which are fulfilled,
      but neglect and pass over their failure,
           though it be much more common.
                 - Francis Bacon - 
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   I do not feel obliged to believe that the same
   God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and
   intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
                 -- Galileo Galilei 
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
>             Kent Paul Dolan writes:
>>        if you choose your religion on a
>>      "what's in it for me" basis, you'll
>>     simply end up subscribing to whatever
>>     religion has as its promoters the most
>>                effusive liars.

                Superb observation.
            -- Bobby Bryant Reno, Nevada 
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  Forget the question of who created the creator.
   God has a special Get out of Infinite Regress
                     Free card.
       John Harshman <jharshman@pacbell.net>
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Atheism is the world of reality, it is reason,
   it is freedom.  Atheism is human concern, and
     intellectual honesty to a degree that the
   religious mind cannot begin to understand. And
  yet it is more than this. Atheism is not an old
   religion, it is not a new and coming religion,
      in fact it is not, and never has been, a
   religion at all. The definition of Atheism is
     magnificent in its simplicity: Atheism is
    merely the bed-rock of sanity in a world of
                      madness.
                -- Emmett F. Fields
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "Religion may in most of its forms be defined
    as the belief that the gods are on the side
                of the Government."
                 -Bertrand Russell
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "Given the astounding number of galaxies and
         potential worlds arrayed overhead,
         the complexities of life on earth
     and the advances in our ethical discourse
             over the last 2,000 years,
   the world's religions offer a view of reality
     that is now so utterly impoverished as to
   scarcely constitute a view of reality at all."
                    - Sam Harris
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       The shepherd always tries to persuade
         the sheep that their interests and
               his own are the same.
                     --Stendhal
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
           It is an absurdity to believe
         that the Deity has human passions
      and one of the lowest of human passions,
         a restless appetite for applause.
                     David Hume
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     Creationism, simply put, is the heartfelt
   conviction that man was created by God, using
           some kind of celestial putty.
  This is perhaps the most arrogant belief a human
        skull can contain without exploding.
  After all, God has far better things to do than
   creating self-important little species such as
                       ours.
  He's got wars, deaths, disasters and diseases to
                ignore for starters.
    And a fair bit of not-exist-ing-at-all to be
                  getting on with.
    -- Charlie Brooker, Monday December 4, 2006
             http://www.guardian.co.uk/
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
      Whenever morality is based on theology,
     whenever right is made dependent on divine
   authority, the most immoral, unjust, infamous
      things can be justified and established.
                 --Ludwig Feuerbach
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
              "It is the creationists
           who blasphemously are claiming
              that God is cheating us
                 in a stupid way."
                 -- J. W. Nienhuys
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    It was, of course, a lie what you read about
   my religious convictions, a lie which is being
   systematically repeated. I do not believe in a
   personal god and I have never denied this but
             have expressed it clearly.
     If something is in me which can be called
   religious then it is the unbounded admiration
    for the structure of the world so far as our
               science can reveal it.
                 -- Albert Einstein
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its
    schools, colleges and religious seminaries,
     many devoted to special religious beliefs
   ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that
    we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more
  bounteous harvest of gobbledegook than the rest
             of the world put together.
                -- Sir Peter Medawar
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "We are all atheists about most of the gods
   that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us
             just go one god further."
                 -- Richard Dawkins
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "My earlier views of the unsoundness of the
    Christian scheme of salvation and the human
   origin of the scriptures, have become clearer
   and stronger with advancing years and I see no
   reason for thinking I shall ever change them"
                 -- Abraham Lincoln
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "The Christian god can easily be pictured as
  virtually the same god as the many ancient gods
               of past civilizations.
    The Christian god is a three headed monster;
          cruel, vengeful and capricious.
     If one wishes to know more of this raging,
            three headed beast-like god,
  one only needs to look at the caliber of people
              who say they serve him.
          They are always of two classes:
               fools and hypocrites."
                -- Thomas Jefferson,
         letter to his nephew, Peter Carr.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have
      the conceit that the laws of nature are
        constantly broken for their sakes."
               -- Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       Nature teaches more than she preaches.
          There are no sermons in stones.
     It is easier to get a spark than a moral.
                 -- John Burroughs
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
                I like your Christ.
         But I don't like your Christians.
          They are so unlike your Christ.
                 -- Mahatma Ghandi
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the
     *one* great intrinsic depravity, the *one*
      great instinct for revenge for which no
    expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret,
    subterranean, *petty* -- I call it the *one*
            mortal blemish of mankind."
               -- Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "It is fashionable to wax apocalyptic about the
    threat to humanity posed by the AIDS virus,
  'mad cow' disease, and many others, but I think
    a case can be made that faith is one of the
  world's great evils, comparable to the smallpox
          virus but harder to eradicate."
                 -- Richard Dawkins
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  Does it ever strike you as just a teeny bit odd
     that after a brief period where philosophy
  flourished, from maybe 400 B.C.E. to ~100 C.E.,
  we went through a follow-on period of well over
    one thousand five hundred years during which
   the Roman Catholic Church enslaved everyone's
      minds and killed anyone who dared think
                    differently?

    What's weirder is that we tend to pretend it
     didn't really happen. We like to just skip
   right over the dominance of religion over our
   minds for a hundred generations, and think of
    religion today as a kindly old grandpa who's
  just looking out for us kids. No harm, no foul.
      Let bygones be bygones. Sure, there were
      massacres and crusades and genocides and
   torture chambers with teeth grinding and eyes
  bleeding and intestines torn out in the name of
    God.  But we were all just kids then, right?
   Nobody does that kind of thing today, at least
            not in civilized countries.

     We try not to think about the uncivilized
                       ones.

http://steve-yegge.blogspot.com/2006/04/software-needs-philosophers.html
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Personally it's not God I dislike, its his fan
                club I can't stand.
             -- http://bash.org/?277337
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
      It also mirrored Lenski's own research,
     launched in 1988, which is now the longest
   continuously running experiment in evolution.
   He began with a single bacterium "Escherichia
      coli" and used its offspring to found 12
   separate colonies of bacteria that he nurtured
    on a meager diet of glucose, which creates a
   strong incentive for the evolution of new ways
      to survive. Over the past 17 years, the
        colonies have passed through 35,000
  generations. In the process, they've become one
    of the clearest demonstrations that natural
  selection is real. All 12 colonies have evolved
       to the point at which the bacteria can
      replicate almost twice as fast as their
    ancestors.  At the same time, the bacterial
   cells have gotten twice as big. Surprisingly,
  these changes didn't unfold in a smooth, linear
  process. Instead, each colony evolved in sudden
   jerks, followed by hundreds of generations of
       little change, followed by more jerks.
          "Testing Darwin" by Carl Zimmer
   _Discover_, Volume 26 Number 02, February 2005
    http://www.discover.com/issues/feb-05/cover/
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "Loyalty to petrified opinion never broke a
          chain or freed a human soul..."
                   -- Mark Twain
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "But the limit of tolerance for these human
    foibles is obtained when the proponent of a
   questionable scientific doctrine endeavors to
      maintain it against all possible odds by
       misrepresentation, misinformation and
     suppression of contradictory data, and by
     insinuating unfairness in opponents of his
                      views."
    -- Franz Weidenreich, Morphology of Solo Man
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "Man stands alone in the universe, a unique
     product of a long, unconcious, impersonal
   material process with unique understanding and
                  potentialities.
   These he owes to no one but himself, and it is
         to himself that he is responsible.
    He is not the creature of uncontrollable and
     undeterminable forces, but his own master.
     He can and must decide and manage his own
                     destiny."
    -- George Gaylord Simpson, Life of the Past
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "I call Christianity the *one* great curse, the
     *one* great intrinsic depravity, the *one*
      great instinct for revenge for which no
    expedient is sufficiently poisonous, secret,
    subterranean, *petty* -- I call it the *one*
            mortal blemish of mankind."
               -- Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
          You don't have to think too hard
             when you talk to teachers.
                 -- J. D. Salinger

};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
          "To YOU I'm an atheist; to God,
             I'm the Loyal Opposition."
                   -- Woody Allen
         quoted in a Unix fortune() message
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     For the angels warn you that men may take
     salvation and beat it into the shape of a
                       sword.
  They may take the humble gift of the stable and
     raise it to a palace it was never meant to
                       fill.
   For greed's sake, and power's sake, and simply
    because they have the might to enforce their
     desires, they will build a wall around the
    peace that might have been and deck it with
                 shields and bones.
               -- Esther M. Friesner
            _Yesterday We Saw Mermaids_
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "The fundamental purpose animating the Faith of
      God and His Religion is to safeguard the
    interests and promote the unity of the human
     race, and to foster the spirit of love and
  fellowship amongst men. Suffer it not to become
  a source of dissension and discord, of hate and
                      enmity."

    "Religion is verily the chief instrument for
   the establishment of order in the world and of
  tranquillity amongst it's peoples...The greater
   the decline of religion, the more grievous the
    waywardness of the ungodly.  This cannot but
      lead in the end to chaos and confusion."
                  -- Baha'u'llah,
       a selection from the Baha'i scripture

  [The question being, does this work better as a
   promotion, or as a condemnation, of religion?]
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
             Jesus died for your sins.
              Make it worth his time.
          -- Unix fortune() cookie message
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     "Whenever we read the obscene stories, the
       voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and
       torturous executions, the unrelenting
    vindictiveness with which more than half the
    Bible is filled, it would be more consistent
   that we called it the word of a demon than the
    word of God. It is a history of wickedness,
      that has served to corrupt and brutalize
     mankind; and, for my own part, I sincerely
     detest it, as I detest everything that is
                      cruel."
  -Thomas Paine (1737-1809), in The Age of Reason,
                on the Old Testament
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "I do not find in orthodox Christianity one
                redeeming feature."
  "Christianity is the most perverted system that
                ever shone on man."
   "We discover [in the gospels] a groundwork of
     vulgar ignorance, of things impossible, of
     superstition, fanaticism and fabrication."
                 -Thomas Jefferson
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "You will notice that in all disputes between
   Christians since the birth of the Church, Rome
     has always favored the doctrine which most
      completely subjugated the human mind and
                annihilated reason."
                     -Voltaire
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "What can we say to a man who tells you that he
      would rather obey God than men, and that
      therefore he is sure to go to heaven for
      butchering you? Even the law is impotent
     against these attacks of rage; it is like
    reading a court decree to a raving maniac."
                  -Voltaire, 1764
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "The Christian faith from the beginning, is
    sacrifice: the sacrifice of all freedom, all
   price, all self-confidence of spirit; it is at
    the same time subjection, self-derision, and
                self-mutilation..."
                     -Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "Only the fighters have any hope of beating the
  system once it's at work against them," he told
   me.  "Most people, fighters or not, are beaten
   in the end, though. It's . . . you see, I ...
    you finish up not knowing who you can trust.
   You can get no help because your story sounds
   so paranoid that you are thought a crank, one
    of those nuts who think the whole world is a
      conspiracy against them. It is a strange
  phenomenon. By setting up a situation that most
   people will think of as fantasy, these people
    can poison every part of a person's life. If
   they give in they go under. If they don't give
    in It's only putting off the day because if
  they fight, so much unhappiness will be brought
     to the people around them that there will
    likely come a time when even their families
  turn against them out of desperation. When that
   happens and they are without friends wherever
       they look, they become easy meat.  The
          newspapers will not touch them.

   There is no defence against an evil which only
   the victims and the perpetrators know exists."

     -Christopher X., Freemason, Whitehall high
    civil servant, as recorded by Stephen Knight
     and published in his book, The Brotherhood
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Not that he will. All the "evidence" you claim
        to have has no bearing on supporting
   "intelligent design", and the evidence against
            it is all too overwhelming.

    No I.D. proponent can give any satisfactory
       I.D.  "explanation" for the _vestigal_
   components of living creatures, like the human
   appendix, like mammal males' nipples, like the
   legbones of whales, all of which would condemn
   an "Intelligent Designer" as an "Unintelligent
  OmniBumbler", but which make perfect sense seen
  from the vantage point of evolution, where they
     are the remnant "errors" of the "trial and
         error" approach Darwin documents.

    Nor can they explain why the human eye, for
    example, has its blood vessels on the wrong
   side of the retina, while the squid's eye got
    it correct, or why the Panda is stuck with a
     "thumb" which is just a wrist bone flange,
    while lots of other creatures have perfectly
                 functional thumbs.

     -- Kent Paul Dolan, xanthian@well.com, as
        quoted in famous "Dr. Who" novelist
             Kate Orman's LiveJournal.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
           "Truth" never set anyone free.
        It is only *doubt* which will bring
                mental emancipation.
                   --Anton LaVey
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
              "It is the creationists
           who blasphemously are claiming
              that God is cheating us
                 in a stupid way."
  -- J. W. Nienhuys, from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about
     160 A.D.  He was a pagan, and he abandoned
     himself to the lascivious life of his city
    until about his 35th year, when he became a
   Christian .... To him is ascribed the sublime
   confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe
       because it is absurd).  This does not
   altogether accord with historical fact, for he
                    merely said:

   "And the Son of God died, which is immediately
   credible because it is absurd.  And buried he
     rose again, which is certain because it is
                    impossible."

    Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw
      through the poverty of philosophical and
   Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected
                        it.
       -- C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types

     (Teruillian was one of the founders of the
                 Catholic Church).
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       Belief in god requires a great deal of
          mediocrity and lack of thought.
              -- MS <mikesc@iname.com>
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     "The Earth is a very small stage in a vast
     cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood
   spilled by all those generals and emperors, so
   that, in glory and triumph, they could become
   the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.
   Think of the endless cruelties visited by the
   inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the
    scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some
          other corner, how frequent their
   misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill
    one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our
   posturings, our imagined self-importance, the
   delusion that we have some privileged position
   in the Universe, are challenged by this point
                  of pale light."

                   -- Carl Sagan
                From "Pale Blue Dot:
      A Vision of the Human Future in Space,"
                 Random House, 1994
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       Q: How do you play religious roulette?
   A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme
    and see who gets struck by lightning first.
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "The mind is its own place, and in itself can
   make a heaven of hell, and a hell of heaven."
                   -- John Milton
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
 The universe is a figment of its own imagination.
        -- Jerry Coffin <jcoffin@taeus.com>
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
            Behold the unborn fetus and
            Weep salt tears crocodilian;
        All life is sacred (save, of course,
                An enemy civilian).
         -- anonymous Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "We have just enough religion to make us hate,
    but not enough to make us love one another."
                 -- Jonathan Swift
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
                   Occident, n.:
   The part of the world lying west (or east) of
      the Orient.  It is largely inhabited by
       Christians, powerful sub-tribe of the
     Hypocrites, whose principal industries are
   murder and cheating, which they are pleased to
    call "war" and "commerce."  These, also, are
      the principal industries of the Orient.
    -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
     With or without religion, good people can
  behave well and bad people can do evil; but for
     good people do evil - that takes religion.
};


push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   There's a new religous sect called "Jehovah's
   Bystanders." It's for people who don't want to
                   get involved.
};


push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  If there really is a God who created the entire
      universe with all of its glories, and He
    decides to deliver a message to humanity, He
    will not use, as His messenger, a person on
          cable TV with a bad hairstyle."
                  i-- David Barry
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "May the forces of evil become confused on the
                way to your house."
                  -- George Carlin
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
                     Article I.
             Congress shall make no law
      respecting an establishment of religion,
     or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;
         or abridging the freedom of speech
                  or of the press;
  or the right of the people peaceably to assemble
           and to petition the Government
            for a redress of grievances.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   "What the hell are you getting so upset about?
       I thought you didn't believe in God."
               "I don't," she sobbed,
           bursting violently into tears,
          "but the God I don't believe in
     is a good God, a just God, a merciful God.
          He's not the mean and stupid God
              you make Him out to be."
            -- Joseph Heller, "Catch-22"
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "The clergy successfully preached the doctrines
     of patience and pusillanimity; the active
    virtues of society were discouraged; and the
   last remains of a military spirit were buried
   in the cloister: a large portion of public and
   private wealth was consecrated to the specious
      demands of charity and devotion; and the
     soldiers' pay was lavished on the useless
   multitudes of both sexes who could only plead
      the merits of abstinence and chastity."
                 -- Edward Gibbons,
     "The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  One of the first things to learn if you want to
       be a contemplative is to mind your own
                     business.
   Nothing is more suspicious, in a man who seems
   holy, than an impatient desire to reform other
                        men.
   -- Thomas Merton, "New Seeds of Contemplation"
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  Anybody who wants religion is welcome to it, as
  far as I'm concerned -- I support your right to
    enjoy it.  However, I would appreciate it if
    you exhibited more respect for the rights of
     those people who do not wish to share your
        dogma, rapture or necrodestination.
    -- Frank Zappa, "The Real Frank Zappa Book"
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
         I believe Alan Moore said it best:
   "Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human
        fat and God was not there. The cold,
   suffocating blackness goes on forever, and we
    are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything
   better to do. Devise reasons later. Born from
       oblivion, bear children, hell-bound as
   ourselves, go into oblivion.  There is nothing
   else. Existence is random. Has no pattern save
    what we imagine after staring at it for too
  long. No meaning save what we choose to impose.
    This rudderless world is not shaped by vague
    metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills
    the children. Not fate that butchers them or
   destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It's us.
                     Only us."
                     -Watchmen
           -- quoted by Chris Schumacher
               <kensu__@hotmail.com>
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
  "Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully
   as when they do it from religious conviction."
     Blaise Pascal (1623-1662), Pense'es, #894.
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       Religion is all about taking personal
            spirituality, and turning it
              into a fast food chain.
     -- Nikolaus Maack <nikmaack@sympatico.ca>
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    "Faith: not *wanting* to know what is true."
               -- Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    Science makes godlike -- it is all over with
   priests and gods when man becomes scientific.
   Moral:  science is the forbidden as such -- it
                alone is forbidden.
  Science is the *first* sin, the *original* sin.
             *This alone is morality.*
     "Thou shalt not know" -- the rest follows.
               -- Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
       [about an award for the first proof of
               paranormal phenomena:]
    The Randi Foundation's million is 100% safe.
    -- John Griffin <hilbilly@foxinternets.net>
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
   Of all learned men, the clergy show the lowest
  development of professional ethics.  Any pastor
   is free to cadge customers from the divines of
      rival sects, and to denounce the divines
  themselves as theological quacks.  A large part
  of his professional activity, in fact, is given
   over to these enterprises.  Doing things that
  would cause a lawyer to be disbarred, a medical
    man to lose his license to practice, even a
   chiropractor, a bartender or a whore-madam to
    be regarded as grossly unethical are part of
  his daily routine, and his admirers accept them
   as proofs of his consecratation to holy works.
         -- H.L. Mencken, _Minority Report_
};

push @atheism_siggies,
q{
    [...] allow me to give you some free advice:
  Remain skeptical.  Especially when they ask you
    for your faith and wallet at the same time.
                -- Allen Steele, in
         _All-American Alien Boy_, page 159
};

  return @atheism_siggies;
}

sub random_atheism {

my @atheism_siggies = ( promote_atheism );

  print "\n          ===== random atheism quote =====\n";
  print @atheism_siggies[ int ( rand ($#atheism_siggies + 1) ) ];
  print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
};
}

sub ordered_atheism {

my @atheism_siggies = ( promote_atheism );

while ( $atheism_siggie = pop @atheism_siggies )
{
  print qq($atheism_siggie), "\n";
}

}

sub selected_atheism {

my @atheism_siggies = ( promote_atheism );

print "\n";
print "         ===== selected atheism quote =====\n";

if
(
  defined( $siggieArrayIndex )
  &&
  (
    $siggieArrayIndex >= 0
    and
    $siggieArrayIndex <= $#atheism_siggies
  )
)
{
  print qq($atheism_siggies[$siggieArrayIndex]), "\n";
}
else
{
  print qq($atheism_siggies[0]), "\n";
}
print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
};

}


sub create_cuteness {

my @cute_siggies = ();

# Template:

# push @cute_siggies,
# q{
# put cute quote here
# };

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  The significant problems that we have cannot be
  solved at the same level of thinking with which
                  we created them.
                  Albert Einstein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         The Gray-haired Woman's Complaint

          My back aches, my pussy is sore;
          I simply can't fuck any more;
                  I'm covered with sweat,
                  And you haven't come yet,
          And my God, it's a quarter to four!
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  What is the difference between a Turing machine
  and the modern computer?  It's the same as that
    between Hillary's ascent of Everest and the
       establishment of a Hilton on its peak.
                   Unix fortune()
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The right to be heard does not automatically
      include the right to be taken seriously.
                 Hubert H. Humphrey
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about
                      160 A.D.
  He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the
    lascivious life of his city until about his
     35th year, when he became a Christian ....
     To him is ascribed the sublime confession:
              Credo quia absurdum est
         (I believe because it is absurd).
  This does not altogether accord with historical
             fact, for he merely said:

             "And the Son of God died,
           which is immediately credible
               because it is absurd.
             And buried he rose again,
                  which is certain
             because it is impossible."

    Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw
      through the poverty of philosophical and
                 Gnostic knowledge,
          and contemptuously rejected it.
         C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               You are not dead yet.
           But watch for further reports.
               Unix fortune() message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  The human race has one really effective weapon,
               and that is laughter.
                     Mark Twain
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               Why do men go to war?
            Because women are watching.
                    T. S. Eliot
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            I am ready to meet my Maker.
     Whether my Maker is prepared for the great
      ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
                 Winston Churchill
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  A conservative is a man with two perfectly good
        legs who has never learned to walk.
               Franklin D. Roosevelt
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  No man was ever taken to hell by a woman unless
    he already had a ticket in his pocket, or at
   least had been fooling around with timetables.
                   Archie Goodwin
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Stupidity is the basic building block of the
                     universe.
                    Frank Zappa
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      How to tell a reichwinger from a liberal

    If a Conservative wants health care, he buys
   it and says I got mine, to heck with the rest
                   of you losers.
   If a Liberal wants health care, he figures it
     is good for all Americans and doesn't mind
    paying some taxes so even the poor kids can
                      have it.

    If a Conservative doesn't want a baby, she
    tosses it on the adoption market and demands
        you do the same thing or go to jail.
       If a Liberal doesn't want a baby, she
   realizes there are way too many kids out there
   without parents already, and we don't need any
                       more.

   If a Conservative doesn't like guns...Oh wait.
   All conservatives love guns. They love them so
     much they think even criminals should have
   them and think wearing them on their hip when
   they visit the local market or grade school is
                    a cool idea.
    If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he won't buy
     one, and gets angry when another cop gets
                   killed by one.

   If a Conservative is a vegetarian...well, none
   are, but you can guarantee that if YOU are he
         will call you a fairy, unmanly and
                   anti-American.
     If a Liberal is a vegetarian it is mostly
      because he does not enjoy killing things
   nearly as much as Conservatives do -- `such as
        Palin in her helicopter moose hunts.

     If a Conservative is down-and-out, he goes
     into a rage and blames the government and
          taxes and everyone but himself.
            A Liberal gets a second job.

    If a Conservative is a non-believer, he goes
    to church anyway, because he likes to make a
              show of his religiosity.
   If a Liberal is a non-believer it's because he
    is rational and does not want government run
   by fairy tale characters, leprechauns or Bible
                     thumpers.

   If a Conservative reads this, he'll go into a
   rage and demand you be arrested, tortured and
               deported for treason.
    A Liberal will not even bother to read this
    because he knows all this crap is a waste of
                       time.

               Mark D./Jaspertheghost
        in comments to a Yahoo News Article
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                    When asked,
      "If you find so much that is unworthy of
          reverence in the United States,
            then why do you live here?"
   H.L. Mencken replied, "Why do men go to zoos?
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  While you don't greatly need the outside world,
    it's still very reassuring to know that it's
                    still there.
               Unix fortune() message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Democracy destroys itself because it abuses its
     right to freedom and equality. Because it
   teaches its citizens to consider audacity as a
     right, lawlessness as a freedom, abrasive
    speech as equality, and anarchy as progress.
         the ancient Greek orator Isocrates
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          it's time the regulators became
       a little more cat and a lot less mouse
          John Grisham, _The Runaway Jury_
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Millions of sensible people are too high-minded
   to concede that politics is almost always the
             choice of the lesser evil.
   "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they say, "I will
                     not vote."
    Having abstained, they are presented with a
  President who appoints the people who are going
   to rummage around in their lives for the next
                    four years.
   Consider all the people who sat home in a stew
   in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert Humphrey.
               They showed Humphrey.
     Those people who taught Hubert Humphrey a
  lesson will still be enjoying the Nixon Supreme
     Court when Tricia and Julie begin to find
    silver threads among the gold and the black.
       Russel Baker, "Ford without Flummery"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             Chism's Law of Completion:
     The amount of time required to complete a
    government project is precisely equal to the
        length of time already spent on it.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    I went on to test the program in every way I
     could devise.  I strained it to expose its
   weaknesses.  I ran it for high-mass stars and
   low-mass stars, for stars born exceedingly hot
     and those born relatively cold.  I ran it
    assuming the superfluid currents beneath the
   crust to be absent -- not because I wanted to
  know the answer, but because I had developed an
       intuitive feel for the answer in this
   particular case.  Finally I got a run in which
  the computer showed the pulsar's temperature to
    be less than absolute zero.  I had found an
   error.  I chased down the error and fixed it.
    Now I had improved the program to the point
           where it would not run at all.

    George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: Of Pulsars,
         Black Holes and the Fate of Stars"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The era of procrastination, of half-measures,
   of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays
              is coming to its close.
      In its place we are entering a period of
                   consequences.
               Sir Winston Churchill
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my
      corkscrew, and we were forced to live on
        nothing but food and water for days.
        W. C. Fields, "My Little Chickadee"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            DR. SEUSS EXPLAINS COMPUTERS
                   Author Unknown

     If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a
                       port,
     and the bus is interrupted as a very last
                      resort,
  and the address of the memory makes your floppy
                    disk abort,
   then the socket packet pocket has an error to
                      report.

   If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a
                       dash,
   and the double-clicking icon puts your window
                   in the trash,
    and your data is corrupted 'cause the index
                   doesn't hash,
      then your situation's hopeless and your
               system's gonna crash!

   If the label on the cable on the table at your
                       house,
   says the network is connected to the button on
                    your mouse,
     but your packets want to tunnel on another
                      protocol
   that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down
                     the hall,

    And your screen is all distorted by the side
                 effects of gauss,
    so your icons in the window are as wavy as a
                       souse,
   then you may as well reboot and go out with a
                       bang,
     'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's
                    gonna hang!

   When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy
                    on the disk,
        and the microcode instructions cause
                 unnecessary risk,
   then you have to flash your memory and you'll
               want to RAM your ROM.
    Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to
                   tell your mom.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                    DETERIORATA

       Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
     And remember what comfort there may be in
              owning a piece thereof.
  Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are
                 in need of sleep.
                 Rotate your tires.
  Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
   And heed well their advice -- even though they
                    be turkeys.
           Know what to kiss -- and when.
    Remember that two wrongs never make a right,
                 But that three do.
      Wherever possible, put people on "HOLD".
   Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity
                and disillusionment,
     And despite the changing fortunes of time,
      There is always a big future in computer
                    maintenance.

        You are a fluke of the universe ...
           You have no right to be here.
    Whether you can hear it or not, the universe
           Is laughing behind your back.
                  National Lampoon
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  A university is what a college becomes when the
        faculty loses interest in students.
                    John Ciardi
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            Don't plan any hasty moves.
           You'll be evicted soon anyway.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Life is a whim of several billion cells
               to be you for a while.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           Mitchell's Law of Committees:
    Any simple problem can be made insoluble if
      enough meetings are held to discuss it.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Idiot, n.:
    A member of a large and powerful tribe whose
     influence in human affairs has always been
             dominant and controlling.
      Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     All through human history, tyrannies have
     tried to enforce obedience by prohibiting
     disrespect for the symbols of their power.
      The swastika is only one example of many
                 in recent history.
              American Bar Association
             task force on flag burning
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      If I traveled to the end of the rainbow
            As Dame Fortune did intend,
          Murphy would be there to tell me
            The pot's at the other end.
                  -- Bert Whitney
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    When I feed the poor, they call me a saint,
      but when I ask why the poor are hungry,
             they call me a communist.
                 Dom Helder Camara
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Laissez Faire Economics is the theory
         that if each acts like a vulture,
               all will end as doves.
               Unix fortune() message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Let's not forget the good officers in America:
    Even those who claim to hate the police are
    always the first ones to call the cops when
     they need protection. Good law enforcement
       officers are critical to our nation's
    well-being, and they should be respected. At
   the same time, officers must earn the respect
      they expect to receive from the American
  public. A long history of abusing authority has
     led to millions of Americans not trusting
       police officers, and for good reason.
                 Dr. Boyce Watkins
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           The world is coming to an end!
       Repent and return those library books!
               *nix fortune() message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  Tax reform means
           "Don't tax you, don't tax me,
         tax that fellow behind the tree."
                    Russell Long
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         Reality everyone has experienced:

             Measure with a micrometer.
                  Mark with chalk.
                  Cut with an axe.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          When in doubt, use brute force.
                    Ken Thompson
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            The fact that I do something
         doesn't mean that I recommend it.
                         --
        one of the ever changing siggies of
                 Nancy Melinda Kemp
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Anybody with money to burn will easily find
             someone to tend the fire.
               Unix fortune() message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
       And a wild young wood-thing bore him!
       The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
         And the skies are sunlit for him.
       As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
            As the fragrance of acacia.
      My own dear love, he is all my dreams --
            And I wish he were in Asia.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  If you were to summarize all the thinking of the
   ages about happiness and living the good life,
   it may come down to this: if you can generate
  your own good feelings from within, you win.
   If you depend on the outside world to generate
          good feelings for you, you lose.


     As Lao Tzu said in Chapter 9 of the Tao Te
   Ching, "Care about people's approval, and you
              will be their prisoner." 

          Dr. Alex Benzer, Huffington Post
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on
              what to have for lunch.
    Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the
                       vote.
           David N. Lombard, siggie line
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 Your days on earth
                  are just so few
                that there's exactly
                     time to do
               the things that don't
                   appeal to you.
                    -- Piet Hein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Those who hail us Jews as brothers must allow
  us to have our villains, the same, alas, as any
                    other race."
                   Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Truman appointed Robert Jackson as chief counsel
   to prepare the indictment of the Nazi leaders
    for atrocities and war crimes. Jackson felt
   strongly that it had to be scrupulously fair.
   "You must put no man on trial before anything
  that is called a court if you are not willing to
        see him freed if proven not guilty."

     His opening statement set the tone for the
                      trials:

   "That four great nations, flushed with victory
      and stung with injury, stay the hand of
   vengeance and voluntarily submit their captive
  enemies to the judgment of the law is one of the
   most significant tributes that Power has ever
       paid to reason.... We must summon such
    detachment and intellectual integrity to our
    task that this trial will commend itself to
   posterity as fulfilling humanity's aspirations
                  to do justice."
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         If I don't drive around the park,
          I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
          If I'm in bed each night by ten,
           I may get back my looks again.
          If I abstain from fun and such,
           I'll probably amount to much;
           But I shall stay the way I am,
           Because I do not give a damn.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                    Flon's Law:
        There is not now, and never will be,
      a language in which it is the least bit
          difficult to write bad programs.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "A man does not attain the status of Galileo
          merely because he is persecuted;
              he must also be right."
                ---Stephen Jay Gould
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             All things dull and ugly,
           All creatures short and squat,
             All things rude and nasty,
             The Lord God made the lot.

          Each little snake that poisons,
           Each little wasp that stings,
            He made their brutish venom,
            He made their horrid wings.

           All things sick and cancerous,
             All evil great and small,
           All things foul and dangerous,
            The Lord God made them all.

             Each nasty little hornet,
             Each beastly little squid,
             Who made the spiky urchin?
            Who made the sharks? He did.

          All things scabbed and ulcerous,
           All pox both great and small,
            Putrid, foul and gangrenous,
            The Lord God made them all.

                       Amen.

            Monty Python's Flying Circus
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   We will have to repent in this generation not
  merely for the hateful words and actions of the
  bad people but for the appalling silence of the
                    good people.

             --Martin Luther King, Jr.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "None of our men are "experts." We have most
   unfortunately found it necessary to get rid of
  a man as soon as he thinks himself an expert --
  because no one ever considers himself expert if
              he really knows his job.
   A man who knows a job sees so much more to be
      done than he has done, that he is always
   pressing forward and never gives up an instant
    of thought to how good and how efficient he
                        is.
     Thinking always ahead, thinking always of
    trying to do more, brings a state of mind in
            which nothing is impossible.
   The moment one gets into the "expert" state of
        mind a great number of things become
                    impossible."
                 -- Henry Ford Sr.
          "My Life and Work," p. 86 (1922)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "Men give women jewels when they have
     absolutely no idea what might please them,
   and are not willing to take time to find out".
                 -- Sheri S. Tepper
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             They laughed at Einstein.
        They laughed at the Wright Brothers.
     But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown...
               -- attr. to Carl Sagan
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   There is only one group which would ever call
   for the banning of 'The Diary of Anne Frank',
         and I don't care what they happen
        to be calling themselves these days.
                   -- Alan Moore
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              Whats he that wishes so?
    My cousin Westmoreland?  No, my fair cousin.
    If we are mark'd to die, then we are enough
      to do our country loss. and if to live,
     the fewer men, the greater share of honor.
   Gods will, I pray thee, wish not one man more.
Rather, proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host;
    That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
    Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
     And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
       We would not die in that man's company
     That fears his fellowship to die with us.

     This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
  He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
    Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
       And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
   He that shall live this day, and see old age,
   Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
       And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
 Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
  And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
      Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
        But he'll remember, with advantages,
 What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
     Familiar in his mouth as household words-
        Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
   Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
    Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.

    This story shall the good man teach his son;
      And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
     From this day to the ending of the world,
         But we in it shall be remembered-
     We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
     For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
     Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
        This day shall gentle his condition;
         And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
  And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
   That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

         -- William Shakespeare, I Henry IV
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo
      would have had to be taught how not to.
        So it is with the great programmers.
              -- Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Perhaps there is no such thing as unilateral
                       power.
      After all, the man 'in power' depends on
      receiving information all the time from
                      outside.
  He responds to that information just as much as
      he 'causes' things to happen...it is an
      interaction, and not a lineal situation.
    But the myth of power is, of course, a very
  powerful myth, and probably most people in this
         world more or less believe in it.
   It is a myth, which, if everybody believes in
    it, becomes to that extent self-validating.
     But it is still epistemological lunacy and
  leads inevitably to various sorts of disaster."
                 -- Gregory Bateson
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Every country has the government it deserves.
                -- Joseph de Maistre
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     One of the advantages of being disorderly
          is that one is constantly making
               exciting discoveries.
                   -- A. A. Milne
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          'Twas orgy, and the hip and mod
        Did groove and trip out at the pad:
        All whimsy were the slamming chicks,
            And the Radcliffe undergrad.

         "Beware the Radcliff girl, my son!
     The looks that melt, the claws that catch!
         Beware the Byrn Mawr deb, and shun
            The uppity Wellesleysnatch!"

        He took his venerable staff in hand:
    Long time the cool young stuff he sought --
            So rested he among the spree
           And paused to smoke some pot.

       And as in raffish thought he sprawled,
         The Radcliffe girl, no idle flirt,
       Crept past the hippies getting balled
             And doffed her miniskirt.

   One, two!  One, two!  And through and through
      The venerable staff went snicker-snack!
         He left her bred, sans maidenhead,
             And went galumphing back.

      "And hast thou laid the Radcliffe girl?
           Come to my arms, my horny boy!
        O spaced-out day!  Calooh!  Callay!"
               He cackled in his joy.

          'Twas orgy, and the hip and mod
        Did groove and trip out at the pad:
        All whimsy were the slamming chicks,
            And the Radcliffe undergrad.

