SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.sf.ca.us http://www.well.com/~bubbles/ Issue #97 New Moon of December 3, 2002 Contents copyright 2002 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits. Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end. ********************* Thanksgiving is over and people are starting to decorate their homes for Christmas, although here and there a lone Halloween witch or scarecrow lingers, long after its kindred are gone. A few pumpkins are also still in evidence, but only virgin uncarved ones, perhaps symbolic of the Thanksgiving feast. The Jack-O-lanterns have all vanished. One thing I noticed for the first time this year was people decorating for Thanksgiving: Mostly lawn ornaments on a theme of turkeys wearing Pilgrim hats. There weren't nearly as many as had decorated for Halloween, but there were several. Is this new, or have I just not noticed it before? Of course stores have long been decorating for just about every holiday under the sun, and then some. But I get the feeling that more ordinary people are decorating their homes for more different holidays than in past years. Has anybody else noticed this? ********************* This Thanksgiving I was thankful that my life is going as well as it is. It could be better, but there's no day set aside for grumping about things one is unhappy or discontented with. There's already too much of that going on all year, so it doesn't really need its own special day on which to be reminded of it. But what would a world be like where everybody was so contented that they did need to be reminded of whatever things in life were imperfect or otherwise lacking? Would the observances of such a Grump Day include some sort of exhortation to put some effort into trying to remedy one's list of imperfect things? Would there be a theme of "If you don't like this, work to make it better"? For example, after you've grumped about being accosted by beggars, try to figure out some way to help the poor. If you're unhappy with your weight, change your diet or exercise habits. And so on. So far this is beginning to sound a bit like New Year's resolutions. But we can carry the idea beyond that, to where discontent is recognized and celebrated as a driving force behind improvement in general. That might make Grump Day worthwhile. ********************* Hollywood Boulevard has been called "The boulevard of broken dreams," as has New York's Broadway. In the future might that same label be applied to some Silicon Valley street? ********************* Thoughts of achieving one's dreams lead to thoughts of the gold at the end of the rainbow. But I have a question: Does a rainbow have two ends, or is one of the two ends actually a beginning? If a rainbow has a beginning and an end as opposed to two ends, does the beginning get a pot of gold like the one at the end, or something else, or nothing? And how do you know which end of the rainbow is which? I suppose you could say that if you get to what appears to be an end of a rainbow and there's no pot of gold there then that's actually the beginning, but that seems somehow unsatisfying. Is there some better rule? My first impulse would be to label what I see as the left end of the rainbow as the beginning with the right end being the end, but that may be because my native language reads from left to right. People whose languages read from right to left may think of the right end as the beginning. And I don't know what language whoever started that legend about the pot of gold spoke. Which direction did it read? Or did they even have a written language at all? If they didn't, did they have some other way of deciding which end came first? How about weather patterns? If, for example, weather systems tended to move from west to east or from north to south more often than they went the other way, they might see the west or north end of most rainbows forming first. So they could define a beginning and end that way. But even if we were to settle this question, do we know that the pot of gold is at the end of the rainbow and not at the beginning? What if the original legend had it at the beginning, and it got switched to the end by inept language translators, or maybe even by corrupt treasure hunters who wanted to divert the competition to the wrong place? Has anybody ever tracked the legend to its roots to verify such details? Scoffers may say that it doesn't really matter because as you move toward either end of a rainbow the rainbow shifts so as to always stay out of reach. But modern technology may give a way around this: You stand in a fixed location so the rainbow doesn't move, and direct a blindfolded assistant to its end by radio or some such and have them feel around for the gold. Has that ever been tried? Three or four years ago, this being Silicon Valley, I could probably have gotten venture capital to try it, although I might have had to stick the words "dot com" all through my sales pitch to make it sound trendy enough. But now, with the local economy all dried up, the gold at the end (or beginning) of the rainbow will have to wait until the next boom cycle. ********************* In pretty much unrelated news, I recently read a Fortean Times article on flying saucers (possibly archived under http://www.forteantimes.com/ ). They say the British never found any real evidence of alien spacecraft. There were a number of sightings that were never explained, but they couldn't be shown to be inconsistent with Earthly phenomena or illusions or hoaxes. While there were unexplained things that showed up on radar, they happened back in the Forties and Fifties when the technology was in its infancy and thus much less reliable than now. There have apparently been few or no radar sightings with more modern equipment. So again the presumption was that whatever was seen hadn't been real. As I read the article I felt a sense of disappointment, as if a legend was dying. But then I had a new thought: What if there were indeed space aliens who had been visiting Earth for centuries, and what if they used to be rather careless about being seen, but after we developed photography and then radar, they changed their habits so as to better cover their tracks? Over the last forty or fifty years they've brought in craft that don't show on radar, or maybe they just stay away from sensitive places like national capitals. And when grabbing people from lonely desert highways they are careful to look to radar like an ordinary small plane or something. And if they really are infiltrating Earth disguised as humans, they might even be actively helping us develop digital imaging technology and special effects, the kind of thing that used to be called "trick photography", so that any photograph of them that anybody does get can be denounced as fake. So maybe UFO's are real, but are doing a better job of hiding than they used to. ********************* I just saw the latest Harry Potter movie, and one thing that struck me about