Inkwell: Authors and Artists

    
Linda asked me to say a little more about the family bed and how it
works in families. There really isn't only one way to co-sleep with
your kids. Among the families I interviewed, as well as my own family,
there were many different styles of family sleep sharing. In my own
family, I keep my babies in bed with us full time until they are verbal
toddlers and then we begin slowly offering them the opportunity to try
out their own bed. With my now four year old, we started with a futon
on the floor next to our bed  and she and I started the night together
there and then I would hop up into my bed later. Now she starts the
night in her own bed (which was mine as a little girl) in her own room,
but many nights she slips in between us sometime during the night. We
really don't even notice. My two year old has just begun ASKING to
sleep in the bottom bunk in my older son's room (his big boy bed!) so
either my husband or I lie down with him each night and nurse him (me)
or massage and sing him to sleep. He usually prefers his own bed now
and would rather stay in it and have us come to him if he wakes. 

Other families have a big family sleep room with just a bunch of
futons on the floor for the whole crew. SOme parents keep their infants
in a "sidecar" arrangement with a crib or bassinet attached to the
side of their own bed. For myself, I always enjoyed the special feeling
of having my infants snuggled up right next to me. My husband feels
strongly that the tactile experience of having his babies right next to
him at night has been a strong help with his own bonding with the
kids. He knows what they smell like, breathe like, etc -- just like I
do. 

As for an upper age for co-sleeping, I think that's a highly
individual choice. My eight year old has had nightmares lately since I
stupidly let him watch a video called "Alien Autopsy" ;-), so he has
been asking to sleep with us. We enjoy that because we can lie there
and watch this big boy sleep and marvel that he was once so tiny. And
both Chris and I know that the years when he will want us to sleep near
him at night are ending. We treasure them.

Katie
  

    

Thank you very much, Katie, for that response.

And let me thank you also for being such an interesting interview subject
these last few weeks.  You are welcome to continue, if you'd like, but I
wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for being here.

And thank you to Karen, also, for leading this conversation!
  

    
I can't really judge so generally, Karen.
  

    
Thank you very much, Katie, for the conversation, and to all those who
joined in.

I hope your work has a lasting effect on American attitudes about
infant/toddler dependency needs and how parents should go about meeting
those needs.  The idea of a society that actually supports parents
trying to be good parents rather than yelling at parents for not being
good enough just brings tears to my eyes!  I think your work moves us
in the right direction and I thank you.

I'll leaving town tonight and am uncertain how regularly I'll post
over the next week.  I'll look forwardd to coming back and finding a
lively continuing conversation.
  

    
Thanks, Katie, for joining inkwell.vue. This has been a wonderful and
thought-provoking conversation. As Karen noted, you are welcome to
stick around and respond to other questions that might arise. And good
luck on your new book!
  

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(whoops!)
  

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