Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
Cynthia, does Dorothy still hate me? She snarled at me and even when you 
hugged me she looked at me as if to say, "You can't fool THIS rottweiler."
  

    

Plum, how come you have carefully answered every question except MINE?
When do the boys get a book?  Don't we deserve tips, too?
  

    
But the complimentary book would have to be written by a boy.  So get busy.
  

    

Oooh. I'd like to write that. So far I think I can sum it all up in three 
words, including a conjunction. And what good is a book about sex without 
some conjoining? 
  

    

andy, you frighten me.
  

    

Oops. that was the wrong response. 
  

    

"Dude, where's my clit?"
  

    

Getting warmer. 
  

    
The question was "Where?", not "What's it doing?"
  

    
okay so here I am at a hotel room in Chicago.  I am on my lovely
internet tv.  It is really annoying.  Can't download telnet.  Cannot
really type.  

On a positive note, I am eating a cobb salad.

vardley dorothy doesn't hate you.  dsg bradburn wil write sex tips for
boys.  and maybe sex tips for goys.

damn is this keyboard irritating.  Does anybody read me?
  

    
Roger and wilco.
  

    
okay so here I am at a hotel room in Chicago.  I am on my lovely
internet tv.  It is really annoying.  Can't download telnet.  Cannot
really type.  

On a positive note, I am eating a cobb salad.

vardley dorothy doesn't hate you.  dsg bradburn wil write sex tips for
boys.  and maybe sex tips for goys.

damn is this keyboard irritating.  Does anybody read me?
  

    
rik!  get me dalling!   I want my dalling!

did I post twice?  
  

    

Those web TVs are making you redundant!
  

    
mim!   I'm freaking out!  I've changed time zones!  I've been on this
big airplane!  These are not good things.  In an hour I must be all
charming and jolly.  Chicago people!  Comes to BARBARA"S BOOKS ON WELL
STREET  ICANNOT GET THE CAPS TO UNLOCK DAMMIT!
  

    

calm down, luvvie! Go down to the hotel gift shoppe and buy some
overpriced chocolate RIGHT NOW!
  

    
And then go wow the assembled multitudes and report back!
  

    
Cobb salad is one of the good things to eat in Chicago. What hotel are you 
staying at?
  

    

You don't have to answer that, dalling.
  

    
Dammit! bradburn you are thwarting my stalking plans!
  

    
fommeh, you may not stalk me.  well, you may, but others may not and
this is world readable.  I have not yet availed myself of the overly
expensive chocolates but yes I was getting  bit hysterical.  

Now I am all calm calm calm as I go to Barbara's books.  There could
be 2 people there.  there could be 100.
  

    

There will be a big crowd and they will howl with joy listening to you, 
and then they will buy a buttload of books.

Now: a serious question:  Cynthia, what made you so brave? I mean, your 
little bio up there scares me to death. I would have never had the nerve 
to do 90% of the things you've done (not to mention the guys you've done). 
So ... what's the secret? 
  

    

Oh, I know the answer to that one: 

Drugs. 
  

    
Hey, saiyuk, who's being interviewed here?!

Give a guy a papillon and he thinks he rules the world...
  

    

1. Well, somebody's got to do the heavy lifting while Cynthia's in some 
godforsaken hellhole of a hotel in the fucking Midwest without benefit of 
true internet access. 

2. I'm authorized: she made me her "powerful attorney." 

3. Mikey is the Bestest and Handsomest Dog in All the World, and therefore 
I must be special. 

4. There is no Cynthia Heimel: she is the creation of the Famous
Humorists' School of Bridgeport, Connecticut, and it takes conferences
among Dave Barry, Fran Lebowitz, Ian Frazier, Mark O'Donnell, and a medium
channelling Sidney Perelman to produce her stuff. 

5. Now that I've told you that, I'll have to kill you. All of you.