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Save water! Instead of taking a bath or shower, lick yourself all over. To wash your face, first lick your hands. Then, rub your hands on your face. It works!
ENVIRONMENTAL MARKERS In the areas of Mountain View adjacent to Naval Air Station, Moffet Field, on the roofs of many apartment and condominium complexes, there can be seen from the air the outline of a very large bullseye. This has been provided, because of secret treaties between the United States and the Soviet Union, as the target marking for a Soviet ICBM.
SUPER TOMATO ESCAPES The escape of a genetically engineered tomato from U.C. Berkeley laboratories has caused grave concern in the East Bay today. The tomato, which is 2 feet in diameter, disease resistant, and speaks 3 languages, is reported to have told EPA officials: "When you gotta go, you gotta go."
WASHINGTON/The Justice Department A spokesman for Attorney General Edwin Meese today announced that Spam is being added to the list of Schedule 1 drug substances.
The EPA has approved the release into the environment of genetically engineered SPAM!
A case of SPAM-9 has eaten three EPA officials and is on its way to the White House.
GO SPAM GO! GO SPAM GO!
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