SILICON SOAPWARE wafting your way along the slipstreams of the Info Highway from Bubbles = Tom Digby = bubbles@well.com http://www.well.com/~bubbles/ Issue #109 New Moon of November 23, 2003 Contents copyright 2003 by Thomas G. Digby, with a liberal definition of "fair use". In other words, feel free to quote excerpts elsewhere (with proper attribution), post the entire zine (verbatim, including this notice) on other boards that don't charge specifically for reading the zine, link my Web page, and so on, but if something from here forms a substantial part of something you make money from, it's only fair that I get a cut of the profits. Silicon Soapware is available via email with or without reader feedback. Details of how to sign up are at the end. ********************* This New Moon comes just a day after the 40th anniversary of the death of President John F. Kennedy on November 22, 1963. It used to be common for people to ask one another where they were when they got the news, but in recent years "I wasn't born yet" has become an increasingly common answer to that question. Those of us who were at work are definitely in the minority nowadays. Part of the aftermath, as I recall it, was an orgy of collective guilt, at least on the part of the media. I recall editorials that said, in more or less these exact words, "We all pulled that trigger." Of course we couldn't have all done that literally, but the claim was that we did it metaphorically by maintaining a "culture of violence": Too many violent movies and TV shows and comic books and such. There was also much talk about "mail-order guns" being too easy to get. That helped set the stage for more restrictive gun-control laws. There was also widespread belief that it was the work of some sort of conspiracy, despite the official findings that Oswald acted alone. Some continue to believe that to this day. Will we ever really know the truth? I suspect we won't. Perhaps if there was indeed a conspiracy and some members thereof documented it in their private papers with instructions to release the information some set number of years after their death, that might settle the matter. But that seems unlikely to happen. Even if one of the more popular theories happens to be the truth, enough will disbelieve it that in effect we will never know. I think it's plausible that Oswald acted alone. But if that was indeed the case, proving it amounts to proving a negative. While proving a negative is not always impossible, it's often extremely difficult. Another possibility is that there were conspiracies afoot, but Oswald, acting alone and not in contact with any of the conspirators, got there first. Again, such a thing would be almost impossible to prove. Various other analysts have gone on about how this event helped set the stage for the rest of the Sixties, and of its lasting effects on American culture, so I won't attempt that here. ********************* My first thought upon hearing the news about JFK was "The Zero Year strikes again." This refers to the fact that from Lincoln on, every President elected in a year ending in zero (1860, 1880 ... 1940) had died in office, and JFK had been elected in 1960. Then sometime in the late Sixties an astrologer I knew attempted to explain the jinx in astrological terms, something about how the outer planets were lining up. I don't recall the details, but I do recall his prediction: The jinx would skip whatever President gets elected in 1980, strike once more with the President elected in 2000, and then expire. So far the prediction has held: The 1980 President was Reagan, who was shot but survived it. So now we have George W. Bush as the 2000 President. With all the talk about the Patriot Act and other excesses of police-state thinking, it has occurred to some of the gloomier parts of me that if he gets himself appointed President for Life, then by definition he would die in office. And if we end up with some other form of government after that, there would be no more Zero Year Presidents for the jinx to act on. So that's one way the rest of the prediction could come true. ********************* Ever notice how people who play air guitar never need to re-tune? ********************* It's coming up on Thanksgiving, which means people's thoughts will be turning to the year-end holidays. That got me to thinking about what Santa Claus does the rest of the year. I suspect Santa's work year actually starts in early September, just as school is starting for most Northern Hemisphere children. I'd guess that September through November are taken up with more or less routine toy production. They're busy making the things that go into pretty much everybody's stockings, or that they know many kids will be asking for. Then things really go into high gear in December. This is when most letters to Santa come in, so some elves are busy reading those. Most of the requests can be filled from the stock of routine items so Santa himself doesn't need to get into the details beyond double-checking the Naughty & Nice lists and giving final approval for the elves' recommendations. The few special wishes from especially deserving children are flagged for Santa's personal attention. If the wish is for a special kind of toy, or maybe medical equipment or something, or anything else that isn't in Santa's normal inventory, the toy factory builds it on an expedited custom basis. They can do this because they will have pretty much finished up routine toy production by November. The high point of the year is the actual delivery, most of which takes place on Christmas Eve night. There are, however, some additional deliveries on other dates: Hanukkah for some Jewish children, New Year's Eve instead of Christmas Eve in some countries, and Eastern Orthodox Christmas which comes in early January by the mainstream calendar. For some of these other deliveries Santa wears different costumes and goes by other names, such as "Father Christmas". Then everybody takes a well-deserved vacation for a couple of weeks before the springtime round of activity begins. It isn't widely advertised, but Santa and the Easter Bunny have a mutual aid agreement. The Easter Bunny will have delivered some of the Christmas toys, while Santa will help deliver Easter baskets when that time of year comes. And now, in the months between Christmas and Easter, Santa's elves are busy making Easter candy and baskets and artificial eggs and the like (the Easter Bunny produces any real eggs). Then after Easter comes the elves' equivalent of school kids' summer vacation, from just after Easter through about July. This is when you might encounter Santa on the beach on some tropical isle, perhaps accompanied by some people who look like they might be elves. Meanwhile the reindeer are roaming the tundra of various northern lands, getting back together with old friends they hadn't seen for most of a year. While most of the elves are on summer vacation, a few remain behind as