Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Thu 24 Oct 02 13:13
But if that is true, then why have I felt so isolated all these years? Here and there I have heard some grisly confessions, but rarely anything to match my own intense dislike of the entire institution of motherhood (which by the way still exists today). Of course, I now see that my dislike, or rather, loathing, comes from motherhood having been introduced to me initially as hassle after hassle. Mothers with "perfectly normal" babies, tho they may have to throw bottles in the garage on occasion --and I really don't mean to diminish your feelings and experience, paris--get a lot more pleasure from being a mother than I ever have. Not all, of course, but many, maybe even most, do. I still do not like being a mother, there are still elements of it that make me crazy, with my daughter as well as my son. But I absolutely loooove being a grandmother, and believe that it is the big payoff for motherhood. My complaint now is, if everyone identifies with the things I said, how can it be that women rarely say these things themselves? Rarely share them with each other? It strikes me that, the day before the ending of this conference, we have come full circle--back to the topic of why mothers don't tell the truth. I still believe that nature has coded this silence into our genes to serve the reproductive imperative.
Jonathan Kopp (jbk) Thu 24 Oct 02 16:09
>> My complaint now is, if everyone identifies with the things I said, how can it be that women rarely say these things themselves? Rarely share them with each other? I think two things: 1. taboo is a powerful force 2. it seems to me that your response, marcy, while reflecting many undisclosed feelings of many or most mothers, is perhaps more global and/or stronger than the negative feelings most (or at least many) mothers experience - maybe partly because you got handed an especially tough and frustrating maternal hand than many mothers do.
Gail Williams (gail) Thu 24 Oct 02 16:40
It's a deep taboo for some real reasons. For one thing, moms don't want to confess casually about how much they recent their parental role and then have that passed along to the kid. That increases the chances of moms just not saying anything. I'm thinking that it is not just social disapproval, there's always the awareness that directing that info at a child might have unknown consequences and hurt the relationship further.
Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Thu 24 Oct 02 21:45
Right. I think I must have said something along those lines up in the beginning of this discussion. Jonothan--or anyone else--is there any particular way you'd like to close this? Any unanswered questions? Anyone interested in electronic publishing/POD? I'm so happy with it I think I am going to publish a novel that way; I feel like writers now have a way around the impossible publishing industry.
Gail Williams (gail) Thu 24 Oct 02 22:19
Marcy, I'm curious about how you chose what publisher/service to go with for Print On Demand books. What do you look for?
Jonathan Kopp (jbk) Thu 24 Oct 02 22:35
And while we're at it, how do people go about getting your book - given this publishing strategy? I would guess some folks here are anxious to read it. If you're willing to stick around, this discussion can continue past its official end tomorrow. You've mentioned that you now wish you'd made thebook longer. If your up to it, I'd be interested to hear what you wish you'd told about your daughter or other parts of the story.
Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Fri 25 Oct 02 12:06
If there are more specific questions to jog me into answers, then I'm happy to stay on a little longer. I can't think up what to say without the questions, though, not in this format (as opposed to sitting down in book writing mode). I read MJ Rose's book on electronic publishing; her co-author runs a service and I was about to use it--like most others, she charges $200 set up fees. But then I found New Disability Press, part of iUniverse.com. I didn't so much "choose" iUniverse so much as it chose me: I had read and reviewed an anthology called "You Will Dream New Dreams" in which parents of children w/ disabilities wrote about their expereinces. Most were parents of younger children. Anyhow, the publisher was New Disability Press, to whom I sent a copy of my review. Stan Klein, co-editor of the book, turned out to be the person behind NDP; it is part of the Barnes & Noble venture, and some higher-up at B&N has a kid w/ a disability, so he gave this space to Stan, who's the force behind the magazine Exceptional Parent, to encourage books on disability. One thing led to another, and Stan said he'd be happy to publish Perfectly Normal. The biggest thing in its favor for me was that NDP does not charge authors a setup fee, but takes it out of royalties when the book has sold enough. I am making this quite convoluted, aren't I? sorry. Anyhow, to publish a novel, I would go with iUniverse, and pay a fee- since I now have had a posiive experience with them, they are who i would choose. To order my book go to iUniverse.com and search. I'm told it can also be bought via Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Don't ask me the difference between B&N direct and B*N iUniverse, I do not understand the corporate structure. I apologize if the above is unnecessarily garbled and/or incoherent, but long winding stories are hard to capture quickly, and I tend to write quickly online. Any more questions then?
Gail Williams (gail) Fri 25 Oct 02 13:05
I don't want to step in the way of any further questions, but thank you for such an informative, generous and moving visit, Marcy. And thanks to Jonathan and to everyone else who posted questions and thoughts here.
Iron Tongue of Midnight (sunbear) Fri 25 Oct 02 22:21
I'm curious if you're familiar with a newish book called "The Bitch in the House," which is a collection of essays on being a mother by a bunch of different writers. I gather there is plenty of anger at motherhood in it.
Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Sat 26 Oct 02 14:32
Wow. Thank you. Never heard of it, will look for it.
Jon Lebkowsky (jonl) Sat 26 Oct 02 14:51
Marcy and Jonathan, I want to join Gail in thinking you for bringing this discussion to Inkwell. We definitely encourage you to continue!
Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Mon 2 Dec 02 19:20
I just went to Amazon, where my book is listed, and a reader wrote a review. Finally, somebody said everything I expected and feared would be said: "self-absorbed," no contribution to topic of disability, a "whine." I'm not too hurt because I've gotten such good feedback before seeing that, but my immediate reaction isa desire to talk to this guy and tell him why my self-absorbed whining is important.
Cynthia Dyer-Bennet (cdb) Tue 3 Dec 02 12:02
It's hard to read negative reviews. How does a writer learn to ignore them and carry on?
Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Tue 3 Dec 02 19:18
It just gets piled onto the pile....meanwhile, though, the first chapter was published in the current issue of hip mama magazine, on selected newsstands now.
Cynthia Dyer-Bennet (cdb) Fri 6 Dec 02 16:02
That's great news, Marcy!
flying jenny (jenslobodin) Fri 6 Dec 02 17:11
That IS great. I will be receiving a copy of your book from Coleman, as soon as I get a chance to get over the bay to see him. I look forward to reading it, though I'm prepared for a bit of heartache. Thanks, Marcy. Good luck with the novel!
Marcy Sheiner (mmarquest) Mon 9 Dec 02 20:42
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