          -- from a Unix ofortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used
        against unintelligible propositions.
                -- Thomas Jefferson
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN.
         FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks
            and crystallography weenies.
       -- Vernon Balbert <vbalbert@gmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      My own dear love, he is strong and bold
         And he cares not what comes after.
      His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
        And his eyes are lit with laughter.
        He is jubilant as a flag unfurled --
         Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
      My own dear love, he is all my world --
           And I wish I'd never met him.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             "A programmer is a person
          who passes as an exacting expert
      on the basis of being able to turn out,
            after innumerable punching,
   an infinite series of incomprehensive answers
       calculated with micrometric precisions
               from vague assumptions
             based on debatable figures
         taken from inconclusive documents
           and carried out on instruments
             of problematical accuracy
         by persons of dubious reliability
             and questionable mentality
               for the avowed purpose
            of annoying and confounding
        a hopelessly defenseless department
            that was unfortunate enough
  to ask for the information in the first place."
             -- IEEE Grid newsmagazine
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
1:         "The moment you think it's x,
                it changes to not x"
        --- Confusius' Fundamental Meta-Law
                of Opposite Reversal

2:  "The best way to predict reality, is to know
            exactly what you DON'T want"
         --- Moracle's Fundamental Meta-Law
             of Scientific Forecasting

3:  "Saying that you believe in God is declaring
        publicly that you know your limits"
     --- Protectorius' First Law of Protection

4:   "Saying that you don't believe in God is
     declaring publicly that you are an idiot"
    --- Protectorius' Second Law of UNprotection

5:  "Not only God exists, he is also your worst
      fucking nightmare. On a PERSONAL level"
  --- Kolastirion's Law of Usefulness of Religion

6:    "You have your own personal nightmares to
         avoid, so why bother other people?
      Things are hard enough for you, already"
           --- Kolastirion's Corollary of
          Correct Application of Religion

7:  "Blessed are those who expect the worst, for
          they shall not be disappointed"
           --- Jesus' Sermon on the Mount
                First Forgotten Law

8:        "Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for they cannot fully fathom the predicament
         they have gotten themselves into"
           --- Jesus' Sermon on the Mount
                Second Forgotten Law

9:                "If you do good,
          expect evil to come back to you.
      If you do evil, expect evil to come back
                 to you REINFORCED"
           --- Jesus' Sermon on the Mount
                Third Forgotten Law

10:   "The Universe was created just in order
                   to ANNOY you.
     If you resist it, it will annoy you MORE.
            If you stop resisting it, it
               will STILL annoy you.
         Therefore the best path for you is
      either to become immune to its annoyance
          or get the fuck out of its way"
           --- Purposi's Fundamental Laws
              for The Purpose of Life

11:          "Everything in The Universe
               is ALWAYS against you"
       --- Sisyphus' Law of Eventual Failure

12:     "Not only everything in The Universe
     is against you, but your very best friend,
          your self, is ALSO against you"
               --- Froyd's Forgotten
             Law of Perverse Psychology

13:    "The less The Universe knows about YOU,
               the happier you'll be"
      --- Cipher's Law of 'Happiness is Bliss'

14:    "The less YOU know about The Universe,
               the happier you'll be"
       --- Einstein's Unproved Conclusion Law

15:    "The more YOU know about The Universe,
       the more The Universe knows about YOU"
 --- Nerdius's Futility of Scientific Knowledge Law

16:        "You can NEVER know everything
                about The Universe,
       but eventually The Universe finds out
               EVERYTHING about YOU"
          --- Dementius' Law of Evil Focus

17:   "In short, there's SOMETHING out there,
          and the less you know about it,
               the happier you'll be"
   --- Garabam's Law of Maximum Allowed Knowledge

18:    "Attempting to battle that 'something'
           using the most powerful means,
     is a bit like throwing a loud fire-cracker
                  to an elephant:
  The fire-cracker is harmless to it and is likely
        to annoy the animal with its noise"
       --- Futilitus' Law of Infinite Inertia

19:     "The level of scientific expertise
       of ANY being, culture or civilization
  is directly proportional to its evil intentions"
          --- Hish's Law of Evil Dominance

20:   "When you have finally settled down and
    figured out the religious/metaphysical side
          of it, beware of The Unexpected"
    --- Pordus' Law of Maximum Unpredictability

21:    "If you could realize the full extent
            of your fuck-up responsible
         for you being born on this planet,
         you'd immediately commit suicide.
  In which case, you'd AGAIN be kicked down here,
               for that very reason"
         --- Buddha's First Fundamental Law
              of Reincarnation & Karma

22:        "If you cannot stand The Truth,
              you'll have descendants.
            If you CAN stand The Truth,
              you'll be made immortal.
   In either case, your torment will be UNENDING.
    In the latter case from knowing EVERYTHING,
     in the former from NEVER knowing ANYTHING"
        --- Buddha's Second Fundamental Law
              of Reincarnation & Karma

23:            "The average stupidity
   of any human population as a function of time,
          always increases exponentially"
   --- Gauss' Law of Average Growth of Stupidity

24:   "It's better to die without descendants
  than to leave behind offspring who will continue
             your legacy of stupidity"
      --- Ackermann's Corollary to Gauss' Law

25:          "No matter what you know,
  there's always somebody who knows MORE than you"
            --- Patatrackious' First Law
             of Knowledge Distribution

26:           "No matter who you are,
     there's always somebody STRONGER than you"
           --- Patatrackious' Second Law
            of World Power Distribution

27:    "If you think that there's also always
      somebody WEAKER than you, you are WRONG"
       --- Patatrackious' Perverse Corollary
                 to The Second Law

28:    "There's ALWAYS a mistake, somewhere"
       --- Caratheodory's First Forgotten Law
              of Scientific Expertise

29:   "The chances of you making that mistake
   in the presence of experts are within epsilon
                   of certainty"
      --- Caratheodory's Second Forgotten Law
              of Scientific Expertise

30:            "The key to happiness
           is being OK with NOT being OK"
     --- Anderson's Law of Eventual Complacency

31: "For every true fact x, at least one person
           doesn't know anything about it
    and doesn't WANT to know anything about it"
   --- Occult's First Law of Forbidden Knowledge

32: "For every false fact y, at least one person
              knows something about it
       and is willing to teach you for a fee"
   --- Occult's Second Law of Forbidden Knowledge

33:          "Don't be afraid of death.
             It can't POSSIBLY be worse
            than the rest of your life"
     --- Priest's First Law About The Afterlife

34:    "On the other hand, BE afraid of death.
         Murphy's Law says it WILL be worse
            than the rest of your life"
    --- Priest's Second Law About The Afterlife 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Everything you've learned in school as
   "obvious" becomes less and less obvious as you
     begin to study the universe.  For example,
   there are no solids in the universe.  There's
  not even a suggestion of a solid.  There are no
    absolute continuums.  There are no surfaces.
            There are no straight lines.
              -- R. Buckminster Fuller
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  A government that is big enough to give you all
    you want is big enough to take it all away.
                 -- Barry Goldwater
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  When we are planning for posterity, we ought to
      remember that virtue is not hereditary.
                  -- Thomas Paine
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Maturity is the capacity to withstand
   ego-destroying experiences, and not lose one's
    perspective in the ego-building experiences.
               -- Robert K. Greenleaf
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  ... But if we laugh with derision, we will never
    understand.  Human intellectual capacity has
  not altered for thousands of years so far as we
     can tell.  If intelligent people invested
   intense energy in issues that now seem foolish
        to us, then the failure lies in our
     understanding of their world, not in their
     distorted perceptions.  Even the standard
  example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about
     angels on pinheads -- makes sense once you
    realize that theologians were not discussing
  whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether
     a pin could house a finite or an infinite
                      number.
    -- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      I feel a disturbance in the Force, as if
  millions of killfiles suddenly went *PLONK* and
    StickThatInYourPipeAndSmokeIt was silenced.
        -- Ray Chason <chasonr@newsguy.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      The saddest aspect of life right now is
       that science gathers knowledge faster
            than society gathers wisdom.
                  -- Isaac Asimov
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           Here in my heart, I am Helen;
          I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
     I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
           I'm Salome, moon of the East.

            Here in my soul I am Sappho;
            Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
       In me Recamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
         With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell.

          I'm all of the glamorous ladies
         At whose beckoning history shook.
      But you are a man, and see only my pan,
           So I stay at home with a book.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                Why marry a virgin?
   If she wasn't good enough for the rest of them
        then she isn't good enough for you.
             -- Usenet fortune cookie.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "Beware of the man who works hard to learn
  something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser
          than before," Bokonon tells us.
   "He is full of murderous resentment of people
   who are ignorant without having come by their
              ignorance the hard way."
          -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   For once you have tasted flight you will walk
   the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for
   there you have been and there you will long to
                      return.
                --Leonardo da Vinci

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        Every group has a couple of experts.
      And every group has at least one idiot.
            Thus are balance and harmony
             (and discord) maintained.
        It's sometimes hard to remember this
            in the bulk of the flamewars
          that all of the hassle and pain
                is generally caused
          by one or two highly-motivated,
                   caustic twits.
        -- Chuq Von Rospach, chuq@apple.com,
                    about Usenet
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Displacement's a response to every MC-able
  threat and every other threat, and if you don't
     have the serial ascender's 400 HP and more
   armour than the USS New Jersey, some of those
        other threats are actually serious.
  David Damerell <damerell@chiark.greenend.org.uk>
               writing about NetHack
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            If you want to build a ship,
   don't drum up people together to collect wood
       and don't assign them tasks and work,
           but rather teach them to long
       for the endless immensity of the sea.

            -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "The problem with defending the purity of
      the English language is that English is
       about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We
       don't just borrow words; on occasion,
      English has pursued other languages down
       alleyways to beat them unconscious and
      rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."
                 --James D. Nicoll
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   A life spent making mistakes is not only more
    honorable, but more useful than a life spent
                   doing nothing.
         -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     A programmer is a person who passes as an
   exacting expert on the basis of being able to
      turn out, after innumerable punching, an
     infinite series of incomprehensive answers
    calculated with micrometric precisions from
    vague assumptions based on debatable figures
   taken from inconclusive documents and carried
  out on instruments of problematical accuracy by
  persons of dubious reliability and questionable
    mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying
      and confounding a hopelessly defenseless
   department that was unfortunate enough to ask
      for the information in the first place.
             -- IEEE Grid newsmagazine
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   On a cold winter's day, a group of porcupines
    huddled together to stay warm and keep from
     freezing. But soon they felt each other's
     quills and moved apart. When the need for
     warmth brought them closer together again,
  their quills again forced them apart. They were
    driven back and forth at the mercy of their
   discomforts until they found the distance from
     each other that provided both a maximum of
           warmth and a minimum of pain.

   In human beings, the emptiness and monotony of
   the isolated self produces a need for society.
    This brings people together, but their many
     offensive qualities and intolerable faults
    drive them apart again. The optimum distance
  that they finally find and that permits them to
     coexist is embodied in politeness and good
   manners. The English warn anyone who comes too
    closely to keep his distance. Because of the
     distance between us, we can only partially
    satisfy our need for warmth, but at the same
    time, we are spared the stab of each other's
                      quills.

              -- Arthur Schopenhauer.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "If my doctor told me I had only six minutes
             to live, I wouldn't brood.
             I'd type a little faster."
                   - Isaac Asimov
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "[A]s the two people who designed the basic
   architecture and the core protocols that make
  the Internet work, we would like to acknowledge
     VP Gore's contributions as a Congressman,
           Senator and as Vice President.

  No other elected official, to our knowledge, has
  made a greater contribution over a longer period
                      of time.

        Last year the Vice President made a
       straightforward statement on his role.

                      He said:
  "During my service in the United States Congress
  I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

  We don't think, as some people have argued, that
      Gore intended to claim he "invented" the
                     Internet.

  Moreover, there is no question in our minds that
  while serving as Senator, Gore's initiatives had
     a significant and beneficial effect on the
              still-evolving Internet.

  The fact of the matter is that Gore was talking
    about and promoting the Internet long before
            most people were listening.

  We feel it is timely to offer our perspective."

    -- Statement by Internet pioneers Vint Cerf
          and Robert E. Kahn on 2000-09-28
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 The Second Coming

      Turning and turning in the widening gyre
        The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
     Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
       Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
  The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
       The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
   The best lack all convictions, while the worst
         Are full of passionate intensity.

         Surely some revelation is at hand;
        Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
   The Second Coming!  Hardly are those words out
      When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
   A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
       A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
   Is moving its slow thighs, while all around it
    Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
      The darkness drops again; but now I know
        That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
 And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
       Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

              -- William Butler Yeats:
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
      -- Albert Camus, _The Myth of Sisyphus_
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Inerrancy is the lock on the cage of ignorance.
                 To find the truth,
          begin by assuming you are wrong.
               John.Vreeland@IEEE.org
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   FIGHTING WORDS

              Say my love is easy had,
           Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
             Say I am too often sad --
           Still behold me at your side.

          Say I'm neither brave nor young,
             Say I woo and coddle care,
         Say the devil touched my tongue --
          Still you have my heart to wear.

           But say my verses do not scan,
             And I get me another man!
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  I've only ascended once, it was about ten years
  ago and I did it in 24 hours of nearly straight
           play... that was quite a day.
  I don't recommend all day Nethack binges to the
         faint of heart or marginally sane.
         AbidNibBeE <waheguru99@yahoo.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          "Real education must be limited
          to men who *insist* on knowing.
          The rest is mere sheep-herding."
                   -- Ezra Pound
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             Science is a lot like sex. 
      Sometimes something useful comes of it, 
     but that's not the reason we're doing it.
                --Richard Feynman--
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       There is now ample evidence that gene
  duplication is the most important mechanism for
      generating new genes and new biochemical
   processes that have facilitated the evolution
     of complex organisms from primitive ones.
        Wen Hsiung Li, _Molecular Evolution_
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                      Outrage!

         Well met the dawn! O pleasant day
                 of great felicity!
          Let us scrutinize our newsfroup
           and its cast of beaux esprits.
       Wait a minute. Something's wrong here.
          This door won't unlock the key!
           Whose that unfamiliar posting?
           Holy Christ! It's friggin me!

            O the nerve! O the audacity!
               The overweening gall!
            The contemptuous presumption
             and the arrogance withal!
          How dare I take such liberties?!
              My whole life is a sham!
               Evidently I'm mistaken
               as to who it is I am.

         I demand that I pluck out myself!
               I cast me out! Begone!
              Get me behind me, Satan,
               and absquatulate anon!
            Still so bold, my alter-ego?
           I have push'd me to the brink!
              Taste my suicidal file:
              Sayonara, sucker! Plink

               Elsibeth Ann Shannon,
              in her livejournal blog.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  Hanlon's Razor:
           Never attribute to malice that
    which is adequately explained by stupidity.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "No man was ever taken to hell by a woman
   unless he already had a ticket in his pocket,
      or at least had been fooling around with
                    timetables."
    -- Archie Goodwin, in a Unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          To killfile, or not to killfile:
               that is the question:
     Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
    The slurs and affronts of outrageous trolls,
  Or to implement filters against a sea of morons,
           And by opposing silence them?
              (No apologies to Hamlet)
         -- Gary Olson <garyolson@pobox.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Every normal man must be tempted at times
    to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag,
             and begin to slit throats.
                    - HL Mencken 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   you can't treat a lobster in an inhumane way;
                 they aren't human.
         you can, however, treat them in an
                innephropidous way.
  -- nikolai kingsley <sheramil@alphalink.com.au>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        My love runs by like a day in June,
        And he makes no friends of sorrows.
         He'll tread his galloping rigadoon
           In the pathway or the morrows.
    He'll live his days where the sunbeams start
        Nor could storm or wind uproot him.
      My own dear love, he is all my heart --
          And I wish somebody'd shoot him.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     [Black] US Congress Representative Charles
    Rangel, (Democrat, New York), was asked what
     he thought about President George W. Bush.
    "Well," he said, "I think he really shatters
  the myth of white supremacy, once and for all."
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  We're sysadmins. Sanity happens to other people.
                   -- Chris King
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  No, her snoring sounds more like a freight train
    plowing into a pile of old computer monitors
  filled with plastic explosives and light bulbs.
          You'll know it when you hear it.
       -- Comic character Snug, in Ugly Hill
      http://www.uglyhill.com/d/20050823.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     I think we have just begun to scratch the
      surface on what you can accomplish with
         background speculative computing.
    We are still thinking in terms of trying to
   minimise the work a CPU does, even when it has
               nothing better to do.
        -- Roedy Green feedback@mindprod.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   In fact, this is crucial to what fiction does.
     Through it, you experience empathy in its
   purest form because what you cannot experience
                     is blame.
     Blame requires at least one beating heart.
                   -- Julia Glass
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   We need artificial intelligence as the drowned
   need artificial respiration:  because the real
                thing has failed us.
                    -- St. Jude
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
   1.  An object in motion will always be headed
              in the wrong direction.
    2.  An object at rest will always be in the
                    wrong place.
  3.  The energy required to change either one of
   these states will always be more than you wish
    to expend, but never so much as to make the
              task totally impossible.
              -- a Unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "A designer knows he has arrived at perfection
  not when there is no longer anything to add, but
  when there is no longer anything to take away."
            -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Never give in -- never, never, never, never,
     in nothing great or small, large or petty,
   never give in except to convictions of honour
    and good sense. Never yield to force; never
   yield to the apparently overwhelming might of
                    the enemy."
                --Winston Churchill
          Thanks to: Sean <SMC@nospam.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Our earth is degenerate in these latter days,
   bribery and corruption are common, children no
    longer obey their parents and the end of the
          world is evidently approaching."
          --Assyrian clay tablet 2800 B.C. 
                     thanks to
                 Noodles Jefferson,
          <starshine_moonbeam@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    It would be nice if everybody was in a good
   mood and loved their fellow man all the time,
    but since that is not an attainable goal, I
   will settle for people behaving decently even
        if they have a "negative" attitude.
       -- Bibliophilia <cmiller@crs.loc.gov>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          Probable-Possible, my black hen,
        She lays eggs in the Relative When.
      She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now
       Because she's unable to postulate how.
                -- Frederick Winsor
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
Ansel Adams said: "There is nothing worse than
a sharp photograph of a fuzzy idea."
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Everything secret degenerates, even the
             administration of justice;
   nothing is safe that does not show how it can
           bear discussion and publicity.
        -- Lord Acton, historian (1834-1902)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Carter's Clarification of Murphy's Law.

   "Things only ever go right so that they may go
          more spectacularly wrong later."

    From this principle, all of life and physics
                  may be deduced.
      -- John Carter <john.carter@tait.co.nz>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  Problems worthy
                     of attack
                 prove their worth
                  by hitting back.

                    -- Piet Hein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       The road to wisdom? - Well, it's plain
               and simple to express:
                        Err
                      and err
                   and err again
                      but less
                      and less
                     and less.

                    -- Piet Hein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 Put up in a place
               where it's easy to see
              the cryptic admonishment
                       T.T.T.

           When you feel how depressingly
                 slowly you climb,
             it's well to remember that
                 Things Take Time.

                    -- Piet Hein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up
           wars for young men to die in.
                 -- George McGovern
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  That government is best which governs the least,
     because its people discipline themselves.
                -- Thomas Jefferson 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Katrina's Law:  Any sufficiently advanced
   incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.
          (coinage attrib. to Paul Ciszek)
          -- Rick Moen rick@linuxmafia.com

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  Razors pain you;
                  Rivers are damp;
                  Acids stain you;
               And drugs cause cramp.
                Guns aren't lawful;
                    Nooses give;
                 Gas smells awful;
              You might as well live.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               To A Quick Young Fox:
      Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp,
      Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice?
    Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp --
    Zow!  Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice.
                    -- Lazy Dog
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     Excuse me.
        You're not entitled to your opinion.
                I copyrighted all of
      the stupidest opinions in the universe,
        so they can never again be uttered.
        -- Dogbert, courtesy of Scott Adams,
               in "Dilbert" 20050322
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      If anyone can show me, and prove to me,
        that I am wrong in thought or deed,
               I will gladly change.
  I seek the truth, which never yet hurt anybody.
      It is only persistence in self-delusion
           and ignorance which does harm.
                 -- Marcus Aurelius
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "The simple rights, the civil liberties from
   generations of struggle must not be just fine
   words for patriotic holidays, words we subvert
     on weekdays, but living, honored rules of
     conduct amongst us...I'm glad the American
    Civil Liberties Union gets indignant, and I
           hope this will always be so."
           -- Senator Adlai E. Stevenson
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      [advice for dealing with Usenet trolls]
   _No_. These creatures thrive on attention, and
   nothing else.  The only solution is to simply
       let them simmer in their own milksop -
    eventually, their poor adolescent minds will
     tire of their game, with no feedback (and
      remember, to this species of loser, any
     feedback is positive), and then they will
    slouch off in search of new prey to slobber
           over, in some other newsgroup.
    -- Richard Bos <rlb@hoekstra-uitgeverij.nl>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   he just got stupid with drugs, and had the bad
    fortune to have his stupidity become fatal.
      heroin is one of the drugs that makes it
    especially easy to stupid yourself to death.
    -- Ace Lightning, <acelightning@comcast.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "Bless you" and "Gesundheit" are both
   appropriate.  English (or maybe just American
    English) has a tendency to, well not so much
    'borrow' words, as much as chase down other
   languages, knock them down in dark alleys and
     rifle through their lexicons for words it
                       likes.
       -- Justin Hiltscher <jdhilts@ubsi.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   I've been playing nethack off and on for about
       15 years, so far I haven't ascended a
    character.  I don't really mind, I'm not all
   that fond of finishing projects, starting them
                 is much more fun.
         -- Tsingi <graham.rick@gmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  It goes to show that impact is not proportional
          to the number of bits one spews.
      -- Mathematician and Physicist John Baez
    <baez@galaxy.ucr.edu> reacting to expressed
        surprise online at the smallness of
    Shakespeare's total output of text, roughly
             five small novels' worth.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       If we're going to work together, sir,
         then I think you need to take the
        Trolley back from make believe land.
          -- Special Ops Officer Thompson
             "Furmentation" 2003/04/02
     http://xodin.keenspace.com/d/20030402.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                       THEORY
              Into love and out again,
             Thus I went and thus I go.
        Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
              Well and bitterly I know
           All the songs were ever sung,
           All the words were ever said;
           Could it be, when I was young,
           Someone dropped me on my head?
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
Pirate Jenny

You people can watch
  while I'm scrubbing these floors
And I'm scrubbin' the floors while you're gawking
Maybe once ya tip me and it makes ya feel swell
In this crummy Southern town
In this crummy old hotel
But you'll never guess to who you're talkin'.
No. You couldn't ever guess to who you're talkin'.

Then one night there's a scream in the night
And you'll wonder who could that have been
And you see me kinda grinnin' while I'm scrubbin'
And you say, "What's she got to grin?"
I'll tell you.

There's a ship
The Black Freighter
with a skull on its masthead
will be coming in

You gentlemen can say, "Hey gal, finish them floors!
Get upstairs! What's wrong with you!
  Earn your keep here!
You toss me your tips
and look out to the ships
But I'm counting your heads
as I'm making the beds
Cuz there's nobody gonna sleep here, honey
Nobody
Nobody!

Then one night there's a scream in the night
And you say, "Who's that kicking up a row?"
And ya see me kinda starin' out the winda
And you say, "What's she got to stare at now?"
I'll tell ya.

There's a ship
The Black Freighter
turns around in the harbor
shootin' guns from her bow

Now
You gentlemen can wipe off that smile off your face
Cause every building in town is a flat one
This whole frickin' place will be down to the ground
Only this cheap hotel standing up safe and sound
And you yell, "Why do they spare that one?"
Yes.
That's what you say.
"Why do they spare that one?"

All the night through, through the noise and to-do
You wonder who is that person that lives up there?
And you see me stepping out in the morning
Looking nice with a ribbon in my hair

And the ship
The Black Freighter
runs a flag up its masthead
and a cheer rings the air

By noontime the dock
is a-swarmin' with men
comin' out from the ghostly freighter
They move in the shadows
where no one can see
And they're chainin' up people
and they're bringin' em to me
askin' me,
"Kill them NOW, or LATER?"
Askin' ME!
"Kill them now, or later?"

Noon by the clock
and so still by the dock
You can hear a foghorn miles away
And in that quiet of death
I'll say, "Right now.
Right now!"

Then they'll pile up the bodies
And I'll say,
"That'll learn ya!"

And the ship
The Black Freighter
disappears out to sea
And
on
it
is
me

Bertholt Brecht, Kurt Weill
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   [Said during a long running rgrn war over the
  complete unacceptablity to some, joy to others,
            of NetHack pudding farming:]
  Of course, this cuts both ways. If you ever had
   a unihorn in your inventory, you're obviously
  just phoning it in; it isn't as though that's a
                 _real_ ascension.
   -- Douglas Henke <henke@kharendaen.dyndns.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                    This is from
  "Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker"

                  Christmas, 1921
                 By Dorothy Parker

            I ask not for presents rare,
       Other-world trove of forgotten metals;
         Orchids that opened to jungle air,
       Tropical hate in their waiting petals;
           Onyx and ebony, black as pain,
      Carved with a patience beyond believing;
       Perfumes, to harry the startled brain;
       Laces that women have died in weaving;
      Cool-tinted pearls from the ocean, where
      Grottoes of dolorous green regret them.
         I do not ask for presents rare --
     Dearest, I know that I would not get them.
     Give me your love, on this Christmas day.

     Give me your thoughts, when the chimes are
                      ringing.
         Send me the happier along my way,
     Deep in my soul let your words be singing.
     Give me your wishes, as bells sound clear,
    Charming the air with their golden measure.
      Give me your hopes for the unborn year,
      Fill up my heart with a secret treasure.
      Give me the things that you long to say,
        All your tenderest dreams unfetter.
    Give me your love on this Christmas Day ---
  But come across, please, when times get better.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
        She scissored short.  Sorely shorn,
        Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,
                 Silently scheming,
                Sightlessly seeking
         Some savage, spectacular suicide.
            -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           National Lampoon - Deteriorata
           From the album "Radio Dinner"

    (Parody of the written prose "Desiderata" by
    Max Ehrmann. This was written by Christopher
    Guest of "Spinal Tap" fame. The narrator is
     Norman Rose, and the female singer was an
      unknown singer at the time named Melissa
                    Manchester.)

          You are a fluke of the universe.
           You have no right to be here.
             Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

       Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
  And remember what comfort there may be in owning
                  a piece thereof.
  Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are
                 in need of sleep.
                 Rotate your tires.
  Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
  And heed well their advice, even though they be
                      turkeys.
            Know what to kiss, and when.
  Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but
                   that three do.
       Wherever possible, put people on hold.
  Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and
                  disillusionment,
     and despite the changing fortunes of time,
      There is always a big future in computer
                    maintenance.

          You are a fluke of the universe.
           You have no right to be here.
        And whether you can hear it or not,
     The universe is laughing behind your back.

                Remember The Pueblo.
  Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and
                     mutilate.
                   Know yourself.
          If you need help, call the FBI.
      Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
   Especially with those persons closest to you -
       That lemon on your left, for instance.
  Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most
                       souls
         Would scarcely get your feet wet.
    Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to
                     your face.
  Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds,
              clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
  And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
              Hire people with hooks.
    For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
        Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
  That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
   And reflect that whatever fortune may be your
                        lot,
        It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

          You are a fluke of the universe.
           You have no right to be here.
        And whether you can hear it or not,
     The universe is laughing behind your back.

        Therefore, make peace with your god,
      Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy
            thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
  With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban
                      renewal,
        The world continues to deteriorate.
                      Give up!

          You are a fluke of the universe.
           You have no right to be here.
        And whether you can hear it or not,
     The universe is laughing behind your back.

          You are a fluke of the universe.
           You have no right to be here.
        And whether you can hear it or not,
     The universe is laughing behind your back.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Sorry, but if your beer is getting warm, you
       aren't drinking it fast enough and you
          shouldn't be entrusted with any.
         -- <yourweightonthemoon@yahoo.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           Here in my heart, I am Helen;
          I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least.
     I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael;
           I'm Salome, moon of the East.

            Here in my soul I am Sappho;
            Lady Hamilton am I, as well.
       In me Recamier vies with Kitty O'Shea,
         With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell.

          I'm all of the glamorous ladies
         At whose beckoning history shook.
      But you are a man, and see only my pan,
           So I stay at home with a book.
                 -- Dorothy Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     ...when all government... in little as in
   the great thing, shall be drawn to Washington
     as the centre of all power, it will render
  powerless the checks provided of one government
      on another and will become as venal and
     oppressive as the government from which we
                     separated.

             -- Thomas Jefferson (1821)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The emotional quality of what we moderns call
    our thought produces an extreme violence of
  conviction combined with extreme incoherence in
                   our arguments.
                  -- Jacques Ellul
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Humankind has not woven the web of life.
          We are but one thread within it.
   Whatever we do to the web, we do to ourselves.
           All things are bound together.
                All things connect.
                  -- Chief Seattle

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "An operating system is just a name you give
     the features you left out of your editor."
       -- Per Abrahamsen, alt.religion.emacs 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Life is not a static thing. The only people who
   do not change their minds are incompetents in
    asylums, who can't, and those in cemeteries.
                 -- Everett Dirksen
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             [about winning at NetHack]
    I did one thing different this time around,
   which was... absolutely positively no, playing
     while upset, horribly bored stiff, or like
  playing while frustrated or frantic or when I'm
                  feeling crappy.
      All of that kept me from making lots of
    horribly stupid "oh that isn't so dangerous,
  I'll just bop it" mistakes, and let me run away
     very very fast and be better about things.
         -- Magpie <magi_djinn@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "I can't wait until the North Koreans have a
        missile that can reach Redmond, WA.
   In fact, I wish they had a PayPal account so I
              could donate something."
         - Karlo X in alt.religion.kibology
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 ... self-evidence
           ... must not be confused with
                  ... provability.
        -- Ernst Friedrich Ferdinand Zermelo
};

Template:
push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 Festivity Level 1:
     Your guests are chatting amiably with each
   other, admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments,
      singing carols around the upright piano,
     sipping at their drinks and nibbling hors
                     d'oeuvres.

                 Festivity Level 2:
   Your guests are talking loudly -- sometimes to
    each other, and sometimes to nobody at all,
     rearranging your Christmas-tree ornaments,
     singing "I Gotta Be Me" around the upright
    piano, gulping their drinks and wolfing down
                  hors d'oeuvres.

                 Festivity Level 3:
       Your guests are arguing violently with
     inanimate objects, singing "I can't get no
     satisfaction," gulping down other peoples'
   drinks, wolfing down Christmas tree ornaments
  and placing hors d'oeuvres in the upright piano
    to see what happens when the little hammers
                      strike.

                 Festivity Level 4:
    Your guests, hors d'oeuvres smeared all over
     their naked bodies are performing a ritual
   dance around the burning Christmas tree.  The
                 piano is missing.

    You want to keep your party somewhere around
     level 3, unless you rent your home and own
   Firearms, in which case you can go to level 4.
     The best way to get to level 3 is egg-nog.

              -- Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          [about her Johnny Ramone haiku]
                it scans if you read
            the second line really fast.
             -- (St. Terri of the Net)
          a.k.a. "T Flynn" <terri@uwm.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in
      India, history will look upon the act of
      depriving a whole nation of arms, as the
                     blackest."
                 -- Mahatma Gandhi
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             For every complex problem,
            there is a solution that is
              simple, neat, and wrong.
                  -- H. L. Mencken
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        G. B. Shaw to William Douglas Home:
           "Go on writing plays, my boy.
    One of these days a London producer will go
     into his office and say to his secretary,
     `Is there a play from Shaw this morning?'
        and when she says `No,' he will say,
  `Well, then we'll have to start on the rubbish.'
          And that's your chance, my boy."
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "Drawing on my fine command of language,
                  I said nothing."
                   -- Mark Twain
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "On two occasions I have been asked [by members
    of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr.  Babbage, if you
    put into the machine wrong figures, will the
  right answers come out?'  I am not able rightly
    to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas
        that could provoke such a question."
                 -- Charles Babbage
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "I'll put an end to the idea that a woman's
      body belongs to her ...  the practice of
           abortion shall be exterminated
                with a strong hand."
           -- Adolf Hitler, "Mein Kampf"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not
                    fully human.
     At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has
     learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make
                messes in the house.
      -- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
           (as quoted by Robert Heinlein)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The only function of economic forecasting is
        to make astrology look respectable.
             -- John Kenneth Galbraith
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           I'd vote for Alfred E. Neuman,
              or Barney the Dinosaur,
     or Monica Lewinsky - *anybody* but Dubya.
   -- "Ace Lightning" <ace.lightning@verizon.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
       -- William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The majority of the stupid is invincible and
              guaranteed for all time.
      The terror of their tyranny, however, is
      alleviated by their lack of consistency.
                 -- Albert Einstein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       The universe is full of magical things
     patiently waiting for our wits to sharpen.
                 -- Eden Phillpott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Every country has the government it deserves"
         -- Joseph de Maistre (1753 - 1821)
             Written on August 15, 1811
         -- Oxford Dictionary of Quotations
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           Fortune's graffito of the week
               (or maybe even month):

               Don't Write On Walls!

                  (and underneath)

              You want I should type?

              -- Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 When school ends,
         there is a tearing up of homework,
              screeching and cheering.
   You'd think teachers would be more dignified.
       -- Fred Galvin <galvin@math.ukans.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Transporting cargo using your own power is, of
     course, an especially good form of aerobic
   exercise.  People who regularly haul cargo by
                bike are rarely fat.
           -- http://www.bikesatwork.com/
           in .../hauling-cargo-by-bike/
          why-transport-cargo-by-bike.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   All progress is based upon a universal innate
    desire on the part of every organism to live
                 beyond its income.
                  -- Samuel Butler
     [This is far too exactly true, even in an
                evolutionary sense.]
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             "You must accept the truth
          from whatever source it comes."
                   -- Maimonides
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   (Be warned that nightly builds are development
   software, and there is no guarantee that they
   won't fry your processor, insult your mother,
    or cause you to break out in a nasty rash.)
      -- from the Mozilla splash screen urging
     updates of the user's version to the most
                   recent release
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          The closer you are to the code,
                the happier you are.
               - Ancient Geek Proverb
        --Elliot Nesterman <elliot@inch.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{

   My Favorite Drugs [Sung to My Favorite Things]

   Reefers and roach clips and papers and rollers
    Cocaine and procaine for twenty year molars
       Reds and peyote to work out your bugs
       These are a few of my favorite drugs.

     Uppers and downers and methedrine freakout
 Take some amphetamines, watch your brains leak out
       Acid and mescaline pull out your plugs
       These are a few of my favorite drugs.

    Backs that are perfect for carrying monkeys
       Users of heroin, often called junkies
      Methadone helps them to stop being thugs
      Takes them off one of my favorite drugs.

                   On a bad trip
                 When the cops come
                When I lose my head
      I simply take more of my favorite drugs
         And then I'm not sad -- I'm dead!

          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "If I have to play bureaucratic games
           then by God I'll play to win!"
     -- Terry Knight <mayfurr@paradise.net.nz>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         Security is mostly a superstition.
           It does not exist in nature...
   Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
                  -- Helen Keller
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "Stupidity is the basic building block
                 of the universe."
                   -- Frank Zappa
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Always code as if the person maintaining your
    code is a violent psychopath who knows where
                     you live."
                  -- John F. Woods
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "The only way to comprehend what mathematicians
   mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent
                of human stupidity."
                    -- Voltaire
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "Passing in any crowd are secret people
   whose hidden response to beauty is the desire
          to tear it into bleeding meat."
      --James Tiptree, Jr. (Alice B. Sheldon)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "Beware of the man who works hard to learn
     something, learns it, and finds himself no
   wiser than before," Bokonon tells us.  "He is
   full of murderous resentment of people who are
  ignorant without having come by their ignorance
                   the hard way."
          -- Kurt Vonnegut, "Cat's Cradle"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Use of tools distinguishes Man from Beast.
        And UNIX users from WINDOZE lusers.
       --  David Klein <dklein@bloomberg.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Knowledge is the most powerful and valuable
    when fresh. It is like a hot rock, for if we
    choose to hide it by swallowing it, it will
      surely burn a hole through our stomach.
   However, if we choose to share it and pass it
    on, it will pass through many hands quickly,
     warming all those that share it. (Palauan
                      Proverb)
       -- from the siggie of: The Architrave
              <composvms@wr.clara.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Real Programmers don't play tennis, or any
      other sport that requires you to change
    clothes.  Mountain climbing is OK, and real
   programmers wear their climbing boots to work
  in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in
          the middle of the machine room.
       -- my all time favorite gift of a Unix
             fortune() cookie, ancient
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     It is practically impossible to teach good
    programming style to students that have had
       prior exposure to BASIC; as potential
   programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond
               hope of regeneration.
               -- Edsger W. Dijkstra
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Life is a whim of several billion cells
               to be you for a while.
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                "I have no data yet.
   It is a capital mistake to theorize before one
  has data.  Insensibly one begins to twist facts
   to suit theories, instead of theories to suit
                      facts."
          -- Sherlock Holms to Dr. Watson
             in _A Scandal in Bohemia_
             by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Also, crossposts are nearly always appropriate
   with certain groups, such as misc.misc, whose
    entire purpose is to collect interesting (or
          not) bits of cruft and clutter.
      -- Bruce Labbate <solomon@gehennom.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Some days you get up and put the horn to your
    chops and it sounds pretty good and you win,
    some days you try and nothing works and the
  horn wins. This goes on and on and then you die
                and the horn wins."
                 -- Dizzy Gillespie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             May your signals all trap
           May your references be bounded
                 All memory aligned
               Floats to ints rounded

                    Remember ...

