This page hasn't been kept as current as I'd like to have happen.

Lots has gone on over the past few years. I've been very ill.

In May of 98 I was diagnosed with stage four throat cancer. In coming to terms with my condition I sought information on healing. I looked to alternative methods but ultimately determined that I would have to go through radiation therapy. I underwent this in the Spring of 1999. Some of my experiences shortly after diagnosis I posted on this webpage.

Postings on the Well


Now I am at the other side of the medical treatment processes of radiation and chemotherapy. At this time my doctors do not see any trace of cancer.

I'm still recovering from these powerful processes. Much of my energy/chi is back. My doctors are very pleased with how I responded to the treatments. My radiologist says I'm an "outliner" in the sense that I don't fit the typical data - but in a positive sense.

I think I would be dead if I hadn't done the conventional medical treatment. Actually I did come very close to death in a medication related incident. During the hardest parts of treatment, about 4 or 5 weeks into radiation, in April I was in the hospital for a week. I was on morphine IV. I was then given Benadryl and went into reaction. Luckily my friend was sitting there. He saw my breath slip away and me go into coma. He called the nurse and I was given a drug that immediately counteracted the effects of the morphine. This brought me out of immediate danger. If my dear friend had not been there in response to my condition I would be dead.

Meaning is very important in my life. This passage with stage four cancer brought many spiritual gifts and for me represented a second near-death experience. My first NDE was thirty years ago. A primary gift of this cancer has been realization of the preciousness of my human body. I had not really *known* this before. Having had such intense experiences of profound peace during my first NDE, I was kind of spoiled for the world and didn't really feel like I wanted to be here. Although life is difficult, somehow I have the feeling that it is a great gift.

In the end I feel the radiation was "given to me" as a terrible gift, a shamanic ordeal. That's how I make sense out of it all. During radiation I had to wear a mask that was sculpted to my face and bolted to the table. I felt like a trapped wolf. Still have the mask and want to decorate with paint and feathers.

Lots in my life is new. My autobiographical account that I have on this page I now feel is largely outmoded. I have to re-write it and hope to do so in the not-too-distant future.

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