The following are from the Washington Post Style Invitational (a weekly contest for readers). The idea is to redefine words from the dictionary. Carcinoma--n., a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. Esplanade--v., to attempt an explanation while drunk. Willy-nilly--adj., impotent. Flabbergasted--adj., appalled over how much weight you have gained. Negligent--adj., describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie. Lymph--v., to walk with a lisp. Gargoyle--n., an olive-flavored mouthwash. Bustard--n., a very rude Metrobus driver. Nincompoop--n., the military command responsible for battlefield sanitation. Coffee--n., a person who is coughed upon. Flatulence--n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. Internet--n., the web of interns in which Ken Starr has tried to snare Bill Clinton. Balderdash--n., a rapidly receding hairline. Mausoleum--n., floor covering used in crypts. Attractive from the top and bottom. Testicle--n., a humorous question to an exam. Semantics--n., pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayerbook together just before Vespers. Rectitude--n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. Lobster--n., a slick-talking, oily, obnoxious person who represents special interest groups on Capitol Hill. Macadam--n., the first man on Earth, according to the Celtic bible. Marionettes--n., residents of Washington D.C. who have been jerked around by the mayor. Oyster--n., a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. Circumvent--n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts. Abdicate--v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.