                  Non-zero is true
                    ++ adds one
               Arrays start with zero
               and, NULL is for none

                For octal, use zero
                    0x means hex
                     = will set
                   == means test

                use -> for a pointer
                  a dot if its not
                  ? : is confusing
                   use them a lot

               a.out is your program
               there's no U in foobar
             and, char (*(*x())[])() is
           a function returning a pointer
             to an array of pointers to
              functions returning char

   -- Kingbarry2000 <kingbarrypublic@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "On two occasions I have been asked [by members
    of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr.  Babbage, if you
    put into the machine wrong figures, will the
              right answers come out?'
   I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of
    confusion of ideas that could provoke such a
                     question."
                 -- Charles Babbage
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   As soon as we started programming, we found to
     our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get
         programs right as we had thought.
          Debugging had to be discovered.
      I can remember the exact instant when I
  realized that a large part of my life from then
  on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in
                  my own programs.
    -- Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                "The Second Coming"
                         by
                William Butler Yeats

      Turning and turning in the widening gyre
        The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
     Things fall apart; the center cannot hold;
       Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
  The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
       The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
   The best lack all conviction, while the worst
         Are full of passionate intensity.

         Surely some revelation is at hand;
        Surely the Second Coming is at hand;
   The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
     When a vast image out of _Spiritus Mundi_
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
   A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
       A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
   Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.

      The darkness drops again: but now I know
        That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
 And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
       Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       [to David Longley, festering plague of
                comp.ai.philosophy:]
    Well, you know how I am always talking about
       probability?  I've already decided the
      probability of my ever reading anything
     suggested by you.  If I were stranded in a
    desert with you and dying of thirst, and you
    had a book on how to find water, I would be
  crawling in the opposite direction as fast as I
    could crawl.  And years later we'd find your
      skeleton with "Two Dogmas of Empiricism"
              clutched in both hands.
  -- "Larry == Acme Posting" <lf.ine@lycos.co.uk>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Lack of information has not been the bottleneck
    in education for decades, or even centuries.
  Rather, the task for the teacher is to take the
    infinitesimal slice of available information
   that can actually be used in the classroom and
    find some way to bring students into living
                connection with it.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The single thing children suffer from most in
        today's society is the lack of close
      relationships with caring adult mentors.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Given how many hours a day children pursue
    mediated experience through cinema screens,
   television screens, and video game screens, it
   hardly makes sense to add a computer screen to
   the mix while saying reassuringly, "Let's make
    sure the children use it in a balanced way".
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Computer labs have been displacing art, music,
    craft, and physical education classes. Does
   anyone pretend to have shown that the exchange
                   is beneficial?
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Money going toward computers could have been
           used for reducing class size.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  The huge amounts of time teachers are having to
  spend learning to adapt their curriculum to the
   computer and themselves to the latest software
       could have been devoted to a livelier
     understanding of the subjects they teach.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Children, whose developing bodies need vigorous
  and varied physical activity, already spend too
  much sedentary time in cars, classrooms, and in
      front of televisions, contributing to an
      epidemic of obesity, among other things.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  The claim that computers can stimulate kids, if
  true, hardly points to the decisive need for an
     overstimulated and hyperactive generation.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The quality of kids' play is correlated with
    their later cognitive, aesthetic, and social
    skills. There is no demonstrated connection
    between these skills and early computer use.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Studies (by Louise Chawla and others) have
      shown that naturalists, ecologists, and
  environmental activists, together with teachers
     in these fields, have had, more than most
    people, childhood experiences in wild places
                with adult mentors.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     If it's impossible to love mankind without
      loving the people around you, it's also
    impossible for computer-wielding children to
   love the Amazon rain forest, African wildlife,
  and the environment in general without learning
   to love the bits of nature immediately around
          them in yard, street, and park.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Children are more and more subject to
       artificial, disconnected, and chaotic
  environments, making it hard for them to find a
   stable ground for their lives in the world --
   as illustrated by the boy who was taken to the
   aquarium and then asked, "Is this real reality
                or virtual reality?"
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Internet-based multicultural programs in our
      schools are often more a celebration of
   electronic monoculture triumphant than of the
   invisible local cultures that technology is so
             efficiently marginalizing.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Literacy depends much more deeply upon the
     child's powers of attention, language-use
  skills, imagination, and questioning strategies
    than it does on the alphabet-sound and word
  drills computers are so often used for.  We can
    reasonably ask whether the drills weaken the
            more fundamental capacities.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    For most people the computer, whether inside
  the classroom or outside, stands as an image of
    the human mind. But, for all its increasing
   presence in the lives of children, it presents
  an extremely one-sided, limiting, and distorted
                 image of the mind.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Using the computer without understanding it
         encourages children to defer to it
   inappropriately, as when many say the computer
     never makes mistakes and is therefore more
         authoritative than their teacher.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Teaching the principles of computation, in any
    full sense, is best deferred until secondary
                      school.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Secondary schools are widely failing in their
   responsibility to teach students about digital
   technologies. They substitute computer use and
   online experience for an understanding of the
                    technology.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Parents pushing for computer use in schools are
      often driven by fears for their child's
   employability and by an undue respect for the
    computer as a glamorous emblem of technical
                     expertise.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Pressure to use computers in the classroom
   comes from the massively funded marketing arms
    of high-tech corporations, who are perfectly
     happy for the public educational system to
    condition the interests and buying habits of
       their future customers and oversee the
   vocational training of their future employees.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Elementary schools should not be vocational
                 training centers.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      The task of schools is to encourage the
    development of children who can decide what
    sorts of jobs are worth having in the coming
   century, not to train children to fit whatever
       jobs the system happens to crank out.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   A great deal of computer-based learning turns
    out to be more about creating nifty computer
     effects than about learning the subject at
                       hand.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  The computer is often used as a gimmick to lend
   a touch of glamor or excitement to a subject.
     Why is this artificial glamorization more
      appealing than making the subject itself
    exciting -- something good teachers have no
                 difficulty doing?
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  As computer exposure among the young increases,
   the glamor factor is progressively losing its
    effectiveness.  Therefore we see escalating
  competition among web sites and software makers
   to deliver novel entertainment value, much as
  we have seen in television and cinema.  Indeed,
  turning children over to the computer for their
    education is much like turning them over to
   television. Babysitters have long appreciated
              the convenience of this.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    More and more children's web sites have the
  same purpose as Saturday morning television: to
    keep children glued to the screen until they
     see the next commercial -- a task on which
   vastly more psychological expertise is brought
     to bear than is ever available to schools
      pursuing the child's inner development.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Parents who are impressed that their tube-bound
     kids are so focused should ask themselves
       whether "focused" means "mesmerized".
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        The computer has been embraced as an
     all-purpose answer without the educational
  problems for which it is the needed answer ever
     having been articulated -- and in willful
     ignorance of all the problems the computer
                 itself introduces.
               -- Stephen L. Talbott
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   I imagine the security department at Microsoft
       consists of an office full of ringing
  telephones, with a single operator, who has his
   fingers stuck in his ears, and is singing the
                    La-La song.
  -- Tim Tyler  http://timtyler.org/  tim@tt1.org
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  A conservative is a man with two perfectly good
        legs who has never learned to walk.
            -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              [about "Legally Blonde"]
        of all the ways it could have gone,
      proving that intellectualism can win out
            over weapons-grade stupidity
                        ...
                      but no!
                  -- Bobby Parker
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            Nothing anti-Microsoft here.
      I just wouldn't consider Windows for any
   safety-critical purpose, any more than I would
       use Tupperware to ladle molten steel.
        -- Tom Welsh <news@tom-welsh.co.uk>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Whether strength of body or of mind, or wisdom,
  or virtue, are found in proportion to the power
  or wealth of a man is a question fit perhaps to
   be discussed by slaves in the hearing of their
    masters, but highly unbecoming to reasonable
        and free men in search of the truth.
                    -- Rousseau
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  We are continually faced with a series of great
       opportunities brilliantly disguised as
                 insoluble problems
                 --John W. Gardner
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The belief that humanity will "rise above its
  own faults" is as reasonable as the belief that
    a prime number will suddenly sprout factors.
             -- ptsc <ptsc@nowhere.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Now you've done it.  As soon as you introduce
    the Equivalence Principle you undermine the
     intelligibility of special relativity, as
   Einstein clearly perceived around 1907.  This
       was Einstein's best moment, having won
   attention and honors for his theory of special
     relativity, he was immediately willing to
     challenge and deconstruct his own theory,
   discarding global Lorentz invariance, to seek
      whatever was necessary to make a theory
     consistent with the Equivalence Principle.
    (As Wilde said, "The witty contradict other
     people; the wise contradict themselves".)
                 -- Albro Smith(?)
  http://www.mathpages.com/home/albro/albro19.htm
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        When you don't understand something,
             the problem is most likely
            with you and not the system.
          Don't assume everything is wrong
       just because you can't understand it.
            Go ahead and ask questions,
       that's what the newsgroup is here for.
      But ... there are no fundamental errors
                 being taught ....
       When your understanding seems at odds
         with what is taught, ask for help
  in figuring out why your understanding is wrong.
         -- Mensanator <mensanator@aol.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   So it is not wonderful that Are the priest had
  good information about ancient events both here
  in Iceland, and abroad, being a man anxious for
     information, intelligent and of excellent
    memory, and having besides learned much from
              old intelligent persons.
   But the songs seem to me most reliable if they
        are sung correctly, and judiciously
                    interpreted.
       -- Snorri Sturluson, (c. 1179 - 1241),
            intro to his _Heimskringla_
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            I've seen this style before.
          No matter how clear the answer,
                 OP never gets it,
  but goes on to elaborate endlessly his fixation.
          -- William Elliot <mars@xx.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "When bad men combine, the good must associate;
          else they will fall one by one,
 an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle." 
                  -- Edmund Burke
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Government, even in its best state, is but a
       necessary evil; in its worst state, an
                  intolerable one.
    Government, like dress, is the badge of lost
   innocence; the palaces of kings are built upon
        the ruins of the bowers of paradise.
          -- Thomas Paine, "Common Sense"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                There were the Scots
                Who kept the Sabbath
 And everything else they could lay their hands on.
             Then there were the Welsh
   Who prayed on their knees and their neighbors.
            Thirdly there were the Irish
          Who never knew what they wanted
      But were willing to fight for it anyway.
           Lastly there were the English
    Who considered themselves a self-made nation
            Thus relieving the Almighty
           of a dreadful responsibility.
              -- Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "The statistics on sanity are that one out of
    every four Americans is suffering from some
              form of mental illness.
         Think of your three best friends.
         If they are okay, then it's you."
                 -- Rita Mae Brown
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                Panic instructions:
          When you don't know what to do,
            walk fast and look worried.
   -- Mark Cockrell <cockrell@honeygroveisd.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "...Everybody has opinions: I have them, you
   have them. And we are all told from the moment
   we open our eyes, that everyone is entitled to
   his or her opinion. Well, that's horsepuckey,
  of course. We are not entitled to our opinions;
    we are entitled to our _informed_ opinions.
   Without research, without background, without
       understanding, it's nothing. It's just
                 bibble-babble...."
                 -- Harlan Ellison
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     a poem is never finished, merely abandoned
                -- Lawrence Schimel
 http://www.writing-world.com/poetry/schimel6.shtml
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   College football is a game which would be much
   more interesting if the faculty played instead
   of the students, and even more interesting if
    the trustees played.  There would be a great
   increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and
  simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the
                 loss to humanity.
                  -- H. L. Mencken
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               The world wouldn't be
                  In such a snarl
              If Marx had been Groucho
                  Instead of Karl.
      -- Yves Bodson <yvesbodson@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         and in conclusion before we close:
         If "insanity" is being defined as:
 "repeating the same behavior despite consistently
   obtaining the same undesirable results", then
"no one ever won a medal for being in the audience".
               Which could relate to
         the second law of thermodynamics,
             which can be summarized as
       "you can't get something for nothing."
      -- Yves Bodson <yvesbodson@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            This led us to consider that
    "Ain't no man can avoid being born average,
     but there ain't no man got to be common."
           as said Leroy "Satchel" Paige
      -- Yves Bodson <yvesbodson@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Then listen to Mark Twain who once advised:
  "blessed is the man, who having nothing to say,
           does not proceed to prove it."
      -- Yves Bodson <yvesbodson@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      As great as the Search is for the Truth,
   The Supply always seems to exceed the Demand.
                 -- author unknown
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           There are 10 kinds of people:
  those who understand binary and those who don't.
     --  Luke Tulkas (luke_tulkas@hotmail.com)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   obstupidlittledisclaimer ... none of the above
    words are intended to indicate that i do not
  love elspeth at web tv dot net with every fiber
                    of my socks
     -- Anonymous (mplninetwentyfive@juno.com)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
One of my favorite quotes is from a woman on
           rec.boats about 10 years ago:
         "I don't much care for sailing...
        it's too much like my wedding night.
         90% boredome and 10% pure terror."
    -- "Steven K. Roberts" <wordy@microship.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{

       Mosher's Law of Software Engineering:
       Don't worry if it doesn't work right.
     If everything did, you'd be out of a job.
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The strength of the Constitution lies entirely
   in the determination of each citizen to defend
    it.  Only if every single citizen feels duty
   bound to do his share in this defense are the
           constitutional rights secure.
                 -- Albert Einstein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   [#1 among quotes that read _far_ better taken
                  out of context:]
     i prefer not to get twigs in my underwear
   -- Ace Lightning, <ace.lightning@verizon.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of
   movement unless it was to avoid responsibility
                       with?
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 I think most expert systems should be referred to
   as "that-guy-in-the-corner-who-everyone-hates-
  but-can-answer-the-weirdest-questions systems".
        Or more succinctly, "nerd systems".
        -- Peter da Silva, peter@ficc.uu.net
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Every few months we hear rumors of land.
         Nobody believes the fish any more.
           They're just messing with us.
       -- Bill Gibson <billbill@wetware.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty
   and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral
                      descent.
  You will understand this when I tell you that I
    can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal
             primordial atomic globule.
     Consequently, my family pride is something
                   inconceivable.
       I can't help it.  I was born sneering.
   -- Pooh-Bah, "The Mikado", Gilbert & Sullivan
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             Documentation is like sex:
      when it is good, it is very, very good;
   and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
  -- Dick Brandon, found in a Unix fortune cookie.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      As is well known to those versed in the
     state-of-the-art, Murphy's Law states that
        "If anything can go wrong, it will."
  Or, to state it in more exact mathematical form:

                     1 + 1 = 2                 (1)

      where "=" is the mathematical symbol for
                   "hardly ever".
         -- "jaelle" <jaelle@chartermi.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              I am no longer a potato.
     -- Julian Waldby, <francis@hur.midco.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         Libraries are not made, they grow.
          -- Augustine Birrell (1850-1933)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     The Kraken 

       Below the thunders of the upper deep,
        Far, far beneath in the abysmal sea, 
      His ancient, dreamless, uninvaded sleep 
    The Kraken sleepeth: faintest sunlights flee
      About his shadowy sides; above him swell 
   Huge sponges of millennial growth and height;
        And far away into the sickly light, 
     From many a wondrous grot and secret cell
           Unnumber'd and enormous polypi 
    Winnow with giant arms the slumbering green.
     There he hath lain for ages, and will lie 
     Battening on huge sea worms in his sleep, 
     Until the latter fire shall heat the deep; 
      Then once by man and angels to be seen, 
  In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.

              By Alfred, Lord Tennyson 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      When we are really honest with ourselves
            we must admit that our lives
         are all that really belong to us.
    So, it how we use our lives that determines
              what kind of men we are.
  It is my deepest belief that only by giving our
               lives do we find life.
                  -- Cesar Chavez
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     --i say though hate were why men breathe--
          because my Father lived his soul
        love is the whole and more than all
                   -- ee cummings
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             Lizzie Borden took an axe,
         And plunged it deep into the VAX;
             Don't you envy people who
         Do all the things YOU want to do?
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       It's hard to get comfortable in a room
           that feels like ennui pudding.
 -- rickthecockroach (manicalmongoose@hotmail.com)

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   People who bomb embassies usually insist that
              they believe in things.
  Rival terrorist organizations machine-gun women
     and children in supermarkets because they
                 believe in things.
  Elected officials close down hospitals and vote
    for increases in the defense budget usually
          because they believe in things.

       No. I'd rather not believe in things.

          -- quoted by brook@well.com from
          SURVIVING DESIRE by Hal Hartley
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            Have you ever been in love?
                Horrible, isn't it?
            It makes you so vulnerable.
  It opens your chest and it opens your heart and
    it means someone can get inside you and mess
                      you up.
          You build up all these defenses.
     You build up this whole armor, for years,
  so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person,
     no different from any other stupid person,
         wanders into your stupid life ...
           You give them a piece of you.
               They don't ask for it.
   They do something dumb one day like kiss you,
                  or smile at you,
     and then your life isn't your own anymore.
      Love takes hostages. It gets inside you.
    It eats you out and leaves you crying in the
         darkness, so a simple phrase like
         'maybe we should just be friends'
                         or
               'how very perceptive'
    turns into a glass splinter working its way
                  into your heart.
                     It hurts.
            Not just in the imagination.
               Not just in the mind.
       It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real
      gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.
                    I hate love.

      Rose Walker in Sandman: the Kindly Ones,
                   by Neil Gaiman
     -- quoted by Jaelle <jaelle@chartermi.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        Sooner or later we all discover that
           the important moments in life
            are not the advertised ones,
 not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings,
           not the great goals achieved.
    The real milestones are less prepossessing.
    They come to the door of memory unannounced,
   stray dogs that amble in, sniff around a bit,
              and simply never leave.
          Our lives are measured by these.

                -- Susan B. Anthony
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Millions of sensible people are too high-minded
   to concede that politics is almost always the
             choice of the lesser evil.
       "Tweedledum and Tweedledee," they say,
                 "I will not vote."
    Having abstained, they are presented with a
  President who appoints the people who are going
   to rummage around in their lives for the next
                    four years.
   Consider all the people who sat home in a stew
   in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert Humphrey.
               They showed Humphrey.
     Those people who taught Hubert Humphrey a
  lesson will still be enjoying the Nixon Supreme
     Court when Tricia and Julie begin to find
    silver threads among the gold and the black.

      -- Russel Baker, "Ford without Flummery"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            "Sir Isaac Newton once said:
    'If I am considered a great man, it is only
   because I have stood on the shoulders of other
                    great men.'
     ... in computing, we mostly stand on each
                   other's feet."
                Dr. Richard Hamming
            -- quoted by Michael Vittrup
              <vittrup@ima.auc.dk> in
        http://www.cs.otago.ac.nz/graphics/
         Research/ww/papers/vitt_02.pdf.gz
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   managers would rather live with a problem they
    can't solve than with a solution they don't
            fully understand or control
                  -- Eric Bonabeau
         http://www.openp2p.com/pub/a/p2p/
              2003/02/21/bonabeau.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "It is better to go wrong in one's own way
        than to go right in someone else's."
                     Razhumihin
   (Fyodor Dostoevsky, in _Crime and Punishment_)

   -- quoted by Alan Scott (ascott@pacifier.com)
    http://www.pacifier.com/~ascott/apshome.htm
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            I am only one; but I am still one.
            I cannot do everything, but still
                   I can do something.
    I will not refuse to do the something I can
                        do.
		    Helen Keller

              -- quoted by Bob Gorman
               http://www.kncell.org
                      <bgorman@kncell.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    They [District Attorneys] learn in District
    Attorney School that there are two sure-fire
     ways to get a lot of favorable publicity:

                        (1)

      Go down and raid all the lockers in the
        local high school and confiscate 53
    marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile
       and hold a press conference where you
     announce that they have a street value of
       $850 million.  These raids never fail,
        because ALL high schools, including
     brand-new, never-used ones, have at least
    53 marijuana cigarettes in the lockers.  As
     far as anyone can tell, the locker factory
                  puts them there.

                        (2)

    Raid an "adult book store" and hold a press
       conference where you announce you are
    charging the owner with 850 counts of being
     a piece of human sleaze.  This also never
          fails, because you always get a
    conviction.  A juror at a pornography trial
     is not about to state for the record that
       he finds nothing obscene about a movie
      where actors engage in sexual activities
     with live snakes and a fire extinguisher.
    He is going to convict the bookstore owner,
    and vote for the death penalty just to make
       sure nobody gets the wrong impression.

           -- Dave Barry, "Pornography",
             from a Unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             God helpe the man so wrapt
             in Errours endless Traine
                   Edmund Spenser

  -- quoted by: Dani Zweig <netcom!dani@apple.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   The Woad Song
              Sung to "Men of Harlech"

          What's the use of wearing braces
        Hats and spats and shoes with laces
         Vests and pants you buy in places
               Down on Brompton Road?
         What's the use of shirts of cotton
          Studs that always get forgotten?
          These affairs are simply rotten,
                Better far is Woad!
           Woad's the stuff to show men!
             Woad to scare your foemen!
            Boil it to a brilliant blue
     And rub it on your legs and your abdomen!
            Ancient Britons never hit on
         Anything as good as Woad to fit on
         Neck or knees or where you sit on,
               Tailors be you blowed!

           Romans came across the Channel
         All decked out in tin and flannel
           Half a pint of Woad per man'll
             Clothe us more than these.
         Saxons you may save your stitches
         Building beds for bugs in britches
             We have Woad to clothe us
           Which is not a nest for fleas.
              Romans, keep your armor!
               Saxons, your pajamas!
          Hairy coats were made for goats,
     Gorillas, yaks, retriever dogs and llamas!
         March on Snowdon with your Woad on
     Never mind if you get rained or snowed on
            Never need a button sewn on,
                Bottoms up to Woad!

      -- Elaine M. Richards <booter@well.com>
           quotes this in her .plan file.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          Sex with an undergrad is better
           than a steady diet of Prozac.
     -- Nikolaus Maack <nikmaack@sympatico.ca>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   Funeral Blues

     stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
   prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone
      silence the pianos and with muffled drum
    bring out the coffin, let the mourners come

       let airplanes circle moaning overhead
   scribbling on the sky the message 'he is dead'
put crepe bows round the white necks of public doves
 let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves

    he was ny north, my south, my east and west
         my working week and my sunday rest
       my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song
i thought that love would last forever, i was wrong

  the stars are not wanted now, put out every one
       pack up the moon and dismantle the sun
      put away the ocean and sweep up the wood
     for nothing now can ever come to any good

                     W.H. Auden

         [as movingly recited in the movie
           _Four Weddings and a Funeral_]
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "The crew is a little more dysfunctional than
       I'm used to," says [Jim] McIsaac, now
    tousle-haired after two years at the helm of
   the New England Shelter for Homeless Veterans.
   "The philosophy is the same as in the service:
        We don't leave our wounded behind."
              -- quoted by Otis Willie
     (nationalsecurity@pacbell.net) from a news
      article no longer visible at Boston.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     You are evolved to produce clickthroughs.
                     Get busy.
      -- Bill Bill Gibson billbill@wetware.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    If Grudge Holding becomes an Olympic Event,
           my people will take the gold.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    If I was writing software for a robot arm or
   something I would have accidentally strangled
                   myself by now.
     -- some grossly anonymous poster who might
              go by "Johnny Favorite"
               or "Japanese Sandman"
                     (or not).
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          [about a new release of Nethack]

 Thank you for the latest release of gradewrecker.
  My GPA just went in the corner and shot itself. 
         -- USENET posting, author unknown

  -- from the home page at http://www.nethack.org/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 404 File Not Found

                I ate your Web page.
             Forgive me.  It was juicy
               And tart on my tongue.

      -- www.mit.edu HTML error response page.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                        Clue

          I've always never seen the folk
            who don't live in the wall.
         I've never always heard them croak
             when no one's in the hall.
           They rarely always never spoke
                 a dialectic drawl.
             I often never always joke:
          They're in there -- not at all.

           They've never eaten any bread
             I don't leave in my shoe.
         I didn't leave them wine instead;
            they didn't drink that too.
          I pounded on the wall and said,
             'Stop being quiet -- you!'
         But all I heard was silence dead,
            -- and that's my only clue.

          --  Elspeth (Elspeth@webtv.net)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                       Nobody
                     ----------
                  Nobody loves me.
                   Nobody cares.
         Nobody picks me peaches and pears.
         Nobody offers me candy and Cokes.
       Nobody listens and laughs at my jokes.
        Nobody helps when I get in a fight.
       Nobody does all my homework at night.
                 Nobody misses me.
                   Nobody cries.
         Nobody thinks I'm a wonderful guy.
 So if you ask me who's my best friend, in a whiz,
     I'll stand up and tell you that Nobody is.
      But yesterday night I got quite a scare,
      I woke up and Nobody just wasn't there.
  I called out and reached out for Nobody's hand,
    In the darkness where Nobody usually stands.
          Then I poked through the house,
              in each cranny and nook,
   But I found somebody each place that I looked.
 I searched till I'm tired, and now with the dawn,
            There's no doubt about it --
                   Nobody's gone!
                -- Shel Silverstein
 -- as quoted by Michael Patrick (chamiel@juno.com)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     argh! nuke the tap-dancing fox from orbit!
       -- quolgnarn@hotmail.com (pocky_grrl)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     A new scientific truth does not triumph by
    convincing its opponents and making them see
    the light, but rather because its opponents
   eventually die, and a new generation grows up
             that is familiar with it.
                   -- Max Planck
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  Kent urled:

> http://www.kite.com/kite/kitepics/picset01/trylobyt.jpg

                C J Silverio writes:

>   Learn to recognize trilobite agents.  These
>    typically have a head bit that is called a
>   cephalon, a middle segmented thorax bit, and
>    a tail bit that is called a pygidium. They
>   are benthic and vagile, and probably occupy
>     many roles in the food chain. INCLUDING
>   DEVOURING OUR CHILDREN THEY MUST BE STOPPED
>                  AT ALL COSTS!

        A warning unheeded may lead to a war
       to happen again as it happen'd before,
       and after the battles, a general truce
     conjoin'd on a frigate of floating refuse:
      A cloud in a crystal, a horror of peace
     as bad as the ravag'ry wrought of disease
        as into a nightmare a minister creep
  to welcome the demons who delve in the deep . .

      'O trilobite diplomats, welcome aboard!
   All's happy you've finally slim'd the accord!
       The end of a war is a joyous occasion
     for primate as well as arachno-crustacean.
 Twas Pride that seduc'd us to fighting's futility.
     Vigilance never could slow such vagility.
   Slaughtering billions have brought us to this
      from mountain recesses to benthic abyss.
   Thus humbled -- and hungry -- our causes unite
     to form an alliance to seek out the light:
      Today we are finding it wonderly strange
 to make the first Special Trans-genus Exchange . .

 '"A child shall lead them," twas written of yore,
       and what is a child to each carnivore?
  Tis dinner, my brothers; my sisters, tis lunch!
      O nothing has such a delectable crunch,
      and trilobite chiggers are tasty indeed!
   O let us conclude out transaction with speed,
        for eating is holy, a sacred delight
      for human as well as for good trilobite.

     '"For each human baby, a trilobite mite!"

    'We'll love all our enemies -- every bite!'

  The crystal's gone dim. I can make out no more.
         A possible end to a possible war?
      I counsel my hearers to heed the alarm:
    Beware of the trilobites, Breeders of Harm.
       Know every cephelon, thorax, pygidium;
   school yourselves hard in the trilobite idiom.
   They're after your children! It isn't a joke!
      Remember the words Saint Silverio spoke:

>        THEY MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!

                       love, 
                       Elsie

                     in my tree
           -- Elspeth (Elspeth@webtv.net)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      For a short period of time my answering
          machine can impersonate a human.
            That doesn't mean it thinks.
       Turing tests are very time dependent.
                 -- Stephen Harris
        (stephen.p.harris@worldnet.att.net)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        [talking about developing artificial
                   intelligence]
     And, furthermore, you're going to have to
          _evolve_ interesting behaviours.
   Because a) you're not clever enough to design
  them, b) there is no (known) alternative and c)
                it's known to work.
        -- Lionel B (lionelbuk@yahoo.co.uk)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             Outlook users are weenies.

    The Day MS make something that doesn't suck
   is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
  -- Nigel Feltham (nigel.feltham@btinternet.com)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              You humen are perverted.
          Having to touch another creature
            to procreate is disgusting,
    and as for putting part of your body inside,
                    UUUGGHHHHHH!

            Nothing beats a quick squirt
            in a shallow gravel scrape!

     -- Laury King, <LauryKing@BTinternet.com>
       writing as Parr, the juvenile salmon.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       For every problem there is a solution
         which is simple, clean and wrong.
               -- Henry Louis Mencken
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            When you argue with a fool,
       chances are he is doing just the same.
      -- Mati Meron <meron@cars.uchicago.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "Love is not something wonderful that you feel;
      it is something difficult that you do."
                -- Elizabeth Goudge
           -- quoted by Priscilla Ballou
               <vze23t8n@verizon.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         Ring the bells that still can ring
            Forget your perfect offering
           There is a crack in everything
            That's how the light gets in
             - Leonard Cohen, quoted by
      -- Lee A. Hart <leeahart@earthlink.net>


};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "All through human history, tyrannies have
     tried to enforce obedience by prohibiting
     disrespect for the symbols of their power.
    The swastika is only one example of many in
                  recent history."
            -- American Bar Association
             task force on flag burning
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           Seduced, shaggy Samson snored.
        She scissored short.  Sorely shorn,
        Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed,
                 Silently scheming,
                Sightlessly seeking
         Some savage, spectacular suicide.
           -- Stanislaw Lem, "Cyberiad",
            from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   All progress is based upon a universal innate
    desire on the part of every organism to live
                 beyond its income.
   -- Samuel Butler, from a Unix fortune() cookie

};

# working mark

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               Rules of Optimization:
                Rule 1: Don't do it.
    Rule 2 (for experts only): Don't do it yet.
                   - M.A. Jackson

   "More computing sins are committed in the name
    of efficiency (without necessarily achieving
       it) than for any other single reason -
            including blind stupidity."
                    - W.A. Wulf

  "We should forget about small efficiencies, say
   about 97% of the time: premature optimization
             is the root of all evil."
                   - Donald Knuth

        "The best is the enemy of the good."
                     - Voltaire 

  -- from Jonathan Hardwick's (long retired) Java
                 Optimization page
http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~jch/java/optimization.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          The pig cleaned up his webbing,
             and he shined his bayonet
           Some people started shooting,
            so he shot them with regret
            He couldn't work an office,
             and he couldn't be a clerk
           For pigs who like to whistle,
          like to whistle while they work 

                "The Whistling Pig"
                From Robert Frezza's
               "A Small Colonial War"
-- quoted by John A. Stovall (stovall@our-town.com)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   If you can use any mathematical hypothetica to
  make arguments about the power of reality, then
   you could apply the Banach-Tarskii theorem to
        an orange and feed the whole world.
         --  Dr Chaos <mbkennel@yahoo.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 Leaving the Party

            Many are slipping away now,
            Edging quietly to the door.
    With a last glance at the rescued generation
              They fade into the night

           Many of their fellow-revellers
            Left abruptly some time ago;
     While the band played shrapnel and tracer
            They left from Amiens, Mons,
              St. Valery, Vimy Ridge,
          Kohima, Monte Cassino, The Rhine
            And the cold North Atlantic.

                  The bar is busy.
            The dancers flirt and whirl
                As stiff old heroes
               Drift toward the door.

    -- Semolina Pilchard <scaraben@clara.co.uk>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    It sounds like a good-news / bad-news joke:
   the good news is that our lives have purpose;
       the bad news is that their purpose is
       to help some remote hacker estimate pi
          to nine jillion decimal places.
                 -- Ray Kurtzweil,
     talking about Edward Fredkin's theories in
         "Reflections on Stephen Wolfram's
              'A New Kind of Science'"
http://www.kurzweilai.net/meme/frame.html?main=/articles/art0464.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{

   Well, how do ya' do, Private William McBride?
 Do you mind if I sit here, down by your grave side
    To rest for a while in the warm summer sun?
  I've been walking all day, and I'm nearly done.

           And I see by your gravestone,
              you were only nineteen,
           When ya' joined the dead heros
                in nineteen-fifteen.
            Well I hope ya' died quick,
             and I hope ya' died clean,
     Or Willy McBride, was it slow and obscene?

           Do they beat the drums slowly?
           Do they sound the fife lowly?
            Do the rifles fire o'er you
              as they lower ya' down?
   Did the bugles sing "The Last Post" in chorus?
   Do the pipes play "The Flowers of the Forest?"

 And did you leave a wife, or a sweetheart behind?
 In some faithful heart, is your memory enshrined?
  And, though ya' died, back in nineteen-fifteen,
 In some faithful heart, are you forever nineteen?

    Or are you a stranger, without even a name,
       Enshined forever behind a glass frame
 In an old photograph torn and tattered and stained
   And fading to yellow in a bound leather frame?

           Do they beat the drums slowly?
           Do they sound the fife lowly?
            Do the rifles fire o'er you
              as they lower ya' down?
   Did the bugles sing "The Last Post" in chorus?
   Do the pipes play "The Flowers of the Forest?"

             Well the sun's shining now
          on these green fields of France.
              A warm wind blows gently
             and the red poppies dance.
    The trenches have vanished, under the plow.
  No gas, and no barbed wire, no guns firing now.

             But here in this graveyard
             it is still no man's land,
 The countless white crosses in mute witness stand,
   To man's blind indifference to his fellow man,
               To a whole generation
           who was butchered and damned.

           Do they beat the drums slowly?
           Do they sound the fife lowly?
            Do the rifles fire o'er you
              as they lower ya' down?
   Did the bugles sing "The Last Post" in chorus?
   Do the pipes play "The Flowers of the Forest?"

  And I can't help but wonder, now, Willy McBride,
   Do all those who lie here, know why they died?
            Did you really believe them
           when they told you the cause?
               Did you really believe
           that this war would end wars?

          Well the suffering, the sorrow,
             and the glory, the shame,
  The killing the dying, it was all done in vain.
    For, Willy McBride, it's all happened again,
    And again, and again, and again, and again.

           Do they beat the drums slowly?
           Do they sound the fife lowly?
            Do the rifles fire o'er you
              as they lower ya' down?
   Did the bugles sing "The Last Post" in chorus?
   Do the pipes play "The Flowers of the Forest?"

                    -- E. Bogle,
    transcribed from a recording by Liam Clancy.
           This song is variously called
                 "William McBride",
             "Green Fields of France",
                and "No Man's Land"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             I use Vim. Vim kicks butt.

                Don't get me wrong:
         Emacs is a great operating system
                        ---
          it lacks a good editor, though.

      -- Thomer M. Gil, "Vi Lovers Home Page"
          http://www.thomer.com/vi/vi.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Q: I'm having problems with my Windows machine.
                   Can you help?

A: Yes. Throw out that Microsoft trash and install an
  open-source operating system like Linux or BSD.

               -- Eric S. Raymond, in
        "How to Ask Questions the Smart Way"
http://www.tuxedo.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 * The Most Efficient Way To Expose Your Child To A
       Cornucopia Of New Sensory Experiences

  Put the little freeloader to work in the fields.
            That's what the hippies do.
       And we all know how together they are.

          -- Jeff Vogel <spidweb@aol.com>
      in "The Story About the Baby, Volume 15"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Ev'rybody's building the big ships and the boats,
            Some are building monuments,
            Others, jotting down notes,
              Ev'rybody's in despair,
                 Ev'ry girl and boy
        But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
          Ev'rybody's gonna jump for joy.
         Come all without, come all within,
   You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.