what we saw in the classrooms was that they seemed to be teaching a rote "bag of tricks" with little or no theoretical underpinnings. There was stuff like "To turn Thing X into Thing Y you point your wand at it and say Magic Word Z," but there didn't seem to be any discussion of how magic works or how to create your own spells. Now there may be good reasons for this. On the movie-making level, a lecture on the theory of magic may bore the audience. In that case the students may indeed be getting theory, only we don't see that part of their day. Within the plot, the main characters are at the upper end of grade school or the beginning of Junior High, so maybe most of the theory comes later on when they're older. Or maybe the state of the magical arts in that world is such that nobody really knows much theory, and all they have are a large number of more or less random spells that people have stumbled on over the centuries, with little idea of how or why they work. But let's be optimistic and assume that enough is known about the theory of magic to enable at least the better practitioners to design their own spells. In such a world, how would you design the curriculum of a school like Hogwarts, and whatever colleges Hogwarts graduates might go on to? What would you teach when? What non-magical subjects would you include? And would you teach non-magical science (including computers) along with the magic, assuming they didn't interfere with each other too badly? ********************* The Birthday of the Light On the Christmas morning comics page Two people slogging through the crowds of shoppers pause to ask one another "Isn't this all supposed to be somebody's birthday?" Yes, it is. This is the birthday of the Light. Different people see the Light differently: To many the Light is a babe in a manger, A child destined to grow into a great teacher and healer, Bringing the light of love to a world lost in darkness. To others the light is the light of freedom, Seen in the miracle of a lamp burning Far longer than its meager supply of oil should have lasted After the conquerors were driven from the Temple. And still others celebrate winter sunlight Bringing the promise of springtime And reminding us to look at endings As opportunities for new beginnings. But even though we see the light differently And hold different days in this season sacred to it, Let us all look into the light together To see opportunities for new beginnings For a world of freedom and healing and love. Thomas G. Digby written 1230 hr 12/25/91 entered 1905 hr 12/25/91 ********************* Comes now the time for the traditional reprinting of THE CHRISTMAS CAT Once upon a time in a village In a little mountain valley in Borschtenstein Lived a wicked millionaire Whose hobby was foreclosing mortgages And sending people out into the snow. He also took great pride in having The best Christmas decorations in the village. Also in this same village In the little valley in Borschtenstein Lived a poor family Whose mortgage, which came due on Christmas, Was designed to be impossible to pay off. The Christmas weather forecast was for snow And the millionaire's eviction lawyers were waiting. Now this wicked millionaire In the valley village etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, Also had the monopoly on Christmas trees To be sure of having the prettiest Christmas decorations In the whole village. Thus the poor family had nothing at all To put their presents under. Now by chance it so happened In that village in etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, The wicked millionaire had evicted his cat Because its ears and tail were the wrong color And it hadn't paid its mortgage. And the poor family had taken it in And given it a home. So just before Christmas When the Good Fairies asked the animals of the village About people in need and deserving of help The poor family got the highest recommendation. "We will help them!" said the elves and fairies, "They won't have to worry about that mortgage And they'll have the prettiest Christmas decorations in town!" The mortgage was really not much problem: If the millionaire couldn't throw people out into the snow He wouldn't bother throwing them out at all. So the elves spoke to the North Wind and they agreed: No more snow to throw people out into. Some people in the village would have liked snow to play in But agreed the sacrifice was for a good cause. Christmas trees were more of a problem: They had already given them out to other needy families And there were none left at all. They rummaged around in forgotten corners But not a Christmas tree could they find. Then someone had an idea: "Let's decorate their cat!" While one of the elves who spoke Feline Worked out the details with the cat The fairies flew around gathering decorations: Borrowed bits of light from small stars nobody ever notices, Streamers of leftover comet tails, And other assorted trinkets From odd corners of the universe. So the poor family gathered around their Christmas cat And sang songs and opened presents And had the happiest Christmas imaginable While all agreed they had the prettiest decorations The village had ever seen And the millionaire's eviction lawyers Waited in vain for snow. So that is why, to this day, In that valley village in Borschtenstein, It never snows Unless the eviction lawyers are out of town And every year the millionaire tries to decorate a Christmas cat But gets nothing for his pains But bleeding scratches. EPILOGUE: While overnight miracles are rare outside of story books, Even those who learn slowly do learn. So keep checking the weather reports for Borschtenstein. If some Christmas it snows there You will know the millionaire has given up being wicked And has found a truer meaning Of Christmas. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ May you have the happiest Yule/Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Whatever imaginable! Thomas G. Digby ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ first draft written 0115 hr 12/25/74 this version edited 2320 hr 12/14/86 ********************* HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU If you're getting it via email and the Reply-to in the headers is ss_talk@bubbles.best.vwh.net you're getting the list version, and anything you send to that address will be posted. That's the one you want if you like conversation. There's usually a burst of activity after each issue, often dying down to almost nothing in between. Any post can spark a new flurry at any time. If there's no mention of "bubbles.best.vwh.net" in the headers, you're getting the BCC version. That's the one for those who want just Silicon Soapware with no banter. The zine content is the same for both. To get on the conversation-list version point your browser to http://bubbles.best.vwh.net/cgi-bin/mojo/mojo.cgi and select the ss_talk list. Enter your email address in the space provided and hit Signup. 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