caretakers. Then as the summer progresses more and more elves return and set to work, making the toy factory ready for the coming year. The North Pole is in constant daylight at this time of year, and the elves take full advantage of it, cleaning, painting, repairing, and remodeling. By August nearly all are back on duty, ready to begin the cycle anew in September. ********************* A Web-related haiku: Clock glows 4:04 As I wake in the darkness Thinking "Dream Not Found" ********************* A bit of seasonal trivia: The dates of latest sunrise and earliest sunset are not the same, and neither is on the same date as the actual Solstice. Latest sunrise is in early January (at least in the San Francisco area), while earliest sunset is in early December and the shortest day is in the vicinity of December 21. During the days between earliest sunset and latest sunrise both sunrise and sunset are getting later day by day. If you want to know more of the science involved, try a Web search on "analemma", which is the name of the sort of figure eight that represents the position of the sun in the sky at a given time of day (by standard clock time) at different times of year. ********************* Because of the dates that New Moons come on this year, I was somewhat torn between running "The Christmas Cat" and/or "Birthday of the Light" a little early in the season versus waiting until just a couple of days before Christmas Day (and after Solstice). I finally decided to err on the side of being early, in case any of you out there have friends or children you might like to share them with, or maybe just want something happier than dead Kennedys to think about. So here they are. ********************* Comes now the time for the traditional reprinting of THE CHRISTMAS CAT Once upon a time in a village In a little mountain valley in Borschtenstein Lived a wicked millionaire Whose hobby was foreclosing mortgages And sending people out into the snow. He also took great pride in having The best Christmas decorations in the village. Also in this same village In the little valley in Borschtenstein Lived a poor family Whose mortgage, which came due on Christmas, Was designed to be impossible to pay off. The Christmas weather forecast was for snow And the millionaire's eviction lawyers were waiting. Now this wicked millionaire In the valley village etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, Also had the monopoly on Christmas trees To be sure of having the prettiest Christmas decorations In the whole village. Thus the poor family had nothing at all To put their presents under. Now by chance it so happened In that village in etcetera, etcetera, etcetera, The wicked millionaire had evicted his cat Because its ears and tail were the wrong color And it hadn't paid its mortgage. And the poor family had taken it in And given it a home. So just before Christmas When the Good Fairies asked the animals of the village About people in need and deserving of help The poor family got the highest recommendation. "We will help them!" said the elves and fairies, "They won't have to worry about that mortgage And they'll have the prettiest Christmas decorations in town!" The mortgage was really not much problem: If the millionaire couldn't throw people out into the snow He wouldn't bother throwing them out at all. So the elves spoke to the North Wind and they agreed: No more snow to throw people out into. Some people in the village would have liked snow to play in But agreed the sacrifice was for a good cause. Christmas trees were more of a problem: They had already given them out to other needy families And there were none left at all. They rummaged around in forgotten corners But not a Christmas tree could they find. Then someone had an idea: "Let's decorate their cat!" While one of the elves who spoke Feline Worked out the details with the cat The fairies flew around gathering decorations: Borrowed bits of light from small stars nobody ever notices, Streamers of leftover comet tails, And other assorted trinkets From odd corners of the universe. So the poor family gathered around their Christmas cat And sang songs and opened presents And had the happiest Christmas imaginable While all agreed they had the prettiest decorations The village had ever seen And the millionaire's eviction lawyers Waited in vain for snow. So that is why, to this day, In that valley village in Borschtenstein, It never snows Unless the eviction lawyers are out of town And every year the millionaire tries to decorate a Christmas cat But gets nothing for his pains But bleeding scratches. EPILOGUE: While overnight miracles are rare outside of story books, Even those who learn slowly do learn. So keep checking the weather reports for Borschtenstein. If some Christmas it snows there You will know the millionaire has given up being wicked And has found a truer meaning Of Christmas. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ May you have the happiest Yule/Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/Whatever imaginable! Thomas G. Digby ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ first draft written 0115 hr 12/25/74 this version edited 2320 hr 12/14/86 ********************* The Birthday of the Light On the Christmas morning comics page Two people slogging through the crowds of shoppers pause to ask one another "Isn't this all supposed to be somebody's birthday?" Yes, it is. This is the birthday of the Light. Different people see the Light differently: To many the Light is a babe in a manger, A child destined to grow into a great teacher and healer, Bringing the light of love to a world lost in darkness. To others the light is the light of freedom, Seen in the miracle of a lamp burning Far longer than its meager supply of oil should have lasted After the conquerors were driven from the Temple. And still others celebrate winter sunlight Bringing the promise of springtime And reminding us to look at endings As opportunities for new beginnings. But even though we see the light differently And hold different days in this season sacred to it, Let us all look into the light together To see opportunities for new beginnings For a world of freedom and healing and love. Thomas G. Digby written 1230 hr 12/25/91 entered 1905 hr 12/25/91 ********************* HOW TO GET SILICON SOAPWARE EMAILED TO YOU If you're getting it via email and the Reply-to in the headers is ss_talk@bubbles.best.vwh.net you're getting the list version, and anything you send to that address will be posted. That's the one you want if you like conversation. There's usually a burst of activity after each issue, often dying down to almost nothing in between. Any post can spark a new flurry at any time. If there's no mention of "bubbles.best.vwh.net" in the headers, you're getting the BCC version. That's the one for those who want just Silicon Soapware with no banter. The zine content is the same for both. 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