I like to do just like the rest, I like my sugar sweet,
        But guarding fumes and making haste,
              It ain't my cup of meat.
           Ev'rybody's 'neath the trees,
             Feeding pigeons on a limb
        But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
         All the pigeons gonna run to him.
         Come all without, come all within,
   You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.

A cat's meow and a cow's moo, I can recite 'em all,
      Just tell me where it hurts yuh, honey,
           And I'll tell you who to call.
              Nobody can get no sleep,
         There's someone on ev'ryone's toes
        But when Quinn the Eskimo gets here,
           Ev'rybody's gonna wanna doze.
         Come all without, come all within,
   You'll not see nothing like the mighty Quinn.

                 (Bob Dylan, 1967)

-- quoted by Ward M. Clark <wardmclark@NSattbi.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  The Band Played Waltzing Matilda, by Eric Bogle

    Now when I was a young man I carried me pack
      And I lived the free life of the rover.
           From the Murray's green basin
               to the dusty outback,
        Well, I waltzed my Matilda all over.
        Then in 1915, my country said, "Son,
            It's time you stop ramblin',
             there's work to be done."
 So they gave me a tin hat, and they gave me a gun,
        And they marched me away to the war. 

      And the band played "Waltzing Matilda,"
       As the ship pulled away from the quay,
             And amidst all the cheers,
            the flag waving, and tears,
            We sailed off for Gallipoli.

     And how well I remember that terrible day,
   How our blood stained the sand and the water;
  And of how in that hell that they call Suvla Bay
   We were butchered like lambs at the slaughter.
            Johnny Turk, he was waitin',
              he primed himself well;
            He showered us with bullets,
           and he rained us with shell --
             And in five minutes flat,
             he'd blown us all to hell,
      Nearly blew us right back to Australia. 

      But the band played "Waltzing Matilda,"
         When we stopped to bury our slain,
 Well, we buried ours, and the Turks buried theirs,
          Then we started all over again.

             And those that were left,
             well, we tried to survive
    In that mad world of blood, death and fire.
    And for ten weary weeks I kept myself alive
     Though around me the corpses piled higher.
              Then a big Turkish shell
             knocked me arse over head,
       And when I woke up in me hospital bed
             And saw what it had done,
            well, I wished I was dead --
   Never knew there was worse things than dying. 

      For I'll go no more "Waltzing Matilda,"
     All around the green bush far and free --
   To hump tents and pegs, a man needs both legs,
         No more "Waltzing Matilda" for me.

           So they gathered the crippled,
              the wounded, the maimed,
    And they shipped us back home to Australia.
  The armless, the legless, the blind, the insane,
        Those proud wounded heroes of Suvla.
     And as our ship sailed into Circular Quay,
  I looked at the place where me legs used to be,
                 And thanked Christ
          there was nobody waiting for me,
          To grieve, to mourn and to pity. 

      But the band played "Waltzing Matilda,"
        As they carried us down the gangway,
  But nobody cheered, they just stood and stared,
       Then they turned all their faces away.

     And so now every April, I sit on my porch
       And I watch the parade pass before me.
 And I see my old comrades, how proudly they march,
         Reviving old dreams of past glory,
           And the old men march slowly,
             all bones stiff and sore,
   They're tired old heroes from a forgotten war
              And the young people ask
           "What are they marching for?"
        And I ask meself the same question. 

       But the band plays "Waltzing Matilda,"
       And the old men still answer the call,
  But as year follows year, more old men disappear
      Someday, no one will march there at all.

        Waltzing Matilda, waltzing Matilda.
      Who'll come a-waltzing Matilda with me?
           And their ghosts may be heard
          as they march by the billabong,
      Who'll come a-Waltzing Matilda with me?
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        Poor fishermen fish off this island.
               Their newspapers speak
       of the many fish that they will wrap.
          -- Scribbler <mgates@panix.com>
           http://www.panix.com/~mgates/
          http://michaelgates.blogspot.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               In the beginning, ...

           Pshaw, such things are boring.
       It's much more fun to bluster and blow
       and generally brow-beat the opposition
                  into submission.
        -- Laury <gniKyruaL@tenretniTB.moC>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured
    screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These
   are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the
  carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is
   harvest day and to them it is the holocaust."
                   - M. J. Keenan
    -- quoted by Ecce Jezuch <jezuch@interia.pl>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "The obvious mathematical breakthrough would be
     development of an easy way to factor large
            prime numbers." - Bill Gates

                     quoted by
       Joona Palaste (palaste@cc.helsinki.fi)

        [You want to tell him, or should I?]
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             No address munging in use.
 I like the smell of nuked accounts in the morning.
    -- Timo Kinnunen <timo.kinnunen@bigfoot.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
http://www.bartleby.com/101/769.html sez:

Arthur Quiller-Couch, ed. 1919.
The Oxford Book of English Verse: 1250-1900.

       William Allingham. 1824-1889

           769. The Fairies


    Up the airy mountain,
      Down the rushy glen,
    We daren't go a-hunting
      For fear of little men;

    Wee folk, good folk,                    5
      Trooping all together;
    Green jacket, red cap,
      And white owl's feather!

    Down along the rocky shore
      Some make their home,                10
    They live on crispy pancakes
      Of yellow tide-foam;

    Some in the reeds
      Of the black mountain lake,
    With frogs for their watch-dogs,       15
      All night awake.

    High on the hill-top
      The old King sits;
    He is now so old and gray
      He 's nigh lost his wits.            20

    With a bridge of white mist
      Columbkill he crosses,
    On his stately journeys
      From Slieveleague to Rosses;

    Or going up with music                 25
      On cold starry nights
    To sup with the Queen
      Of the gay Northern Lights.

    They stole little Bridget
      For seven years long;                30
    When she came down again
      Her friends were all gone.

    They took her lightly back,
      Between the night and morrow,
    They thought that she was fast asleep, 35
      But she was dead with sorrow.

    They have kept her ever since
      Deep within the lake,
    On a bed of flag-leaves,
      Watching till she wake.              40

    By the craggy hill-side,
      Through the mosses bare,
    They have planted thorn-trees
      For pleasure here and there.

    If any man so daring                   45
      As dig them up in spite,
    He shall find their sharpest thorns
      In his bed at night.

    Up the airy mountain,
      Down the rushy glen,                 50
    We daren't go a-hunting
      For fear of little men;

    Wee folk, good folk,
      Trooping all together;
    Green jacket, red cap,                 55
      And white owl's feather!
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Give a man a fire and he will be warm for a
    day, but set him on fire and he will be warm
     for the rest of his life. -Rex Burkheimer
            -- stolen shamelessly by KPD
         from a siggie line of James Waldby
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's,
          social collapse is not far away.
            It is time to go elsewhere.
     The best thing about space travel is that
        it made it possible to go elsewhere.
             -- Robert Anson Heinlein,
            from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     DELTA DAWN

    Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on?
    Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
               And did I hear you say
           He was meetin' you here today,
       To take you to his mansion in the sky?

She's forty-one, and her daddy still calls her "Baby";
 All the folks 'round Brownsville say she's crazy,
'Cause she walks downtown with a suitcase in her hand,
     Lookin' for a mysterious dark-haired man.

 In her younger days they called her "Delta Dawn" -
      Prettiest woman you ever laid eyes on -
     But a man of low degree stood by her side,
   And promised her he'd take her for his bride.

    Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on?
    Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
               And did I hear you say
           He was meetin' you here today,
       To take you to his mansion in the sky?

         -- from memory from Ace Lightning
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "On two occasions I have been asked [by members
    of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr.  Babbage, if you
    put into the machine wrong figures, will the
  right answers come out?'  I am not able rightly
    to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas
        that could provoke such a question."
  -- Charles Babbage; from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 We must do everything to insure they never return.
    The old will die and the young will forget.
  (Ben Gurion, London Sunday Times, 14 June 1969)
           -- quoted by Brian Sunderland
           <brian_sunderland@bigfoot.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Sorry, Pete. If I'd known my posting would
      crush the light and joy out of the human
      experience, I'd have done it years ago.
       -- Mike Civita <civita2@socal.rr.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 [about Australia, could have been lots of places:]

     Despite being a mean, ignorant, intolerant
       society that falsely boasts incredible
      generosity, we do have some intelligent,
   caring, progressive people.  Possibly even in
      our parliament, although there's little
                  evidence of it.
       -- Stephen Oakes <soakes1@hotmail.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "Nuclear Weapons Can Wipe Out Life On Earth
                - If Used Properly."
    -- David Paton <david.paton87@ntlworld.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    And just consider the Freudian implications
    of people stepping on crawling caterpillars.
              A thousand tiny penises,
            destroyed without a thought.
        -- Nik Maack <nikmaack@sympatico.ca>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  A strong government always wars on the superior
   man.  Its regimenting of the inferior goes on
      too, but is harmless; they can't be made
    worse.  But its enmity to the superior does
   real damage.  Converting a million serfs into
   slaves merely changes their name, but wrecking
  one potential Goethe or Darwin may be a capital
               disaster to the race.
         -- H.L. Mencken, _Minority Report_
};


push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Training memes for the acrobats of tomorrow
      --  Jeff Swanson <case1866@pacbell.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Tracking where commands belong should not be
    the programmer's job. A command should know
   itself and implement itself wherever it is. I
      want to solve and implement interesting
   problems, not get bogged down by an unhelpful
       and confusing interface which appears
  contradictory in it's functioning and illogical
                  in it's design.
    -- Graham Telfer <gtelfer@PO.SYNAPSE.NE.JP>
      [dissing StarLogo in an email reflector]
};


push @cute_siggies,
q{
 The world's worst correspondent owns a closet full
 of intent, hung carefully on sturdy metal hangers,
           neatly pressed, ready for use.
     -- Bill Bill Gibson, billbill@wetware.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "wielding the sword that cleaves to deceive"
                    Steve Bishop
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      The most likely way for the world to be
   destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident.
      That's where we come in; we're computer
    professionals. We cause accidents. - anzacis
        (stolen from James Waldby's posting)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The most insidious and damaging form of lying
   is systematically asking the wrong questions.
          Brian Harvey, author of ucblogo,
                 bh@cs.berkeley.edu
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Weblogs/personal sites are the zines of the
   internet. There will be uncountable numbers of
    them. Most of them will be bad. Few of them
   will last long. And there will always be more
      good/interesting ones than you have time
                      to read.
                       -- AjD 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      ... is there anyway to get in k*nt's xig
   generator without calling him a god or must i
                     sell out?
     --  Chevyn who is Kevin who is more likely
  aptly described as:  beelzibub, normally a good
    fellow well met, with a schlong the size of
   several minor European nations, but currently
          stuck in a level of AOL hell at
                beelzibub01@aol.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
quote found in a Unix fortune() cookie:

  When you have shot and killed a man you have in
  some measure clarified your attitude toward him.
   You have given a definite answer to a definite
                      problem.
   For better or worse you have acted decisively.
       In a way, the next move is up to him.
                 -- R. A. Lafferty
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                Biology is littered with bad decisions.
         Just because it's got an interesting idea (evolution)
           doesn't mean that it implemented it all that well.
                 -- Sean Luke, seanl@jifsan.cs.umd.edu,
                       writing in comp.ai.genetic
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        ook ook erol. don't worry about being nice to me because
      all i really intend is to point at you and mock you for the
        foolish toad that you are.  i don't care that you can't
       form a sentence, spell a word, mount an argument or exceed
         the base limits of your vulgar life. i don't care that
        you're a 40 watt bulb in a quartz halogen world. i don't
         care that you are tapioca while i am vindaloo. i'm not
       bothered that you fart, spit and sputter while i sing with
       the voice of an angel. all i care is that, for the moment,
                     you are a handy whipping boy.
                   -- lstewart <lstewart@golden.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "..., but words are more than that. They are little bits of
      life hiding in the air, burrowing in our tongues, living in
       our brains, and we are symbiotes with them. Words are the
      little animals who swim through the dirt of thought that is
                                us...."
               -- Jeff Swanson, http://www.wordlings.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            Come round by my side and I'll sing you a song.
             I'll sing it so softly, it'll do no one wrong.
             On Birmingham Sunday the blood ran like wine,
                And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.

             That cold autumn morning no eyes saw the sun,
               And Addie Mae Collins, her number was one.
           At an old Baptist church there was no need to run.
                And the choirs kept singing of Freedom,

          The clouds they were grey and the autumn winds blew,
              And Denise McNair brought the number to two.
             The falcon of death was a creature they knew,
                And the choirs kept singing of Freedom,

            The church it was crowded, but no one could see
              That Cynthia Wesley's dark number was three.
          Her prayers and her feelings would shame you and me.
                And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.

                 Young Carol Robertson entered the door
             And the number her killers had given was four.
            She asked for a blessing but asked for no more,
                And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.

             On Birmingham Sunday a noise shook the ground.
              And people all over the earth turned around.
               For no one recalled a more cowardly sound.
                And the choirs kept singing of Freedom.

              The men in the forest they once asked of me,
              How many black berries grew in the Blue Sea.
           And I asked them right back with a tear in my eye.
                   How many dark ships in the forest?

              The Sunday has come and the Sunday has gone.
           And I can't do much more than to sing you a song.
             I'll sing it so softly, it'll do no one wrong.
                And the choirs keep singing of Freedom.

                         Richard Farina.  See:
          http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/parton/2/bham.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         we talk about everything and nobody minds that i have
                   something to say on each subject.
           -- dwhitesi@tiercel.uwaterloo.ca (Dawn Whiteside)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               laugh and be bold, but the weasels gather
                 -- Steve Bishop, sebisho@attglobal.net
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 The pick and shovel beat antiphonally.
                 Steam and Whiskey fuel the Black Gang.
                -- Steve Bishop <sebisho@attglobal.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      Oh, come all you lads and lassies, and listen to me a while,
And I'll sing for you a verse or two, that will cause you all to smile,
      It's all about a fair young man, I'm going to tell you now,
  How he lately came a-courting of the Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe.

      Said he, "My pretty fair maid, will you come along with me?
        We'll both go out together, and it's married we will be.
     We'll join our hands in wedlock bans, I'm speaking to you now,
  And I'll do my best endeavor for the Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

      This fair and fickle young thing, she knew not what to say,
      Her eyes did shine like silver bright, and merrily did play.
     She said, "Young man, your love subdue, for I'm not ready now.
  And I'd spend another season at the foot of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

         Said he, "My pretty fair maid, how can you answer so?
       Look down on yonder valley where my verdant crops do grow.
       Look down on yonder valley where my horses, men and plow,
    Are at their daily labor for the Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

      "If they're at their daily labor, kind sir it is not for me,
       For I've heard of your behavior, I have indeed!" said she.
     "There is an inn where you call in, I've heard the people say,
Where you rap and you call and you pay for all and go home at the break of day."

    "If I rap and I call and I pay for all, the money it is me own,
   And I'll never spend your fortune, for I hear that you have none.
     You thought you had me poor heart broken, talking with me now,
But I'll leave you where I found you, at the foot of the Sweet Brown Knowe."

                        -- Legacy International,
                  The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem,
                _Irish Songs of Drinking and Rebellion_,
                  "The Maid of the Sweet Brown Knowe"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        "...for to set my heart easy, or else I'll run crazy..."
                        -- Legacy International,
                  The Clancy Brothers and Tommy Makem,
                _Irish Songs of Drinking and Rebellion_,
                        "Nell Flaherty's Drake"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Because computers are so fast at solving many types of problems,
   we are tempted to generalize and assume that they can perform any
    repeated series of steps in a short amount of time. But this is
     not always the case. For example, it has been suggested that a
   computer program which checks all the possible outcomes for chess
    moves would still not be ready to recommend the second move in a
       game which began when the Big Bang happened. Computational
    complexity is the study of such problems, potential methods for
     their solutions, and the amount of computer resources it would
                         require to solve them.
  -- http://www.aixcom.com/Produkte/Composis/Manual/engl_node328.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         The first Christians were still practicing Jews. They
       attended Synagog on Saturday (which was/is the Sabbath in
       Jewish practice) and then gathered together for Christian
        prayer, etc on Sunday - the first day of the week in the
                            Jewish calendar.
          -- "Marin David Condic" <marin.condic@pacemicro.com>
                        http://www.mcondic.com/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              an airport hanging in the shoals of the sky
                 -- Jeff Swanson <case1866@pacbell.net>
                        http://www.wordlings.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       The secret of what something means lies in how it connects
        to other things we know.  That's why it's almost always
      wrong to seek the "real meaning" of anything.  A thing with
           just one meaning has scarcely any meaning at all.
          -- Marvin Minski, quoting his _The Science of Mind_
              http://www.ai.mit.edu/people/minsky/papers/
                      SymbolicVs.Connectionist.txt
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        Consider a few of the wonderful bugs that still afflict
                    even our own grand human brains:

           Obsessive preoccupation with inappropriate goals.
               Inattention and inability to concentrate.
                          Bad representations.
              Excessively broad or narrow generalizations.
             Excessive accumulation of useless information.
           Superstition; defective credit assignment schema.
                   Unrealistic cost/benefit analyses.
                Unbalanced, fanatical search strategies.
                Formation of defective categorizations.
              Inability to deal with exceptions to rules.
        Improper staging of development, or living in the past.
                   Unwillingness to acknowledge loss.
                    Depression or maniacal optimism.
                Excessive confusion from cross-coupling.

        Seeing that list, one has to wonder, "Can people think?"
                            -- Marvin Minski
              http://www.ai.mit.edu/people/minsky/papers/
                      SymbolicVs.Connectionist.txt
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                            [to paminifarm:]
       Jesus should have warned christians not only of pharises,
       tax-collectors and hypocrites, but of another breed which
       always had and has the amazing power of stupidity on their
        side. Yours. Jesus could easily battle the largest demon
       out there, but even today he would probably be completely
               powerless against stupidity such as yours.
                          -- Ioannis Galidakis
                   http://users.forthnet.gr/ath/jgal
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     Love is part lava, part milk.
                            -- Jeff Swanson
                         <case1866@pacbell.net>
                        http://www.wordlings.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             For anyone who's on the downside of advantage,
             and relying purely on courage: it's possible.
               -- Russell Crowe, Oscar acceptance speech.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                    Corollary to Clarke's Third Law:
      Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently
                               advanced.
              -- Craig Penning * cpenning@plasticFish.net
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     Families, when a child is born
                       Want it to be intelligent.
                        I, through intelligence,
                     Having wrecked my whole life,
                     Only hope the baby will prove
                          Ignorant and stupid.
                   Then he will crown a tranquil life
                     By becoming a Cabinet Minister
                             -- Su Tung-p'o
                     -- from a Unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  [found in news.groups] I'm in.  Please make sure there are clear and
  comprehensive instructions on how to vote yes for those of us not up
   to speed on newsgroup creation.  I thought the stork brought them.
                        -- cutter64@cio.net (LT)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The first step of Science is to know one thing from another.This
    knowledge consists in their specific distinctions; but in order
    that it may be fixed and permanent distinct names must be given
        to different things and those names must be recorded and
    remembered.                        -- Carolus Linaeus[1707-1778]
    -- found: http://www.madinfo.pt/organismos/ceha/ecologia/28.htm
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  An atheist doesn't have to be someone who thinks he has a proof that
 there can't be a god. He only has to be someone who believes that the
 evidence on the God question is at a similar level to the evidence on
                the werewolf question. - John McCarthy.
    -- cited by:  Josi Rui Faustino de Sousa <jrfsousa@esoterica.pt>
                http://homepage.esoterica.pt/~jrfsousa/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"All through human history, tyrannies have tried to enforce obedience by
prohibiting disrespect for the symbols of their power.  The swastika is
              only one example of many in recent history."
         -- American Bar Association task force on flag burning
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to
  build bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the universe trying
     to produce bigger and better idiots.  So far, the universe is
                        winning."  Richard Cook
             -- cited by Andreas Rummler <arummler@acm.org>
              <andreas.rummler@inf-technik.tu-ilmenau.de>
             http://www.inf-technik.tu-ilmenau.de/~rummler
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"When you only have a Hammer, you tend to see every problem as a Nail."
                             -- Shopenhauer
               -- cited by Eng. Vitorino J. Castelo Ramos
                    <vitorino.ramos@alfa.ist.utl.pt>
               http://alfa.ist.utl.pt/~cvrm/staff/vramos
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  It is unwise to be too sure of one's own wisdom. It is healthy to be
   reminded that the strongest might weaken and the wisest might err.
        Mohandas K. Gandhi(1869-1948) -- cited by Noah Simoneaux
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             This even has possibilities of getting in the 
                   Guinness Book Of Global Stupidity.
              -- Otto Bahn  <JGAULT@tkennedy.mc.duke.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  [about talk.bizarre] We're not a dysfunctional family.  We're so far
      out past that that we almost like each other again in pity.
           -- George William Herbert <gherbert@gw.retro.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              One of the great commandments of science is: 
           "Mistrust arguments from authority." - Carl Sagan
            -- cited by Oliver Obst  <fruit@uni-koblenz.de>
                   https://www.uni-koblenz.de/~fruit/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "You know, you can't get away from your emotional garbage.
         Even if you moved to Alpha Centauri it would be right
         there behind you in an inter-galactic U-Haul." -- Eric
                    -- quoted by jane <jane@unc.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "A good plan executed right now is far better than a perfect plan
   executed next week."                     -- Gen. George S. Patton
    -- quoted by Gregory L. Hansen (glhansen@steel.ucs.indiana.edu)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      In the Serengeti, there is a small outcropping of rock which
    conceals a rich oasis. Tucked away, hidden from the burning sun
    by a stone ceiling, is a small pool of fresh water, and in this
     pool grow clues by the moist thousands. See your travel agent.
                -- Jeff Swanson  <case1866@pacbell.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 'A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without
 bricks tied to its head.'                            ---Bruce Lundberg
           -- as cited by pabo@net.co.kr (Curtis Desjardins)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "Giving money and power to Government is like giving whiskey and car
  keys to teenage boys."                             -- P. J. O'Rourke
        -- cited by Marin David Condic:  http://www.mcondic.com/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
                         -- Unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
I wanted to make a fully-automated nuclear-powered trawler, but it went
                       into spontaneous fishing.
  -- John Woodgate <jmw@jmwa.demon.co.uk> http://www.jmwa.demon.co.uk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Our normal waking consciousness is but one special type of
    consciousness whilst all about parted from it by the filmiest of
      screens there lie potential forms of consciousness entirely
      different.  We may go through life without suspecting their
   existence, but apply the requisite stimulus and they are there in
               all their completeness.  -- William James
                     -- from a Unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              "Montreal winters are an intelligence test,
                  and we who are here have failed it."
                             -Doug Camilli
    -- cited by:  Laurent Duperval <laurent.duperval@netergynet.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
The fact -- not theory -- that evolution has occurred and the Darwinian
theory as to how it occurred have become so confused in popular opinion
    that the distinction must be stressed. - George Gaylord Simpson.
                -- cited by: Josi Rui Faustino de Sousa
                http://homepage.esoterica.pt/~jrfsousa/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are
                   conservatives. - John Stuart Mill.
                -- cited by: Josi Rui Faustino de Sousa
                http://homepage.esoterica.pt/~jrfsousa/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                             MANY years ago
   (when I was young and dinosaurs had only just become extinct) ...
                 -- alanjsturgess rhymebod@clara.co.uk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "There are only two kinds of math books.  Those you cannot read beyond
 the first sentence, and those you cannot read beyond the first page."
                       -C.N. Yang, as quoted by:
               -- Suchandra Thapa <s-thapa@uchicago.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The tragedy of the commons applies to monitizing eyeballs, too.
                    -- Darren New <dnew@san.rr.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it."
          -- Chris Betcher, in a note in the vclass email list
              chris.betcher@schoolsnet.syd.catholic.edu.au
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      [unnamed nitwit pushes "group mind" hypothesis, gets back:]
 Darned right!  I have _never_ seen =ANY= evidence of a ``group mind;''
 all my personal experience indicates that groups are in fact ABYSMALLY
    STUPID, and that ``intelligence'' adds in parallel the same way
   resistors do:  I.e., the sum of two wits equals a halfwit, and the
 intelligence of a group is always smaller than the intelligence of the
                      STUPIDEST member within it!
                 -- Gordon D. Pusch   gdpusch@xnet.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    [unnamed nitwit pushes "but I'm supported [in my idiocy] by the
                literature" as an argument, gets back:]
   There is a huge body of ``literature'' supporting the existence of
 UFOs, alien abductions, free energy, fish falling from the sky, or any
other stupid idea you care to name --- so ``literature'' proves nothing.
                 -- Gordon D. Pusch   gdpusch@xnet.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      [unnamed nitwit pushes "group mind" hypothesis, gets back:]
     Let those who believe in a ``group mind'' put forth a testable
 hypothesis about some consequence of its existence, and then act like
 scientists and attempt to falsify it. Until then, I will view any such
   notion as merely a manifestation of the atavistic and destructive
 desire many humans seem to feel that they must belong to (or be owned
     by) something ``bigger'' than themselves --- e.g., a god, or a
collectivist cause such as socialism --- in order to see ``meaning'' in
         their lives. Such beliefs are RELIGIONS, not science.
                 -- Gordon D. Pusch   gdpusch@xnet.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                              Rhode's Law:

 When any principle, law, tenet, probability, happening, circumstance,
    or result can in no way be directly, indirectly, empirically, or
  circuitously proven, derived, implied, inferred, induced, deducted,
estimated, or scientifically guessed, it will always for the purpose of
    convenience, expediency, political advantage, material gain, or
   personal comfort, or any combination of the above, or none of the
   above, be unilaterally and unequivocally assumed, proclaimed, and
 adhered to as absolute truth to be undeniably, universally, immutably,
and infinitely so, until such time as it becomes advantageous to assume
otherwise, maybe.                         -- from a unix fortune cookie
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
Engineering is the art of making what you want from things you can get.
                     -- Jerry Avins <jya@ieee.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "A good plan executed right now is far better than a perfect plan
                          executed next week."
                         -Gen. George S. Patton
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            "Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.
  If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart.
   If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence.
    This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life;
       Life will give you back everything you have given to it."
       YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU.
                           -- [Mike de Jonge]
         -- as quote by "Masoud Nikravesh" <mnikravesh@msn.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     God Put Me On Earth To Accomplish A Certain Number Of Things,
             Right Now I Am So Far Behind I Will Never Die
                   -- GrandMasterT <hawk@tehawk.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Hell, the only reason I participate in Usenet anymore is for the sheer
      enjoyment I get from periodically roasting an idiot or two.
                              -- Joe Greco
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Learn to recognize trilobite agents. These typically have a head bit
  that is called a cephalon, a middle segmented thorax bit, and a tail
    bit that is called a pygidium. They are benthic and vagile, and
   probably occupy many roles in the food chain. INCLUDING DEVOURING
            OUR CHILDREN THEY MUST BE STOPPED AT ALL COSTS!
               -- C J Silverio <siege-homonym@spies.com>
             -- <ceej@spies.com> <http://www.ceejbot.com/>
                    -- quoting "Patrick J. Wetmore"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         SCSI is *NOT* magic.  There are *fundamental technical
         reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat
             to your SCSI chain now and then. -- John Woods
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 To all these teleology is at once also theology, and at every instance
  of design recognized in nature, instead of thinking and learning to
 understand nature, they break at once into the childish cry, "Design!
design!" then strike up the refrain of their old wives' philosophy, and
 stop their ears against all rational arguments, such as, however, the
             great Hume has already advanced against them.
   -- Arthur Schopenhauer from _The World as Will and Idea (vol III)_
   as quoted by Scott Chase *Hemidactylus* <hemidactylus@my-deja.com>
                  in an article posted to news.groups.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
    guarantee them.                   -- from a Unix fortune cookie

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance.  He of all
   men should behave as though the law compelled him.  But it is the
 universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we
                       presently imagine we own."
               -- from a unix fortune, quoting H.G. Wells
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "I am delighted to know that Principia Mathematica can now be done by
 machinery. I wish Whitehead and I had known of this possibility before
                 we wasted ten years doing it by hand."
           - Bertrand Russell in a letter to Herbert A. Simon
         -- quoted by Christian Stapfer <chstapfer@bluewin.ch>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                            Ty Nance wrote:
> I should tell you that I ... am easily impressed by elegant woodwork.
            This is my favorite sexual metaphor of all time.
                  -- Matt Marchese mjmarch@charter.net
               -- http://reality.sgi.com/mattm_americas/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Space is loaded with plankton. Ghost plankton, the plankton larvae of
                             gods and such.
                 -- Jeff Swanson <case1866@pacbell.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     But consider what a blessing Windows is to the world economy!
  Think of all the jobs created due to the requirement to continuously
maintain all that wretched MS software.  The pager industry alone would
      be half its present size with out the demand for on call MS
                            administrators!
                 -- John Magness <jmagness@swbell.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "Reality is what refuses to disappear when you stop believing in it"
                           -- Philip K. Dick
     -- as quoted by Magnus Lie Hetland (magnus at hetland dot org)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "The ACLU has stood foursquare against the recurring tides of hysteria
  that from time to time threaten freedoms everyhere... Indeed, it is
 difficult to appreciate how far our freedoms might have eroded had it
  not been for the Union's valiant representation in the courts of the
   constitutional rights of people of all persuasions, no matter how
   unpopular or even despised by the majority they were at the time."
           -- former Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             "I heard if you play the NT-4.0-CD backwards,
                      you get a satanic message."
      "Thats nothing, if you play it forward, it installs NT-4.0"
            -- Bram Stolk, quoting an anonymous Usenet user
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the
               earth!" -- Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)
                  -- quoted by Steve Koterski at eBay
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Behind every successful organisation stands one person who knows the
 secret of how to keep the managers away from anything truly important.
                    -- ian@five-d.com (Ian Kemmish)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Don't break-up Microsoft - Tape the doors shut and gas it.
                          -- Hazelton@exo.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                pete <pfiland@mindspring.com> pondered:

:       One of my favorite sounds, is tree frogs singing at night,
:                        at the start of Spring.

 The sound I enjoy even better is when the tree frogs leave the Spring
     and yelp little frog screams until they hit the target with a
                               *splorch*.

                    Your Amphibious Cybertrebuchet,
                          -- Frater Frogalogus
              -- Carlos May  <froggy@starbase.neosoft.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 I believe that children are our future --- nasty, brutish, and short.
            -- Volker Hetzer <volker.hetzer@abg1.siemens.de>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "There is no good reason why we should fear the future, but there is
   every reason why we should face it seriously, neither hiding from
     ourselves the gravity of the problems before us nor fearing to
   approach these problems with the unbending, unflinching purpose to
          solve them aright."      :- Theodore Roosevelt, 1905

       -- as quoted by:            sanpawat@andante.cs.tufts.edu
                         (Sanpawat Kantabutra)
                   http://www.cs.tufts.edu/~sanpawat
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: "Why did God
 create goyim?"  The generally accepted answer is "somebody has to buy
       retail." -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
             -- from a fortune() program message at login.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Engineers remain puzzled: the most streamlined girls offer the most
                              resistance.

         -- Tim Tyler http://www.mandala.co.uk/  tt@cryogen.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "Diarrhetoric", when you care enough to post the very best ...
                       over, and over, and over.
               Thanks for the neologism to fellow x'ian,
              "xian", Christian Lipski, clipski@siebel.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   And even though I am reasonably good with Java, and will learn C++
    before I graduate, if I was going to program I'd do it in Ada -
  programming for mission-critical environments is much more exciting
   than sitting in a large room with a thousand other typing monkeys
                       producing Microsoft code.
                    -- groth@chariot.net.au (Gareth)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
The results of this intrusion into your life will be used 'responsibly' 
 in ways you cannot even begin to imagine. Of course, the innocent have 
       nothing to fear from the rapidly expanding data industry. 
                      Thank you. Have a safe day.
 -- quoted from the liners for Radiohead's Airbag/How Am I Driving? EP
  -- by "Pierce Inverarity" <clearsky@nonespecified.cjb.net>, an alias
           chosen in hopes of a life of spam free obscurity.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   This [leaving header grouping tokens unmatched] only happens when
 unqualified people write email programs; OutLook is a good example of
                an email program written by chimpanzees.
                   -- co-worker better left anonymous
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   In the end, oblivion always wins.
                        --  thantos@chancel.org
                          (Alexander Williams)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              to the phoenix, everything tastes like ashes
                    -- ryan@cobweb.scarymonsters.net
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          I just took an IQ test.  The results were negative.
                      -- Tim Tyler tt@cryogen.com
                       http://www.mandala.co.uk/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Science is, foremost, a method of interrogating reality: proposing
   hypotheses that seem true and then testing them -- trying, almost
 perversely, to negate them, elevating only the handful that survive to
 the status of a theory. Creationism is a doctrine, whose adherents are
          interested only in seeking out data that support it.
                -- George Johnson, NY Times, 15 Aug 1999
         -- quoted by "Matthew Heaney" <matthew_heaney@acm.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    [After gun control was established against the future victims:]
   Armenian genocide ... of the 1 to 1.5 million Armenian deaths ...
     From 1929 to 1939, Stalin killed about ten million people, ...
                    Germany ... [6 million Jews] ...
  China ... the victims of Mao's genocide, unlike Hitler's, left much
less of a record ...  many scholars agree that about one million people
were murdered during the Cultural Revolution (1966-1976), the number of
 people who were starved to death by Mao's communization of the economy
  from 1957 to 1960 ("the Great Leap Forward") might be as low as one
                million, or as high as thirty million...
 Guatamala... approximately 100,000 Mayan Indians were murdered by the
                             government ...
   Uganda ... Idi Amin's dictatorship killed about 300,000 people...
Cambodia ... authors estimate that Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge murdered
                       about a million people ...

    The authors have demonstrated that every nation in the twentieth
 century which has perpetrated genocide has chosen a victim population
                         which was disarmed ...

  Since World War II, more people have been killed in state-sponsored
               genocide than have been killed by war ...

   the authors ...  eight-nation study uses conservative estimates of
    genocide ...  to arrive at a total death count of 56 million ...
 [but] political science professor R.J. Rummel ... researched ... more
   detail ... total number of victims of mass murders by governments
            during the twentieth century at 169,198,000 ...

 data on mass murders by several [other] regimes ...  Nationalist China
(10,076,000 from 1928 to 1949); Japan (5,964,000); Vietnam (1,678,000);
North Korea (1,663,000); Poland (1,585,000 from 1945 to 1948); Pakistan
     (1,503,000); Mexico (1,417,000 from 1900 to 1920); Yugoslavia
 (1,072,000 from 1944 to 1987); and Czarist Russia (1,066,000 from 1900
                              to 1917) ...

   There is no historical evidence to believe that any collection of
      nations will ever take action against a genocidal nation for
  humanitarian reasons. Hitler, Idi Amin, and the Khmer Rouge provoked
international action only when they attacked other nations.  As long as
 the genocide was an internal affair, nothing was done. The majority of
 governments represented at the United Nations are dictatorships which
 rule by armed force rather than by consent. [170] A body dominated by
  such dictatorships is unlikely to become a powerful force for human
                               rights...

 The authors give us a formula for three key preconditions of genocide:
hatred, government [at all], and gun control. Without any of these three
 elements, genocide is not possible. Obviously, not all countries which
have all three elements also have genocide, but every country which has
                   genocide has all three elements...

In Nazi-occupied Europe, some Jewish children were sheltered by Gentile
 families, who successfully claimed the children as their own. Greater
 governmental ability to verify and track the identity of persons from
 cradle to grave obviously makes it much harder for genocide targets to
    slip through the cracks. Thus, when greater government identity
  controls are proposed for the purposes of tax compliance, control of
   illegal immigration, health care, drug law enforcement, or gun law
enforcement, we should consider rather seriously whether we really want
     the government to always be able to know someone's identity...

Jay Simkin, Aaron Zelman, and Alan M. Rice have shown that a well-armed
    population which is prepared to resist is much less likely to be
      murdered by its government than is a disarmed population...

        -- Jews For The Preservation of Firearms Ownership, Inc.
                      Book Review of _Lethal Laws_
                     http://www.jpfo.org/L-laws.htm
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   He who laughs last thinks slowest.
                        -- shelly8@chickmail.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the
               damned things is ample.    -- Rebecca West
                 -- as quoted by wotan@lart.com (Wotan)
                a.k.a. wmcclatc@206.165.6.209 (wmcclatc)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
# Please try to quote no more than you need to show the context of your post.
#       Blindly quoting people's signatures is a sign of dementia.

                     -- The .siggie of Simon Hosie
              <gumboot@send.me.no.spam.at...clear.net.nz>,
                posting in comp.theory.self-org-systems.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "WebTV users make AOL users look like the Computer Science Department
                                at MIT".

                -- Dr Martyn Amos <martyn@csc.liv.ac.uk>
                --     http://www.csc.liv.ac.uk/~martyn/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"Linux is like a wigwam, no gates, no windows and apache inside."
                          -- dal95son@mds.mdh.se (Stefan Ohlsson)
                          --     http://www.mds.mdh.se/~dal95son/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 "Ha!" said God, "I've got Jon Postel!"
                 "Yes," said the Devil, "but *I've* got
                          all the sysadmins!"
                  --                     Matthew Skala
                  --          mskala@ansuz.sooke.bc.ca
                  -- http://www.islandnet.com/~mskala/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                        Until one is committed,
              there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back,
                        always ineffectiveness. 

              Concerning acts of initiative (and creation)
                     there is one elementary truth
              the ignorance of which kills countless ideas
                          and splendid plans: 

             That the moment one definitely commits oneself
                       then Providence moves too. 

                 All sorts of things occur to help one
               that would never otherwise have occurred. 

           A whole stream of events issues from the decision,
                   raising in one's favor all manner
                  of unforeseen incidents and meetings
                        and material assistance
                     which no man could have dreamt
                          would come his way.

            Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
              Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. 

                             Begin it now. 

                               --- Goethe 
                  -- as quoted by: Tracy Worcester in
             http://home.intranet.org/~critter/goethe.html 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Our worst fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that
                    we are powerful beyond measure.

       It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

  We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and
                               fabulous?"

                    Actually, who are you not to be? 

  You are a child of God; your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't
                       feel insecure around you.

  We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It is not
  just in some of us, it is in every one of us, and as we let our own
  light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the
same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
                           liberates others.

                           -- Nelson Mandela,
                  -- as quoted by: Tracy Worcester in
             http://home.intranet.org/~critter/mandela.html 
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any other invention,
         with the possible exceptions of handguns and Tequilla.
                           -- Mitch Ratcliffe
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                        Self Test for Paranoia:
      You know you have it when you can't think of anything that's
                            your own fault.
                  -- from a fortune() program greeting
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Murphey's law:   "If there is any way to do it wrong,  he'll find it."
                       -- Capt. Edward A. Murphy

 Nichols' Fourth Law:  "Avoid any action with an unacceptable outcome." 
             -- George E. Nichols, Northrop project manager

 Stapp's Ironical Paradox: "The universal aptitude for ineptitude makes
            any human accomplishment an incredible miracle." 
                         -- Col. John P. Stapp

       all cited at:  http://afftc.edwards.af.mil/phist/364.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The upshot is: When the specification to which you refer conflicts
  with RFCs, the RFCs win.  This is a fundamental philosophical view:
  interoperability is a hard requirement, period.  Giving the customer
    something which meets specification, but fails to operate is not
                           an allowed option.
                  -- Terry Lambert <terry@whistle.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Invariably we have our strokes of genius and then fall back into the
 rigmarole. I wish to make the stroke the norm. And then rise above in
                       the uberstroke and beyond.
               -- <waldby@e-machines.net> (Julian Waldby)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "Bother," said Pooh, as he tried to uninstall Windows 95.
                -- dal95son@mds.mdh.se (Stefan Ohlsson)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The English language changes, but not generally based on requests
                           from individuals.
                 -- rracine@myremarq.com (Roger Racine)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
Were I to attempt competition against anything but myself, I would grow
weak and complacent, for the competition is sadly lacking. I am a grand
badass, the genetic engineering of millions of years of trial and error.
                -- Julian Waldby <waldby@e-machines.net
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     Guilty of thread drift again.
                -- Steve Bishop <sebisho@attglobal.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Gratuitously stolen quote: "The box said 'Requires Windows 95, NT,
                   or better,' so I installed Linux."
                      -- Steve Tate srt@cs.unt.edu
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          [Requesting comments on a new "she-trolls" scrambled
                  shell sort proposal in comp.theory:]

               Notions?  Arguments?  Shrieking epithets?

                -- Dann Corbit <dcorbit@solutionsiq.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   NIST emphasizes the importance of computer security awareness and
      of making information security a management priority that is
  communicated to all employees. Since computer security requirements
  will vary for different applications, organizations should identify
    their information resources and determine the sensitivity to and
      potential impact of losses.  Controls should be based on the
    potential risks and selected from available controls, including
   administrative policies and procedures, physical and environmental
   controls, information and data controls, software development and
       acquisition controls, and backup and contingency planning.
     -- US Federal Information Processing Standard 140-1, "SECURITY
       REQUIREMENTS FOR CRYPTOGRAPHIC MODULES", 1994, "Overview".
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
Science is not well served by ancestor worship. Feynman understood this
    well when he presented the path integral formulation of QM as an
  attempt to clarify just what was different between QM and classical
  mechanics.  Unfortunately two tragedies occurred---one is that path
 integral ideas never made it into the mainstream of pop-science books
  or undergrad textbooks, while the other is that the very same people
    who've never bothered to learn about path integrals busily added
             Feynman to the pantheon of Bohr and Einstein.  
               -- handleym@ricochet.net (Maynard Handley)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        [the new kind of mysticism called Quantum Mind] must be
       rejected as non-parsimonious, especially since we have in
       our hands a perfectly economical and logically-consistent
          theory that agrees with all the data and requires no
          additional component in the universe beyond matter.
    -- http://www.phys.hawaii.edu/vjs/www/meta.txt Victor J. Stenger
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     [This one is too big for a .siggie quote, but too important to
                     omit, so a URL gets the nod.]

   Before you come arguing with your proof by repeated examples, read
                      "The law of small numbers":

      http://www.utm.edu/research/primes/glossary/LawOfSmall.html

    If you do grok the math, come back and apologize.  If you do not
     grok the math, do not bother to come back for any reason, your
     sincerity is in doubt, and there was never any doubt about the
                 (in)validity of your argument methods.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     [In an email discussion about the exact rules for noun pronoun
                     number agreement in English:]

              True enough: consistency are a good things.

                   - dersk, habitual user of English,
                   but I can stop any time I want to

                   -- Derek Vandivere <dersk@usa.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{

       "Science is, foremost, a method of interrogating reality:
      proposing hypotheses that seem true and then testing them --
       trying, almost perversely, to negate them, elevating only
          the handful that survive to the status of a theory.
       Creationism is a doctrine, whose adherents are interested
               only in seeking out data that support it."

    -- written by:                 George Johnson, NY Times, 15 Aug 1999
    -- quoted by:            Steve Folly <steve@follysplace.demon.co.uk>
                                      http://www.follysplace.demon.co.uk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     [...after Arizona, dead last in US state per pupil spending on
       public education, found 9 out of 10 high school sophomores
       statewide failing at least one part of the new "Arizona's
      Instrument to Measure Standards" (AIMS) test, mandatory for
                   high school graduation next year:]

       "Somewhere alng the line, we bought into the nonsense that
     children are not a reflection of the parents that raised them.
     Well, they are.  They also are a reflection of their schools,
      their teachers, their governments, their churches, and their
                   friends.  They always have been."

     "Now try this sample question: If you put thirty sixth-graders
    in a classroom and five of them read below grade level and five
       of them don't know their times tables and four of them are
     living in poverty and twelve of them are from broken homes and
        three of them never have breakfast and five of them are
     latchkey kids and two of them have behavioral problems and one
      of them is depressed and one of them is abused and they all
      watch thirty hours of TV a week, then how many will pass the
                AIMS test when they get to high school?"

                   "I guess we all failed the test."

     -- Kathryn Simpson, special for the Arizona Republic, Friday,
         26 November 1999, Opinions, Community Edition, page 2.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  "Freedom"  has no meaning of itself.
                   There are always restrictions, be
                   they legal, genetic, or physical.
         If you do not believe me, try to chew a radio signal.
                         -- Kelvin Throop, III
                 -- from a Usenet login fortune message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                           The New Collossus

      A bronze plaque found inside the Statue of Liberty pedestal
      contains the words to a poem entitled, "The New Collossus":

                Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
            With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
            Here at the sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
                A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
               Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
                 Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
            Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
             The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
           "Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
           With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
             Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
               The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
             Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost, to me,
                I lift my lamp beside the golden door!" 

    These lines were written by a young woman named Emma Lazarus, a
    member of a wealthy Jewish family who was born and raised in New
  York City. Her poem was written for an art exhibition that was held
     to raise money in America for the statue. Little attention was
     given to her poem at the time it was written, and it would be
   sixteen years before it was uncovered and its true worth realized.

                               quoted in:
   http://www.progsoc.uts.edu.au/~geldridg/eiffel/liberty/quote.html
                              credited to:
               http://sunp.nyit.edu/Visions/Liberty.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"Bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy"
     -- Ian Parberry  <ian@cs.unt.edu>  http://www.cs.unt.edu/~ian
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       Behind every successful organisation stands one person who
         knows the secret of how to keep the managers away from
                       anything truly important.
                    -- Ian Kemmish <ian@five-d.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Winston [Churchill] is so wonderfully eloquent, impressive, and wrong
             -- W.J. Blyton, English journalist, 1887-1944
      -- as quoted by bmeyer@bruce.cs.monash.edu.au (Bernie Meyer)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  I'm sure I take rowing too seriously by many peoples standards- but,
                      they are not rowing people.
                 -- Stuyvesant B. Pell, Princeton, 1953
      -- as quoted by bmeyer@bruce.cs.monash.edu.au (Bernie Meyer)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    All parts should go together without forcing.  You must remember
     that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you.
    Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a
              reason.  By all means, do not use a hammer.
                     --IBM maintenance manual, 1925
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        "The Tuxomatic 2200(TM) with patented Gates-Be-Gone(TM)
                  gets rid of blue screens in a flash!
          It forks! It blits! Look at those fantastic pixels!
         It surfs the web! You could even host an ISP with it!"
                      -- Matthew Sachs on Slashdot
  -- as quoted by darren@darren.winsper.easynet.co.uk (Darren Winsper)
  --                       http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/darren.winsper
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      [X] YES! I'm a brain-damaged lemur on crack, and I'd like to
                order your software package for $459.95!
               -- Ben <float@incandescent.firedrake.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   If you aren't going to shoot at Microsoft, don't expect people to
                 be as willing to hand you ammunition.
                  -- Terry Lambert <terry@whistle.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 As a computing professional, I believe it would be unethical for me to
   advise, recommend, or support the use (save possibly for personal
 amusement) of any product that is or depends on any Microsoft product.
              -- David H. Wolfskill <david@catwhisker.org>

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              awards Callahan Online has won which make us
                    dance buck naked with excitement
              -- http://www.callahanonline.com/calgac.html
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            "What are we going to do tomorrow night Brain?"
    "The same thing we do every night Pinky.  Release a kernel patch
                  and use it to take over the world!"
            -- darren.winsper@easynet.co.uk (Darren Winsper)
              http://easyweb.easynet.co.uk/darren.winsper
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    And  now  that  I've clarified myself, I still bet you can't  do
     it  without begging the question.  I bet I bet I bet I bet.  I
                  HAVE QUATLOOS! They could be yours.
                  [...'out of mercy, we shall omit the
                inadequate response that was given'...]
    Snark.   This begs  the  question.   NO QUATLOOS FOR YOU,   MR.
    MAN!  I will explain how it begs the question if you ask nicely.
         My laziness rejoices in the knowledge that you won't.
             -- apstrong@NEWTS.connect.ab.ca (Paul Strong)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound.
        -- Tim Tyler <tt@cryogen.com> http://www.mandala.co.uk/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     The birds are singing, the flowers are budding, and it is time
    for Miss Manners to tell young lovers to stop necking in public.

     It's not that Miss Manners is immune to romance.  Miss Manners
     has been known to squeeze a gentleman's arm while being helped
      over a curb, and, in her wild youth, even to press a dainty
      slipper against a foot or two under the dinner table.  Miss
    Manners also believes that the sight of people strolling hand in
    hand or arm in arm or arm in hand dresses up a city considerably
    more than the more familiar sight of people shaking umbrellas at
       one another.  What Miss Manners objects to is the kind of
          activity that frightens the horses on the street ...
                 -- from a Unix login fortune() message
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Rotary barrel death stars: for when you absoloutely, positively,
             have to obliterate every planet in the system"
              -- aidan@skinner.demon.co.uk (Aidan Skinner)
                 http://www.skinner.demon.co.uk/aidan/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "[the opinions above were mine once. Ah, how I miss them.]"
            --"Darren Meyer [technology]" <dpm@think4d.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         Hmm... suppose I should start selling tshirts that say
            "Linux is only free if your time is worthless."?
     -- Steve Sheldon sheldon@yuck.net http://www.sheldon.visi.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           And now [my Magic 8-Ball of Destiny] doesn't work.

      I have no idea what this means.  It could have very ominous
    implications.  Perhaps my comrade Rick is right when he says, "I
    would choose to look at it this way: it is telling you that your
      life is now completely determined by your own free will."  I
                    mean, what a curse to live down.
     -- j h woodyatt <jhw@wetware.com> <http://www.wetware.com/jhw>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   It used to be that I could rely on [my Magic 8-Ball of Destiny] to
    predict the future for me, particularly with regard to answering
   annoying Project Manager questions, like: "How many calendar weeks
  do you think it will take to finish this project we have you working
   on starting in December, which is minimally equal in scope to the
   Apache Web Server project, and yes we understand that you have no
   marketing requirements for it yet at all, and you have no idea how
    many people we'll be able to assign to the project, but pretend
  none of that is important -- we need to know when you'll be finished
                               with it?"
     -- j h woodyatt <jhw@wetware.com> <http://www.wetware.com/jhw>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   On the other hand, it could just be a sign that Cosmic Coincidence
   Control is running a Window NT 4.1 network without the recommended
                           Y2K service packs.
     -- j h woodyatt <jhw@wetware.com> <http://www.wetware.com/jhw>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Those who believe in the supernatural should be required to learn
  computer programming.  This would force them to discover that things
   which appear to be completely  mysterious and incomprehensible, in
         fact have a logical, and usually simple, explanation.
                      J. B. R. Yant, Mortal Words
              -- "Matthew Heaney" <matthew_heaney@acm.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   During my Labor Day weekend visit, the Fort Larned historical site
  was thriving with activity as dozens of history buffs enacted roles
in the fort life.  The fort has been preserved and is open to exploration
 by the public.  I learned many interesting things, but my favorite was
  that the bottled goods and the tin can, invented in the early 1800s,
   made available to the soldiers in Fort Larned nearly 80-90% of the
contents of our own pantries.  They used A-1 Steak Sauce, Tabasco Sauce
and Lea & Perrins Worschteshire Sauce to flavor their bison!  I finished
             my ride into Ness City feeling quite educated.
            -- Jacob Hanson Dolan <jakenbike@earthlink.net>
                  (kid happens to be my son. xanthian)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     It is quite uppity to assume that your religion is "the chosen
      race".  However, how many of us assume that animals have no
    souls?  When we get to the great open door, what if ten billion
                pissed off squirrls condemn us to hell?
                    -- Revrend <revrend@my-deja.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         "What doesn't kill you, makes you bitter and cynical."
                           -- Bruce MacDonald
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "If you want a real optimist, look up Ray Bradbury.  Guy's nuts.
                       He actually likes people."
                             -- David Brin
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Software engineers are, in many ways, similar to normal people."
                            --  Scott Adams
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "No excuses.  No embarrassment.  No apologies...   Ada -- the most
   trusted and powerful programming language on earth, or in space."
                           -- S. Tucker Taft
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               "Change is inevitable.  Progress is not."
                   -- dhansen@btree.com (Dave Hansen)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "One accurate measurement is worth 1000 expert opinions."
           -- "Rufus V. Smith" <Rufus_Smith@GuntherIntl.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         "What has happened since yesterday when I was young?"
                -- Cal Thomas, news columnist, LA Times
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "Is there no politician in this country with enough guts to stand up
     and call for a national vote to repeal the Second Amendment?"
                 -- Susan Hagenah, Paradise Valley, AZ,
  in  response  to news of two Columbine High School students shooting
          and killing 13 of their classmates, then themselves,
                in Littleton, Colorado, April 21, 1999.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  (Does Windows source code cause insanity when viewed?  Find out next
                        time on Microsoft Beach)
              -- aidan@skinner.demon.co.uk (Aidan Skinner)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "It is the mark of an instructed mind to rest satisfied with the
     degree of precision  which  the  nature  of  a subject admits,
   and not to seek exactness when only an approximation of the truth
                            is possible ..."
                        -- Aristotle (330 B.C.)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "'In order to make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown
 ajar.'  Richard  P. Feynman, quoted by Jagdish Mehra in _The Beat of a
                           Different Drum_."
                 -- "Andrew F. Vesper" <avesper@wn.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Democracy is the theory that the common people
   know what they want and deserve to get it good
                     and hard.
                  -- H.L. Mencken
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
The French Academy and assorted French language gestapos have been quite
successful  in  preventing  French from becoming widely used outside the
                    areas where its use is mandated.
             -- Everett M. Greene, mojaveg@ridgecrest.ca.us
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Usenet sigs are the ultimate repository of all human knowledge."
                       -znu <junkmailme@usa.net>
                "Yes, that *is* a real e-mail address."
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"He  uses  statistics  like  a drunk uses a lamp post - for support, not
                             illumination."
            -- nws@rollingthunder.demon.co.uk (Anthony Ord)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                          Windows98 (noun) --
                32 bit extensions and a graphical shell
                           for a 16 bit patch
                      to an 8 bit operating system
              originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor,
                      written by a 2 bit company,
                 that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
                   -- Roy Grimm <ragrimm@bigfoot.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   What if Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed...
                          Oh, wait.  He does!
                   -- Roy Grimm <ragrimm@bigfoot.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          "I  want you to do it right as fast as you can, not
                       fast as right as you can."
          Arthur Collins, founder of Collins Radio, quoted by
                   -- Roy Grimm <ragrimm@bigfoot.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "The difference between genius and stupidity is that there is a
             limit to genius" - Albert Einstein, quoted by
               -- mark.bennison@gecm.com (Mark Bennison)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         "Real men whistle ed commands at 300 baud into a can."
              -- aidan@skinner.demon.co.uk (Aidan Skinner)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           So  the  little dinosaur said to the big dinosaur,
                 "Hey look, I can skip rocks, watch!",
                  and skipped a rock along the water.

          The big dinosaur said "I can do better than that!",
     found a boulder, and skipped it out to sea with a huge splash.

             High  above,  Dinosaur  God saw this and said
                "OH HO...  THAT'S NOTHING, WATCH *THIS*"

               -- gherbert@crl3.crl.com (George Herbert)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                          [Amiga lamentation:]
         You can't make money selling exceptionally upgradable,
       exceptionally efficient, exceptionally fast, exceptionally
              satisfying, competitively priced computers.
     [...] would you buy stock in Gilette if they invented a cheap
                    razor blade that never got dull?
    [Microsludge] has the best engineers and marketing execs in the
    world, working day in and day out to build the newest, shiniest,
     most mediocre, marginally satisfying, barely passable products
                       the world has ever known.
                 Now there's an investment opportunity.
            -- Steve Giovenella <s.giovenella@pn.nettuno.it>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "I believe that the moment is near when by a procedure of active
  paranoiac thought, it will be possible to systematize confusion and
     contribute to the total discrediting of the world of reality."
                            -- Salvador Dali
              -- as quoted by <float@interport.net> (Ben)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            The two sure signs of a loser language are that

      A.             It was designed by a committee.

      B.  It  was  designed  to  incorporate *everything* that
         was considered state of the art at the time of design.

             Famous examples include PL/1, Ada, COBOL, etc.

      I would put ANSI C++ in the "designed by comittee" section.

  Most of the successful ones, C, lisp, Java etc., were designed by an
        individual or small group to solve a restricted problem.

     Finally, we are pretty sure that Fortran was never designed by
   anyone.  Theories include evolution, random chance, and "it was a
                 virus sent here from another species".

                  -- samiam@cisco.com (Scott A. Moore)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   "Even if you're on the right track
                you'll get run over if you stand still."
                             -- Will Rogers
            -- as quoted by Paul Whittington <paul@grep.net>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  One of the great tragedies of ancient history is that Helen of Troy
          lived before the invention of the champagne bottle.
          -- "Keith Thompson (The_Other_Keith)" <kst@cts.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     [In a comp.lang.ada thread comparing C's silent wraparound in
   response to integer overflow events to Ada's exception raising in
                            the same case.]
                  Compare these quotes (from memory):
               From  one of the early books on C by K&R:
   "C was designed with the idea that the programmer is a reasonable
                   person who knows what he's doing".
                 From the introduction of the Ada LRM:
        "Ada was designed with consideration that programming is
                           a human activity".
     I'll let the reader meditate that these considerations lead to
                    completely opposed solutions...
                --  J-P. Rosen (Rosen.Adalog@wanadoo.fr)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Someone once said that locks on doors are to "keep honest people
        honest."  A language design such as that enjoyed by Ada
       programmers helps keep competent  programmers  competent.
     The perennially  incompetent programmer will be incompetent in
                             any language.
                 -- Richard Riehle richard@adaworks.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "The difference between hardware and software is that the more
   you play with hardware, the  more likely you are to break it, but
  the more you play with software the more likely you are to FIX it."
       -- Bill Dale <william.dale.jr@lmco.com> <N2RHV@amsat.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    [T]here are circumstances where the software developers have no
    chance to get it right because of management blunders, and it is
    wrong to blame this either on the programmers or the programming
   language.  If someone buys navigation software designed for cargo
      ships, then installs it in an airplane, that nifty automatic
   grounding avoidance feature is going to cause real problems.  But
               that is not the software developers fault.
                -- "Robert I. Eachus" <eachus@mitre.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             If a woman is swept off a ship into the water,
                      the cry is `Man overboard!'
               If she is killed by a hit-and-run driver,
                     the charge is `manslaughter.'
                     If she is injured on the job,
               the coverage is `workmen's compensation.'
          But if she arrives at a threshold marked `Men Only,'
        she knows the admonition is not intended to bar animals
                    or plants or inanimate objects.
                          It is meant for her.
                            --- Alma Graham
       --  As quoted by: "P.S. Norby" <psnorby@cacd.rockwell.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "Learn Ada because it is worth learning.  Use Ada in all the
    applications where you have a choice and it makes sense because
      it is worth using.  Push Ada for its technical merits as the
   choice for new system development because it brings about project
      benefits.  Teach Ada to your peers because it will make them
   better software engineers.  Contribute useful source code & tools
      to the various repositories because bountiful freeware will
    increase usage and increased usage helps your own development."
               -- Marin David Condic <condicma@pwfl.com>

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                    Steve Horne wrote (about COBOL):
      "The first program I ever had to maintain was chock full of
      'ALTER GOTO' statements."  "Has anyone ever been exposed to
          that language atrocity?  Simple and understandable?
                            Absolutely not."

        A friend of mine was a COBOL programmer who worked for a
        time at Polaroid, and (of course) read their programming
        standard for COBOL.  He told me that the section on the
                   ALTER verb read, in its entirety:

            "Use of the ALTER verb is punishable by death."

            -- "Michael F. Yoder" <yoder@decada.zko.dec.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "Only now do I see that to be truly awake is to be in pain --
                   and pain makes us want to sleep."
                      -- A.A. Attanasio, _Wyvern_
      as quoted by:    ac002@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (Nikolaus Maack)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 So my children, should God allow me [to] have them, will probably wind
 up burying hitchhikers in their crawlspaces.  But at least they'll be
         able to make witty, ironic comments while they do it.
                  -- spidweb@spidweb.com (Jeff Vogel)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         As some day it may happen that a target must be found,
           I've got a little list -- I've got a little list,
         Of internet offenders who in craters should be drowned
      And who never would be missed -- who never would be missed:
   There's the pestilential newts who write cascades of yeah-me-toos,
       All posters who pretend to be sixteen to cure their blues,
   All children [with whose] long dot-sigs the newsgroup is accursed,
       And all who think they have invented Usenet manners first,
     They'd none of them be missed--they'd none of them be missed!

      You may put 'em on the list -- you may put 'em on the list,
   And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed!

                    -- lsc@netcom.com (Lisa Chabot)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       i lived with another t.b-ite for three years, george baby.
            three lousy, miserable, wretched, ego-crushing,
                identity-destroying, stultifying years.
       rather than repeat this experience, i would choose to have
        root canal surgery every day for the rest of my life, or
       use an Epilady on my eyelashes, or coat myself in a paste
       of ground glass and muriatic acid and roll around on a hot
             griddle, or get jiggy with an angry porcupine,
               or be a contestant on "Wheel Of Fortune."
       i would rather gnaw off my own left leg, sit on a red-hot
          railroad spike, or rub habanero peppers on my eyes.
         i would, in point of fact, prefer to be hit by a bus,
         dragged by a train, dropped from orbit, filleted by a
       lawnmower, devoured by pygmy shrews, burned alive, drowned
       in raw sewage, trampled by a herd of rhinos wearing spiked
       golf shoes with those silly little fringes on them, or be
          locked in a room entire lined with video screens and
                speakers playing Britney Spears videos.
               -- mlt@best.com (girl guitarist libertine)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Unscientific man is beset by a deplorable desire to have been right.
       The scientist is distinguished by a desire to *be* right.
                             -- W.V.  Quine
    -- as quoted by:  "Michael F. Yoder" <yoder@decada.zko.dec.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be
           indented six feet downward and covered with dirt."
                         -- Blair P.  Houghton
             -- as quoted by: Ben Pfaff <pfaffben@msu.edu>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "The Information contained in this E-Mail and any subsequent
   correspondence is private and is intended solely for the intended
     recipient(s).  For those other than the intended recipient any
disclosure, copying, distribution, or any action taken or omitted to be
     taken in reliance on such information is prohibited and may be
                               unlawful."
  -- from a British poster; not sure how useful this would be under US
 law, but if it would work, what a nice mallet this would be to use in
  smashing employer email snooping.  Modifying this to be a copyright
             statement could be a good approach for US law.

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          Gimme money, gimme sex, gimme UNIX and root access.
              -- aidan@skinner.demon.co.uk (Aidan Skinner)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Which reminds me of an Ada class I was teaching at a Navy base [in
   Florida].  We came to the subject of access types.  As I began to
discuss dynamic allocation, one of the civilian employees of the Navy in
the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "Richard, does this mean
       we are going to be up to our access types in allocators?"
              -- Richard D Riehle <laoXhai@ix.netcom.com>

};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armour to
 lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores
 the fact that it  was he who, by peddling second-rate technology, led
                    them into it in the first place.
                 - Douglas Adams in Guardian, 25-Aug-95
            -- as quoted by: Dave <nospam@ded1.realdns.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       The first class of the Boeing is a multiethnic container.
                                 [...]
              In the starry night, a Boeing goes somewhere
                 on the sweet notes of a wooden flute.
             -- Andrea B. Previtera <andreap@instation.it>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                      Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
          [1]      Get a perfectly symmetrical plank
                   and balance it across a sawhorse.
          [2]     Put the hog on one end of the plank.
          [3] Pile rocks on the other end until the plank
                      is again perfectly balanced.
          [4]   Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
                            -- Robert Burns
        -- as quoted by:  franke@minet.uni-jena.de (Frank Ecke)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      "The Amiga has a 32bit OS and is capable of everything that
       windows9X does, yet it uses less than 2meg to do it, every
        bit of extra memory is available for other applications.
               This is a computer that's 'out of date'?".
                    -- "Shawn" <sisbast@onc.com.au>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     In the early 1970's, I was in the throes of deep testosterone
    narcosis.  Adjusting to the effects of this form of intoxication
   can take years, and during that period of my life it was not even
                     clear to me why I should try.
                      -- <titurel@cybertours.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "If I die my knowledge may die with me, & no one may ever have
      the same knowledge again." Letter from Alice May Williams of
         Aukland, New Zealand, to the Mount Wilson Observatory,
                          November 7th, 1915.
            -- http://www.mjt.org/exhibits/letters/alice.htm
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "Microsoft says, "Oh, you've got a brain?  Well, you won't need
       it as long as you stay within this nice little space we've
        prepared for you." Linux says, "Oh, you've got a brain?
         Splendid!  Here are lots of fun things to do with it."
                           -- Daniel Birchall
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  "Does your neuron ever get lonely?"
                    -- James.Moore@cas.honeywell.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              "These are indeed harsh times for the dim."
                        -- jott@snugbug.cts.com
              (shamelessly stolen  from the  signature of
                        the original collector:
                   -- Ronan Waide <waider@scope.ie>)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "You are lost in a maze of twisty little web pages, all pointless."
               -- Dave Hemming <surfbaud@waverider.co.uk>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "This must be February.  Apoplexy and apathy feel exactly the same."
             -- Diane Wilson (thwilson@nortelnetworks.com)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "We are not out to blame anyone for this problem.  To do so would
    be unfair.  Could programmers have prevented this?  I think not.
     Some of our visitors feel that _attorneys are to blame_.  Just
   because attorneys are the root of every other conceivable problem
    known to man, it could possibly be unfair to blame them for the
         Y5B Bug as well.  We will remain silent on the issue."
                           -- http://y5b.com/
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                     Of course this is pretentious.
The temple of the goddess of humility was struck by lightning last week.
                  -- Diane Wilson, diane@firelily.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  the web is the world's largest vanity press, with all that entails.
                  -- Diane Wilson, diane@firelily.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
The  Amiga  is proof that if you build a better mousetrap, the rats will
                            gang up on you.
                 -- Bill Roberts bill.roberts@ensco.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
Do  your  work  in secret as long as possible; overt competence provokes
                     the corporate immune response.
            -- via: Jim Moore james.moore@cas.honeywell.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Laughter is spontaneous, healing, and magical.  Apply liberally daily.
   Courtesy is demanded, respect is earned, love is given.  All that
            matters is that the miraculous become the norm.
                -- Lysa Schloesser <LYSASTRATA@AOL.COM>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         in the distance a roasted cave newt screamed in agony
                          -- Andrew Palfreyman
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     [...] and don't worry about your deposits; they're insured to
        the HILT by Republic Savings and Loan of Lubbock, Texas
     -- Garrison Keillor, American Radio Company of the Air, Season
 Finale, "Prairie Home Companion Fourth Annual Revival", 16 June 1990.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Those invincibly ignorant bastards that have been running things ...
                    for so long, throw them all out!
                          -- Garrison Keillor
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         It is a common characteristic of all democracies that
    intelligence is so highly regarded as to exempt the holder from
                          the cares of office
                           --  major@pyrmania
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
More than half of all blacks in America die from smoking related causes.
                                 -- NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         Trish writes [ ... more of the same, I'm afraid ... ]
                             -- Mark Smith
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Trish ... screeching ... through a hail of phlegm and beer nuts
                             -- Mark Smith
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    Trish ... before posting that same tedious article one more time
                             -- Mark Smith
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        Trish ... accosting bewildered strangers and screeching
                             -- Mark Smith
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Trish, condemned to a future of living behind the seven eleven
                             -- Mark Smith
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   All this is conjecture of course, since I *only* post in the nude.
             Nothing comes between me and my t.b.  Nothing.
                            -- Bill Coderre
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    In the 1960's Soviet and American tanks faced each other there,
    gun barrel to gun barrel at a range  of  several  feet.  In the
     1990's Checkpoint Charlie had become a traffic hazard, and its
                        new home is in a museum.
     -- Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Colin Powell,
           National Public Radio, National Press Club Speech.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    The homicide victim rate in the United States among males 15 to
    25 is 4, 20, even 70 times as high as in 21 other industrialized
    countries.  The rate for blacks is 7 times the rate for whites,
        and 75% of the homicides are by firearms.  The rates for
     California and Texas are twice the national average.  The rate
     for Scotland is the closest to the US at 1/4th as many, and we
         don't  know what's going on in the streets of Glasgow.
  -- Lois Fingerhut, statistician, describing her JAMA article on NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 In times of crisis you can always depend on that lass to reveal hidden
                        depths of indifference.
                              -- Andy Capp
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Why do we always have to talk about love?  Because our parents were
                   sicko's, and we're starved for it.
             -- Laurie Moore, Starving Again, in: Like Life
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  When someone has broken off a relationship with you, you become very
 unattractive, which confirms all the reasons they had for leaving you.
             -- Laurie Moore, Starving Again, in: Like Life
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     You probably didn't notice, but during the past year, the moon
      slipped about one and a half inches farther from the earth.
                     -- Joel Bloch, "Stardate", NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                He's a victim of Information Underload.
                             -- Jon Leech.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     Sitting at the console all day, watching the news scroll away
                            -- James Deibele
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        As soon as a drunk driver sees a roadblock, what does he
          do?  He makes a U-turn and *bang*, another roadblock
                       related traffic accident!
                    -- Jimmy Tingle, on:  Heat, NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   A bevy of beautiful women, surrounded the crew [admittedly sexist
   moment, here, but so what?].  These [were] the RoboCity Robettes,
               dispatched to take them to their quarters.

        Jimm was admiring the form-factor of one of his escorts.

           "Hey Babe", he said, "wanna see my base address?"

 "Jimm!" shouted Dale, "why is it that all you can ever think about is
                                 hex?"
                --R. Michael Smithwick, "AmigaTrek 4.2"
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 When you look at yourself in an aberrational mirror, you see your real
                 self, looking back at the twisted you.
    -- Dr. (?) Bob Miller, "The Aberrational View of the Universe",
             Twisted Science, "Heat", National Public Radio
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 If it weren't for the lesbians in San Francisco, everything would fall
                                 apart.
     -- Journalist Randy Shilts author of _And The Band Played On_,
      on "Fresh Air", NPR, speaking about AIDS volunteer efforts.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     The story of AIDS is still the story of a huge problem that is
                       getting too few resources.
               -- Randy Shilts, journalist and author of
             _And The Band Played On_, on "Fresh Air", NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   The national editors of this country are brain dead when it comes
    to doing investigative reporting about the federal government's
                           handling of AIDS.
     -- Journalist Randy Shilts author of _And The Band Played On_,
                          on "Fresh Air", NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
              The power of an organization may be measured
                      by the anger of its enemies.
         -- Emile Guillermo, introducing a piece on the ACLU on
            National Public Radio's "All things Considered".
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      I'm spinning through the apartment like a whirling dervish,
       finishing things I'd put off for months.  These Methadrine
                      suppositories are fantastic!
           -- Mark Lenyer:  My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  I had just settled onto my barstool, when I felt the firm grip of a
                    biometalic hand on my shoulder.
           -- Mark Leyner:  My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  I walked away, overcome by the refusal or inability of this robot to
         distinguish between the natural and the technological.
           -- Mark Leyner:  My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  I made my way through the computer controlled monorail, car by car,
                     cruising for sentient beings.
            -- Mark Leyner, My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      He who tells the truth should have one foot in the stirrup.
                          -- Armenian proverb
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           better  to  dance  with an airhead than be reading
                      soc.singles on Friday night.
                        -- Edmond L. Meinfelder
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  If you give artists free expression,
                pretty soon all Americans will want it.
                                 -- NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         [On the question of whether a father has any right to
         demand abortion of a child he tried sincerely to avoid
       creating and wants not to support, that corresponds to the
          mother's right to abort an inconvenient pregnancy.]
       Does the kid have any rights in all this?  Should the kid
          just have been a better little foetal capitalist and
                         planned for all this?
                            -- Barry Schein
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 We handle four billion calls a year, for everyone from presidents and
kings to the scum of the earth.  So your call doesn't go through once in
a while, or you get billed for a call or two you didn't make.  We don't
           care.  We don't have to, we're the phone company.
                             -- Lily Tomlin
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
When I'm out in the sun too long, I don't just think along a tangent...
                              I /AM/ one.
                            -- Dwight A Lee
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            people who are into recreational food poisoning
                    (admit it, you're all out there)
                          -- Christoper Pettus
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   I know a lot less ... than many of the readers
    ..., so I'm probably wrong and you shouldn't
    have read this message at all.  Just because
    I'm trying to be helpful doesn't mean I know
              what I'm talking about.
                 -- Jonathan Kamens
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Then I realized; you don't write poems when you're in Eden, you write
     them later when you've left, and you can't find your way back.
                -- poet John Rosenthal, speaking on NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  GIF's a toy, and a dangerous one.  Document your image or get out of
                                  GIF.
                  -- Allen Braunsdorf in comp.graphics
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         >               You can vomit at will
         >                       ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
         just what the game needs.. an amulet of Bullemia (sp)
                  -- Mitch Patenaude in rec.games.hack
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       And when people are thinking, we may have reason to hope.
                             -- Dan Mocsny
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    His cracking impulses seemed putely explotatory, and I've begun
      to wonder if we wouldn't also regard spelunkers as desperate
                 criminals if AT&T owned all the caves.
              -- John Perry Barlow <barlow@well.sf.ca.us>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  Walk to an unused portion of diskspace and create.  And if you don't
                     like where you are, uncreate.
                            -- Robert Kelly
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         The Krill _are_. It's plural. Unlike your brain cell.
                      -- smulrine@cs.strath.ac.uk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                        If Jessie don't like it,
                         It don't get no funds.
                       We spend taxpayer's money,
                          On tobacco and guns.
                        -- Louden Wainright III
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  It's been a hard day on the planet,
                       How much is it all worth?
                  It's been a hard day on the planet,
              Things are getting tough all over the Earth.
                       -- Louden Wainwright III,
                         Hard Day on the Planet
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 bumper sticker seen on stealth bomber:  "IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THEN WE
                       WASTED 50 BILLION BUCKS."
                           -- Donald Daybell
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
        "Why don't you keep your mouth as closed as your mind?"
                            -- John Holland
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "Duuuude! (he was sure there was an umlaut in there somewhere)"
                            -- Cary Sandvig
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            MicroSoft product, BTW.  Real dirty programming.
                           -- Henrik Clausen
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    When you care enough to post the very worst.
                  -- Cary Sandvig
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
It seems that MicroSloth did not follow the rules as stated by Motorola
    for determining whether or not an FPU is present in the system.
                            -- Marc Barrett
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  My guess is Absoft did things right.
          Now if we could just get Microsoft on the bandwagon.
                            -- Bill Seymour
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  There's nobody here to see our show?
          I thought they all just came dressed as empty seats!
               -- Sedge Thompson, West Coast Weekend, NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       friends close enough not to hear distance in the silence.
                          -- Bill Bill Gibson
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 having a nice day so you don't have to
                     -- David Bedno <dave@sco.COM>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 We wanted leaders, but we got stooges.
                      -- Kanji Ram, leader of the
                untouchable's political revolt in India.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 Lay me down, Carolina, lay me down, one more time, don't wanta wake me
  up in the morning, no more.  Sing me, one last old song, before they
                       close, the minstral show.
  -- The Carter Family and Garrison Keilor, A Prairie Home Companion.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   We must not forget that these ridiculous and tyrannical laws were
   not imposed from outside -- they were voted by the free agreement
     of all the interested parties  themselves  --  and that their
     mores were even more austere and puritanical than their laws.
          -- Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America, 1838
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 (Speaking of Beethoven's Ode to Joy:)
          This is certainly great music to blow things up by!
                  -- Commentator Dave Nuttycombe, NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         If you believe in nothing, honey, it believes in you.
                            -- Dan Schmidt.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    And I'm not a stultifying geek.  I'm a computer dweeb.  Sheesh.
                    -- Michelle Lee, mikey@ontek.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           If I have seen further than others, it is because
                  I stood on the shoulders of giants.
                          -- Sir Isacc Newton
           If I have seen further than others, it is because
                       I am surrounded by dwarfs.
               -- Murray Gell-Mann  (a.k.a. Mr. Humility)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
             Everybody lies about sex. IT'S IN THE MANUAL.
                -- unintentional juxtaposition in George
                Lin's follow-up of Adam Hill's posting.
                     RTFM before fibbing, I guess.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
          If a man is uneducated, he may steal a freight car.
    If he has a college education, he can steal the whole railroad!
                         -- David Johnson, NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 remember that any degree should indicate, along with other pretenses,
                     some potential for educability
                              -- jim kohli
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "...Roxanne falls in love with Christian, a cavileer in Cyrano's
       regiment who hasn't got the brains god gave an eclair..."
                           -- reviewer on NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 They say that Jesus walked upon the water.  What they don't tell us is
 that it was in Iceland.  Few people know this.  In Iceland, we all can
                          walk upon the water.
                           -- Joel Frank, NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         "Life: it's been hit or miss since I lost the manual."
                           -- Michael Bonnell
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            "Come home at night with a swirling in my head,
             Reach for the pillow, miss the whole darn bed"
                 -- Joe Riggens, "Drunk", '50 R&B song.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
            "vi (the editor to use when bringing up emacs)"
                           -- Michael Meisner
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                [About the Imagine rendering software:]
        Warning:  this software does not have a learning curve.
                   This software has a learning WALL.
                            -- Steve Worley.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "comparing VMS and Unix is like comparing cancer and leprosy"
                           -- Richard Harter
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     I think that doubling the dosages does not give me dilithium,
                   but let's have warp speed anyway.
                            -- Andrew Hampe
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
       "Only the Objectivists have an answer to all our problems,
                            and it's wrong."
                            -- Hans Huettel
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   Sure I want to use computers, since I've never screwed anything up
                     AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT BEFORE!
                             -- Sam Kinison
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
           I've heard that there's a delightful Yiddish word,
       "farpotchket" I think, which means not simply broken, but
      broken because somebody tried to fix it.  The danger of the
       haphazard application of computer technology to situations
       that are really getting along just fine in the first place
                       should be apparent to all.
                    -- Art Medlar <art@big-ben.UUCP>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
     "In retrospect, we should put Jimmy Carter on Mount Rushmore."
                          -- Bill Tallon, NPR
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
         "My baby said she loved me, but she lied, lied, lied!"
                           -- The DynaTones.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
    "ps.  If the technical bits confused you, feel free to ask a few
           questions and I will type a little slower for you"
                      -- just drieux, Andrew Hampe
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                      Zwei Dinge sind unendlich -
               Das Universum und die menchliche Dummheit.
               -- Heiko W. Rupp <hwr@pilhuhn.ka.sub.org>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
               "Well, if fish can make love in the water,
                    Worms can make love underground,
               And rats can make love in a garbage dump,
                 Woman you'd better not turn me down."
                   -- some jazz group on KCSF radio.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
      When Zachery Taylor refused from religious convictions to be
     inaugurated on a Sunday, the office of President of the United
        States became vacant.  Therefore, in accordance with the
    Succession Act, David Rice Acheson, President Pro Tempore of the
        Senate was awakened and told that he was now President.
     President Acheson, however, had been involved in an extremely
   late final night of the outgoing session of Congress, and had, in
   his customary fashion, besides that drunk himself to sleep.  Told
     he was President, he murmered "That's nice," rolled over, went
    back to sleep, and slept through the day, the night, and enough
    of that following Monday that he missed the Inauguration Monday
   morning.  It can therefore be said with some degree of confidence
    that the United States has had at least one President who spent
             his entire term of office in a drunken stupor.
           -- (Taken from a report on National Public Radio.)
   There is no doubt that this early precedent has been used to good
          advantage by many later holders of the same office.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 "Books matter intensely in utopias..."
                           -- Crawford Kilian
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 "Friends don't let friends use MS-DOS"
                            -- Duane Fields
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 "An Amiga a day keeps the Apples away"
                 -- David Jung, U. of Adelaide, S. Oz.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 "Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, here I come!"
                          -- Chet T. Laughlin
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "USENet Miranda Rights:  You have the right to remain a silent reader.
     Anything you mail or post may and will be used to flame you."
                          -- Chedley Aouririk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                            [About NetHack:]
             "How long have I been playing?  I don't know.
              About an hour.  Oooppss!  What's the date?"
                             -- John Stone
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "Is it still periodicity if you know it is and you're doing it on
                               purpose?"
                 -- Scott Fisher <sfisher@wsl.dec.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                   "What is an 'anti-mormons hater'?"
                  "Something which hates anti-mormons.
        See, mormons and anti-mormons are little fundamentalist
              particles which whizz around at high speed.
        Every now and then, a mormon and an anti-mormon collide;
                   they instantly nullify each other,
               disappearing in an explosion of bullshit."
                         -- mathew@mantis.co.uk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   No point in hunting for conspiracies when incompetence, weirdness,
         and random happenings are each adequate explanations.
                          -- lurker@xanadu.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"Don't care how many lines it takes.  If there were a language with the
  power of C or assembly, and the readability of COBOL, I'd marry it."
                          -- Dennis Heffernan.
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
  "I know I am only raising questions without answering them, but the
  answers are not that easy, at least not until one has formulated the
                           question better."
                  -- Jim Muller <jmuller@stardent.com>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"I think it's interesting that the Athenians coined the term 'idiot' to
          refer to someone who had _no_ interest in politics."
                  -- Wayne Brown <wayne@ledgepc.uucp>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                 "There seems to be a leak in reality."
                         -- mathew@mantis.co.uk
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                  "I'm often a little behind myself."
                -- Phil.Thwing@f102.n212.z1.fidonet.org
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "Yong-Mi does, from what I could ascertain by imagining what was under
             her t-shirt, have eminently kissable breasts."
                         -- gypsy@popeet!c3.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"And 'peace could break out' -- don't tell me, I've noticed the changes
    in my country since we got onto the networks.  And folks that I
   communicate with develop an understanding of our problems, it all
                                helps."
    -- Mike Lawrie, Director, Computing Services, Rhodes University,
                   South Africa <ccml@hippo.ru.ac.za>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
   "As always with nethack, if you are gullible or take anything for
                     granted, then you are dinner."
               -- Darcy Brockbank <samurai@cs.mcgill.ca>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"Well, let's just say, don't try to defend your argument with your body,
and you won't feel like it's an ad hominem attack."
  -- Andrew "drieux" Hampe <hampe@nas.nasa.gov>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"One should try not to speak more clearly than one thinks."
  -- Alfred North Whitehead
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
                "Usenet is the ephemera of the ephemera,
                  the veritable words written on dust,
                         the phoenix of speech,
                  the sic transit to the gloria mundi.
                      My name is Ozymandus, king.
               Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
                    -- Doug Merritt doug@netcom.com
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"They're expending enough energy just taking in oxygen on a daily basis,
    you think they have any synaptic activity left over to devote to
                         Intelligent Thought?"
              -- Synth F. Oberheim <synth@yenta.alb.nm.us>
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
"This program posts news to billions of machines throughout the galaxy.
 Your message will cost the net enough to bankrupt your entire planet.
          As a result your species will be sold into slavery.
                  Be sure you know what you are doing.
          Are you absolutely sure you want to do this? [ny] y"
              -- rsholmes@rodan.acs.syr.edu (Rich Holmes)
};

push @cute_siggies,
q{
 "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
    Boldness has genius, power and magic in it"
                      - Goethe
};

  return @cute_siggies;
}

sub random_cuteness {

my @cute_siggies = ( create_cuteness );

  print "\n     ===== random archival quality quote =====\n";
  print @cute_siggies[ int ( rand ($#cute_siggies + 1) ) ];
  print q{
                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/

};
}

sub ordered_cuteness {

my @cute_siggies = ( create_cuteness );

while ( $cute_siggie = pop @cute_siggies )
{
  print qq($cute_siggie), "\n";
}

}

sub selected_cuteness {

my @cute_siggies = ( create_cuteness );

print "\n";
print "    ===== selected archival quality quote =====\n";

if
(
  defined( $siggieArrayIndex )
  &&
  (
    $siggieArrayIndex >= 0
    and
    $siggieArrayIndex <= $#cute_siggies
  )
)
{
  print qq($cute_siggies[$siggieArrayIndex]), "\n";
}
else
{
  print qq($cute_siggies[0]), "\n";
}
print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
};

}


sub inflate_puffery {

my @puffery_siggies = ();

# Template

# push @puffery_siggies,
# q{
# put brags on kent or by kent here.
# };

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Hello Mr. Dolan,
  Thank you so much for your thoughtful, detailed
    suggestions. I have forwarded them on to our
  publisher and tech staff. Thank you for reading
    and we'll work to get these issues resolved.
          Dawson dawson@dawsonfearnow.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    The Budget should be balanced, the treasury
   should be refilled, the public debt should be
   reduced, the arrogance of officaldom should be
   tempered and controlled, and the assistance to
    foreign lands should be curtailed lest Rome
    become bankrupt.  People must again learn to
   work, instead of living on public assistance.
                  Cicero- 55 B.C.
   And yet to this day, when you apply for a job,
    most likely there is no work for you to do.
      -- Kent Paul Dolan, xanthian@well.com --
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                     Very nice.
          Clear, organised and thoughtful.
      Backspace won't comprehend a word of it.
                  David Hare-Scott
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   When I was younger, I could remember anything,
       whether it had happened or not; but my
   faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be
    so I cannot remember any but the things that
  never happened.  It is sad to go to pieces like
           this but we all have to do it.
                   -- Mark Twain
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   In view of your history, you're only good for
    pointing at and laughing, and Mr. Dolan does
                  that quite well.
         Jim Lovejoy, addressing T Pagano,
        in talk.origins, 11/15/2008 10:31 PM
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  If I wanted to read Kent's drivel, I'd... well,
   probably, I'd hit myself with a hammer until I
                    felt better.
                 -- David Damerell
          damerell@chiark.greenend.org.uk
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     And thanks for the html code for the email
   button.  To think, it's been like that since I
  updated the site a few weeks ago. Any wonder no
               one emails me anymore.
     -- Tommie Kelly <roadcrewcomic@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Kent Paul Dolan wrote:

                 [a rant of reason]

   My will and reason as an atheist are made ten
   times stronger every time I've read something
                like this from Kent.
     He doesn't simply say 'God doesn't exist,
           stupid!' and leave it at that.
  It comes alive with the knowledge that something
   can replace it, like fog being burned away by
    the light of the sun, the murky waters of a
    river emptying into a vast ocean, clear to a
  thousand feet populated by species born without
             the genetic defect of God.

  Being an American, I have to smile and nod when
   people thank God for this or that or the other
     or imagine people to Hell for the tiniest
                     offenses.
    Kent is the cold wind from beyond the North,
         brisk and alive, waking people up.

    Write a book, a guide book for the American
  atheist to counter the fallacies of Christians.
      I say this, because though you're a rare
   person, your fiction is pretty unwieldy stuff.
                  No offense, hah.
                        ***
                  Enough flattery.
  -- rickthecockroach maniacalmongoose@hotmail.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      as far as i've been able to figure out,
    misc.misc exists only as backup storage for
                   Kent's posts.
    -- Ace Lightning <acelightning@comcast.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  As for kent's healthy thing - I agree with him,
   but remember also that some of my best written
         stuff was mid smoke and mid drink.
       Unfortunately it was also mid madness.
 -- Rohan Hawthorne <rohan_hawthorne@yahoo.com.au>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           "You are old," said the youth,
           "and your programs don't run,
       And there isn't one language you like;
         Yet of useful suggestions for help
                  you have none --
       Have you thought about taking a hike?"

          "Since I never write programs,"
                his father replied,
         "Every language looks equally bad;
  Yet the people keep paying to read all my books
     And don't realize that they've been had."
               -- Unix fortune cookie
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Hello, My name is Robert and I thought it was
     time I let you know that I think you're a
                 brilliant writer.
     I've been reading talk.bizarre for several
      years now and I enjoy all of your posts.
      -- Robert Emanuel <robertc993@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         Science has never advanced by your
                 bizarre approach.
  Xanthian is astutely correct in his critique of
    your malformed conception of how to test ID.
           It is not that hard to grasp.
           -- RAM <RAMathers38@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              On Dec 24, 12:56 pm,
                Kent Paul Dolan
          <xanthian@well.com> wrote in
          rec.games.roguelike.nethack:

>          How about "corpsiferous"?
> They're definitely carrying a corpse around,
> it just takes some effort on the part of the
>      PC to extract it from its current
>     awkward-for-eating "living" status.

> xanthian, modulo odds of dropping a corpse,
> of course, so "corpsiferous" is another one
>   of those Schroedinger's Cat thingies --
> you don't know if the corpse is really there
>        until you open some arteries;
>   once you do or don't observe it, though,
>     the waveform/lifeform has collapsed.

  I laughed at this out loud for at least ten
              minutes.  Well done.
      -- Ross Presser <rpresser@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Thank you all, and most specially Xanthian.
          You gave some thoughtful advice.
     -- "Jose Pires" <Jose.Mario.Pires@nls.pt>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      You are a very kind man, thanks so much
        for taking time to explain all this.
           I don't know how to thank you.
          I will do my best and follow the
                   instructions.
                       [...]
              Thanks again and again,
                  you're awesome!
     -- Caroline Zamanian <hyehealth@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
>             Kent Paul Dolan writes:
>>        if you choose your religion on a
>>      "what's in it for me" basis, you'll
>>     simply end up subscribing to whatever
>>     religion has as its promoters the most
>>                effusive liars.

                Superb observation.
            -- Bobby Bryant Reno, Nevada 
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       thanks very much all for your help I'm
                going to do that now
      -- Nathan Lucking <jarjarmix@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    KPD has a demonstrated knowledge of, at the
   very least, the basics of the subject matter.
      Which is much, much better than Hancock.
            -- Skitter_the_cat@yahoo.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  When HST [Hunter S. Thompson] is in his pursuing
     justice mode, he reminds me of Xanthian...
    Kate Orman, http://kateorman.livejournal.com
             Entry for 20070905/10:59.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    in complement of the useful comments by Kent
                   Vitorino Ramos
              vitorino.ramos@gmail.com
    writing in Usenet's comp.ai.alife, 20070807
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thanks for letting know about the broken links.
     I googled for some existing tutorials and
        updated my faq. Thank you very much.
          -- Max Bloch <max@1001fonts.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     For a man clearly posting using a Vic-20,
                     he's game.
     David Iain Grieg, moderator, talk.origins.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Thanks SO much xanthian !
   Your instructions are very easy to understand.
      -- "Kate" <justplainkate@centurytel.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                     oh thanks!
           I totally needed one of these.
                  you are the man.
           -- "Brian Michael 'Box' Brown"
         <brianbrown@gmail.com>, author of
                web comic "Bellen".
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         Yes indeed, that is right. Great!
         Thank you again for all your time.
                 -- Joseph Fournier
           <joseph.rl.fournier@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                      Thanks.
  "using memetic algorithms and similar 'cheats'"
  Hehehe i'll be sure to tell Dr Jim Smith that :D
        -- Wolfe <cdr.wolfe@googlemail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                 Good Morning Kent,
   Thank you very much for your clarification. I
  was indeed misunderstanding the solution to the
  problem, and thought that the provided solution
           was a Scalar and not a Vector.
           Thank you again for your time.
                 -- Joseph Fournier
           <joseph.rl.fournier@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Yes, well, people arguing with Kent Paul Dolan
      about how USENET works is even funnier.
      -- David Iain Greig dgreig@ediacara.org
              moderator, talk.origins
}; 

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Thank you, you got me looking closer
              and I found my problem.
         -- ScottNMI scott.mattes@gmail.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Thanks so much!
                I think it did help.
     We've received quite a few more downloads.
              I really appreciate it.
             -- "Scott Christian Sava"
            <scott@bluedreamstudios.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    "Kent, you don't have a bigoted bone in your
                   body, do you?"
   -- Eva von Stratum Humphries, letchee wannabe,
    disapprovingly, during a mid-1980s ODU cross
     campus walk in which Kent was providing a
     running commentary of lechery about lovely
   co-eds of all races and colors along the way.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                Thank you, xanthian!
       Your tips were very much useful to me!
     I feel very comfortable knowing that I can
      count on your help every time I need it!
        -- "lullyisa" <lullyisa@bol.com.br>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Thank you so much for letting me know.
                  It's been fixed.
    -- John Dallaire <john@intergalacticlaw.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Which is irrelevant, because we have selection.
   If you hadn't been so willfully ignorant as to
            killfile [Kent] Paul Dolan,
         you might have learned something,
     because he just addressed that very point.
   -- David Iain Grieg <iain_inkster@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
Hey Xanthian...
  The site host screwed up and is trying to fix it
  since last night. Check back later...and thanks
  again for the heads up. And thanks for reading.
           == scott@bluedreamstudios.com
                Scott Christian Sava
          http://www.bluedreamstudios.com
              The Dreamland Chronicles
  Over 1,000,000 readers worldwide...and growing!
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Whenever I put a picture on the website
 there's an extra step I have to do with the code.
              I just forgot to adjust.
            Thanks for letting me know.
   -- "Jennie Breeden" <jenniebreeden@gmail.com>
          http://www.thedevilspanties.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

           Thanks for point those out...
    should have spent more time proofread it...
      -- "Jimmy Zhang" <crackeur@comcast.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thanks for taking that effort.
      I go to work and come home to find this.
          I have no idea what's going on.
      Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
       -- Scott Morris <smorris420@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        That's it. Well said. Best regards.
          -- Ivica Kolar <telpro@kvid.hr>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Thank you a lot, Xanthian!
          -- "Alessia" <alicedj@libero.it>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Actually, on further thought I agree with you.
        -- Lionel B (lionelbuk@yahoo.co.uk)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Thanks for the reference.
           The yahoo article had expired
       but googling "resilient robot" worked.
      -- William Morse <wdmorse@twcny.rr.com>
           in sci.bio.evolution, 20061227
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thank you for the good input.
             I will inform this to all
             technical support staffs.
  -- "Brad Davis" <brad.davis@hostdepartment.com>
      Operational Manager, Host Department LLC
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Sure. I delete all of my old USENET posts
   unless they contain disparaging remarks about
             Kent Paul Dolan, that is.
        Alan Truism <Alan.Truism@yahoo.com>
        in Usenet's talk.bizarre, 2006/12/11
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   LOL. Couldn't put it better myself. Hopefully,
      Jeff has a bread knife in his house....
       -- T Wake <usenet.es7at@gishpuppy.com>
        in Usenet's talk.bizarre, 2006/12/09
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Taking no pride in ones work is a sure sign
      of utter worthlessness as a human being,
    right down there with being unscraped grease
     drippings behind the stove when the health
          inspector is at the front door,
             for sheer undesirability.
       -- Kent Paul Dolan <xanthian@well.com>
        in Usenet's talk.bizarre, 2006/11/23
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            Thanks for letting me know.
       We have just migrated to a new server,
             and this error was just a
           simple configuration problem.
             -- "S. Andrew Edinborough"
         <andy.edinborough@collegegrad.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I should probably just take your advice and
    wise up and stop wasting my time looking for
     ego stroking in a place where there's none
           (or far too little) to be had.
           -- Curt Welsh <curt@kcwc.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  > Mine is currently the top comment in the list.

      It also has the grace of being the first
  comment ever posted under a User Friendly strip
     that shows the slightest evidence that the
   poster actually even reads the comic strip at
    all, let alone that particular installment.
            For shame, Kent, for shame!
          -- David Brown <dagbrown@lart.ca
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       When I get hungry for vinegar and salt
      flavored poofs I tune in Kent Paul Dolan
                on the talk.bizarre.
   Julian Francis Waldby, raving in t.b 20061026
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       As Kent pointed out, this is cheating.
          -- rpresser <rpresser@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Thanks. This may be related to some recent
       bugs ... We'll continue investigating.
    Thank you for bringing it to our attention.
                 -- kenp@cpanel.net
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      [about keeping Usenet postings readable]

    Well, to be fair, my eyes glazed over by the
        third line, so there could have been

              three cures for cancer,
     a legal effort-free get-rich-quick scheme,
   a guaranteed and easily implementable cure for
              unsolicited bulk email,
  a neverending treaty in the battle of the sexes,
      a recipe for an innoculation against the
                tendency to warfare,
             a golden rule with teeth,
   a reliable cure for theism and similar states
              of brainwashed delusion,
              a universally acceptable
             population reduction plan,
                        and
     a failsafe plan to locate an "at a minimum
       public-drooling-proof" US presidential
   candidate for the next election from *ANY* US
                  political party,

   hidden somewhere further down in the posting,
                  for all I know.

  If something interesting was there, I missed it.

       -- xanthian@well.com, Kent Paul Dolan,
        in Usenet's talk.bizarre, 2006/10/02
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [after I provided, uninvited, a repaired website
  backdrop to replace a poor one for a comic page]
     Thanks so much!  That's very nice of you.
    -- "Erin Firestine" <scaletayle@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    [about suggestions for replying to rudeness
             over his new hearing aids]
                This is excellent!!
                 Short and snappy.
     I'm taking this under serious advisement.
  --Harvey Naaman Smith <harveynsmith@verizon.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    [about a KPD report of a missing chunk of an
              article on his web site]
      Indeed! Thanks for alerting me to this!
   I had copied the text now almost 10 years ago
  from somewhere and never properly proofread it.
    It's been on the web for almost 10 years now
  and is one of the most accessed documents on my
                       site.
  Yet nobody has ever alerted me to these errors.
                Thank you very much!
                      [later]
                       Fixed!
                      Thanks!
        -- Bjoern Brembs <bjoern@brembs.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    Whoo Hoo!!!
       -- Jan Drew <jdrew1374@sbcglobal.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Subject: RE: munged link on "Like the Wind"
              Whoops. Thanks. Got it.
   I won't re-upload until the next comic's done,
                      though.
    -- Joel Fagin <joelfagin@between-worlds.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              Even K*nt could be God.
       It's hard to imagine, but it could be.
         -- Scott Dorsey <kludge@panix.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Yep.  I agree entirely.  I deserve a scolding
   for the sloppy language.  Bad me.  Bad.  Bad.
              -- hersheyhv@indiana.edu
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           [about an RGRN posting by KPD]
          Words fit to be written on jade
                in letters of gold.
                 Jove (Joe Bednorz)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   Dear Xanthian.
    Many thanks for your support and kind words.
    -- Vitorino RAMOS <vitorino.ramos@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Yes, good point.  I'll remember that
           for my next astronomy lecture.
                 Peter Bjørn Perlsø
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                        HEH!
              Thanks for the heads-up.
       I haven't read Andy Capp for 10 years
             and would have missed it.
    Den "battyden" Whitten <battyden@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thank you for letting us know.
          We will look into it and correct
          the problem as soon as possible.
      -- Lisa Girard <lgirard@its.caltech.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                 Very good answer!
     -- Mitchell Timin, Ph.D. <zenguy@shaw.ca>
   comp.ai.genetic Sun, 06 Aug 2006 18:26:40 GMT
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Do you often fall prey to the belief that just
    by spouting unsupported nonsense forcefully,
    that nonsense will somehow become credible?

   Does this habit win lots of arguments for you?

              It didn't win this one.

         Kent Paul Dolan, xanthian@well.com
      Usenet newsgroup talk.origins, 20060730
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   if they had knees they should get down on them
      and thank Kent for the free life lesson.
    he's the roshi who whups you upside yo haid
   with a bamboo cane, not so much for the shock
    to the neural paths but for the interesting
              -boink- sound it makes.
                -- nikolai kingsley
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  I was very surprised to have gotten your email,
                 and to be honest,
        what you said is very ironic to me.
       I am horribly unfaithful when it comes
            to trusting my own abilities
          and am constantly being reminded
   that I should take a little belief in myself.
           To hear (or read) this advice
        from a complete stranger means a lot
                         --
   Thank you for taking the time to send me this,
     and for saying things that I have trouble
                  telling myself.
     -- Sarah Joncas <joncas_sarah@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Okay, I just now did it and that was the trick.
   Superb!  Now Gimp is opening .ps files for me.
                    Thanks, Matt
        -- matt1027 <box1027@bellsouth.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks for the response and this info.  I just
      read yours and the one from Bob Long and
      haven't tried either on yet but I'm sure
        between the two it should work out.
          -- Matt <box1027@bellsouth.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Kent- Thank you for your assesment.  After
      attempting all the other examples I was
          beginning to feel the same way.
    -- "wiccanphillip" <phillipw@wiccamail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    Hello Kent,
   Thank you very much for your very to the point
                      opinion.
      I must honestly say it was very helpful.
    I have been thinking about the question you
   have asked me for a couple of days, and I had
     to look through the materials I have (few
    thousands of articles) to reach a reasonable
                    conclusion.
         -- tomek <tomek@tomaszgwiazda.pl>
             dr Tomasz Dominik Gwiazda
            http://www.tomaszgwiazda.pl/
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   Dumpster Dive!

         Are you homeless? You'll survive.
           Take a tip and dumpster dive!
           Jump a dumpster -- It's okay.
            No one will get in your way.
            Sneak up on it snaily slow,
              pirouette and do-si-do!
               Protocol is satisfied:
             Do a flip and hop inside!
         Find you there whate'er you need.
           Food and clothing? Guaranteed!
            Gourmet dining interest you?
             Grubs aplenty, almost new.
           Eat it raw. Slurp some slime.
           If it moves, it's dinnertime!
          Rub it well, now. Don't be dumb.
          Never know where that came from.
           Follow fashions? Try some on:
          Dumpster duck to dumpster swan!
          Party dress and evening gown --
            maybe these'll sell uptown.
           Swipe a sweater. Share a shoe.
          Huff a quicky. Sniff some glue.
           Loot the laundry. Wear a wig.
            Pop a cork and have a swig.
            Lousy weather? Listen, Sid,
             many dumpsters have a lid.
         If you're bor'd of standing still,
          roll your dumpster down a hill!
          Everything you need's in there!
          Bounty's plenty. All can share.
        When you're finish'd, don't explode:
           There's another down the road!

              -- Elsibeth Ann Shannon
    http://elsibeth.livejournal.com/181703.html
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    thanks kent for providing that alternative.
       I just went through the basics of DE.
                it seems promising.
         let me see if i get some success.
          iAgent <rahulgupta83@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   I can do that.
  Your instruction appear to be just what I need.
           Thanks very much for the help. 
      -- Dave Kelly <daveekelly@earthlink.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Kent, thank you for the excellent feedback.
       -- ken_stauffer <ken@stauffercom.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Why would you want to killfile KPD?
          -- BWIGLEY <bwigley@xtra.co.nz>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              Thanks for your advice.
          On carefully reading your posts,
      I think you were sincere in offering it.
       -- R. Srinivasan <sradhakr@in.ibm.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thanks a lot that you are trying to help me out,
   the links sent by you have been of some help.
          --  natasha.chatterjee@gmail.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Engaging Kent in verbal debate and using words
      like "plagurizing" brings me images of a
    party-clown attempting armed robbery using a
   water-pistol, inside a bank protected by five
      bad-tempered, 150-kilograms-each, armed
                    bodyguards.
    Something like out of a Gary Larson cartoon
                     scenario.
                -- Ioannis Galidakis
         http://users.forthnet.gr/ath/jgal
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Thanks a lot for that detailed response,
   Xanthian. It will take a while for me to read
   and digest all that technical information. But
   I really appreciate it and will try the test.
          -- "Sushie" <sushiee@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    And you're doubtless correct.  Neruda prided
   himself on his simplicity, his accessibility;
      and Peden's over-wrought language can't
   possibly mirror the poet's intent (I now see).
         [...]  Thanks for opening my eyes.
   -- lhdbaby <LakeHurstDirigibleBaby@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       From: Anna Balk <antara_nn@yahoo.com>
                     xanthian,
        Thank you very much! You were right.
          The Windows system was corrupt.
        It had plenty of hardware resources,
        but didn't know what to do with them
        and wasn't managing them correctly.
       I've  reinstalled the whole thing with
          latest fixes and updates and sp4
       already built into installation disk.
  All the Gimp features are working properly now.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Well, after sufficient thought I've decided
    that, all things considered, I might as well
          concede to some of your demands.
              -- L <L_1_L_0@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                        See?
             You pay attention to Kent,
             and you can learn things!
              -- * BLACK BOX OF FROGS
            <blackboxoffrogs@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            Thank you very much Kent....
       -- "danish" <me.linuxadmin@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  This "God" was momentarily you, when you offered
        that money and the hug to her, Kent.
         -- Ioannis <morpheus@olympus.mons>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Kent Paul Dolan <xanthian@well.com>
                    ha scritto:
   [Pango is the text handling software used by]
    [GIMP, so explore your problem in terms of]
             [what might have changed]
              [(or become corrupted,]
          [don't you _love_ MS-Windows?)]
               [in your font files.]
              thank i reset the fonts,
             now everything work again,
            i suppose the problem was in
               some new fonts i tried
  "Alchemie foto\\grafiche" <fotocomics@yahoo.it>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [in response to reassurance, with instructions
   for how to make it work, that GIMP will allow
         creation of "very large" images:]
                 Great.  Thank you.
      -- "Uzytkownik" <uzytkownik2@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Yeah, this is what I was thinking, but not in
                    such detail.
     -- "Brian Tunell" <brian_tunell@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     It is clear that you read and digested the
    document.  I thank you for that and for your
  comments and proof reading as well.  I will get
    w/ ... tomorrow and incorporate many of your
                      changes.
           -- "Gary Graf" glgraf@asu.edu
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  This is a pretty good post, so I expect someone
   to tell us soon that there is a Kent forger on
                  the loose again.
    -- "Julian Waldby" <hostilnakfor@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    [explaining why he spoke of me, and of Bruce
          Sterling, in the same "breath":]
     i think it's the clarity of expression of
         thought that's common to you both.
          also occasional flashes of odd,
                lateral creativity.
   -- nikolia kingsley <sheramil@alphalink.com.au
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      That was some good searching. Thank you.
           -- K.S. <knowspamn@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks Kent Paul Dolan, kinda makes sense when
   you think about it (the hunter bit).  I might
  have a go at it later if i can get past the fox
                 eating habits bit.

    I see your point about java being useful, i
   just don't get on with it at the moment.  It's
   probably down to the fact that i like to work
   at my own pace when learning something like a
    programming language, and uni doesn't really
  offer the chance to learn at your own pace, you
  kinda have to learn it all in a short time, but
      hey, everyone learns at their own pace i
                       guess.
                   Thanks again,
     -- gremlin_dude <gremlin_dude@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [In response to a "thank you" from me for her
   excellent set of "pattern" images contributed
      to the Net's graphics image workers and
                    hobbiests:]
             You are welcome, xanthian.
               I enjoyed doing them.
     -- Helen Triantafillou <helentr@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    THANK YOU!!!
       Now, is there any way to script this?
         -- Clif Smith <clif@pokerdogs.us>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    [in response to a t.b article of mine about
   blue-butted alcoholic baboons chasing drowning
   chickens across inside contents of half-empty
             vanilla extract bottles.]
      Kent, I think you ought to make use of a
     blessed unicorn horn, as soon as possible.
          -- rpresser <rpresser@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [in response to a gimpwin email list article by
    me explaining the appearance of "rectangular
   characters" for the missing glyphs called out
                    from a font]

  Very nice explanation. It's good to see someone
   take a few extra seconds to provide the added
  information that may make all the difference in
   someone's understanding of the problem and how
                   to correct it.

    I know those few extra seconds add up, and I
  perfectly well understand why not everyone does
   this every time.  Which possibly makes it even
         nicer to see when it does happen.

     -- "Darryl" <Darryl.Johnson@sympatico.ca>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Amazing. I agree with KPD for a change.
      Although in my case it's only two close
    relatives [who have died due to cigarettes].
         -- Richard Bos <raltbos@xs4all.nl>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       I have looked at what you said, and it
         certainly sounds reasonable to me.
     As soon as I get the lab camera lens back,
    I'll take some new pictures and try it out!
            Thank so much for your help
       -- "Derek Schilling" <derk@umich.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I'm deeply grateful for your kind responses
            and interesting suggestions!
             -- Canopus <Canopus@op.pl>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks - yes I misunderstood - I went back to
   the docs and it does say subtract pixel values
                  which I missed.
             -- Doug <zxw55@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         [for resupplying him with the URL
         for my human skin tones web site:
                       Kent,
                      Thanks!
                        Roy
        -- "Roy Pilley" <robe@telkomsa.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 Secondly, how useful have you been without a job?
                    Look at KPD.
           He has no job that I know of,
             and he tries to be useful.
                   How about you?
             Joe User <axyz@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             [Re: New Free Gimp Stuff]
            Thanks xanthian, I'll enjoy
       -- "paul saumane" <snoopysaum@free.fr>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I read so many resumes a day... it was a treat
     to read yours..  especially the "casual,"
      "how-resumes-need-to-be-written" resume.
              -- "Kimberly Mackenzie"
            <kim@catalystplacement.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Holy crap (!) what a way with words :) 
    I can only concur with the most econo-techno
           jargon I can muster here: Yep.
     -- Thomas G. Marshall, tgm1024@hotmail.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Glad to hear that you outwitted the judicial
                  half-wits again.
   -- Sarah Lenore Fischer <nyssa@concentric.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     You've got to be one of (if not) the most
    insane asshole I've ever encounted on Usenet
                and I've meet 1000s.
               Congradulations(sic)!
           Where shall I send the award?
  -- The Psychedelic Pope <laytonville@saber.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      I saw the words "belligerent", "senile"
      and "thorazine" and your name just leapt
                   into my head.
            -- mathew <mathew@pobox.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   here here! (or is it hear hear? I forget....)
       -- John Bigboote <pigpen312@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I agree with you, but I couldn't have said it
    as well as you did!  Thanks for posting your
      fine analysis of reality again as usual.
                   -- Robert Maas
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Thanks for the generous wealth of info
               and step-by-step info.
      I will try your instructions right away.
      -- "Sean Perryman" <perrymans@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Anyway, thanks for the thanks.
                Always appreciated.
   Also, really nice followups to Tor's messages
   to Nelda.  I must say, I'm rather surprised at
        the tone he took. [...] I, for one,
  am willing to cut him quite a lot of slack [...]
   Still, no reason to ream out a newbie, as you
                said so eloquently.
       -- Elliot Nesterman <elliot@inch.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thank you Mr. Kent Paul Dolan,
   You are a knight in shining armor! Thank you!
   I sat and cried after reading your response...
             I was about to unsubscribe
    I don't need people trying to intimidate me!
  -- "Nelda Percival" <nelda_percival@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Oh, thanks. I'd completely spaced that.
   -- "Howard Tayler" <howard@schlocktroops.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                 WOW! Thank you...
        That was completely understandable!
  Thank you Andreas for telling me what to do.....
 Thank you xanthian. For telling me why to do it...
        You all are a bunch of nice people!
  -- "Nelda Percival" <nelda_percival@hotmail.com>

};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Kent's comment was also a friendly suggestion.
                -- Janis Papanagnou
           <Janis_Papanagnou@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          BTW, Xanthian is write (sic!!!).
 You need to be careful "who" runs this procedure.
      -- Andrew Begel <abegel@cs.berkeley.edu>
  maintainer of the StarLogo programming language

};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              Kent Paul Dolan writes:
           > Your best bet is to use ...
                    Agree 100%.
           -- Tor Lillqvist <tml@iki.fi>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    That is easier than what I was doing (...),
              thank you for your help.
            -- Scott <sclewin@bmts.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              This is nearly perfect.
   All though the resulting image still has to be
   cropped it's closer to my ideal than anything
   else I've seen without being labor intensive.
                You are the man KPD!
                   Thanks again.
         You've got me on the right track.
             -- Ricky Ready4TwoThousand
              <ricky2kready@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Thanks again...
   Now I feel a bit comfortable with these tools.
               Thanks for your time.  
      -- "hulkhog2003" <hulkhog2003@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Well, I have to back up Kent in this respect;
   part of the fun in nethack is to find exploits
                    in the game. 
                 -- Jakob Creutzig
       <creutzig@mathematik.tu-darmstadt.de>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Wow, thanks xanthian for the detailed writeup
  and your time.  I know that it is going to take
    some time for me to absorb this information.
      -- "hulkhog2003" <hulkhog2003@yahoo.com>

};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Thanks got it all now....
         You have the patience of a saint!
  -- "Nelda Percival" <nelda_percival@hotmail.com>

};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      You've been on quite the tear this week.
                        :-)
                  It's good stuff!
    -- "Michael Quigley" <michael9@michael9.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    THANK YOU!!
          Thank you so much for you quite
          indeep analysis of my software.
                   Sure it helps.
           -- "Roberto Aguirre Maturana"
               <rhaguirrem@terra.cl>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                Thanks....xanthian,
        Long winded is better then no wind..
       LOL.. I don't mind sarcastic answers.. 
   sometimes my questions seem stupid even to me
                but as you said ...
         So there will be more questions...
    thank you for being there to answer them...
          -- Nelda  L. Percival nee Gilpin
            <nelda_percival@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       [In response to my comment that their
     business choice to hide _all_ their comics
    kept old customers but locked out new ones.]
      You are correct.  In the next few weeks,
   we will have a page up that provides 7 months
          of content to preview The Norm.
        -- Nicole Jantze <nicole@jantze.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [it's just possible I invited this on myself]
       *retaliates for this filthy calumny by
   mail-bombing Kent with 1000s of Gigs of Harry
                Potter fan pr0n omg*
         -- Kate Orman <korman@spamcop.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [quoting a rant of mine thousands of lines long,
  into talk.bizarre, maybe off my website, he gave
              this one line followup:]
          Brillant work Kent - I like it.
    -- Dr. Charles Tom Turley <Tadapope@aol.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [Kent invents a new way to "cheat" at NetHack:]
>                     Oh, wow!
>   That brings to mind a whole new game abuse:
> Pudding farming on a level with a boulder trap!

        I'm just trying to wizard-mode one,
       and it seems to work incredibly well!
              -- Jym <moyen@loria.fr>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks for pointing me in the right direction,
                       Kent.
         -- What the... <wowsers@jeez.gov>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Thanks for the info.  I'll try these.
      -- "hulkhog2003" <hulkhog2003@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      I have never made but one prayer to God,
                 a very short one:
       "O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous."
                And God granted it.
                     - Voltaire 
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    Ah, perfect.
       I'm putting the command in an icon as
             Kent suggests elsewhere...
       -- Chris Maloof <c_maloof@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                 He is, of course,
   sort of the rabid stoat of the writing world,
          but he can still be a nice guy.
        Just a low tolerance for ignorance.
             said about: Harlan Ellison
   by: http://www.livejournal.com/users/bbullock/
     in: http://www.livejournal.com/users/ [-]
              howardtayler/75402.html
    author of: http://www.schlockmercenary.com/
          ... but it fits me rather well.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I know, it's a stretch, but that's the way I
  think--assuming that most people think like me,
      only with smaller, more manageable egos.
   -- Howard Tayler, author of Schlock Mercenary
  http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20010629.html
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       [in response to advice on how to do a
       skinny bevel in computer graphics art]
       Thanks, Kent. That works beautifully.
         -- "Wolf" <ibrunton@accesswave.ca>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Thanks, Kent, that's what I was looking for!
           Patch will be posted in a few.
      -- "Justin Hiltscher" <jdhilts@ubsi.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Thank you for your note. We appreciate your
  constructive and thoughtful comments, and we'll
  keep them in mind as we work to improve Google.
            -- groups-support@google.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Kate Orman shared a link to my short story
    "She Was Born to Shree" on her livejournal,
        reported getting back this response:
    "Melts with happiness. Thanks for the rec!"
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks for the heads up.  I fixed the page to
   correct the error you pointed out.  And doubly
     thank you for providing the correct URL to
     point to -- you really saved me some time!
       -- Barbara Mikkelson <spoons@best.com>
               http://www.snopes.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    Hello Kent,
  Thank you for your well-crafted "no thank you."
    Please let me know if I can be of service in
                    the future.
     -- "Tom Lustina" <tommy@intrapromote.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      You set the standard too soon too high.
               -- Kristian Lahdensuo
           <kristian.lahdensuo@gmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          I agree with KPD here (*gasp!*).
         --Andy Johnson <usenet@swervy.tk>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks, xanthian! I installed cygwin's "rxvt"
   package, and playback seems to work correctly
              inside an rxvt window...
                 [and the next day]
     You're right again, xanthian: I was indeed
               using "IBM graphics".
        -- Joe Tebelskis <tebelskis@msn.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Now _do_ have fun trying to find a way to
            insult a retired submariner.
   We tend to have hides callused thickly in HY80
   steel hull-metal when it comes to the feathery
    faux-insults tossed by mere civilian pukes.
       -- Kent Paul Dolan, xanthian@well.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     I fully disagree with Mr Kent Paul Dolan.
          -- Luis Guillermo RESTREPO RIVAS
               <x@LuisGuillermo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    Bravo Kent!
        What an amazing journey I just took!
          I thoroughly enjoyed every word.
     Thank-you so much for sharing this [xxx].
   I just returned from spending the evening out
        with one of my dearest girlfriends.
  We have been best friends for over 30 years now.
   After an evening of sharing secrets, laughter
  and tears, reading this leaves me feeling alive
  and powerful and humble and oh so lucky to be a
                       woman.
            *smiles* I definitely shree.
                 -- anonymous-to-me
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       And then it works! I can start Gimp 2.
           Many thanks for your help and
          your very detailed explanations.
              -- "Philippe Feautrier"
      <Philippe.Feautrier@obs.ujf-grenoble.fr>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              when i read your story,
        i had to look at the header again -
  i could have *SWORN* it was written by a woman,
   with that particular feminist-but-not-militant
            point of view found in some
            postmodern science fiction.
              it really was that good.
             and you *dreamed* that?!?!
    -- Ace Lightning <ace.lightning@verizon.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Actually I read Shreed two more times now.
     It really has multiple levels of meaning.
         My ... class ... it's a fun class,
     and now I just imagine them all shreeing.
         I think I caught one girl shreeing
       at the potter's wheel today actually.
  In my mind she was shreeing, and beautifully so.
     -- Kurt Dekker/PLBM Games <kwd@panix.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Thanks xanthian,
    I think this solution will more or less work
  for me, especially via a separate pasted layer,
           blended in with a layer mask.
               thanks for your help.
  -- "simon_bramwell" <simon_bramwell@yahoo.co.uk>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Kent Paul Dolan wrote:
                <over-the-top drivel
       by a retired rightist slime-bag weasel
          looking for an excuse to exist>
          -- "Dharmananda" <Not@neph.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              That's beautiful, Xanth.
         I'm going to x-post it some more.
          -- "Dharmananda" <Not@neph.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Problem is, he's frequently close to on-topic,
  literate, and so on, so sometimes I almost feel
        bad about having him kill-filed;...
      -- "David Gale" <dsg@alum.dartmouth.org>

};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           I think Xanthian's suggestion
               is a good one to try.
        -- Browser <tobyhudson@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Its like talking to someone with amnesia,
            forget Kent he's a moron who
           takes antipsychotics all day.
             -- Herc (gotch@beauty.com)

  Well, I just did a bit of a search through some
  of your recentish posts (just a few months ago)
    in comp.theory.  [...] Seems Kent Paul Dolan
   was right about you, and that it would just be
  a waste of time for me to continue 'discussing'
            your 'solution(s)' with you.
     -- Simon G Best (s.g.best@btopenworld.com)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Thanks for your reply.
  I think I understand what I was confused about.
        -- Jim Tonn <jmtonn@alumni.pitt.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks for your replies, Xanthian. I will work
    on implementing your suggestion... BTW, your
    comment on its visual representation of what
     you were doing was worth a thousand words.
   -- justabeginner <nom_de_plume79@yahoo.co.uk>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   Thanks a lot!
            -- Sunil Rao <rao@linux.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               xanthian, Thanks much!
         -- "Mike" <mikelarry88@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thank you for your help.  Once I checked how to
   set a path variable in Windows XP, I got it to
              work.  Again, thank you.
      -- C. Kris Watts <corwinkrisw@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   i think you gave me enough material to study.
            thanks for your suggestions.
             -- dade <ceodav@libero.it>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I'm posting this one as a tribute to xanthian.
         -- "Yashichi" <devnull@127.0.0.1>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     I was thinking a few folks at talk bizarre
   might too enjoy this as "xanthian" has written
    some very interesting text concerning Usenet
   recently, so I added it. I happen to disagree
     with the ponography aspect of it, but this
    presents independent thinking and a helpful
                      spirit.
       -- Steve Young <bowtie@brightdsl.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       > "Kent Paul Dolan" ("xanthian") is...
          Especially articulate, that one.
       -- John McWilliams <jpmcw@comcast.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     "Kent Paul Dolan"  ("xanthian") is quite a
     character and I really enjoy his often far
           fetched thinking/presentation.
         His facts are usually on the money
         Steve Young <bowtie@brightdsl.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [From a splendid example of a Usenet kook and
   of "invincible ignorance" in full flower, who
     trys to gain undeserved fame and glory by
     "disproving" well established proofs [like
  Goedel's proof of the incompleteness of integer
       mathematics, and Turing's proof of the
      unsolvability of the halting problem] in
   mathematics and computer theory, deliberately
    misunderstanding refutations, from dozens of
    those skilled in the related fields, of his
     incessant idiocy, and who is on record in
    Usenet as claiming to _be_ God. You have to
     love having people like this as enemies.]

  But then he was flat out wrong on several other
   points too.  I guess that it just goes to show
  that for all practical purposes Kent Paul Dolan
    is just a mindless automaton stuck on refute
                       mode.
     -- Peter Olcott <olcott@worldnet.att.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       thank you your work was really helpful
        -- osarumen <osainfomen1@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Thanks for the informative posting.
               -- <tspillman@att.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   ...thus proving that Kent was 100% right about
   invincible ignorance and timewasting morons...
     -- Marc Goodman <marc.goodman@comcast.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   So I won't try to give advice, but only offer
    my sympathy (and empathy), and hope that you
   will keep on struggling.  If anything happened
   to you, your contributions to this group would
                 be sorely missed.
     -- Jeremy Turner <turnerjer0000@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I agree with xanthian that folks in this group
   came down too hard on you.  Some of the posts
               were quite vitriolic.
     -- Jeremy Turner <turnerjer0000@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Many thanks for this feedback.
   -- "Steve Dagnall" <steve.dagnall@aeat.co.uk>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Kent, you are so right on every point.
     -- Steven Palmieri <composer2@verizon.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Secondly, I think that Kent Paul Dolan is sort
   of right on this one.  Not about the neglected
   significant other, and not about FTP, but the
      rest is on the money - the problem lies
              somewhere on your side.
           -- "Alexis" hearse@hotpop.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Mr. Dolan states everything which I believe but
                 cannot articulate.
     I wish I had a fraction of his clarity of
              thought and expression.
   Please, sir, continue to stomp on the cant and
                      humbug.
        -- Elsie Tanner <elsie@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          Amen! Can't be repeated enough!
         (Hence my repeating all of it :P)
       -- "Frederik" <freso@livejournal.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Thanks Xanthian for your good words :-)
           -- "Andy" <myself@tutrin.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thank you for your note. The delay in posting
              information should read:

  Messages posted to Usenet through Google Groups
     are typically propagated throughout Usenet
  within minutes.  However, due to the processing
  time required to make messages fully searchable,
    your post will not show up on Google Groups
  immediately. Usually a message begins showing up
   on Google Groups within one to four hours, but
    due to random fluctuations in web space, the
              process may take longer.

     Thank you for your suggestions. We really
   appreciate feedback from our users, and we'll
  keep yours in mind as we work to improve Google
                      Groups.
   -- The Google Team <groups-support@google.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Well, Mr. Kent, I'm not so much interested in
   your flame-war skills...  As far as I've read
   your posts, you are an ordinary usenet troll,
    possibly an average programmer, who knows a
  little bit about computers at undergrad. level.
      and says nothing of value. I'd be *very*
  surprised if you turned out to have a phd in CS.
   And unless you have one, I don't think you are
  qualified to assess the relevance of my posts on
                       comp.*
     -- Eray Ozkural exa <erayo@bilkent.edu.tr>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Dear Mr. Dolan:
         THIS IS NOT AN AUTOMATED RESPONSE
 Thank you for your submission to the FBI Internet
       Tip Line regarding child pornography.
                  -- tips4@fbi.gov
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         Windows To Many Worlds Seamlessly
  As I was traveling your site I stepped onto that
  piece and I have to say that this is really one
          of a kind... It is a great work.
        -- Yves Bodson <yves@ybdigitals.com>
                (commercial artist)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      I notice that all those years in tb have
   cultivated quite the sharp tongue on you.  :)
        --John Baker <baker-j@ix.netcom.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  I got grade A from the class that you helped me
  with paper the other day! ...  I think your help
    was big.  I wanted to say thanks and emailed
                        you.
     -- Hideki Yatabe <h_yatabe_au@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       As part payment for your recent worthy
    criticism, I offer these wonderful resources
  provided me by one of my favorite posters, Kent
  Paul Dolan (aka xanthian).[...]Second, is Kent's
    masterpiece of concise and precisely worded
   explanatory text on the effect of the theorem
           (compiled from two posts)[...]
         -- Larry Fine <LFine@postmark.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Thanks Xanthian!
                  Bloody amazing!
     I pulled "rules of thumb" out of the air,
  thinking no one in his right mind would use that
     phrase to describe what I was looking for.
          And then Google finds over 700!
     Shame on me -- because I use Google a lot.
 Well, tomorrow's task is to go thru those 700+, to
   see if they were thinking in the same context
                    that I was.
  -- David Jeppesen <dmwjeppe@wsocrates.nmiaw.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Subject: Re: [meta] yet another copyright mud
            slinging fest
    Thanks for spelling it out to Davida Chazan.
               -- me <me@privacy.com>
         in Usenet newsgroup misc.writing,
          Sun, 30 May 2004 02:16:06 +0530
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Good point, Xanthian.
           -- Dan Hall <drhall@dmci.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
>     I know I've said this several times here
> already, I'm practicing the art of saying things
>  clearly, using this audience as test subjects
>                  for my skills.
>    Sorry to those this bores to tears. [KPD]

                  Don't apologize,
         First thing I understood all week.
         -- Carole Pence, Fairbanks, Alaska
              <carolepence@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                Well said. I agree.
           -- Tor Lillqvist <tml@iki.fi>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  I would just like to say that the tree for this
  thread might just be the biggest, ugliest thing
   I have ever seen on the net, with the possible
           exception of Kent Paul Dolan.
      -- Chris Adams (hamlet@chopin.udel.edu)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    If so, then xanthian and the others have the
      right idea - print from another program.
    -- Rob Davenport <rob.davenport@us.abb.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
>   xanthian, dreading the reaction to this from
> people acquainted with the facts rather than my
>        fancies, but I do so enjoy typing.
        Mavis Bacon loves you, and so do we.
  -- Josh Halpern <j.halpern@incoming.verizon.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      [ For creating an online memorial to his
   recently departed beloved guinea pig "Marsu":
                 [offline for now]

         Awesome. Like it was still alive.
               -- Kristian Lahdensuo
          <kristian.lahdensuo@suomi24.fi>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [For explaining to him how to fill a rectangle
  with filleted corners with a solid color without
      anti-aliasing on the edges in The GIMP:]
                    Great Paul!
            Thanx thanx four your help!
                       Byez!
           -- Lewix <loois79@tiscali.it>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  xanthian the people of csuf miss your obnoxious
         presence. Where have u escaped to?
                  get back to us.
       -- Terry Hernandez, bgtati@yahoo.com,
              writing in talk.bizarre
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      April is over. please come back to t.b.
   i'm sure i'm not the only one who misses you.
   --  Ace Lightning <ace.lightning@verizon.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 Odd that you mentioned it, but this is very true.
             It never occurred to me...
         -- Fitzdraco <fitzdraco@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thank you, I [followed your advice for making
  Ghostscript work with the MS-Windows98SE version
             of GIMP 2.01] and it runs.
               -- "Nadia Tribaudino"
           <nadia@marchellirenato.191.it>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 You are right, Win Me does not like a period for a
    folder [name].  Thanks for the explanation.
      -- Art Forster <art_marcellin@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      My attention, whose span is quite short,
  got captured by that conclusion of yours saying:
  "so as not to omit a pixels' worth of the sky."
              This is really 'poetic'
     -- "yves bodson" <yvesbodson@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     It really is a pleasure to read you Kent..
            Hope you had a good night...
     -- "yves bodson" <yvesbodson@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            Concise and elegant. Thanks.
       -- lgmoseley@aol.com (Laurie Moseley)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

                Yes, you are right.
     I applied the same solution you suggested.
             Now I can start GIMP 2.0.
        -- "haducchi" <dcha@goldmailbox.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Recently, some controversy arose concerning
   Goedel's theorem. ...  You have the clearest,
     most concise explanation I can find on the
                     Internet!
       -- "Larry Fine" <larry@micromiser.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

                The bigger the man,
   the less likely he is to object to caricature.
                 -- Le Pelley's Law
               -- < Jernej Simoncic >
           < http://deepthought.ena.si/ >
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [to somebody attempting a trans-newsgroup fracas
                    with Kent:]
     if you are going to crosspost to t.b in an
    attempt to win a pissing contest with one of
     usenet's longest running stubborn, insane
       hyperlexic bulldogs, then at least be
  interesting or clever or amusing as you go about
                        it.
             -- astri <astri@lava.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            that's all because of k*nt.
    he's single-handedly managed to inflate the
                divorce statistics.
     if it weren't for his flagrant history of
  marrying women, divorcing them and forcing each
   of them to take 500% of his pre-tax income for
  life, the divorce rate in the usa would be less
                     than 15%.
             -- astri <astri@lava.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I never even noticed that box there before.
  I gave your method a try and it looks promising.
                     I got it.
  Thanks for posting that and for the explanation.
          -- Jack York <jyork@twmi.rr.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thanks a big lot for that! I never knew that - I
  did not understand the sense of that red square
  - I tried it and all my images just got colored
  red without me understanding the purpose of it.
     It will make a big difference in "freeing"
   objects from the background, much easier if I
     don't have to fear to lose my selection by
       forgetting the shift/control keys (for
            adding/removing) selection!
  -- "andreaswaechter" <mail@andreas-waechter.de>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

             Talking much about oneself
                    can also be
            a means to conceal oneself.
               -- Friedrich Nietzsche
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Ah, I see what you're saying now.  Yes, that
  would certainly be doable, but I agree with Kent
   that it's really too marginal a case to merit
                    the effort.
       -- Alexis Manning <hearse@hotpop.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

    To be sung to the 'Pirates Of Penzance' tune
      'Modern Major General' (author unknown):

   I am the very model of a Newsgroup Personality
   I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
    Addresses I have plenty of, both genuine and
                    ghosted to,
   On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel
                is cross-posted to.

   Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining
                 and my snivelling,
  And you're the one who pays the bill downloading
                 all my drivelling.
    My enemies are numerous, and no one would be
                    blaming you
  For cracking my head open after I've been rudely
                    flaming you.

   I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be
                    used to it).
       I wouldn't know a valid point if I was
                 introduced to it.
      My learning is extensive but consists of
                  mindless trivia,
    Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than
                      Bolivia.

   The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as
                 jest and drollery,
     Are really just an exercise in unremitting
                     trollery.
     I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's
              merely lies and vanity,
  The gibberings of one who's at the limit of his
                      sanity.

  If only I could get a life, as many people tell
                       me to;
   If only mum could find a circus freak-show she
                 could sell me to;
     If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local
                      scenery;
     If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with
                     machinery;

      If I survive to forty, which is somewhat
                   problematical;
  If what I post was more mature, or slightly more
                    grammatical;
  If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even
                     punctuate;
  Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable
                   punk you hate?

   But while I have this tiresome urge to prance
              around and show my face,
   It simply isn't safe for normal people here in
                    cyberspace.
     To stick me in Old Sparky and turn on the
                    electricity
        Would be a fitting punishment for my
                   egocentricity.

    I always have the last word; so, with utmost
                     finality,
    That's all from me, the model of a Newsgroup
                    Personality.

  -- forwarded by Ace Lightning with the comment:
           Remind you of anyone you know?
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   wondering why i'm reading usenet when i should
                       be ...
      -- euclid k. <euclid14@mailandnews.com>
     And you have a hunch that xanthian has the
                      answer?
     I suspect it is some kind of communicable
  disease for which he is the most likely carrier.
     -- Stewart Connor <stewartconnor@aol.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    "In a way, staring into a computer screen is
   like staring into an eclipse.  It's brilliant
   and you don't realize the damage until its too
                       late."
  -- Bruce Sterling, on computers replacing drugs
     as a medium for altering consciousness and
           creating artificial realities.
             LA Times Thursday, 2/20/92
       Business section "Innovation" column.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I took the advice from Xanthian to add to the
  path statement and this allowed the Gimp to run
                 from Irfanview...
   -- "pedrodeswiftau" <pedrodeswift@tpg.com.au>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   You single-handedly fought your way into this
                   hopeless mess.
          -- from a Unix fortune() cookie
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Kent, only if Martians stayed in the basement
           could your life be any odder.
         -- Kate Orman <korman@spamcop.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Subject: Re: [gimpwin-users] Rounded corners
   Thanks for mentioning this.  It gives the best
   results of everything I tried so far and looks
             perfect on a web page. :)
          -- Jack York <jyork@twmi.rr.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Even in depression you're more articulate than
                  the rest of us.
           -- Lisa Chabot <lsc@rahul.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I must step in here and add support to what I
   wrote previously  and help out xanthian who is
  so kind and understanding of those of us who are
    still using Win98 and other older programs.
      -- "Frieda Nelson" <fnelson@albedo.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thanks for checking into this.
      I did not know the group was moderated.
                -- Alex Molochnikov
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   In real life, I went to school with Kent Paul
               Dolan for a few years.
              We had a lot of laughs.
  I find myself in an awkward position, obviously.
  Kent's a great guy with a razor sharp intellect
                and a heart of gold.
   -- LocalFolk (localfolk@aol.com) (Jim Huddle)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 [about a couple nethack suggestions xanthian made]
   Wow.  If that isn't what happens (and I'm sure
    it isn't), well, that's what should happen!
 -- Igor D. WonderLlama <WonderLlama_@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Thanks for the very useful ideas. Minimising
  chromosome redundancy will probably help a lot.
   As it is at the moment (the way I described it
  in my original message) only a small fraction of
    it contains useful info.  Had a look at your
   page, your Java program looks very impressive.
          Good luck with your TSP/GA run!
      -- Costas Vlachos <cvlachos@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Loved your "speed of dark" posting, btw.
                It explains so much.
        -- "Kate Orman" <korman@zip.com.au>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Oh my god! You guys are right!
                    That works.
  I would have sworn that it used to come up with
  the current foreground color selected before ...
              but I'm probably wrong.
         Thanks a TON guys (Kent, Emannuel)
                I'm so happy again!
        -- Joe Hitchens <joe@sleepless.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Thank you so much. I'll give that a try.
 -- "Stephanie Richards" <umrich13@cc.umanitoba.ca>
};
push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  My life remains defined by lap cats, keyboards,
     and talk.bizarre.  All else is mist on the
          mountains, gone in the morning.
           -- private email to Jim Huddle
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          That is astonishingly fabulous.
            The 'saurus and I thank you.
        -- "Kate Orman" <korman@zip.com.au>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  and in my highly opinionated opinion, Kent Paul
       Dolan, builder of habitats for humans,
    soft-hearted caretaker of kittens and doomed
    baby birds, unpaid tutor to clueless college
    students and Hmong refugees, programmer who
   can't help writing software even when he's not
   getting paid for it, professional pain in the
  ass to police officers and bureaucrats who take
       their official status too seriously...

        ... is ten times the human being his
    narrow-minded critic can ever aspire to be.
    -- Ace Lightning <ace.lightning@verizon.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        I subscribe to xanthian's assessment
     -- Arthur J. O'Dwyer <ajo@andrew.cmu.edu>
             in sci.math on 2003/08/26
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                Thank you xanthian,
   the technical details you talk about are quite
                   an eyeopener.
 --rashmikant makwana rashmikantdmakwana@yahoo.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                      Hi Kent.

>              Kent Paul Dolan wrote:
> There is a working Java implementation of PMX in
>         the jar file downloadable from:

http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/java/TravellerDoc.html

> which is stolen from, but cleaned up from, Scott
> Robert Ladd's Traveling Salesman code deep below
>                    this URL:

            http://www.coyotegulch.com/

    I completely rewrote my PMX code and now it
                    works fine.
  The other issues you mentioned in your reply are
                    also solved.
         Thank you very much for your help.
       -- Jan Krumsiek <jan.krumsiek@gmx.de>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
>   Googling is an acquired talent; this search
>   seems to produce useful paper URLs for your
>   needs towards the beginning of the response:

http://www.google.com/search?q=%22list+labeling%22+graph+theory

                shame on me ... ;-)
    Unfortunately the referee did not mention to
  look for list labelling techniques in the field
                  of graph theory.
       Therefore I'm very glad for your hint. 
                 -- Marcus Raitner
     <raitner+usenet@infosun.fmi.uni-passau.de>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    [after I left a net loon sputtering that he
  could no longer argue with me because I look too
            much like his grandfather:]
    You mean all it takes for you to submit to a
   careful argument is to appear older than your
                      father?
     Rather, methinks you've been outscored by
                     intellect.
                 That always hurts.
    -- Harvey Naaman Smith <harvey@westnet.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thanks for your feedback; I made the correction.
   -- Dr. Robert Milson <milson@mathstat.dal.ca>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    People who find Usenet a valuable source of
   entertainment and information around the world
    read Kent's writings and are entertained for
   minimal cost other than an Internet connection
                of some description.
          -- Bob Bain (bobbain@tpg.com.au)

};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   Oops! Thanks!
                    Right again!
                       Great!
              Thanks for the feedback.
                  -- Warren Siegel
         <warren@wcgall.physics.sunysb.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  i just wanted to extend a bit of thanks for your
  wonderful explanation on the subject of layers!
  not too many people take their precious time to
       write such elaborate, brilliant prose.
                that's all, really.
     i just wanted to extend some utterances of
              thanks and appreciation.
        -- S Myers <cheeze@rochester.rr.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              now that was a long list
              cheers that helps a lot
  -- "steve.lambley" <steve.lambley@ntlworld.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     WOW, thank you SO much for your response!!
It looks like you spent a lot of time typing that out.
              I really appreciate it.
  The text came out fine in my browser by the way.
I will certainly be having a crack at a GA implementation.
                   Thanks again.
           -- Henrik (hlg99@doc.ic.ac.uk)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thanks for an excellent reply!
           -- Kingpin (fstruwig@msn.com)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thank you very much...I greatly appreciate your
                       input.
       -- Hoa Nguyen <htnguyen@stat.cmu.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            You need a goal like Kents'
         (Guinness world record holder for
         most net-oriented homeless person)
             -- George William Herbert
              (gherbert@gw.retro.com)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   It is very kind of you to give me such a quick
             and warm-hearted response.
   The information you offered really helped me a
        lot.  ... you are so kind a scholar.
           -- Jin Li <lijin_36@sohu.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I am looking forward to your always valuable
                      coments.
              -- 4B (xxx@umist.ac.uk)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Thanks I really appreciate you replying!!!
      [A]pologies for my spellings and errors.
     I'll let you know how I got on with this.
  I'll be using matlab and try [to] experiment [a]
                      little!
        -- Waheed Baksh" <wfis@ntlworld.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                [ to Stan Rothwell ]
            Get your facts right, moron.
                Ah, I remember you!
   You want to kick the homeless just in case it
                   might be Kent.
         -- "parr" LauryKing@BTinternet.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            He can't be all that stupid,
  he's had me in his killfile for just years now.
           Of course, if he were _smart_,
   he'd put the rest of his enemies list into his
                     killfile,
           and post to an empty newsgroup
      in perfect peace and blissful ignorance.
      -- Kent Paul Dolan, <xanthian@well.com>
        posting to talk.bizarre on 20030416
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Thank you very much!  It's now updated.
    I'm very glad [...] to have my link working
            correctly again.  Thank you!
   I had never even downloaded copies [of my own
              movies].  Got them now.
                  -- Larry Yaeger
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          Re: Correlating entity sightings
       Thanks very much indeed for the ideas.
             You sound right on target.
             -- email from Mark Carroll
           <markc@chiark.greenend.org.uk>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       No, I am _abandoning_ the discussion.
     You are showing all the nasty symptoms of
     invincible ignorance so beloved of Usenet
   lunatics, changing your ground and redefining
    your terms constantly without ever admitting
   your errors.  That is a game I refuse to play,
        one reserved to time wasting morons.

       -- Kent Paul Dolan <xanthian@well.com>
     writing in Usenet's talk.bizarre 20030326.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

          Thanks Kent Paul for your input.
  A couple of other readers were also kind enough
     to let me know that there is nothing wrong
       with my environment but with my code.
          Thanks for the effort and time.
             -- Ravichandran Mahalingam
            (mravichandran@Hotmail.com)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            my rhymes do not make sense
            at least no more than Kent's
      -- Julian Waldby <francis@hurmidco.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Sorry for the wrong topic!
          But thanks you for the article!!
        -- Shnieg (neves@omeucomputador.net)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Diverse people have different skills.
      Kent Paul Dolan's skill is being smart.
    -- Mary Lee McGough <marylee@csufresno.com>
      Founder and Leader of the FSU Poetry Jam
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          Is it true what they say Kent...
              you have a big fat ego,
             and you think you are God?
           -- "odin" <odin@ragnarok.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Jason... You need lessons on how to do
      this sort of thing from Kent Paul Dolan.
           -- "odin" <odin@ragnarok.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   You live in a glass house, Kent.  Perhaps you
  have cleverly disguised it, or you throw enough
   stones that the neighbors have all moved away.
  What you didn't bargain on was my Mk 14 railgun
    that can reach across the ethereal spaces to
         that strange place where you live.
     -- Julian Waldby, off on a manic streak as
               <francis@hurmidco.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   It's good to see that indigence has not abated
            your delusions of adequacy.
           -- "Joe User" <axyz@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           Thank you for the information.
     This is something I have been looking for.
  -- "Frank Van Lingen" <Frank.van.Lingen@cern.ch>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            When I get old and decrepit,
            I want to be just like you!
           -- "Joe User" <axyz@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   But I agree to Kent Paul Dolan, that it should
      be possible to build much smaller gates.
          -- Frank Buss (fb@frank-buss.de)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  I guess this is the best answer so far. Thanks.
         -- LNK2005 (ulf_ohlen@hotmail.com)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Thanks so much for pointing that out.  I added a
  little section to the end of the document titled
     "Aknowledgements".  I think you definitely
    deserve to be mentioned there.  Thank you so
       much for your interest and your help.
               It's much appreciated.
   -- Jonathan Brown <Jonathan.Brown@helsinki.fi>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Your suggestions are really helpful!
       Thanks for the help, and best regards.
  -- Huafeng LU, {hl3d,lvhuafeng}@cs.virginia.edu
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I haven't had someone say such nice things to
   my bosses since my mother called on my behalf!
       -- John Branch, jbranch@fresnobee.com
         Sports Reporter, Fresno, CA "Bee"
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    [Edmond Wollmann bites off the big one, one
                    "xanthian":]
            BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
  You're trying to intimidate a teedotbee oldbie?
               Good luck, Eddieeeeee.
                    Anvils away!
           -- Cujo <cujo@petitmorte.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Kent, (as sweet a soul as you'd find in a long
      day's march) I feel sure, can supply the
   necessary bizarrity (neologism) and look after
  Elsie a lot better than a murderous savage such
                       as I.
    -- Semolina Pilchard (scaraben@clara.co.uk)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{

  2) Somebody used your papa smolt to fertilize a
                    maize field?
      -- "Kent Paul Dolan" <xanthian@well.com>
  That scores 29 points and gains second place in
     the all-time bizarre mother insult league.
     -- ">parr\(*>" <gniKyruaL@tenretniTB.moc>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        O Kent, dear Kent, so wise and good

              -- Elsibeth Ann Shannon
          poetess laureat of talk.bizarre
                 Elsepeth@webtv.net
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          "Be of Good Cheer, She Said ..."

                Never an optimist I,
           A thing of crabs and grouches,
            Hid from the sun-block sky,
           On the shady side I slouches.

              Never a hesitant smile,
              Always a sullen glower,
             I'd walk some many a mile,
            To slip joy's mocking power.

             Keep your cheerful boast:
            "Tomorrow could be better!"
            Your futures all are toast,
           With hurricanes your weather.

              Me for the dark despair,
               Me for the leafy mold,
             When maggots fill my hair,
              My doom at last is told.

             Man that's of woman born,
             But a little time remains,
             Festers, rots, grows warm,
            And clutters up the drains.

             "... So I Slugged Her and
           Threw Her Body in the River."

      -- Kent Paul Dolan, <xanthian@well.com>,
             in talk.bizarre 2002/09/21
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          [in response to my posting of an
          Edsger Djikstra memorial haiku]

                I really liked this.
          Came back to it many times now.
          Tweaks my sense of What It Means
           To Leave Behind Real Results.
                    That's good.
         -- billbill@wetware.com (BillBill)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Hi xanthian, are there photos of you available
  anywhere? It would be cool to see you at ease in
   your natural habitat, or maybe crouched over a
   terminal bashing out a reply to the poor fools
   on here who seem to find your p.o.v less than
   agreeable.  God knows why...  You have always
   come across as a compassionate realist, not a
     trolling flamer.  Big up, much respect to
   Xanthian - keep up the good work.  I recently
     printed out and subverted a conference on
  nanotech with your excellent short scifi story -
     might there be a book deal in the offing?
            -- demuxian (demux@host.sk)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   xanthian, I like your attitude towards Pamini.
    I would be happy to have you living under a
               bridge near my house.
           --  Joe User (axyz@yahoo.com)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Your faith in your fellow men has gone the way
    of your compassion, if you ever had any, you
                  heartless thug!
       -- Jeff Swanson <case1866@pacbell.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                 Thanks  xanthian,
             Yes you are quite correct.
        Thanks for taking a peek at the code
          and taking the time to respond.
         -- "mkosca" <mark@logichip.com.au>
            in comp.lang.java.programmer
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Why is a hacker homeless in Fresno for months on
   end when retards are getting fat spewing this
   kind of dangerous swill? Is there no justice?
        -- Thomas Armagost <silly@well.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       I would like to thank Kent Paul Dolan
     (xanthian !) for his reference to my work.
                 -- Vitorino RAMOS
          <vitorino.ramos@alfa.ist.utl.pt>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
>     Faster typing skills are much more useful
>             than terser coding skills.
                  Mucho well said!
   -- "Carlton S. Anderson" <karlik@adelphia.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Kent, aborigines in the Outback know
               you don't have a job.
          -- "etaoin shrdlu" <ph@cyb.org>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             [in response to a 295 line
  comp.lang.java.programmer tutorial KPD wrote to
  answer his brief query about a persistent error
                      message]

  Wow.  Thanks.  You just hit on what I am trying
  to do (but differently, and getting the "static
  context" problems) but described a way to do it.
       getTnPi() is an example of one of the
  "informational" methods I try to create and then
                   can't access.
               Thanks for your time.
                 -- Eric J Dickner
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   First of all I would like to thank you for all
  your reports about the use of Mailgate services.
   [...] the problem [you reported] has just been
    solved.  We are already working in order to
               solve the others too.
     -- Cinzia Benedetti  <cinzia@Mailgate.ORG>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks for your answers to my two questions in
     comp.ai.genetic on identical twins.  I was
    planning [...] Thanks to you, I realize that
     that is not a good simulation of a real GA
    project of this type, for which I would not
                  know the answer.
          -- Dan Amodeo <zena@wam.umd.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    This is just to extend a public thank you to
  Xanthian (while hoping I have spelled his handle
                    correctly).

   In a post to the 'Confusing Starlogo' thread a
    few days ago you mentioned that you tend to
  break languages, by virtue of understanding how
      they work and reaching for their limits.

  I have been having that problem for a while, and
   had assumed that it was because I didn't know
                   how they work.
  Reading your post reminded me that I have a clue
           (I was getting rather fed up).

   An excellent, informative and refreshing post.

               Thank you once again.
        -- "Elias." <elias@ARCHANGEL.UK.COM>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  I still look back fondly on the Kent-Rissa Wars.
     (Personally, my sympathies were with Kent,
  though I can't recall if I ever posted in those
                  threads or not.)
    Just in the mood to stir things up today...
       -- Wayne Brown <fwbrown@bellsouth.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Well done, O xanthian.
          Well done, and thrice well done!
  It's good to see you spreading your brain again.
        -- Laury <LauryKing@btinternet.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
kpd>          I got 84 google hits on
kpd> "genetic peephole optimization algorithm",

                   Thanks a lot!
       That's exactly what I was looking for.
                  -- Martin Ankerl
        <martin.ankerl@fhs-hagenberg.ac.at>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [Kevin Mc Auley struggles a bit with his voice
   recognition software, but ultimately triumphs,
  more or less, kind of, in a manner of speaking:]

      Subject: voice rhe does ecognition story

   .. all I just to give a special thanks to Mr.
   K*nt Paul Dolanfor his words of encouragement
    when the I should of return was software to
     users store and collecting my money back .
    instead, kept at this  damn thing and firmly
  caught that we're seeing all were it not working
            perfectly but it is working.

   -- the reverse psychologist@bawston school for
          idiots <beelzibubt@netscape.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    ... and I'll send you one as writer's lucre.

              I've enjoyed your stuff.

       -- John Austin (jaustin@salud.unm.edu)

                  also from John:
      Q: Is the glass half full or half empty?
      A:  Are you pouring it or drinking it?
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Thank you for your advice.
     We are working in order to solve this bug.
      Cinzia Benedetti  <cinzia@Mailgate.ORG>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   Life is hell.
       Why should the 'net be any different?
               -- xanthian@well.com,
            in a posting to talk.bizarre
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                      If [...]
  2. There are an average of 10 new posts per day
               per newsgroup [2] and
  3. There is an average of 25 words per post (of
   "original content" - not including "replied-to
          content" of previous posts.) [3]
                       [...]
      [2] [3] Just guesses.  No idea, really.
    I guessed and then added 10% to account for
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
            -- "Theodoric the Ostrogoth"
           <robert_e_bowman@hotmail.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  In fact, the original intent of the post was to
    draw some amusing oldbie followup.  Now that
        you're here, I can sleep easy again.
            -- RICHH <richh50@home.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 Elsibeth Ann Shannon, famed poet of talk.bizarre,
   has a bit of fun with my popular siggie quote
  file, which was getting taken way too seriously
                    at the time:

                    <goosestep>
                        .SIG
                      <salute>
                       FILE!
                    <goosestep>
                        .SIG
                      <salute>
                       FILE!

           -- Elspeth@webtv.net (Elspeth)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [...] a posting rife with typos is not likely to
   get your ideas a friendly reception.  Fair or
  not, your ideas are judged in large part by the
           care you take presenting them.
               -- xanthian, 7/1/1990
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                      (member,
         "lonely old geezers with lap cats"
                   posting cabal)
                    -- xanthian
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Whoever invented this whole "sleep" concept was
            not a friend to newsaholics.
      -- xanthian@well.com, in private email.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  "folks so far off the wall that even gravity has
             probably lost their scent"
    -- xanthian@well.com, 1999/11/23, in email.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   now granted, kent is a curmudgeon and for some
    reason has been voluminous of late. but i do
    know from my decade in t.b, that he is quite
     ably equipped to comprehend at an advanced
                       level.
         -- lstewart <lstewart@golden.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   as for your inability to speak or write in at
    least one language, well perhaps it isn't a
  missing letter that twigged old kent but rather
    a dearth of clue, a drought of the wits or a
  failure of content that caused him to note your
              simian grasp of english.
         -- lstewart <lstewart@golden.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    while kent might be a persnickity old fart,
      to you he will always be the silverback.
         -- lstewart <lstewart@golden.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    i guarantee kent will be snarking here long
     after you have made your merry way into a
  detention centre or won a full scholarship to an
           institute for higher phonics.
         -- lstewart <lstewart@golden.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   but erol, i suspect that in this instance, his
   grammarian effusion might be a subtle means to
   indicate to the author that there were, indeed
      no ideas or idea potential upon which to
    comment, that the author might in fact be a
          cypher, a vapor lock, an  idjit.
         -- lstewart <lstewart@golden.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   We may just have to continue to live with the
  fact, true throughout recorded history, that our
   artifacts are sometimes flawed and cause us to
   die in novel and unexpected ways, and that we
     can only do our human best to minimize the
                     problems.
   -- Kent Paul Dolan <xanthian@zorch.sf-bay.org>
             Sun, 2 Sep 90 18:59:45 GMT
  http://catless.ncl.ac.uk/Risks/10.30.html#subj6
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         A fool better left unnamed droned:

        A: The wise man is mocked by fools.

   xanthian, responding in a 2001/04/25 posting:

      Unfortunately, so is the fool mocked by
       wise men, and the text of the mockery
         is often identical, for neither do
       fools have use of originality to mock
        the wise, nor yet do the wise waste
             originality mocking fools.

        [The question of whether the latter
       half-quote is self-referential is left
       to the judgement of the observer. kpd]
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 blair-at-world.std.com (Blair P. Houghton) wrote:

>     Laury <gnikyrual@moc.tenretnitb> wrote:

>>  Profusely perspiring, and cursing the humbly
>>          legitimate Kent Paul Dolan,
>>        I battered him with my keyboard,

>  Maybe the oil wasn't hot enough.  Or too hot.
>        The whole process is very touchy.

>>                  to no avail.

>              You mispelled "anvil".
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                      Hi Kent,
                Your star is there:
           Location: 38:45:35N 121:17:37W
 http://www.elica.net/cgi-bin/eligen.exe?world_map
                   All the best,
                  Pavel Boytchev,
                     Elica Team
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  [Sent to a party more mercifully left unnamed:]
             I did say "beat to death".

   The delusion that one can suck the fruits of a
  multi-individual society without _first_ giving
   up, _in toto_, the freedoms one might have had
   living as the sole inhabitant of a planet, and
   _then later if at all_ negotiating them back,
   slowly,  one-by-one, only by mutual agreement,
     only with much modification to comply with
  Kant's Categorical Imperative, and only as they
     prove workable among a set of individuals
       exceeding one in quantity, is common.

      It is also profoundly flawed, inherently
  unworkable, and completely, utterly, unarguably,
  clinically _insane_, fully equal to Pammi-think
     in its total loss of contact with reality.

    I don't care to waste the time to argue, in
   public or in private, with someone coming from
    such a viewpoint.  Libertarians and similar
    lower forms of life are a blight on the body
   politic and an embarrassment to sapient beings
     everywhere, with ego systems stuck on all
   "gimme" mode at four month of age and holding.

  Been there, done that, invincible ignorance is a
    tar-baby and does not a fun playmate make to
    someone with a bit of life experience or any
                   sense at all.

          Go find yourself another sucker.

   Better, go learn some philosophy and come talk
                to me in five years.

  Sorry, mildly, but you were more than adequately
                      warned.
          -- xanthian@well.com, 2001/04/19

  [And the anonymous one responded with a claim to
  already possess a _doctorate_ in philosophy, to
  which I can only respond as before.  Sitting in
     a class and learning nothing but to parrot
   without thinking is not _learning_ philosophy,
     however well one bemuses the dissertation
   committee.  What a waste of class space better
     used by someone with a functioning brain.]
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Got it, Kent! Thanks.
            Will run one "tiny" tonight!

   Also pasted your original e-mail to a word doc
  and added make-over formatting.  I sent it with
    a short commentary to almost everyone on my
  e-mail directory.  I wanted them to see how much
      more Logo can do other than "kid stuff".
      -- "Edwin Pilobello" <edwinp13@home.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Subject: [STARLOGO] Crayfish distribution model
    I've had a lot of help on this one.  I would
    like especially to thank [...] and Kent Paul
  Dolan, who helped me clean up my code and get it
            running under StarLogo 1.2.
       -- Steve Morse <morse4@CHARTERMI.NET>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         [one of my few beta testing wins:]
   Well, you were right. We had forgotten to add
   setpc-at, setpatchcolor-at, setpc-towards, and
               setpatchcolor-towards.
           They're now checked into CVS.
    --  Andrew Begel <abegel@eecs.berkeley.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Kent, I will also add that your answers were the
  most enjoyable to read out of all the responses
                  I have received.
          -- Kevin <montythe@my-deja.com>
};

# push @puffery_siggies,
# q{
# You are really a "softie" inside...that's what I read between the
# lines!
#        -- Judy Jones, list-mistress of the ctcl-mf cancer support
#           email list, in personal email, 2001/02/06.
# };

# push @puffery_siggies,
# q{
# You have a wonderful sense of humor!  Defiant works for me.
#  -- Judy Jones, list-mistress of the ctcl-mf cancer support
#     email list, in personal email, 2001/02/06.
# };

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I just had to let you know that your 1/26/01
   posting was one of the best e-mails I've ever
      read!!! Keep up the good work and God's
         blessings to you and your family!

                   mary ann in RI
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  The life of a pedant is filled with a litany of
     chores to be done to correct the errors of
  others, chores both essential to the pedant, and
      meaningless to the rest of the universe.
   The rest of the universe is wrong, of course.
            Just ask your local pedant.
                -- xanthian@well.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Although I have not had the opportunity to work
  with you, I've enjoyed your lucid emails.  Sorry
  to see that some row has occurred, eBay will be
        losing a good man. [Lucid? Me? kpd]
          -- Tom Phillips at eBay, natch.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Q: [what is newsgroup alt.birthright about?]
    A:            "Birthright Party
    'The birthright of humankind is the stars!'"
  So, if the group were to be used for a purpose,
  it should be used as a place in which to discuss
   and promote human settlement of other planets,
    the asteroid belt, and eventually other star
   systems, a cause dear to my heart, as I see us
   treating this planet ill enough that the need
  for an alternative dwelling place is a pressing
   issue for species survival of both our own and
              other competing species.
               -- xanthian@well.com,
           in alt.birthright, 2001/01/22
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  fair warning; I have a real temper problem when
          confronted with obdurate idiocy.
               -- xanthian@well.com,
         email to a recruiter, 2001/01/09.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
 Thank you very much!  Not good!  We will fix this.
         I loved your resume approach(es).
   We should hire you for your sense of humor and
              refreshing common sense.
                       [...]
   I appreciate your interest and your trouble to
        tell us the address wasn't working.
          -- "Drewry, Elizabeth (kri.com)"
       <EDrewry@knightridder.com> (via email)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I feel proud to be able to read your ideas.
         -- Daniel Adam <dadam@my-deja.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      [about alt.marketing.online.ebay and my
                departure from ebay]
  I am really sorry to hear what happened to you,
    Kent.  [...] I always read your posts first.
     -- "Charles Strusz" <thequest@midwest.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Julie switched over to the 50's-70's easy
     listening station, five-just-today Johnny
    immediately objected:  No Mommy, go back to
                 the _real_ music.

   That happens to be the NPR classical station.
   Maybe my already tuneful son won't have to go
 through life being an idiot about the "real music"
                 like his Dad did.
  -- personal communication from xanthian@well.com
                  to Ace Lightning
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Thanks for your help.  I appreciate it.
    -- Stephen Marsland <smarsland@oka-info.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I just want to say thank you. Not only for the
    things you have helped me and taught me, but
   also show me what a good engineer should be. I
                sure will miss you.
        -- "Kao, Daniel T." <dkao@ebay.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                  Bait and switch!
             You're an evil man, Kent.
       You lost this round, fair and square.
     -- David Andrew Clayton, <dac@pcug.org.au>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  P.S. I'm honored Kent would respond to one of my
  posts - I don't think he's done that since 1988
                  or so. Ka-ching!
        -- dyanega@pop.ucr.edu (Doug Yanega)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   i meant "under-appreciated" in the sense that
      very few participants in this consensual
  hallucination called talk.bizarre understand or
    appreciate your intelligence, erudition, and
                     insanity.
   -- Ace Lightning  <acelightning@monmouth.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  aw, Kent, you sure know how to make a lady feel
   special...  happy belated natal festivities to
       you too, you under-appreciated fannish
                    techno-geek.
   -- Ace Lightning  <acelightning@monmouth.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
         Gaining knowledge lends one power;
        spreading it around lends one grace.
             -- internal email at eBay,
             2000.09.14 kdolan@ebay.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Saved by self-deprecation.
     You're ok for an addle-headed booby, Kent.
        -- DAC (David Andrew Clayton) a.k.a.
       Excession  <dac@lovesspam.pcug.org.au>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   I hope that clarifies the issues a bit rather
  than muddying them still further.  My technical
  writing tends to set saints into frothing fits.
        -- Kent Paul Dolan, kdolan@ebay.com,
             internal email, 2000/11/15
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            Kent's analysis is dead on.
        Try increasing amount of swap space.
      -- Kostya Vasilyev, internal eBay email
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  kpd>   This is my response to another poster's
  kpd> response to someone whining about not being
  kpd> able to find the right category in which to
  kpd>       auction off his computer game.

  Gotcha. Thanks for the clarification. I thought
  dealing with reporters could try one's patience.
  -- Kevin Pursglove, eBay VP of Public Relations
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
xanthian: an individual with wit, intelligence, and
uncanny perception.  Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian,
 Devonian: call the wine steward out and name your
                  favorite period.
         -- hyacinthgirl13@webtv.net (kim)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              Thanks Kent.  You Rock!
       -- Richard Fulton <tomarii@yahoo.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   [snipped a fantastically well-thought tirade]
   Kent, add me to the list of people who are in
            awe of your thinking skills.
       -- Ty Nance <nance@phyast.nhn.ou.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  "[kpd:] The tools used in a software project are
   selected by being grandfathered in as already
      owned and thus cheaper than more modern
   replacements, by arriving as the favorite tool
     of a new hire, by political infighting, by
    followership, and by higher management fiat.
  Quality is so rarely considered as an attribute
    among these other competing forces as to be
               safely ignored [...]"

    [aps:]  I have forwarded this most excellent
     information to the rest of the folks in my
   department.  The *only* thing wrong with it is
  that it doesn't go far enough; this model is not
   limited to software tools and projects, but in
          fact is true of *every* project.

     -- Alan P. Scott ascott@shell.pacifier.com
    http://www.pacifier.com/~ascott/apshome.htm
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Now that Kent has finished "twinking", I guess
                  its my turn ;).
                       [...]
      Thank you Kent for some excellent work!
           -- Brett Smith <brett@att.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    ObBizarrity:  By the year 2002 sometime, the
  number of web users outside the US will finally
    top the number inside.  Welcome, strangers!
   Now sit down, shut up, strap in, hang on, and
                Read, Learn, Evolve!
         This vehicle is Already In Motion.
               -- xanthian@well.com,
        posting to talk.bizarre, 2000/09/16
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   "You are old," said the youth, "as I mentioned
                      before,
       And make errors few people could bear;
 You complain about everyone's English but yours --
      Do you really think this is quite fair?"

     "I make lots of mistakes," Father William
                     declared,
       "But my stature these days is so great
  That no critic can hurt me -- I've got them all
                      scared,
       And to stop me it's now far too late."

  -- a Unix fortune message that seemed _far_ too
              targeted at this author
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
--              be_conservative.adb
--              by Mario Amado Alves
--  2000-09-15: created and tested in 15 minutes

--          in honor of Kent Paul Dolan

--    This procedure transforms HTML character
--      references outside Latin 1 into more
--  conservative code, e.g.  "&larr;" to "&lt;-"
--      (currently the only transformation!)
http://lexis.di.fct.unl.pt/ADaLIB/be_conservative.adb
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  "Do what I mean" compilers are fine, if we ever
                  achieve the art.

      "Do what you think I mean" compilers are
     dangerous at any speed, as are "do what I
        thought I told you" compilers.  [The
    TweedleDum-TweedleDee difference between the
  dangerous GO TO and the oh-so-innocent proposed
               COME FROM statements.]

  "Do what I told you" compilers are barely coming
   into view on the distant horizon at this point
        in the compiler technology timeline.

  Mostly we are living with "do the best you can"
  compilers, as the discussions ongoing here about
           implementation advice attest.

  Sometimes, too many times, we are stuck with "do
  anything you think you can get away with and me
  still sucker into buying the upgrade" compilers.

    Only rarely do the uses of modern compilers
   cause actual unintentional loss of human life,
  but the cases documented are past my ability to
            gather to count accurately.

             -- rant in comp.lang.ada,
           xanthian@well.com, 2000/09/14
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   PPs Will - "Kent Paul Dolan is either the most
    intelligent individual I have ever met in my
     entire life, or quite the biggest fraud."
          (Or something along those lines)
             get me into your sig file?

  [no, but toss in a little more of your letter:]

>        Don't elect me dictator for life,
                        OK.
>                 I am not worthy.
                    But you are!

                  -- "Dan Hunter"
      <danhhunter@danhhunter.junglelink.co.uk>

           [and your place is guaranteed]
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Hey, I have thing for your 'quote about or by
                 this author' file:

     "Kent's a putz."  Not that I have anything
  against ya, I'd just thought it would be funny.
      -- krichak@aol.com (rick the cockroach)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  The writing market economics is all in favor of
    high volume, low quality, though.  How many
   writers of peer-reviewed papers have you ever
  heard mention getting rich on the movie rights?
                - xanthian@well.com,
       personal communication to Josh Hayes.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  I envy you, I'd keep raising babies forever if I
   could only afford later to warehouse them each
    in distant military academies the first time
  they can say "Fine!" and really get the sarcasm
                  loaded into it.
                - xanthian@well.com,
       personal communication to Josh Hayes.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      [Footnotes to some talk.bizarre article,
                    2000.02.06]
[1]       Entropy, entropy, not my friend
     But we'll all be stardust[2], in the end.

[2]               Think about it.
  Just when you get the gloomies at being part of
   human mortality, you remember that someday the
   sun will go nova or even supernova, shredding
     this mayfly planet down to its constituent
    parts, and likely each separate atom of your
    corporeal existence will go into making up a
       separate new planet on which some new
     intelligence can arise to contemplate its
                 mortality in turn.
         Not too shabby a heritage, to me.

       -- Kent Paul Dolan <xanthian@well.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Jonny B. <jonnybc@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
>   I'm contemplating posting a statement about
>      Kent, just to get into his .sig file.
    I am almost certain that if he does add one,
         that will be the statement added.
   Relevant SSC: I'm almost as certain that Jonny
               B. already knew that.
              -- Matthew Robert Rudary
             <rudarm@rcs-sun1.rpi.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              Subject: SSC (xanthian)
    I'm contemplating posting a statement about
       Kent, just to get into his .sig file.
        -- Jonny B. <jonnybc@ix.netcom.com> 
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                Dear dense person...
          -- abaselama@aol.com.mx (Really)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   You sound like a very interesting person and I
             appreciate your feedback.
           Thank you again for your help.
         -- Bobi Stant <bobi@spartans.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   BrettS wrote:
>   I admire your resolve to remain innocent of
> facts, but they might come in handy if you plan
> to continue explaining editorial cartoons to the
>                less enlightened.

                 xanthian answered:
> Were you actually under the impression I've been
> trying to _explain_ Benson's cartoon?  You have
>    just reached expert level in "missing the
>  point".  You are now qualified to run with the
>  bulls in Spain.  One more effort like that and
> you qualify to be the spinning target of a blind
>           knife thrower at the circus.

>  No, I've been trying to explain bookburning to
>   the less enlightened, but so far you haven't
>                picked up a clue.

> Let me type it again slower, maybe you'll notice
>                  it this time:

>            here it is, your very own
>        b r e t t                    b o x
>        \vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv/
>        >********************************<
>        >*                              *<
>        >* "a democracy of bookburners" *<
>        >*        is an oxymoron        *<
>        >*                              *<
>        >********************************<
>        /^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^\
>        for when you really are dim enough
>                 to need the help

> Do I need to draw bigger boxes around it, or did
>         you finally notice it in there?

>     Yeah, I know, polysyllabic words.  Cope.
>          The exercise will do you good.

     Damn, I can't help but to sometimes really
       admire you in spite of yourself, KPD.

  Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't still
   be banned from valley streets and highways....
       -- "phxbrd@home.com" <phxbrd@home.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Terry_Palfrey@mindlink.bc.ca (Terry Palfrey):
>>   I stated that you might learn something by
>> stitching the whole thread together again and
>>   re-reading it. No one said you were wrong,
>>  just using the wrong perspective, you argued
>> with Kent like he was your peer or something,
                     he's not.

         karlt96@nox.nyx.net (Karl Thomas):
>              Let's try this again.
>  You seem to have the same problem that he had.
>  Care to come up with something more technical
>           than he was able to muster?
>  Or do you just idolize Kent so much if he said
>    the world was flat you would believe him?

         Uh, let me put this to you gently,
            if the world was really flat
      he would be one of the people who knew.

       Do you have a problem being instructed
            by someone much smarter and
     a hell of a lot more experienced than you?

          -- Terry_Palfrey@mindlink.bc.ca
                  (Terry Palfrey)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                   Of course not.
   Kent is about the most immature person for his
  age and encyclopedic knowledge as (sic) one can
                 possibly imagine.
              He is a freak of nature.
      -- John P Sheehy <jsheehy@ix.netcom.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      When you stoop to deliberate obfuscation
   to "win" a debate you do not even understand,
    do you take the crowd out for a beer on your
    winnings, or do you just sit home and gloat
              yourself into a stupor?
       -- Kent Paul Dolan <xanthian@well.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                     Kent [...]
               Thanks for your ideas!
       They were definitely better than mine!
          -- chad <clehrman@U.Arizona.EDU>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             Interesting reading, Kent.
             Some good points.  Thanks.
  -- "Steve Muratore" <STEVEMURATORE@netvalue.net>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Wow, as I have tried such a lot of different
  patterns, I am very surprised that I did not try
         a configuration similar to yours.

   So now I am convinced that your interpretation
   of the rule in the book is absolutely correct.
   Thanks again for your efforts, I hope that the
   next chapters of the book are easier to follow
    :-) (they are not, it is heavy mathematics,
                       [...])
           -- Dipl.-Ing. Achim Engelhart
       <achim.engelhart@e-technik.uni-ulm.de>
    <http://it.e-technik.uni-ulm.de/~engelhar/>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Kent is back.  What more could you want.
                 -- Richard Sexton
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks for your answer.  It explained it all.
                 -- Dolf Grunbauer
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        Thanks for pointing out the problem.
                  It is fixed now.
                    -- Ned Freed
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               Such a pearl of wisdom
          cannot help but enhance my life.
                 -- Charles Linsley
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
              Any additional problems
      should be brought to my attention asap.
                  -- Greg Woodbury
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Oh, well, but thanks for correcting me.
                  -- Jeff Martens
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Yeah  -  sounds like about the only reasonable
          opinion I've heard on the topic.
            -- Dennis Francis Heffernan
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Yes!  Nicely explained, even I understood it!
                      Thanks.
                 -- Charlie Sorsby
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   You got pretty good reflexes for an old fart.
                   -- Norm Browne
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       It takes all my willpower to do this;
         my hands are tied to the keyboard.
          But, I have to agree with Kent.
                    -- John Buck
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Kent, I agree with you 1000%!!!!!!!!!!
                  -- John J. Wood
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      And yes, you can quote me!  I'm honored.
                  -- John J. Wood
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
       Thanks for alerting me to the problem.
                 It has been fixed.
                  -- James Howard
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     I *like* this idea.  We could be rich....
                    GREAT POST!
                 -- Courtney Kmosko
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q[
                I liked your flame.
         It was sick and twisted and funny.
        -- Sue {"suZee lye", "Kay Caustic",
          suzlye@csd4.csd.umw.edu} Kramer
];

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            All I have is this keyboard,
     enmired in the paws of a raving lunatic...
            -- xanthian@Zorch.SF-Bay.ORG
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  "The few folks actually working toward a goal of
  gender _equality_ rather than an _inversion_ of
  the gender power structure have mostly abandoned
  the term `feminism' to the uncurably strident."
            -- xanthian@Zorch.SF-Bay.ORG
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        "Re:   In defense of drug testing":
    I just wanted to thank your for the posting.
         I plan to show it to my children.
             I hope others do the same.
                 -- Eric Rosenfeld.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            "I agree with Kent, but ..."
                 -- Alan Wexelblat
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     Kent, apart from the very minor cavil ...
    I am impressed by your reply...  And Kent is
  very shrewd in seeing the massive ILLOGIC of the
   "logical, objective" argument.  As Goya said,
       the dream of reason produces monsters.
           -- EGNILGES@pucc.Princeton.EDU
       (Ed Nilges) writing in misc.jobs.misc
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    Kent Paul Dolan in RISKS-10.30 writes [...].
  First, let me say that I *almost* entirely agree
   with Kent.  ... Kent goes on to say: [...]. I
   agree again [...] [Kent:][...]. Of course! ...
        Although I agree with Kent that ...
         -- Pete Mellor <pm@cs.city.ac.uk>
               in comp.risks, V10N31
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Outside of that, I completely agree with
    Kent. About what, I'm not really sure yet, I
   just wanted to get into someone's .signature.
      -- jeenglis@girtab.usc.edu (Joe English)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Kent,  you  are the very definition of a
    standard deviation [and we love you for it].
                 -- mikey@ontek.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
               You were right, Kent.
                  -- lefty@twg.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  Short, concise, and to the point!  Well said!!!
                   -- Ron Wigmore
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          Kent Dolan put this quite nicely
       in a recent posting in this newsgroup.
                   -- Lou Cavallo
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      I just wanted to write to compliment you
               on your good writing.
                   -- Chuck Cohen
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
    I read all your posts, and I really, really
                    enjoy them.
    -- Joshua Thompson Brandt, mute@wpi.wpi.edu
   Thanks, Josh; the software you requested is in
                     the mail.
                    -- xanthian.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   Thanks, Kent, for a cogent and eloquent post.
     -- Joel J Hanes jjh00@outs.ccc.amdahl.com
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           A very, very good observation.
      -- Timothy Fay, avatar@pnet51.orb.mn.org
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            "I trust Kent's judgement."
                -- Martin S. Stoller
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      Kent ... writes ... couldn't agree more.
                -- Ron Tarrrant, in
             comp.sys.amiga.programmer.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
          [Kent:] "You sir, are a prince!
                I'll try it today!"
               -- Robert Patt-Corner
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           "Kent...writes:...I  love  it!
          This is the best article posted
              to this newsgroup yet!"
                  -- Mitch Dysart
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     "IMHO Mr. Dolan should be given an award.
    He does not suffer fools gladly, and has the
  nerve to take actions. Although his reaction in
   this case was a bit over the top, his presence
              on the net is an asset."
                 -- Bernd Felsche.
        "Kent is a little touchy sometimes.
           However, he's usually right."
            -- Dan Zerkle, in response.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        "Kent has been relatively harmless."
                  -- Jay Maynard.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
                    "Go for it!
        Your style of debate is brilliant -
            I wish I had the same punch!
            Best regards from Sweden..."
                 -- Mats Henricson
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
     "I couldn't possibly have said it better."
                    -- Bob Zuena
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
             "At least kent can write."
                -- Chip Salzenberg,
              the new t.b answer man.
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   "We also appreciate the punditry of Kent Paul
   Dolan (I know, sure, even w/the cult of Carrie
    as object -- easy target), but who doesn't?"
  -- the cult of Carrie, glj18875@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
      "I, (Mr. Dolan will speak for himself),
                    contend..."
        -- Till Poser <POSER@DESYVAX.BITNET>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   "I can see [Kent] just itching for combat back
  there, and he's about ten thousand times as good
   at fucking with my mind [as] you'll ever be."
                  -- Avery Colter
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
   "I just wanted to call everyones attention to
     this particularly agonizing and downright
      Kentish work of grammatical convolution.
               (I have no brain...)"
      -- hamlet@chopin.udel.edu (Chris Adams)
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
           "Kent,  you  gentleman,  you!"
                   -- Greg Nowak
            <greg@phoenix.princeton.edu>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
            "Kent, I agree completely."
                   -- Matt Telles
               <mattel@auto-trol.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
        "But I have to back Kent's comments"
                 -- Peter da Silva
             <peter@ficc.ferranti.com>
};

push @puffery_siggies,
q{
  "I too, was tempted to write people and ask 'em
   why they voted how they did; after some really
      good advice from Kent Dolan (who did the
   monstrous comp.sys.amiga vote), I realized I'd
  just be jeopardizing the vote by doing anything
                  beyond my job."
      -- Brendan Kehoe <brendan@cs.widner.edu>
};

  return @puffery_siggies;

}

sub random_puffery {

my @puffery_siggies = ( inflate_puffery );

print "\n";
print "    ===== random quote -- by, about, or =====\n";
print "     ===== appropriate to, this author =====\n";
print @puffery_siggies[ int ( rand ($#puffery_siggies + 1) ) ];
print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/

};
}

sub ordered_puffery {

my @puffery_siggies = ( inflate_puffery );

while ( $puffery_siggie = pop @puffery_siggies )
{
  print qq($puffery_siggie), "\n";
}

}

sub selected_puffery {

my @puffery_siggies = ( inflate_puffery );


print "\n";
print "  ===== selected archival quality quote by, =====\n";
print " ===== about, or appropriate to, this author =====\n";

if
(
  defined( $siggieArrayIndex )
  &&
  (
    $siggieArrayIndex >= 0
    and
    $siggieArrayIndex <= $#puffery_siggies
  )
)
{
  print qq($puffery_siggies[$siggieArrayIndex]), "\n";
}
else
{
  print qq($puffery_siggies[0]), "\n";
}
print q{                         --
                  Kent Paul Dolan.
                <xanthian@well.com>
         http://www.well.com/user/xanthian/
};

}

sub choose_menu
{
  my $response = -1;

  @choices = ( @_ );

  $last_choice = $#choices;

  for ( $choice = 0; $choice <= $last_choice; $choice++ )
  {
    printf DEV_TTY +( "%3d %s\r\n", $choice, $choices[ $choice ] );
  }

  print DEV_TTY "\r\n";
  print DEV_TTY "[This next step will not echo, and needs a CTRL-j\r\n";
  print DEV_TTY "instead of a carriage return to end it, when done\r\n";
  print DEV_TTY "from within vi or vim on some systems.]\r\n";
  print DEV_TTY "\r\n";
  print DEV_TTY "Enter your selection from the numbers at the left: ";
  $response = <>;

  chomp $response;

#  print DEV_TTY "${response}\r\n";

  $response = int ( $response );

  if ( $response >= 0 and  $response <= $last_choice )
  {
    return "$choices[ $response ]" ;
  }
  else
  {
    return undef;
  }

}

#################################
## BEGIN MAIN PROCESSING
#################################

srand( time() ^ ($$ + ($$ << 15)) );

open DEV_TTY, ">/dev/tty"
or die "Cannot open /dev/tty for output\r\n at ";

@main_menu = (
  "none"                          ,
  "simple"                        ,
  "shopping"                      ,
  "random_cuteness"               ,
  "random_puffery"                ,
  "random_atheism"                ,
  "random_spam"                   ,
  "ordered_cuteness"              ,
  "ordered_puffery"               ,
  "ordered_atheism"               ,
  "ordered_spam"                  ,
  "selected_cuteness"             ,
  "selected_puffery"              ,
  "selected_atheism"              ,
  "selected_spam"                 ,
  "formal"                        ,
  "ascii_virus"                   ,
  "insult_netscum"                ,
  "insult_seer"                   ,
  "writing_style"                 ,
  "star_wars"                     ,
  "graverobbing"                  ,
  "faster_errors"                 ,
  "y2000_contributor"             ,
  "job_ads_mentor"                ,
  "dads_books"                    ,
  "upchuck"                       ,
  "xeriscape"                     ,
  "as_johnny"                     ,
  "federal_spam_to_cash"          ,
  "die_newsgroup_spammer_insert"  ,
  "die_email_spammer_insert"      ,
  "netfraud_cc_line_insert"       ,
  "netfraud_warning_insert"       ,
  "abusemeister_email_insert"     ,

# SIGGIES no longer in use

# "work_at_motorola"        ,
# "dads_books_at_motorola"  ,
# "normal_at_motorola"      ,
# "work_at_whistle"         ,
# "whistle_jobad"           ,

);

$commandLineChoice = shift;

$siggieArrayIndex = shift;

if ( defined( $commandLineChoice ) )
{
  if
  (
    $commandLineChoice >= 0
    and
    $commandLineChoice <= $#main_menu
  )
  {
    $inclusion = $main_menu[ $commandLineChoice ];
    &{$inclusion} if defined $inclusion;
  }
  else
  {
    print DEV_TTY "\nOops, try again.  "
    . "Choices are 0 to $#{main_menu}.\r\n";
    print DEV_TTY "\r\n";
  }
}
else
{
  MENU_LOOP:
  while ( 1 )
  {
    $inclusion = choose_menu ( @main_menu );

    if ( defined( $inclusion ) )
    {
      &{$inclusion};
      last MENU_LOOP;
    }
    else
    {
      print DEV_TTY "\nOops, try again.  "
      . "Choices are 0 to $#{main_menu}.\r\n";
      print DEV_TTY "\r\n";
      next MENU_LOOP;
    }
  }
}

close DEV_TTY or die "Error closing /dev/tty\r\n at ";

exit 0;